A Million Ways to Die in the West

A Million Ways to Die in the West - Dir. Seth MacFarlane (2014)

The ubiquitous Seth MacFarlane has branched out far beyond his animated empire of Family Guy, American Dad, and the recently cancelled Cleveland Show. He's the closest thing we have these days to an old-fashioned song and dance man. He's hosted the Oscars, performed a concert tour, released a jazz album, and even executive produced the educational science series Cosmos: A Spacetime Odyssey. In 2012, MacFarlane wrote and directed his first feature film, Ted, the story about a man and a talking teddy bear who has long worn out his welcome. MacFarlane also performed the voice work and motion capture for the titular Ted. For his second feature, A Million Ways to Die in the West, we get MacFarlane in all his live-action glory as meek sheep farmer Albert Stark.

It's the year 1882 and Stark lives in the little town of Old Stump. He spends most of his time bemoaning how just about everything can kill you in the Wild West, from wild animals to unsanitary medical care. The most dangerous of all just might be murderous gunfighters. Albert is a sheep farmer and a pretty lousy one at that. His flock is scattered all over the place and when one of them grazes on another man's property, Albert is challenged to a showdown. Albert chickens out, much to the chagrin of his girlfriend Louise (Amanda Seyfried), who promptly for Foy (Neil Patrick Harris), the proprietor of the local Moustachery.

Albert thinks about packing it up and moving to San Francisco when he meets the gorgeous Anna (Charlize Theron). Both of them share a common disdain for everything dirty and backwards about the West. Anna also teaches Albert how to shoot a gun in order to challenge Foy and win back the fickle heart of Louise. Unfortunately, it turns out Anna is married to Clinch Leatherwood (Liam Neeson), a notorious outlaw who doesn't like anyone making moves with his wife.

A Million Ways to Die in the West wears its influences on its sleeve. Naturally, MacFarlane shoots quite a bit in Monument Valley, the gorgeous setting for so many classic John Ford Westerns. There's a nod to Terror in Tiny Town, an infamous 1938 movie starring an entire cast of little people and a lively dance number honoring facial hair that recalls Oklahoma. Of course, as a Western comedy, A Million Ways to Die in the West is cut from the same cloth as Blazing Saddles. Whereas Mel Brooks chose to do one long fart joke during the campfire sequence, MacFarlane spreads his flatulent humor throughout the film. And while Brooks was focused on race relations, MacFarlane takes a decidedly de-romanticized look at the Old West. He borrows the fish out of water aspect from Paleface and Son of Paleface starring Bob Hope. If you've watched Family Guy, then you'll know MacFarlane's reverence for hook nosed comedian thanks to the "Road to…" episodes with Stewie and Brian as Hope and Bing Crosby.

Albert makes numerous anachronistic observations about the time period. He looks at the violence and disease through modern eyes. He's reminiscent of Frank Grimes, the tightly wound character driven mad by the absurdity of The Simpsons. Sure, MacFarlane is a bit one-note in the lead, but he makes it work with his wry observations and off-the-cuff non sequiturs. Luckily, Million Ways has itself a terrific supporting cast with Neil Patrick Harris really asserting himself in the role of an annoying fop. Sarah Silverman is perfectly cast as Ruth, the proverbial hooker with the heart of gold, but with a twist. Silverman made a name for herself on the stand-up circuit with bawdy material that belied that sweet, pixie voice. Here, she's a prostitute openly engaged in outlandish sexual acts, yet she's in a chaste relationship with Albert's best friend, the virginal Edward (Giovanni Ribisi).

There are cameos galore in Million Ways. Blink and you might miss Ewan McGregor, Ryan Reynolds or Kaley Cuoco. Being set in the 1800's means MacFarlane can't rely on his usual arsenal of pop culture references. His one indulgence is the appearance of a certain time-traveling doctor and not the one who rides around in a police box.

Rating: *** (*****)

The Amazing Spider-Man 2

The Amazing Spider-Man 2 - Dir. Marc Webb (2014)

I was never against any attempt to reboot the Spider-Man movie franchise. The character has undergone dozens of creative changes since his creation in 1962. However, insufficient time had passed when Sony relaunched the series after Sam Raimi's attempt at Spider-Man 4 fell apart. The memories of Tobey Maguire in the red and blue tights were still fresh in our memories and the reasoning reeked of a desperate bid to keep the rights from reverting back to Marvel. The Amazing Spider-Man was met with mixed reviews, but scored over $750 million worldwide, more than enough to justify a sequel. Not that it mattered; the studio had already greenlit The Amazing Spider-Man 2. Spoilers ahead.

