White House Down

White House Down - Dir. Roland Emmerich (2013)

Roland Emmerich sure gets a kick out of destroying Washington DC. He famously blew up the White House in Independence Day then wiped out the entire city with a massive tsunami in 2012. Emmerich isn't done with the nation's capital yet as he presents White House Down, the year's second film depicting the President's home under siege by terrorists.

Instead of Gerard Butler, we get Channing Tatum as John Cale, DC police officer and former Iraq War vet working security detail for the Speaker of the House (Richard Jenkins). He's a perennial underachiever and an absentee father. Cashing in a favor from his boss, Cale gets an interview to join the Secret Service and takes along his daughter, Emily (Joey King), hoping the young political junkie will be impressed by a VIP tour of the White House. Cale flops during the interview with Agent Carol Finnerty (Maggie Gyllenhaal), but gets a chance to prove himself when a team of mercenaries and white supremacists infiltrate the White House and capture President James Sawyer (Jamie Foxx). The baddies are led by Emil Stenz (Jason Clarke), an ex-Special Forces operative, with assistance from turncoat Martin Walker (James Woods).

While Olympus Has Fallen cribs far more from Die Hard, White House Down borrows only a few elements. Its protagonist not only has a similar name to John McClane, he spends most of the movie running around in a dirty tank top. One of the villains (Jimmi Simpson) listens to "Ode to Joy" as he hacks into NORAD. White House Down isn't as self-serious as Olympus either as Emmerich recognizes the inherent silliness of it all. This is a movie where even the nerdy tour guide gets a kill a bad guy and everything comes down to a nuclear weapon and an edge-of-your-seat countdown. Yes, White House Down goes down some incredibly stupid roads, such as a car chase on the south lawn or when the presidential limo just happens to have a rocket launcher hidden in the back seat. Also, what genius decided to mount a covert assault by sending attack choppers through the DC streets in plain sight of any traffic camera or cell phone? Screenwriter James Vanderbilt (Zodiac, The Amazing Spider-Man) practically draws a bright, bold arrow each time a plot element is introduced for a later payoff. Do you think President Sawyer's pocket watch from Abraham Lincoln will be important later on?

Tatum is a welcome antidote to the grim-faced Butler. He ably carries the film on his broad shoulders by playing the lovable lunkhead we've come to know in 21 Jump Street and Magic Mike. He's helped by the fun chemistry he shares with Jamie Foxx as the idealized Obama, who ushers in world peace, dismantles the military-industrial complex, and looks good in a pair of stylish Air Jordans. Jason Clarke doesn't get much to do as the ruthless Stenz though you can easily picture this being the eventual path of his character from Zero Dark Thirty. James Woods is at his slimy best though Emmerich wastes a stacked supporting cast that includes Maggie Gyllenhaal, Richard Jenkins, Lance Reddick, and Michael Murphy.

Drowning in effects-laden action and ham-fisted jingoism, White House Down is an unmistakable product of Emmerich's brand of summer shlock.

Rating: ** (*****)

Side Effects

Side Effects - Dir. Steven Soderbergh (2013)

Cinephiles wept tears when Steven Soderbergh announced his retirement from directing films. Though HBO recently aired his long-awaited Liberace biopic, Behind the Candelabra, his final theatrical release is Side Effects, written by Scott Z. Burns, the screenwriter of two other Soderbergh pictures, The Informant and Contagion. Describing Side Effects as Soderbergh’s attempt at a Hitchcock thriller already gives away too much about the twist and turns in the narrative. So, this review will contain major spoilers.

Emily Taylor (Rooney Mara) is a young professional whose husband, Martin (Channing Tatum), has just been released from prison after serving time for insider trading. Martin promises he will get their lives back on track, but Emily, who has a history of depression, struggles with her everyday life. After a suicide attempt, Emily is sent to Dr. Jonathan Banks (Jude Law) for psychiatric care. When none of the medication he prescribes for her seems to work, Banks consults with Emily’s former doctor, Victoria Siebert (Catherine Zeta-Jones), who recommends a new wonder drug called Ablixa. Emily’s state of mind vastly improves, except for an unexpected side effect that causes her to sleepwalk. During one bout of somnambulism, Emily stabs her husband to death. The subsequent trial shifts from Emily to Banks and whether or not he willfully ignored symptoms or engaged in unprofessional conduct with a patient.

At first, Side Effects feels like a companion piece to the disease disaster Contagion, an exposé on the pharmaceutical industry. The Taylors exist in a world of affluence where every problem from lethargy to a stressful job interview can be solved with the latest wonder drug. The first act is a domestic drama as we follow the struggles of Emily as she faces insurmountable mental issues. She places her trust into a doctor who is preoccupied with lucrative drug trials and increasing his standing in the medical community. This is a complete 180 turn for Rooney Mara who gained notices as the goth hacker in David Fincher's remake of The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. Mara gives a sullen performance as the waifish Emily, but turns your sympathies on their ear by the second act as a calculating manipulator. When Channing Tatum pulls a Janet Leigh, Side Effects shifts focus to Jude Law and becomes a modern day noir with Banks as the wronged man desperate to prove his crackpot theories. Yes, the third act unfolds in the manner of a routine Law & Order episode, complete with the requisite "Guess what? I was wearing a wire the whole time" scene. However, Soderbergh's impeccable craftsmanship and the A-list ensemble turn the rote material into a taut spellbinder.

