Knights of Badassdom

Knights of Badassdom - Dir. Joe Lynch (2014)

Knights of Badassdom started gaining buzz when it premiered its trailer during a panel at Comic-Con 2011. The majority of attendees had no awareness of the indie film though some ears perked at the presence of fan favorites like Peter Dinklage (Game of Thrones), Danny Pudi (Community), and Summer Glau (Serenity). The footage received a rousing reaction from the exact demographics the movie was hoping to hit. Unfortunately, Knights has been sitting on the shelf until now thanks to Entertainment One, who are releasing it on DVD & Blu-ray. Disagreements between director Joe Lynch and the producers over final cut led to the delay. After viewing Knights, I'm not so sure if Lynch's version would have been a significant improvement.

Knights is set in the world of LARPing that's Live Action Role-Playing for the uninitiated. Friendly folks do battle in a medieval fantasy world with a little help from some foam weapons and a wealth of imagination. Joe (Ryan Kwanten) used to be a LARPer as well as a master of Dungeons & Dragons. He once gave Ronny Kwok's (Jimmi Simpson) paladin a serious case of demonic syphilis. Nowadays, Joe is an aspiring musician, specializing in doom metal, while working a day job as an auto mechanic. That's not enough for his girlfriend, Beth (Margarita Levieva), who wants a boyfriend with some iota of ambition. Joe gets dumped in humiliating fashion and copes by getting stoned with his best friends Eric (Steve Zahn) and Hung (Dinklage). He awakens the next morning in armor and finds a horde of LARPers preparing for the Battle of Evermore.

Joe reluctantly joins in, but the games become far too real when Eric unknowingly reads from a magical tome with actual supernatural origins. Eric summons a bloodthirsty succubus that looks exactly like Beth and starts killing LARPers one by one.

One of the problems with Knights is Ryan Kwanten. It's not that the Aussie actor gives a bad performance; he's perfectly fine and feels like a natural fit. However, his character is one of the least interesting in the picture and he doesn't have the screen presence of his co-stars. When you're in there with Peter Dinklage, you need a load of charisma just to stand out. Dinklage (who also served as an executive producer) is one of the highlights as he essentially parodies Tyrion Lannister. He's brash and extremely enthusiastic about the whole venture. Zahn and Jimmi Simpson, as the fussy gamesmaster, are also quite funny in their supporting roles. Glau joins the fray as the guild's lone female, Gwen, who started LARPing in order to look after her cousin Gunther (Brett Gipson), an Ivan Dragon lookalike who remains in character 24/7.

You can't fault any of the actors, many of whom are in the movie far too briefly, for Knights being something of a slog. The story starts off promisingly enough, but loses traction at the midpoint. It's as if screenwriters Kevin Dreyfuss and Matt Wall just ran out of material. So, we wind up with repetitive sequences in which nothing of important actually happens. There's also an awkward blend of horror and comedy where the filmmakers are clearly inspired by Evil Dead with the goofy humor of Renaissance fair speak. At least, Knights treats its subjects with respect and never truly ridicules the subculture.

Considering the limited budget, you would think those involved would be more innovative with the gore and special effects. Instead, they rely on chintzy CGI that doesn't look at all convincing and a final act monster looks absolutely ridiculous.

Knights of Badassdom was an eagerly anticipated release, but when the time came the movie failed to deliver. Not even the winning cast is enough to elevate the lackluster material into a film worth recommending.

Rating: * ½ (*****)

White House Down

White House Down - Dir. Roland Emmerich (2013)

Roland Emmerich sure gets a kick out of destroying Washington DC. He famously blew up the White House in Independence Day then wiped out the entire city with a massive tsunami in 2012. Emmerich isn't done with the nation's capital yet as he presents White House Down, the year's second film depicting the President's home under siege by terrorists.

Instead of Gerard Butler, we get Channing Tatum as John Cale, DC police officer and former Iraq War vet working security detail for the Speaker of the House (Richard Jenkins). He's a perennial underachiever and an absentee father. Cashing in a favor from his boss, Cale gets an interview to join the Secret Service and takes along his daughter, Emily (Joey King), hoping the young political junkie will be impressed by a VIP tour of the White House. Cale flops during the interview with Agent Carol Finnerty (Maggie Gyllenhaal), but gets a chance to prove himself when a team of mercenaries and white supremacists infiltrate the White House and capture President James Sawyer (Jamie Foxx). The baddies are led by Emil Stenz (Jason Clarke), an ex-Special Forces operative, with assistance from turncoat Martin Walker (James Woods).

While Olympus Has Fallen cribs far more from Die Hard, White House Down borrows only a few elements. Its protagonist not only has a similar name to John McClane, he spends most of the movie running around in a dirty tank top. One of the villains (Jimmi Simpson) listens to "Ode to Joy" as he hacks into NORAD. White House Down isn't as self-serious as Olympus either as Emmerich recognizes the inherent silliness of it all. This is a movie where even the nerdy tour guide gets a kill a bad guy and everything comes down to a nuclear weapon and an edge-of-your-seat countdown. Yes, White House Down goes down some incredibly stupid roads, such as a car chase on the south lawn or when the presidential limo just happens to have a rocket launcher hidden in the back seat. Also, what genius decided to mount a covert assault by sending attack choppers through the DC streets in plain sight of any traffic camera or cell phone? Screenwriter James Vanderbilt (Zodiac, The Amazing Spider-Man) practically draws a bright, bold arrow each time a plot element is introduced for a later payoff. Do you think President Sawyer's pocket watch from Abraham Lincoln will be important later on?