Spoilers Ahead.

Peter Parker (Andrew Garfield) is set to graduate high school and has settled into his role as New York City's favorite webslinger. However, his relationship with girlfriend Gwen Stacy (Emma Stone) hits a bumpy road as Peter remembers her dying father's wish…that he stay away from Gwen to protect her from his enemies. Those enemies are coming out of the woodwork.

Meek Max Dillon (Jamie Foxx) is an electrical engineer at OsCorp whose designs were stolen for use in the company's new power plant. He develops an obsession with Spider-Man that turns deadly when he falls into a vat of genetically modified electric eels. He becomes Electro, a being of pure electrical energy bent on revenge. Meanwhile, Peter's best friend Harry Osborn (Dane DeHaan) returns to the Big Apple upon news of his father's impending death. Harry learns that he has inherited the same rare disease that has killed his dad and the only hope may lie in Spider-Man's blood. When he refuses to help, Harry is driven to take an experiment serum that mutates him into the Green Goblin.

The Amazing Spider-Man 2 has so much going for it and equally as much going against it. Many of the action sequences are surprisingly good showing that Marc Webb has grown into the role of a blockbuster director. The film opens in POV as we ride along with Spidey while he swings through the bustling metropolis of Manhattan. The IMAX 3D version feels just like a thrilling rollercoaster ride. This is followed by a fast-paced set piece in which our wall-crawling hero Aleksei Sytsevich aka The Rhino (Paul Giamatti), a Russian gangster who has stolen a shipment of plutonium from OsCorp. Here, Spider-Man is at his best as he breaks out an assortment of acrobatic moves and a steady string of quips. Despite being video game-y, Webb employs Matrix-style bullet time to simulate Spidey Sense as the world slows down while Spider-Man assesses the situation. It's best employed during Electro's attack on Times Square when he saves several citizens from being fried by electrified rails.

Yet, Webb's forte is clearly the smaller, more emotional character moments. These are the scenes where the actors are allowed to shine without being buried by make-up and CGI. While both films have their problems, Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone remain beacons of brilliance. No knock on Maguire, but Garfield more closely resembles the Peter Parker of the comics in both body and spirit. He's got the lanky frame and the plucky, nerdy charm necessarily to bring Stan Lee and Steve Ditko's creation to life. Stone effortlessly plays Gwen as a strong and intelligent young woman. Garfield has fantastic chemistry with her and it probably helps that they are also a couple in real life. Their scenes together feel ripped out of a John Hughes movie, especially one in which Peter crosses the street through dangerous NYC traffic to speak with Gwen. There's also a funny bit when the two hide inside a closet, then point out how clichéd it is to hide inside a closet. And nobody told Sally Field she was in a comic book movie. She plays it straight as the doting Aunt May. Field's scenes with Garfield alternate between amusing (an argument about the laundry) and heartbreaking (discussing Peter's dead parents).

Unfortunately, these events are crushed underneath the weight of a bloated script credited to Jeff Pinkner (Lost, Fringe), James Vanderbilt (Zodiac), and the omnipresent duo of Alex Kurtzman and Roberto Orci (Star Trek, Transformers). Critics complained about Batman Returns having too many villains way back in 1992. I imagine their heads would explode after viewing this sequel. Not only do we have Electro, the Green Goblin, and Rhino, there's also Colm Feore as a duplicitous OsCorp exec, B.J. Novak as Alistair Smythe the future creator of the Spider Slayers, Felicity Jones as Felicia Hardy aka The Black Cat, and Michael Massee as the mysterious Gustav Fiers aka The Gentleman. The filmmakers have also laid the groundwork for future appearances by Dr. Octopus, The Vulture, Kraven the Hunter, Venom. Studios such as Sony, Fox, and WB have fallen in love with the way Marvel has created their shared universe. On the other hand, they lack the patience and the skill to properly build one of their own. They are so enamored with the idea of a Sinister Six movie that they've forgotten about the present. The sequel suffers from the same lack of focus as its predecessor. Subplots are left dangling and footage shown in previous trailers isn't found anywhere in the final cut.