Much like Guy Pearce, Jude Law has the good looks to be leading man, yet has found a niche in recent years playing these supporting roles, whether it is Hugo, Anna Karenina or Sherlock's sidekick Dr. Watson. Catherine Zeta-Jones is also good as the ice queen hidden behind horn-rimmed glasses and her hair tied in a constricting bun.

Soderbergh does triple duty on Side Effects, serving as his own cinematographer and editor under the pseudonyms Peter Andrews and Mary Ann Bernard. Soderbergh eschewed the usual trappings of movies set in New York by avoiding establishing shots of the city or its landmarks. Instead, he favors tightly constructed medium shots and close-ups to turn the expansive metropolis into a crushing and claustrophobic environment where meager lives are swallowed whole.

You can always expect the unexpected from Steven Soderbergh. He's the rare filmmaker that brings a unique voice to tried and true genres, such as the Hollywood blockbuster (Ocean's Eleven), the action movie (Haywire) and even male strippers. Soderbergh puts his own signature stamp on Side Effects, making it one of the first great films of 2013.

Rating: *** (*****)

G.I. Joe: Retaliation

G.I. Joe: Retaliation - Dir. Jon M. Chu (2013)

Any self-respecting child of the 80's who had the misfortune to catch G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra, couldn't help but leave the theater with a foul taste in their mouth. Paramount's clumsy attempt at turning Hasbro's famed toy line into a live-action franchise played fast and loose with the mythology as it careened through a nonsensical plot riddled with idiotic dialogue. Rise of Cobra earned a little over $300 million worldwide, just barely turning a profit on its exorbitant $175 million budget. It was still enough to greenlight a sequel with the studio taking much of the criticism to heart. G.I. Joe: Retaliation serves as not only a sequel, but something of a reboot and catch-all apologia.

This time around, the Joe team consists of Duke (Channing Tatum), Roadblock (Dwayne Johnson), Flint (D.J. Cotrona), and Lady Jaye (Adrianne Palicki). After retrieving a nuclear warhead stolen from Pakistan, the Joes are the victim of an airstrike that kills the majority of the team, including Duke. The attack was ordered by the President (Jonathan Pryce), who is actually Zartan (Arnold Vosloo) in disguise. Zartan proceeds to turn the country against the Joes and orchestrates the escape of Cobra Commander from a high-tech underground prison with the help of Storm Shadow (Byung-hun Lee) and Cobra saboteur Firefly (Ray Stevenson). With the enemy now in the White House, Roadblock, Flint, and Lady Jaye seek the aid of the original Joe, General Joe Colton (Bruce Willis) to expose Cobra's Machiavellian plot. Meanwhile, Snake-Eyes (Ray Park) and his protégé Jinx (Elodie Yung) are dispatched to the Himalayas to hunt down Storm Shadow for the murder of their master.

Stephen Sommers and his brand of bland blockbuster filmmaking are gone. In his stead, Paramount has gone for an improbable choice in Jon M. Chu whose previous credits include Step Up 2: The Streets, Step Up 3D and Justin Bieber: Never Say Never as well as the Microsoft Surface commercials. His experience with directing elaborately choreographed sequences serve Chu well when it comes to Retaliation's numerous action scenes. By far, the best set piece where Snake-Eyes and Jinx clash swords with a cadre of red ninjas while swinging around snow-capped mountainsides. It feels like an entirely separate film within the film. Most of the other scenes involving shootouts or fistfights suffer from hyperactive camerawork. The Himalayan sequence is also the only section that benefits of the 3D post-conversion that shelved the picture from its original release date in August 2012. Despite rampant rumor mongering, Retaliation did not go through any extensive reshoots.

Another aspect Chu brings is a genuine love of the property to the point he used action figures to storyboard the action. The screenplay by Rhett Reese and Paul Wernick (Zombieland and unproduced scripts for Deadpool and Venom) inject the sequel with more humor and faithfulness than its predecessor. The story skews much closer to the Marvel comics by Larry Hama, including an homage to the iconic "Silent Interlude" in issue #21. The Joes are more grounded as a Special Forces branch of the military rather than the cartoonish global peacekeeping force from Rise of Cobra. The vehicles in the film resemble the toys you might have collected, such as the HISS Tank, the AWE Striker, and the Water Moccasin. Cobra Commander has ditched the god-awful plastic mask for his classic chrome faceplate. Roadblock being a former chef and a hint of romance between Flint and Lady Jaye are thrown in for the die-hard fans.