Tatum is a welcome antidote to the grim-faced Butler. He ably carries the film on his broad shoulders by playing the lovable lunkhead we've come to know in 21 Jump Street and Magic Mike. He's helped by the fun chemistry he shares with Jamie Foxx as the idealized Obama, who ushers in world peace, dismantles the military-industrial complex, and looks good in a pair of stylish Air Jordans. Jason Clarke doesn't get much to do as the ruthless Stenz though you can easily picture this being the eventual path of his character from Zero Dark Thirty. James Woods is at his slimy best though Emmerich wastes a stacked supporting cast that includes Maggie Gyllenhaal, Richard Jenkins, Lance Reddick, and Michael Murphy.

Drowning in effects-laden action and ham-fisted jingoism, White House Down is an unmistakable product of Emmerich's brand of summer shlock.

Rating: ** (*****)

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter - Dir. Timur Bekmambetov (2012)

Four score and seven ass kickings ago...

It says a lot about our education system when young children aren't taught pivotal moments in history such as when Abraham Lincoln killed all those vampires to end the Civil War or the time Adolf Hitler was gunned down by the guy who directed Hostel.

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter was conceived by Seth Grahame-Smith, who started a new literary mash-up trend with the hit novel Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. There, Grahame-Smith re-conceived the Bennett Sisters as a skilled fighting force against the undead. The book was quickly optioned by Lionsgate though it has been mired in development hell. Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter made it to the screen first thanks to the involvement of Tim Burton and Timur Bekmambetov with the relatively unknown Benjamin Walker cast in the title role.

The film begins with Abe as a child witnessing his father protect he and his friend William Johnson from the whip of a vicious plantation owner named Jack Barts (Marton Csokas). It turns out Barts is a vampire and kills Nancy Lincoln (Robin McLeavy) in revenge. As an adult, Lincoln hunts Barts down, but is ill-prepared for his supernatural strength. He is saved from death by Henry Sturgess (Dominic Cooper), a benevolent vampire who makes Lincoln his axe-wielding apprentice. During his training, our 16^th President learns that the vampires have flourished in the South with slaves serving as a veritable smorgasbord. He ultimately decides to use a weapon even more powerful than silver or holy water…politics.

The appeal of Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter isn't just seeing Lincoln dismember bloodsucking fiends, but the way in which it weaves fantastical elements with actual historical facts. Some of the most important figures in Lincoln's life are presented in fictionalized fashion. In Springfield, Illinois, Lincoln works in the general store of Joshua Speed (Jimmi Simpson) and is reunited with his childhood buddy William Johnson (Anthony Mackie). Both become his staunchest allies while campaigning and fighting vampires. He also falls in love with future wife, Mary Todd (Mary Elizabeth Winstead), despite Sturgess's warnings against personal relationships. Even Jefferson Davis (John Rothman) and Harriet Tubman (Jacqueline Fleming) figure into the narrative. Sadly, Lincoln's famous debates with Stephen Douglas (Alan Tudyk) are given only a fleeting amount of screen time. And it is at this point that the movie starts to die a slow and painfully boring death.

Grahame-Smith may be a talented novelist, but he has yet to display any consistency in his screenwriting endeavors. He impressed Burton enough to get writing duties on Dark Shadows and a possible Beetlejuice sequel. However, Dark Shadows was a box office flop that struggled to adapt a soap opera structure to a feature film. Grahame-Smith has the same problems translating his book. The middle section sags with a distinct lack of action and the overall tone is far too morbid for what should have been a campy cult classic. A few changes to the vampire mythology work well. The vampires' weakness to silver is tied into the 30 pieces of silver paid to Judas. One element that doesn't make a lot of sense is the fact that vampires cannot kill their own kind. It's a flimsy explanation for why Sturgess would take on Lincoln as a pupil when it didn't really need any explanation at all. Perhaps, the biggest problem with the movie is its tacky retconning of the Emancipation Proclamation. You see, President Lincoln didn't free the slaves out of an altruistic belief that all human beings deserve the basic right of freedom. It was to cut off the vampires' food supply.

Bekmambetov is no stranger to directing gothic, over-the-top action films having previously helmed Night Watch and Wanted. The set pieces here are underwhelming with such liberal use of slow motion that Zack Snyder would even scoff. Only two sequences make any impression. One features a Lion King-esque stampede in which Barts throws an entire horse at Lincoln. The final act sees Lincoln and friends battling an army of vampires on board a train racing towards a burning bridge. The visual look of the film leaves much to be desired and likely falls on the shoulders of post-production rather than cinematographer Caleb Deschanel. The colors are de-saturated and there's a murkiness to the night scenes that makes the 3D version an absolutely avoidable.

This isn't the first time Benjamin Walker has portrayed a radical interpretation of a former president. He starred in the Broadway musical Bloody Bloody Andrew Jackson, which turned Old Hickory into an eyeliner wearing, angst-ridden rock star. Walker is decent enough, but the leaden material saps him of any energy or charisma. Walker bears a strong resemblance to Liam Neeson and, in fact, played a younger version of him in Kinsey. Ironic since Neeson was once attached to star Lincoln in Spielberg's upcoming biopic. In line with Vampire Hunter's ultra-serious tone, the actors play it dour with the exception of Marton Csokas who hams it up as the murderous Jack Barts. The best performance goes to Rufus Sewell as the vampiric progenitor Adam.

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter sounded like a wild concept. Then again, so did Snakes on a Plane and Hot Tub Time Machine, projects with a catchy title and that never panned out past their jokey premises.

Rating: ** (*****)