The most egregious example is Shailene Woodley who filmed scenes as Mary Jane Watson only to land on the cutting room floor. Aunt May working as a nurse to put Peter through college never goes anywhere while Jones, Novak, and Chris Cooper in his lone scene as Norman Osborn could have easily been chopped off. The corporate backstabbing angle has already been done in Raimi's Spider-Man and Fantastic Four, not to mention Jamie Foxx's transformation into Electro is painfully reminiscent of Jim Carrey's Riddler in Batman Forever. Therein lays another problem, characters that go from 0 to 100 with no logic or consistency. Garfield and DeHaan are great young actors, but the script doesn't do enough to establish them as best friends. Harry goes insane fairly quickly and that disease seems to hit him remarkably fast. Nobody bothers to ask why Harry doesn't utilize the same procedures his father used to extend his life. And why does Peter Parker, a scientific genius, still need to watch instructional YouTube videos about how batteries work?

At its heart, The Amazing Spider-Man 2 is a comic book movie and a certain level of silliness is inherent, but that doesn't excuse how dangerously close the picture skirted into camp. We could have done away with Marton Csokas as the cartoonish Dr. Kafka, Peter seeing the ghost of Captain Stacy (Denis Leary) or Electro playing "Itsy Bitsy Spider" with Tesla coils. These goofy elements work to undermine the genuine moments. Too bad the subplots involving Peter's parents (Campbell Scott and Embeth Davidtz) had been edited out as they were in the first Amazing Spider-Man. The sequel opens with a poorly done plane crash depicting Richard and Mary Parker's deaths. It all leads to Peter discovering a secret subway car deep within a hidden underground tunnel containing evidence of OsCorp's dirty deeds. The big revelation is Richard Parker encoded OsCorp's spiders with his own DNA. Thus, Peter was destined to become Spider-Man, which blatantly goes against the very core of the character as an everyman suddenly thrust into the role of a superhero.

And was it absolutely necessary to kill Gwen Stacy? The Death of Gwen Stacy is one of the most heralded storylines in comic book history due to several factors. It was released at a time when killing off major characters was rare as compared to today where publishers use death as a marketing ploy to boost sales numbers. Secondly, when characters were killed back then, they didn't return a year later. For eight years, Gwen was a major part of the Spider-Man mythos and her death still resonates to this day. As wonderful as Emma Stone is, her Gwen hasn't had the opportunity to embed in our consciousness the same way. To their credit, the filmmakers did an excellent job in portraying her death; her body hitting the bottom of the clock tower drew an audible gasp from my audience. However, there was really nothing to be gained by paying lip service to the comic book audience. Why go back to Mary Jane when Stone's Gwen was well on her way to being far more interesting?

The Amazing Spider-Man 2 repeats the exact same mistakes that torpedoed Spider-Man 3, an overstuffed script with too many subplots and too many characters.

Rating: ** (*****)

White House Down

White House Down - Dir. Roland Emmerich (2013)

Roland Emmerich sure gets a kick out of destroying Washington DC. He famously blew up the White House in Independence Day then wiped out the entire city with a massive tsunami in 2012. Emmerich isn't done with the nation's capital yet as he presents White House Down, the year's second film depicting the President's home under siege by terrorists.

Instead of Gerard Butler, we get Channing Tatum as John Cale, DC police officer and former Iraq War vet working security detail for the Speaker of the House (Richard Jenkins). He's a perennial underachiever and an absentee father. Cashing in a favor from his boss, Cale gets an interview to join the Secret Service and takes along his daughter, Emily (Joey King), hoping the young political junkie will be impressed by a VIP tour of the White House. Cale flops during the interview with Agent Carol Finnerty (Maggie Gyllenhaal), but gets a chance to prove himself when a team of mercenaries and white supremacists infiltrate the White House and capture President James Sawyer (Jamie Foxx). The baddies are led by Emil Stenz (Jason Clarke), an ex-Special Forces operative, with assistance from turncoat Martin Walker (James Woods).

While Olympus Has Fallen cribs far more from Die Hard, White House Down borrows only a few elements. Its protagonist not only has a similar name to John McClane, he spends most of the movie running around in a dirty tank top. One of the villains (Jimmi Simpson) listens to "Ode to Joy" as he hacks into NORAD. White House Down isn't as self-serious as Olympus either as Emmerich recognizes the inherent silliness of it all. This is a movie where even the nerdy tour guide gets a kill a bad guy and everything comes down to a nuclear weapon and an edge-of-your-seat countdown. Yes, White House Down goes down some incredibly stupid roads, such as a car chase on the south lawn or when the presidential limo just happens to have a rocket launcher hidden in the back seat. Also, what genius decided to mount a covert assault by sending attack choppers through the DC streets in plain sight of any traffic camera or cell phone? Screenwriter James Vanderbilt (Zodiac, The Amazing Spider-Man) practically draws a bright, bold arrow each time a plot element is introduced for a later payoff. Do you think President Sawyer's pocket watch from Abraham Lincoln will be important later on?