While the story gains in reverence to the source material, it completely lacks in substance and coherence. The plot unfurls at lightning speed through the 90 minute runtime with no gravitas to any of the film's major moments. The convoluted backstory between Storm Shadow and Snake-Eyes is shoehorned into the standard Cobra threatens to blow up the world scheme. The entire city of London is destroyed with little bearing because we are ripped away to the next scene. At one point, Storm Shadow is imprisoned and the guards bafflingly bring along his swords, then leave them right out in the open. Nearly everyone from Rise of Cobra has been ditched with no mention at all to their fates. They aren't missed with the exception of Rachel Nichols as Scarlett. However, her role is supplanted by Adrianne Palicki's Lady Jaye though there is little done to differentiate the two. Developing fully dimensional characters is hardly a priority. It's clear a lot of that stuff was cut out during the hiatus.

Only Roadblock makes an impression thanks to the charisma of Dwayne Johnson, who has become the go-to guy to resurrect flailing franchises. Besides already looking like an action figure brought to life, Johnson has an easygoing charm that meshes well with the surprisingly funny Channing Tatum. The repartee between Roadblock and Duke are some of the most entertaining in the movie, which suffers following Tatum's departure. However, you can't blame Tatum for wanting to move on to bigger and better things now that he's starring in Steven Soderbergh productions. Jonathan Pryce, one of the few actors to return, gets a much meatier role with a dual performance as the disheveled president and the villainous Zartan. Pryce is clearly relishing the deliciously evil one-liners given to him ("They call it waterboarding, but I never get bored."). The same goes for Ray Stevenson and Walt Goggins as a somewhat sadistic warden. Don't expect to see the lively Bruce Willis seen in Moonrise Kingdom or Looper. As Gen. Colton, Willis can hardly muster up an emotion aside from mild bemusement. RZA wins the award for worst performance due to his wooden turn as the Blind Master.

Paramount still doesn't hit the mark the second time around. G.I. Joe: Retaliation won't be mistaken for high art, but the sequel accomplishes its modest goal of being mindless entertainment.

Rating: ** (*****)

Magic Mike

Magic Mike - Dir. Steven Soderbergh (2012)

Magic Mike could easily be dismissed as "that male stripper movie." Indeed, the ad campaign seems to sell it as fun times with a beefcake bonanza. The fact that 98% of the audiences I saw attending the screenings opening weekend were female deems the marketing a success. However, don't go in expecting Magic Mike to be a campy, gender-reversed version of Showgirls. The movie is surprisingly deep and a bit of a bummer. You can thank director Steven Soderbergh for bringing a little substance to all the glittery thongs and bare buttocks on display. Magic Mike is the male companion to Soderbergh's The Girlfriend Experience with a dash of Flashdance and Boogie Nights thrown in for good measure.

The titular Magic Mike is played by Channing Tatum, who was inspired to make the film by his time working as a male stripper after dropping out of college. The screenplay was written by his producing partner Reid Carolin.

By day, Mike is a part-time construction worker and owns an auto detailing van though we never see him do any of the latter. At night, he is the star attraction at Xquisite, located in the heart of the bustling nightclub scene of Tampa, Florida. Mike doesn't want to strip forever. He has aspirations of running a custom furniture business. He crafts tables from the flotsam and jetsam that wash up on the beach. That encapsulates one of the primary themes in Magic Mike, finding a purpose for the unwanted debris of society. Right on cue, Mike meets Adam (Alex Pettyfer), a college dropout sleeping on his sister's couch. Adam blew a football scholarship after punching out his coach and gets fired on the first day by the foreman. Safe to say, he has impulse control issues.

Mike takes Adam under his wing and nicknames him, "The Kid," where he joins a small cast of well-toned studs that includes Big Dick Richie (Joe Manganiello), Tito (CSI: Miami's Adam Rodriguez), Ken the living doll (Matt Bomer), and former dancer turned emcee Dallas (Matthew McConaughey). As Adam descends deeper into his hedonistic lifestyle, Mike finds potential for a fresh start and a pure romance with Adam's sister, Brooke (Cody Horn).

Magic Mike is a lot more thoughtful than the ad campaign would have you believe. Yes, there is a lot of flesh with Tatum dancing up a storm and dusting off his Step Up moves. The club isn't a normal strip club, but a dance revue where the men perform elaborate skits dressed as firemen, sailors, soldiers, and cowboys. Yes, there is the obligatory number set to "It's Raining Men." Surprisingly, the film has more female nudity than male as we get a Tatum butt shot within minutes quickly followed by a topless Olivia Munn.

The story is steeped in the current zeitgeist of country's economic fallout. This theme is never more apparent than a scene in which Mike fails to secure a small business loan (he's considered distressed) from a bank representative played by Breaking Bad's Betsy Brandt. Mike rifles off a great comeback line, "I watch the news. Ya'll are the ones who are distressed." Magic Mike shares similarities with The Wrestler in that both feature protagonists selling their bodies to survive. While Randy the Ram destroys his for the entertainment of the fans, Mike must keep his in pristine condition. The comparisons go further when you note that one of the strippers is Kevin Nash, a 7ft. tall former professional wrestler. Nash is in his fifties and has two bad knees due to a litany of injuries. In the movie, he is Tarzan and dances in a loincloth with an obvious leg brace because he doesn't know how to do anything else. He's the cautionary tale, the road where Mike may be headed.