Tatum is a welcome antidote to the grim-faced Butler. He ably carries the film on his broad shoulders by playing the lovable lunkhead we've come to know in 21 Jump Street and Magic Mike. He's helped by the fun chemistry he shares with Jamie Foxx as the idealized Obama, who ushers in world peace, dismantles the military-industrial complex, and looks good in a pair of stylish Air Jordans. Jason Clarke doesn't get much to do as the ruthless Stenz though you can easily picture this being the eventual path of his character from Zero Dark Thirty. James Woods is at his slimy best though Emmerich wastes a stacked supporting cast that includes Maggie Gyllenhaal, Richard Jenkins, Lance Reddick, and Michael Murphy.

Drowning in effects-laden action and ham-fisted jingoism, White House Down is an unmistakable product of Emmerich's brand of summer shlock.

Rating: ** (*****)

Django Unchained

Django Unchained - Dir. Quentin Tarantino (2012)

Django…Django, have you always been alone?

Django…Django, have you never loved again?

Film geeks had to be on pins and needles when word got out that Quentin Tarantino would write and direct a Western. The Spaghetti Western was a tremendous influence on Kill Bill and Inglourious Basterds so fans were eager to see QT tackle the genre outright. He does not disappoint with the vibrant and violent Django Unchained.

The titular Django (Jamie Foxx) is a runaway slave separated from his wife Broomhilda (Kerry Washington) by their wicked master. He is rescued from a chain gang by German bounty hunter Dr. King Schultz (Christoph Waltz), who requires Django's assistance in tracking down a trio of outlaws known as the Brittle Brothers. A newfound friendship quickly blossoms and Schultz agrees to help Django find his wife. Unfortunately, she is now in the possession of a particularly nasty plantation owner named Calvin Candie (Leonardo DiCaprio).

Just as he has done in the past, Tarantino litters the narrative with references to the movies he loves with Django Unchained serving as a fusion of Westerns and blaxploitation. Tarantino specifically riffs on Sergio Corbucci, director of the original Django, which was a classic Spaghetti Western. Much like Inglourious Basterds, Tarantino took the title and barebones premise of an older Italian picture and injected it with his own unique vision. Franco Nero, the original Django, makes a cameo appearance and receives special thanks in the opening credits. Django isn't the only Corbucci flick Tarantino pays homage to. The montage where Schultz trains Django in the snow covered mountains is a reference to The Great Silence, a rarity of the genre in that it was set during the dead of winter and not under a scorching desert sun. The theme of revenge recalls Navajo Joe, starring Burt Reynolds, as well as Giulio Petroni's Death Rides a Horse, which played a huge part in the genesis of Kill Bill. Another film Tarantino owes a debt to is the controversial Mandingo with its brutal depiction of slaves forced to fight one another. In true Tarantino fashion, Broomhilda's full name is Broomhilda von Shaft, after the German family that previously owned her, which points to her and Django being the ancestors of blaxploitation icon John Shaft.

Tarantino isn't known for providing his films with an original score. He prefers using existing music and the soundtrack is an eclectic collection of anachronistic pop tunes like Jim Croce's "I Got a Name" with hip-hop tracks by Tupac and Rick Ross. In addition, there are the usual pieces from Ennio Morricone and Luis Bacalov whose compositions are synonymous with the Western genre. The opening credits are set to the theme song of the original Django while the end credits use "Trinity (Titoli)," the theme from They Call Me Trinity, a comedic take on the Western starring Terence Hill, who also appeared in the similar My Name is Nobody.

Django Unchained isn't without its problems, not the least of which is Tarantino's atrocious attempt at an Australian accent. The movie certainly feels like one of his messiest works, which could be explained by several factors. QT reportedly took a lax attitude when it came to production and the picture fell behind schedule. The death of Tarantino's long-time editor Sally Menke has to be factored in as well. This is his first picture without Menke and her presence in the editing room is missed. Finally, a lot of material was cut from the original screenplay, including extended backstories for Broomhilda and some of Candieland's denizens. Django's wife suffers the most from these trims as she is reduced to a damsel in distress. It is truly disappointing to see her as such a cipher compared to the strong female characters Tarantino has written before (Jackie Brown, The Bride, etc.). Tarantino does manage to inject his own flair for dark and over-the-top humor exemplified by a Blazing Saddles-style sequence involving the Regulators, the precursors to the KKK.