Mike himself is played with easy-going charm by Channing Tatum, who has never been considered one of today's great thespians. But, Soderbergh knows how to utilize his actors within their own limitations. He made Gina Carano into a believable action star through stoicism and a terse amount of dialogue. In The Girlfriend Experience, he had porn star Sasha Grey exude a cold detachment that could have been a wooden performance in any other movie. In Magic Mike, he lets Tatum be himself, a loveable lug who sometimes stumbles over his own words. Tatum's scenes with Cody Horn are some of the film's best. When Soderbergh keeps the camera at a distance, he makes it feel as if the audience is eavesdropping on a pair of young lovers. The reviews of Horn's performance are all over the map. A few critics have bashed her for being cardboard or that she only got the job because her father, Alan Horn, chairman of Walt Disney Studios and former president of Warner Bros, who produced Magic Mike. I choose to give her a thumbs up. Just like Tatum, Horn gives a naturalistic performance. You cannot say the same for Alex Pettyfer, who lacks the charisma and presence of his co-stars, particularly Matthew McConaughey. The handsome actor with the trademark Texas drawl has undergone a career resurgence. No longer content with doing crappy romantic comedies with Kate Hudson, McConaughey has taken on daring low-budget projects with directors such as Soderbergh, Richard Linklater (Bernie), Jeff Nichols (Mud), Lee Daniels (The Paperboy), and William Friedkin (Killer Joe). He exudes McConaughey-ness in the role of Dallas and draws your attention whenever he is on screen, not just because of his shiny washboard abs. There's also a hint of a dark side to his character, someone who isn't above exploiting his employees.

Soderbergh gives everyone a unique look. He takes the nocturnal world of the Tampa club scene and washes it with an orange and yellow glow. During a scene where Mike and Adam attempt to snare a couple girls to their club, Soderbergh shoots it from a high angle long shot where they are just a few bodies in teeming sea of humanity. He then flips it to a closer low angle where the girls are hooked and they are now the only people in the world. Another memorable shot is of Big Dick's namesake appendage being fluffed by a pump, which is in the foreground corner of the screen and slightly out of focus with Adam in the center background staring quizzically at it.

Magic Mike isn't an entirely original story. It's a tried and true cautionary tale of show business with all the requisite dangers of sex, drugs, and backstage drama. But, the cast is superb and Soderbergh gives it his unique stamp.

Rating: *** ½ (*****)

21 Jump Street

21 Jump Street - Dirs. Phil Lord & Chris Miller (2012)

21 Jump Street is an early contender for surprise hit of the year. Movies based on old television shows haven't had a winning percentage and 21 Jump Street had the potential to be another Starsky & Hutch or, worse yet, Car 54, Where Are You? Instead, it's a clever and uproarious spoof of action films and high school comedies.

Jonah Hill steps up from his usual role of comic relief sidekick to act as lead, producer, and co-writer with Michael Bacall, who penned Scott Pilgrim vs. The World with Edgar Wright and Joe Cornish. Hill plays Morton Schmidt, an awkward teen with braces, who could never get the girl in high school. He was also constantly bullied by Greg Jenko (Channing Tatum), the star football player, who was unable to attend prom because of his poor grades. They eventually reunite at the police academy where Schmidt's brains and Jenko's brawn make them a formidable combination.

Their dreams of being badass cops are quickly dashed when they are assigned to bike duty at the local park. An arrest of some seedy bikers turns into an embarrassment when Jenko fails to read the perp his Miranda rights. As punishment, they are transferred to 21 Jump Street where they are to go undercover at the high school as brothers to ferret out the supplier of a new drug known as H.F.S. (Holy Fucking Shit). Schmidt's smart and sensitive ways gets him into the cool crowd, who turn out to be the dealers, while Jenko's meathead manners get him stuck with the science geeks. Their mission is put in jeopardy as Schmidt becomes preoccupied with living the glory days he never had as a teenager.

Hill intended 21 Jump Street to be Bad Boys crossed with John Hughes and he succeeds on both accounts. The screenplay skewers the conventions of both genres. During a car chase, Schmidt and Jenko are repeatedly shocked that numerous objects they shoot at haven't exploded. They easily identify various high school cliques such as the nerds, the jocks, and the Goths, but others (hipsters, anime fans) completely puzzle them. The food chain of the 80's is turned upside-down as geeks have since inherited the Earth. The environmentally friendly, socially conscious kids are cool while the brutish alpha male jock is passé. The film is also rife with witty metatextual humor, such as one character remarking that the Jump Street program was brought back due to a lack of original ideas. A drama teacher (played by the very funny Chris Parnell) notes the school play has reached the end of the second act just as the movie itself as reached the end of the second act. Even the generic name of the setting, Metro City, leads into other background jokes, like a billboard simply saying, "Billboard."

The comedy is accentuated by co-directors Phil Lord and Chris Miller, who previously helmed Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs and created the MTV series, Clone High with Bill Lawrence (Scrubs). Much like Pixar's Brad Bird did on Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol, Lord and Miller have made a strong live-action debut. Due to their animation roots, they are able to inject 21 Jump Street with a vibrant energy and loony sight gags, evidenced by the hallucinations Schmidt and Jenko experience while tripping out on H.F.S.