All those faults are easily overlooked by a winning performance from Christoph Waltz, who earned a second Academy Award for Best Supporting Actor. Django Unchained lives and dies at the feet of the loquacious Dr. King Schultz. Never has the marriage between auteur and thespian been so perfect. Waltz was born to breathe life into Tarantino's stylish dialogue. He exudes an inordinate amount of charisma in every scene. At the same time, there's a subtle layer of shock and seething anger underneath Schultz's whimsical nature due to the prejudice he witnesses. Every hero needs a strong villain to face and Calvin Candie serves that role thanks to Leonardo DiCaprio, who is cast against type as the sinister Southerner. Much like Waltz as Hans Landa, DiCaprio possesses a disarming charm and cherubic visage that belies his propensity for sadism. However, the true antagonist in Django Unchained may just be Samuel L. Jackson as Stephen, the faithful servant to the Candie family. Judging by outward appearances, Stephen could be dismissed as a comical stereotype in the vein of Uncle Remus from "Song of the South." But, his hateful nature is quickly revealed to be downright frightening. In addition the leads, Tarantino rounds out his rich supporting cast with regular collaborators like Zoe Bell, Tom Savini, and Michael Parks alongside Jonah Hill, Walt Goggins, Don Johnson, Bruce Dern, James Remar, John Jarratt, and Tom Wopat.

Django Unchained is a vibrant example that Quentin Tarantino doesn't just make movies, he makes pop art. The film soars on the back of Tarantino's intricately written dialogue and a bravura performance from Christoph Waltz until it builds to a bloody crescendo. "Django Unchained" is my pick for the best film of 2012.

Rating: **** (*****)

Horrible Bosses

Horrible Bosses - Dir. Seth Gordon (2011)

This summer has been the season for raunchy comedies. The Hangover Part II is one of the highest grossing films of the year, despite a severe critical lashing. Bridesmaids is in the top ten for domestic grosses and received far more critical praise. The summer has also yielded Bad Teacher, the upcoming body switch laugher The Change-Up, and the workplace comedy Horrible Bosses.

Horrible Bosses plays into the dark fantasies we've all had about gaining a measure of revenge against an abusive supervisor. It also touches upon the frustrations that have been cultivated by the turbulent economic climate. However, don't expect a sharp treatise that handles those themes with a wry intelligence. Horrible Bosses earns its R rating by being a silly and profane comedy.

Jason Bateman is Nick Hendricks, a white-collar worker at a financial firm under the tyrannical reign of Dave Harken (Kevin Spacey). Harken represents the worst aspects of the corporate world. He dangles and denies a vital promotion to Nick, then laughs about his dead grandmother. Jason Sudeikis is Kurt Buckman, an account manager for a chemical company. Unlike his buddies, Kurt actually loves his job probably because he works for kindly Donald Sutherland. Unfortunately, the old man dies of a heart attack leaving the company in the hands of his odious sleazebag son. Not Kiefer, but Bobby Pellitt (Colin Farrell sporting a beer belly and a comb-over). Bobby plans on running his dad's legacy into the ground to feed his appetite for cocaine and hookers. Finally, there's Dale Arbus, a chaste dental assistant, who suffers from daily sexual harassment from his nymphomaniac boss, Dr. Julia Harris (Jennifer Aniston).

All three buddies have their reasons for not simply quitting their jobs. Harken promises to blackball Nick from the industry should be leave. Kurt doesn't want to see Bobby destroy the company. Dr. Julia has taken pictures of herself molesting an unconscious Dale and threatens to show them to his fiancée (Lindsay Sloane). Poor Dale is also a registered sex offender, the reasons for which are too funny to spoil.

After reaching their breaking point, the protagonists decide to kill their bosses. Of course, none of them have any clue about how to do that. Kurt comes up with the harebrained scheme of going into a bar in East L.A. and ask around. They meet an ex-con named Dean "Motherfucker" Jones (Jamie Foxx), who agrees to be their murder consultant.

Anybody who has ever watched an episode of CSI will figure out their plans aren't likely to be successful. What follows is a farcical series of events as these frat pack Three Stooges fumble their way through their half-assed murder plots. It is the interactions between the leads that sells Horrible Bosses. None of the main actors are doing anything new. Bateman reprises the role of the exasperated everyman he has portrayed since his comeback on Arrested Development. Sudeikis is doing his horndog shtick though Horrible Bosses is a better showcase for his comedic skills than the Farrelly Brothers' inert Hall Pass. Meanwhile, Day is basically reprising his role from FX's It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Day also provides some of the funniest moments of the movie from his manic motions after accidentally breathing in Bobby's coke stash to singing the Ting Ting's "That's Not My Name" while alone in a car.

Day's performance also saves his particular subplot, which might be the most tenuous of them all. Let's face it, Aniston's perpetually horny cougar is the dream boss for any heterosexual male. But, Day imbues Dale with a dim-witted naiveté that makes it somewhat believable for him to be offended by Julia's advances. For Aniston, this is a drastic departure from her usual girl-next-door roles. It's not exactly the most nuanced character or the most politically correct, but she plays it with gusto. To no one's surprise, Kevin Spacey turns in a solid performance as an asshole boss, a return to his Buddy Ackerman from Swimming with Sharks with a dash of John Williamson from Glengarry Glen Ross. Colin Farrell is sadly short-changed in screen time. He is wonderfully over-the-top.

The film is competently directed by Seth Gordon, who made his debut with the excellent documentary King of Kong. He has since turned into a director of slick Hollywood comedies.

Horrible Bosses is a safe, mainstream Hollywood picture masquerading as an edgy black comedy. The characters are cartoonish and the plot moves ahead through a series of sitcom contrivances. But, it's entertaining and humorous enough to warrant at least a rental.

Rating: ** ½ (*****)

The Kingdom

The Kingdom - Dir. Peter Berg (2007)

2007 was quite the year for politically charged movies. Hollywood dealt out their own liberal views on the war in the Middle East with films like In the Valley of Elah and Rendition. All three films received mixed reviews and raked in tepid box office revenue. The Kingdom followed suit using some of those same themes which isn´t surprising as screenwriter Matthew Carnahan also write Lions for Lambs. But, The Kingdom dials down the politics while upping the mayhem. It polishes up those hot-button topics with the glossy sheen that only a big-budget blockbuster can.

The film opens with a Cliff Notes quickie rundown history of the Saudi Arabia and its relationship with the U.S. Next, we're taken to a housing complex for oil company employees in the Saudi capital city of Riyadh. The residents are enjoying an afternoon softball game when two terrorists, wearing Saudi State Police uniforms, attack. They open fire on anyone and every house in their path drawing the real police. In the ensuing chaos, a suicide bomber, also in a stolen uniform, triggers an explosion killing himself and everyone in close proximity. However, these attacks are only the tip of the iceberg. The terrorists used these initial attacks to lure in first-responder teams and over a hundred people are killed in the following, and much larger, explosion. Among the victims was the FBI´s lead agent in Saudi Arabia, Special Agent Francis Manner (Kyle Chandler).

Special Agent Ronald Fleury (Jamie Foxx) has the unenviable task of bringing the terrorists to justice for the death of his friend and the others killed. He finds his hands tied as the Saudi royal family is reluctant to allow an FBI team into the country. They do not want to seem dependent on the Americans nor do they want more killed on their soil. The U.S. State Department is in agreement and refuses to authorize Fleury´s requests. Fleury turns to some back-room chicanery and blackmail to get the Saudis to open up the doors. He´s immediately on his way to Riyadh with an investigation team that consists of Special Agents Janet Mayes (Jennifer Garner), Adam Leavitt (Jason Bateman), and explosives expert Grant Sykes (Chris Cooper).

Once arriving in Riyadh, they find their investigation hindered by the Saudis. Fleury and company are no more than observers. They watch as the Saudi officials unknowingly contaminate the crime scene and overlook vital evidence. They are forced to live and sleep in a gym under lock and key. They are dogged at every step by Col. Faris Al-Ghazi (Ashraf Barhom), the head of security at the complex who has been relegated to babysitter for the Americans. Even the U.S. Embassy, in the form of Deputy Chief of Mission Damon Schmidt (Jeremy Piven), wants them on a plane and back home as quickly as possible. Fed up, Fleury does some more wheeling and dealing and the Saudi royals give him the green light to take over the investigation.