While the film has plenty profanity and gross-out situations, it actually has heart thanks to the growing friendship between Schmidt and Jenko. Hill and Tatum have excellent chemistry together, making their characters both entertaining and sympathetic. Tatum may not have strong dramatic skills, but he has a wealth of comedic talent. He manages to steal the funny away from Hill and gets some of the movie's best lines ("Fuck you, science.") There's also a sweet romance between Hill and Brie Larson, although, any potential statutory charges are never brought up. It is mentioned that Hill and Tatum look too old to be attending high school, but so do most of the other actors.

Speaking of which, the supporting performances are fantastic across the board. Dave Franco (James's younger brother) is appropriately douchey as the leader of the cool clique as is Rob Riggle as the track coach. Ellie Kemper gets some funny scenes as a teacher trying hard to hide her attraction to Jenko. Nick Offerman essentially reprises his role of Ron Swanson from Parks & Recreation as a police captain. His dry line readings contrast from the boisterous performance of Ice Cube as Jump Street's stereotypically angry captain ("Sometimes I get angry…so suck a dick.") Rye Rye and Dakota Johnson (daughter of Don Johnson & Melanie Griffith) appear as a rival undercover squad getting far better results. And, yes, there are cameos from original cast members like Holly Robinson Peete and Johnny Depp, but, sadly, not Richard Grieco. I won't spoil Depp's return as Tom Hanson, but it is easily the film's highlight.

21 Jump Street is a smartly written blend of lowbrow comedy and action with wry commentary on the hierarchies of modern high school.

Rating: *** ½ (*****)

The Son of No One

The Son of No One - Dir. Dito Montiel (2011)

Good actors do bad movies all the time. Such is the case with The Son of No One, a gritty crime drama with an A-list cast and a D-list story. What possessed them to take part in such a muddled mess? It's likely that on paper the film was an intriguing challenge, but the final product is decidedly not.

The Son of No One was written and directed by Dito Montiel, a former male model and hardcore punk musician. Montiel made his directorial debut with A Guide to Recognizing Your Saints, which starred Channing Tatum, Robert Downey Jr., and Shia Labeouf and was based on his memoirs about growing up in Astoria, Queens. Montiel reunited with Tatum for his second feature, Fighting, about, what else, underground fighting.

Montiel and Tatum are back together again as the director returns to his old stomping grounds of Queens. The film opens in 1986 with a young boy named Jonathan "Milk" White (Jake Cherry), who lives in the Queensboro projects with his grandmother. He is cowering in fear in the bathroom of his best friend Vinnie (Brian Gilbert) as a crazed junkie attempts to break down the door. Holding a gun in his hand, Jonathan opens fire and kills the intruder. The kid's late father was a police officer and his former partner, Det. Charles Stanford (Al Pacino), sweeps the whole thing under the rug.

Flash forward to 2002 and Jonathan is now a beat cop living in Staten Island with a wife (Katie Holmes) and a daughter, who suffers from seizures. Jonathan is transferred to Queens just as a local reporter, Loren Bridges (Juliette Binoche), begins receiving anonymous letters claiming the NYPD covered up two murders in the projects. Specifically, these letters name Det. Stanford and Jonathan's new commanding officer Captain Mathers (Ray Liotta).

Huh? Two murders? Yes, Jonathan White proves to be the unluckiest boy in the world, chalks up another accidental kill when a neighboring scumbag kicks his scruffy little dog to death. This ridiculous scene sums up exactly how Montiel piles on the melodrama in The Son of No One. Since half the story is set in 2002, the specter of 9/11 is ever present. Montiel imbues a heavy handed message that corruption still existed even at a time when the NYPD was still riding the wave of heroic patriotism. The frequency in which the plot bounces back and forth from '86 to '02 is both confusing and infuriating.

The past isn't any better than the future. It's not enough for Jonathan to murder one person before he even hits puberty. This poor boy has to kill two. And was there any reason to cover up the original death? It was a clear cut case of self-defense though you could argue Stanford didn't want to drag little Jonathan into a court case. It just adds to the overall feeling that not a lot of thought was put into the story. Meanwhile, Jonathan's old BFF, Vinnie, also suffers from an overabundance of soap opera setbacks. Not only was he traumatized by witnessing the murders, he was also molested by his mother's boyfriend and spent time in an institution. He's also played as an adult by Tracy Morgan, who gives it his all in a rare dramatic turn, but is simply unable to shed his outrageous comedic persona. His performance here immediately brings to mind the 30 Rock story arc where Tracy Jordan attempts to go serious by winning an EGOT (Emmy, Grammy, Oscar, and Tony).

Tatum, who sports a stereotypical cop's mustache, is an underrated comedic actor, but his dramatic chops leave much to be desired. He's too bland and wooden to make much of a mark. As for the rest of the cast, they're good, particularly James Ransone as Jonathan's fiery partner and Juliette Binoche, whose French accent stands out against a sea of New York/Italian inflections. Ray Liotta pretty much plays Ray Liotta while Katie Holmes gets nothing to do, except scream at her husband, "What's happening? Why won't you tell me the truth?" Then, there's Al Pacino, who is surprisingly restrained. Sorry, but subdued Pacino isn't nearly as much fun as bug-eyed and crazy Pacino.