It´s at this point that the story finally kicks in as the film becomes "CSI: Saudi Arabia." While many reviews felt that these scenes were tedious, I disagree. I thought it was interesting seeing the FBI agents work the crime scene within the strict confines of Saudi laws and culture. In one scene, Agent Mayes upsets a pair of Saudi officers while trying to simply lift a corpse´s fingerprints. She is not allowed to touch the dead body of a Muslim. It´s disappointing that the procedural aspects give way to bullet-riddled action spectacle. The final third section of the picture features the heroes engaging in a harrowing gun battle with the perpetrators. It´s a shame that the filmmakers decided that the bad guys would be brought down at the end of a gun barrel rather than through detective work. I will say that the climactic action sequences are incredibly well-done, especially the final showdown. Director Peter Berg has proven he pull off stylish action following his work on the incredibly fun, The Rundown. Here, he brings that same flair to The Kingdom and it´s in line with the work of producer Michael Mann. Unfortunately, Berg tends to rely on shaky handheld shots, a technique which is has become a tiresome trend. What would be is to keep the camera steady and let us actually see what´s happening without getting a migraine.

The cast is strong, but their acting isn´t anything special. Foxx brings the same macho, tough-guy act he brought to Miami Vice and Garner is basically Sydney Bristow-lite. Cooper has some good scenes with a country fried good ol´ boy act that would do Tommy Lee Jones proud. Bateman tends to be a bit grating with his constant one-liners while Piven simply shows up and does his Ari Gold shtick. Really, the best performances come not from the headliners, but from two relatively unknown Palestinian actors, Barhom as Col. Al-Ghazi, and Ali Suliman as Sgt. Haytham. Filling out the supporting cast are Danny Huston (who pulls off an unconvincing Southern accent) as the attorney general, Frances Fisher as a reporter, Richard Jenkins as FBI Director Grace, along with cameos by Minka Kelly, Ashley Scott, and country singer Tim McGraw.

Many have labeled The Kingdom a jingoistic piece of cinema and it´s hard to disagree. Putting aside politics, the film is slipshod in its approach to storytelling. The first act of the film deals with political maneuvering; the middle act is a procedural investigation, while the final act takes the form of a slam-bang action movie. The film's zero-sum view on the war isn't as profound as it seems to think it is. The Kingdom does try to paint some Saudis in a positive light through a hackneyed friendship between Fleury and Al-Ghazi. At least, the filmmakers stopped short of having the two characters swap family photos. There´s nothing particularly special about The Kingdom that you should go out of your way to see it, but it´s worth a watch if you just want a flick to see while eating a tub of buttery popcorn.

Rating: ** ½ (*****)

Due Date

Due Date - Dir. Todd Phillips (2010)

Due Date had all the makings of a great comedy. It paired two talented actors on hot streaks in Robert Downey Jr. and Zach Galifianakis for a variation on Planes, Trains, and Automobiles. Plus, it was directed by Todd Phillips as the follow-up to The Hangover, the highest grossing R-rated comedy in the United States. Sadly, Due Date winds up being an uneven film that labors to get a few giggles.

Peter Highman (Downey) is a tightly wound architect waiting for his wife (Michelle Monaghan) to give birth to their first child. On a business trip to Atlanta, he plans to catch the next flight to Los Angeles with time to spare. Unfortunately, Peter bumps into the eccentric Ethan Tremblay (Zach Galifianakis), a wannabe actor accompanied by his French Bulldog named Sonny. Ethan was inspired to go to Hollywood because of Two and a Half Men. Through a series of kooky circumstances, Peter and Ethan get booted off the plane and placed on the no-fly list. Having lost his wallet and ID on the airline, Peter is forced to ride with Ethan across the country to get to L.A. All sorts of shenanigans occur due to Peter's hot temper and Ethan's stupidity.

Ethan takes them on a detour to buy pot from a trashy Juliette Lewis and falls asleep at the wheel causing their car to careen off a bridge. Peter spends most of the movie alternately being befuddled and infuriated by Ethan's strange behavior.

Due Date has a rough time getting off the ground because its lead characters have been pushed too extremely in their disparate personalities. Downey is great as the straight man, but Peter is simply an unlikable guy. He's thrown off the flight partly because he's acting like a jerk. When we first meet Peter, he's yakking away on his Bluetooth earpiece, something he does constantly. I don't know about anybody else, but when I see people like that, I immediately think, "Douche." He spits on a dog, punches a kid, and suspects his wife of having an affair with little reason. Then, there's Ethan who is just too much of an idiot. At least in The Hangover, Galifianakis was sympathetic. Here, he's moronic beyond reason to the point that someone like him would have zero chance of survival in real life. Ethan is a poster boy for the Darwin Awards.

There are some funny moments to be found such as a wild highway chase after an encounter at a Mexican border crossing. Downey also gets into a brawl with a game Danny McBride as a paraplegic war vet working at a Western Union. However, Phillips loses momentum when he goes for lame, gross-out gags like a scene where Ethan and his dog masturbate in sync next to an incredulous Peter. Speaking of the dog, Phillips brings the cheap heat by cutting to reaction shots of the squishy faced dog just so the audience can go, "Aww."

The Hangover may not have been to everyone's tastes, but it went for broke in the crass, sophomoric humor department. Due Date struggles to reach that same level of manic energy and succeeds in only generating a few scattered laughs.

Rating: **

Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day - Dir. Garry Marshall (2010)


As I wrote in my review for New York, I Love You, anthology films can be a mixed bag filled with hits and misses. That isn’t the case with Valentine’s Day, it is a complete and utter miss.

An American knockoff of Love Actually, Valentine’s Day was written by Katherine Fugate (creator of the Lifetime soap Army Wives) and directed by Garry Marshall (Pretty Woman). The film stars a litany of well known actors in a series of storylines set in L.A. and revolving around the titular holiday. The whole thing feels like someone threw together a bunch of half-formed ideas from the cookie cutter bin of rom-com concepts because they couldn’t flesh them out into feature length.

Ashton Kutcher is the central character, a florist who gets dumped by his fiancée, Jessica Alba. His best friend, Jennifer Garner, is dating a doctor (Patrick Dempsey), who turns out to be married. Jessica Biel is a sports agent who bonds with Jamie Foxx, a news reporter, over their mutual distaste for Valentine’s Day. Topher Grace works as a mail room clerk in Biel’s office and begins dating the receptionist, Anne Hathaway, who secretly doubles as a phone sex operator. Julia Roberts is an Army captain who shares a plane seat with Bradley Cooper.

The over bloated cast also includes: Julia’s niece Emma, Hector Elizondo, Shirley MacLaine, Queen Latifah, Eric Dane, Kathy Bates, and Joe Mantegna.

The Taylors, Lautner and Swift, also appear as a couple of high schoolers in love. They’re good-looking, bubbly, and empty headed. That pretty much sums up the entire movie. Everybody in the movie is hot, rich, and somehow keep managing to bump into each other. The interconnected contrivances are a lot like Crash, except with romance instead of racism. They all live in some fantasy world version of Los Angeles completely lacking in traffic, crime, or racial diversity. In Valentine’s Day, the only Mexican in L.A. is George Lopez.

Rating: *

Law Abiding Citizen

Law Abiding Citizen - Dir. F. Gary Gray (2009)


I can see the pitch meeting right now, Death Wish meets Saw. Law Abiding Citizen comes to us from director F. Gary Gray (The Italian Job, Be Cool) and screenwriter Kurt Wimmer, a true master of subtlety. Wimmer wrote and directed the guilty pleasure actioner Equilibrium and the gawdy video game-esque Ultraviolet. Citizen laughably attempts to pass itself off as insightful, sociopolitical commentary on our faulty legal system when it’s really just a dumb action movie.

Gerard Butler stars as Clyde Shelton, a nerdy inventor. Well, at least as nerdy as King Leonidas can be. Shelton happy suburban life is shattered when two men break into his home and forced to watch as his wife and daughter are murdered. The men are arrested, but one, Darby (Christian Stolte), the fellow who did the actual killings cuts a deal with an opportunistic prosecutor Nick Rice (Jamie Foxx). He gets a light sentence while his partner receives the death penalty.

Shelton disappears for ten years and returns with a vengeance. He tampers with the lethal injection machine causing the execution to be excruciatingly agonizing. He abducts Darby and cuts him up into pieces. Later, Shelton brags about slicing Darby’s penis off with a boxcutter. Yep.

Despite being placed behind bars, anyone remotely connected to his case are dropping like flies. The defense attorney, the judge, the district attorney, I think Shelton kills a few hapless interns as well. Turns out, he used to work for the CIA assassinating targets with intricately designed deathtraps and devices.

Unable to live up its intriguing premise, Law Abiding Citizen crumbles in the final act. The film grows more and more implausible. Like so many others, the filmmakers run out of ideas and choose to descend into a mess of explosions. Butler is his usual gruff manliness while Viola Davis (who wowed audiences in Doubt) brings more gravitas than this movie deserves in her tiny role as the Mayor.

Rating: **

The Kingdom

The Kingdom - Dir. Peter Berg (2007)

Typical big-budget Hollywood fare masquerading as something more profound than it really is.

Pessimistic, zero-sum view on Iraq is no startling revelation.

An action-packed 3rd act makes this a mild recommendation.