The Son of No One premiered at Sundance in 2011, but received a lot of negative buzz. It's only now being released on DVD and Blu-ray from Anchor Bay. I can't think of a good reason to track this movie down unless you have to see everything Channing Tatum and Al Pacino are in.

Rating: * (*****)

Haywire

Haywire - Dir. Steven Soderbergh (2012)

Steven Soderbergh has to be considered one of the most versatile filmmakers working today. He can effortlessly switch from slick blockbusters like Erin Brockovich and the Ocean's series to iconoclastic indie projects like Bubble and Full Frontal. Soderbergh's latest film, Haywire, is a melding of both worlds and his first foray into the action genre.

Haywire was conceived specifically for Gina Carano, who is considered by many to be THE face of female MMA. This is her first movie role and though she's not exactly an actress with great range, she is a believable badass. Carano is far more suited to the role of action heroine than others like Kate Beckinsale, Angelina Jolie, or Milla Jovovich. She's not wafer thin, but curvy, tough, and beautiful.

Carano is the awesomely named Mallory Kane, an operative for a private security firm specializing in secretive missions. She is betrayed by her boss, Kenneth (Ewan McGregor), following a job in Barcelona to rescue a Chinese journalist held hostage. Mallory is sent to Dublin under the guise of posing as arm candy for Paul (Michael Fassbender), a British freelance agent, who is actually tasked with killing her. When that fails, Mallory sets out on a quest for revenge and leaves a trail of bodies in her wake.

Haywire opens somewhere in the middle of the story with Mallory confronting a fellow agent, Aaron (Channing Tatum), in a diner. After a vicious fight, she grabs a good samaritan (Michael Angarano) and forces him to drive her away as she tells him his story. Not the most original device, but a clever and simple way to unfold the narrative.

Aside from beginning in media res, the plot is fairly straightforward and minimalistic. It's a close cousin to another Soderbergh revenge picture, The Limey, which was also penned by Haywire screenwriter Lem Dobbs. In fact, it could almost be mistaken for the type of low-budget, direct-to-video actioners that are pumped out by Seagal, Van Damme or Dolph Lundgren. What sets Haywire apart from such detritus is Steven Soderbergh and an A-list cast.

This is Gina Carano's acting debut and Soderbergh plays to her strengths. He doesn't give Carano any extended monologues, making sure her lines are short and sweet. He even tweaked her voice in post-production to make it deeper and more authoritative. Carano tends to deliver some of her dialogue in a robotic manner that actually accentuates the cold and ruthless demeanor of Mallory Kane. It's not unlike what Soderbergh did with ex-porn star Sasha Grey in The Girlfriend Experience. There, Grey's somewhat wooden performance played into her character's detached personality. Rather than placing the entire burden on Carano's shoulders, Soderbergh allows his impressive supporting cast to do most of the heavy lifting. In addition to Ewan McGregor and Michael Fassbender, the ensemble includes Antonio Banderas and Michael Douglas as shady government officials and Bill Paxton as Mallory's ex-military father.

In any event, no one came to see Carano deliver Shakespearean soliloquies. You're here to see her kick ass.

Soderbergh takes a basic approach to the action sequences and doesn't drown them with shoddy CGI, heavy metal music or cartoonish foley effects. He doesn't turn them into an incomprehensible mess by using rapid editing or manic camera movements. He keeps the camera steady and shoots in wide and medium shots. It's a joy seeing Carano bouncing off a wall and smashing somebody in the face with a hard fist. Two of the best set pieces in the film are the opening diner brawl and a car chase with Carano evading police by driving backwards through a snow covered forest. The centerpiece of Haywire is a brutal fight between Carano and Fassbender inside a hotel room. Soderbergh allows the tension to simmer to a boil as the couple calmly walks to their door and Carano slowly slips out of her heels. You know shit is about to explode, but you just don't know when.

Forgoing the typical rock soundtrack, Soderbergh opts for a sleek and jazzy score by David Holmes, who was also the composer on the Ocean's series. The music certainly has that same old school feel and combined with the subdued color palette gives Haywire a 70's throwback style.

Working with less money and less resources, Steven Soderbergh manages to blow away the big budget schlock by Michael Bay and generic directors like Len Wiseman or Brett Ratner. Haywire is arthouse action comparable to Nicholas Winding Refn's Drive, which was my pick for best film of 2011. Hopefully, Haywire won't be forgotten when it's time to write up the Best of 2012 lists. It's a unique film that marks the beginning of a promising new career for Gina Carano.

Rating: **** (*****)

The Dilemma

The Dilemma - Dir. Ron Howard (2011)

The Dilemma stirred up some controversy over a scene in which Vince Vaughn's character derogatively referred to electric cars as "gay." The joke was poorly timed following a tragic spate of teen suicides and the ugly comments by an Arkansas school board member. In the end, the controversy disappeared quicker than the movie did. The Dilemma was released in the doldrums of January and vanished from theaters a month later.

Vaughn plays Ronny Valentine, a fast-talking businessman who runs a small automotive design firm with his best friend, Nick (Kevin James). They're about to land the biggest contract of their lives after successfully pitching Chrysler their idea for an energy efficient engine with the power and feel of a classic muscle car. Nick's struggle to actually pull off his novel invention isn't the dilemma of the film's title. The real dilemma comes when Ronny discovers Nick's wife, Geneva (Winona Ryder), is having an affair with a younger man (Channing Tatum). Obviously, Ronny can't tell his BFF because then there wouldn't be a movie. No, Ronny decides to follow Geneva around like an amateur detective looking to gather enough evidence to bust her.

The previews made The Dilemma out be a lighthearted comedy when that's only partially true. Much like another Vince Vaughn vehicle, The Break-Up, The Dilemma is an unbalanced mixture of wacky comedy and heavy-handed drama. The usually competent (if bland) Ron Howard seems like the wrong director to juggle the story's fracture tonal shifts. Vaughn does his usual wiseacre routine as his once sterling career continues on a downward trajectory. The sharp tongued Vaughn of Swingers and Old School fame has disappeared, chipped away after years of doing terrible pictures like Fred Claus, Four Christmases, and Couples Retreat. It would be a safe bet to guess the filmmakers were hoping to get Jon Favreau for the Kevin James role or at least try to capture some of that same chemistry. They don't as James is given little to do beyond being the typical schlubby guy.

Beyond the basic comedic trappings, the movie takes a few vain stabs at lowbrow, Apatow-esque humor with Queen Latifah's character. She delivers bawdy lines about "lady wood" and having sex with people's words and it all feels completely forced and unfunny. The Dilemma also veers into slapstick when Ronny attempts to confront Geneva's boytoy, who is known simply as Zip. The chaotic scene culminates in Ronny threatening to burn Zip's apartment building down with a makeshift flamethrower made from an aerosol can. As the loverboy, Tatum is surprisingly funny in lampooning his own meathead persona. You know your movie is in trouble when the best thing in it is Channing Tatum. Jennifer Connelly is also excellent as Ronny's girlfriend, Beth. She lends an additional layer of gravitas to every scene she's in and is way better than this movie deserves. It helps that she looks insanely gorgeous too. Never has a Chicago Cubs shirt looked better than it does on Jennifer Connelly. Perhaps, she did the role as payment for Howard and producer Brian Grazer for helping her net that Oscar for A Beautiful Mind.

Rating: * (*****)

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (2009) - Dir. Stephen Sommers

Paramount has had Hasbro’s two main toy properties in their development slate for years. Strangely enough, Transformers beat the Joes to the multiplexes. You’d think a movie about an elite team of soldiers would make a better live-action film than one about giant robots from outer space. In any event, Transformers, infused by an injection of Michael Bay powered explosions and visual effects, did gangbusters at the box office, fast tracking G.I. Joe. The Joe screenplay went through several hands including the first draft by David Elliot and Paul Lovett (Four Brothers), a draft from Skip Woods (Swordfish) which completely omitted Cobra, and a version by Stuart Beattie which combined both scripts. Fans of the franchise were obviously skeptical especially when producer Lorenzo di Bonaventura (concerned with overseas box office) announced that he would change G.I. Joe from an American military unit to an international task force based in Belgium. Also, for some reason, he had a massive hard-on for Action Man, a British knock-off of the original 12inch G.I. Joe dolls. He once envisioned the Joe film as a buddy picture between Duke and Action Man.

But, Paramount won some over with the casting of fan-favorite Ray Park as the silent ninja commando, Snake-Eyes, and bringing on Larry Hama as a creative consultant. Hama, a former Vietnam Vet and Marvel Comics writer, came up with the Joes vs. Cobra concept, wrote the entire run of Marvel’s G.I. Joe comic as well as all the file cards on the back of the toy packages. Joe devotees owe Hama a debt of gratitude as he convinced the filmmakers to cut a scene where Snake-Eyes would actually speak. Alas, that’s about the only good thing I can say about Rise of Cobra.

The film manages to cull material from the vast mythology of G.I. Joe while inventing their own plot points to flesh out their big budget production. It is essentially an origin story, not for the Joes (who are already in operation), but of Cobra, the ruthless terrorist organization bent on world domination.

Warning: Spoilers Ahead.

Rise of Cobra begins well enough in the 17th Century with Scottish Lord James McCullen punished by the French for selling weapons to both sides of combatants. Flash forward to "the not so distant future," where his descendent also named James McCullen (Christopher Eccleston) is now head of MARS Industries, a weapons manufacturer. Unlike Tony Stark, McCullen has no qualms about building devices of destruction. By the way, did we really need the "not so distant future" title? Because this movie would have been so hard to believe if we were told it took place today. But, I digress…

McCullen’s latest inventions are microscopic robots called Nano-Mites, which can devour anything made of metal. A team of American soldiers led by Duke (Channing Tatum) and Ripcord (Marlon Wayans) are tasked with transporting the Nano-Mites until they are ambushed by the Baroness (Sienna Miller). Duke and Ripcord are rescued by a G.I. Joe team consisting of Scarlett (Rachel Nichols), Heavy Duty (Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje from Oz and Lost), and Breaker (Said Taghmaoui). The Joes no longer wear their own individualistic uniforms from the cartoon. Instead, they are clad in the same generic black body armor that everybody has worn since X-Men. Our heroes tag along with the Joes to their secret headquarters under the Sahara desert to meet their commanding officer, General Hawk (Dennis Quaid). Duke and Ripcord go through the usual cheesy training montage to become members of the Joe team. The bad guys attack Joe HQ and steal the nanotechnology, leading to a series of nonsensical action sequences through the streets of Paris to the Arctic Circle.

Little references are spread throughout as Easter eggs for long-time fans such as lines like "life-like hair and kung-fu grip" and "knowing is half the battle." Watch for some cameos too including Brendan Fraser as Sgt. Stone (don’t know why they didn’t just go with Flint). And was that Jinx I saw?

I will say this about Rise of Cobra, the B-story involving Snake-Eyes and Storm Shadow is one of the few shining lights in an otherwise idiotic production. Their rivalry, which began with the murder of their teacher the Hard Master, is captured rather accurately from the comics. Korean actor Lee Byung-hun is really cool as Storm Shadow and he and Ray Park put on some great fight scenes. At first glance, Snake-Eyes’ costume looks dead-on from the cartoon, but seeing it on the big screen and in action, it just looks off. Slacks and a molded bodysuit don’t quite work and neither does the mouth on his mask. I also didn’t like how they revamped Snake-Eyes from a wounded soldier to an abandoned orphan who took a vow of silence.

Of all the characters they managed to butcher, the one who took the brunt of the punishment is the Baroness. Cobra’s resident bespectacled femme fatale retains her skin-tight leather outfit, but ditches the ‘Moose and squirrel’ accent along with everything else that was even remotely interesting about her. Sienna Miller may look hot in the costume, but she’s completely vanilla in the role. This is, in no small way, due to the fact that they turned her from bad girl to good girl under mind control. She’s also given a clunky backstory as Duke’s jilted fiancée. Flashbacks revealing her history as well as that of Snake-Eyes and Storm Shadow are clumsily dropped into the middle of the action throughout the film. And don’t get me started on the abomination known as Rex/The Doctor/Cobra Commander. Once a megalomaniacal terrorist leader, he is transformed into a disfigured mad scientist who eventually hides his scarred visage with a mask made out of clear plastic. Rounding out the Cobra roster is Zartan (Arnold Vosloo) whose master of disguise skills consists entirely of putting on somebody else’s clothes.

On the Joes side, only Snake-Eyes manages to crawl out of the epic levels of sucktitude that drags down his comrades. Channing Tatum may be a good-looking, All-American man, but he’s a complete vacuum of charisma. His Duke isn’t the confident field leader of the Joes, but a rookie who leaps into action with a Mark Wahlberg-like blank expression on his face. Marlon Wayans fills the ubiquitous role of wacky black guy/comic relief sidekick and annoys everyone with his lame attempts at humor. He fell down…haha…how original. As Scarlett, Rachel Nichols is there for pure cheesecake. Her combat gear features molded boobies and she later changes into camouflage that is inexplicably zipped down to show off a generous amount of cleavage. Dennis Quaid’s attempt at the square-jawed alpha male is laughable and the other two guys (Breaker and Heavy Duty aka Not-Roadblock) are the token minorities.

Any attempts at emotional turmoil or character development are downright embarrassing. However, the main attraction is the action which is taken to ridiculous levels. These are the type of "toy-etic" levels not seen since Batman & Robin. The Paris sequence is like something about of Team America. I almost thought the film had veered into brilliant self-parody at this point until I realized Stephen Sommers isn’t that talented. Duke and Ripcord are strapped into Accelerator Suits that look like knock-offs from Halo and run rough shot through the Parisian streets. The Joes show no sign of concern for collateral damage or for the safety of any innocent civilians, dealing out just as much destruction as their adversaries. They rip right through a tram full of commuters, sending shards of glass flying in every direction. A pair of missiles is shot right at them. Do they try to stop them? Nope, they keep on running and the missiles continue on and probably killed a hundred people. The film’s climax features an underwater battle inspired by Thunderball, but owes more to The Phantom Menace in the sense that it’s nothing more than a series of random events and visual noise.

The special effects are absolutely horrendous and appear to be done by the same, inept artists who worked on Wolverine. The CGI is obvious to even the blind and don’t even look finished. Surprising, considering the film cost nearly $200 million.

I’m being awfully generous in my rating for this awful movie. It’s a loud, dumb action movie set to a shitty hip-hop soundtrack, but it’s not nearly as obnoxiously overblown or bloated as Revenge of the Fallen. At least, Rise of Cobra knows when to get in and get out. However, films like Iron Man have proven that big-budget blockbusters and intelligent storytelling don’t have to be mutually exclusive. Rise of Cobra chooses to appeal to the lowest common denominator in its efforts to be crowd pleasing to every demographic. The results embody the absolute worst elements of the summer blockbuster.

Rating: **