The Expendables 3

The Expendables 3 - Dir. Patrick Hughes (2014)

Menahem Golan passed away on August 8^th at the age of 85. Most of you might not know his name, but you definitely know his work. Golan directed The Delta Force with Chuck Norris and Over the Top with Sylvester Stallone. Golan was better known as a prolific producer who took over Cannon Films in 1979 with his cousin Yoram Globus. Together, they churned out  movies like Missing in Action, Death Wish II through Death Wish 4, American Ninja, Masters of the Universe, and Superman IV: The Quest for Peace. Sure, they weren't classics, but their output became synonymous with the 80's action era.

Stallone has found a way to keep that genre on life support with The Expendables series. Each film sees Stallone assemble an all-star cast of action heroes for two hours of explosions, mayhem, and bloodshed. These movies are heavy on testosterone, but the scripts are light on plot, characterization, and wit. Still, the franchise has kept afloat as we now get set for The Expendables 3.

Barney Ross (Stallone) and his team of Lee Christmas (Jason Statham), Hale Caesar (Terry Crews), Gunner Jensen (Dolph Lundgren), and Toll Road (Randy Couture) are dropped into some anonymous Eastern European country. In a wild opener, the team rescues Doctor Death (Wesley Snipes), a founding member of the Expendables who has been imprisoned for years after a failed assassination attempt. Doc proceeds to hijack a transport train and crash it into the prison, likely killing hundreds of guards and inmates, just to get revenge on the sadistic warden. There's no rest for the wicked as Ross and company are tasked with taking out a notorious arms dealer, who is revealed to be Conrad Stonebanks (Mel Gibson), another founding member. Stonebanks was seemingly killed by Ross after turning to the dark side.

The Expendables barely escape with Hale Caesar suffering life threatening injuries. Not wanting to see anymore of his comrades dead, Ross puts together an all-new team with of fresh faces. Meet Smilee (Kellan Lutz), Mars (Victor Ortiz), Thorn (Glen Powell), and Luna (Ronda Rousey).

The Expendables has largely traded on nostalgia. In particular, the sequel featured the novelty of Jean-Claude Van Damme as a Euro-trash villain and the trifecta of Bruce Willis, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Stallone sharing the screen and mowing down wave after wave of faceless henchmen. Sadly, Expendables 3 seems to have forgotten about the elements that make the whole endeavor work. Yes, Stallone has added several notable names to the roster, but they aren't expected stars like Steven Seagal or Jackie Chan. Wesley Snipes makes his return to the screen and he's clearly enjoying the opportunity. There's a meta-moment when Snipes jokes that he was serving time for tax evasion. He's got great charisma as does Antonio Banderas as the loquacious Galgo, who is overly eager to join up with the Expendables.

When Willis split over a disagreement in pay, Harrison Ford stepped in as the new CIA handler Max Drummer. Ford is at crotchety level 11, growling and snarling every piece of dialogue. However, he's still Harrison Ford and the best one-liners they can come up with is, "That's gotta hurt." Chalk that up to a screenplay by Stallone and the team of Creighton Rothenberger & Katrin Benedikt, who also penned Olympus Has Fallen. Mel Gibson finds himself in the same boat. He chews the scenery whenever he gets the chance as the villain, who's not as cartoonish as Luther Voz in Machete Kills.

One nice surprise is Kelsey Grammer, an actor not exactly known for action roles. But, it's been the summer of Frasier with Grammer also appearing in X-Men: Days of Future Past and Transformers: Age of Extinction. Grammer plays Bonaparte, a facilitator that assists Ross in recruiting young blood.

Therein lays the primary problem with The Expendables 3. People came to see the big stars, not a bunch of newbies. Expendables: The Next Generation barely has the chance to develop any sort of personality other than one is a tech expert and one is a woman. Speaking of which, UFC's Ronda Rousey is a welcome change for this overwhelming sausage party, but she gives wooden line readings for the few bits of dialogue she's given. Stick with punching dudes in the face. Kellan Lutz plays a down-and-out soldier with an anti-authority issue, which never gets brought up again. The whole idea of bringing them in makes no sense. Barney Ross doesn't want his friends to die, but has no problem getting people he just met killed? And the more time we spend with them, the less we do with actors that are actually interesting.

After the slam-bang prologue, the movie lulls into a slumber as it introduces the new characters and puts them into danger so the old guard can come to their rescue. At over 2 hours long, the third installment is the lengthiest off the trilogy and there was just no need for those additional twenty minutes. The movie doesn’t pick up until the third act when Expendables of all ages join forces to battle Stonebanks and the entire army of a fictional Slavic country. Since this is PG-13, limbs aren't chopped off and human bodies aren't blown to bits. Just because Expendables 3 isn't R-rated, doesn't meant the body count has lessened. Hundreds of soldiers are gunned down, blown up by grenades, or impaled by throwing knives. Almost everyone gets their own moment to shine, from Rousey using MMA moves to snap limbs to Lutz pulling a Steve McQueen by jumping a motorcycle. Ford busts out his piloting skills by flying a chopper into the combat zone with Arnold and Jet Li riding shotgun. By the way, Jet Li pops up for about five minutes and all he does is fire a machine gun, despite being one of the greatest martial arts stars in movie history. And while Arnold doesn't bust out another "I'll be back," he does reprise his famous line from Predator, "Get to da choppa!"

Stallone and Schwarzenegger share a quiet scene in which the two contemplate retiring from the gun-for-hire business. You could also take it as commentary on their acting careers. Neither man has lit up the box office the way they did back in the 80's. They aren't slow down either with Stallone set for Rambo V and Arnold working on Terminator: Genesys and Legend of Conan. They might not be ready to hang up their combat boots, but maybe it's time to put The Expendables out to pasture if this is the best they can do.

Rating: * ½ (*****)

Machete Kills

Machete Kills - Dir. Robert Rodriguez (2013)

Robert Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino paid homage to the exploitation movies of their youth with the 2007 double feature Grindhouse. They had big plans to turn it into a franchise until the film died at the box office. Still, there was enough interest to spinoff Machete, a machete wielding badass who made his first appearance in one of Grindhouse's faux-trailers.

Described as ”FBI, CIA, and DEA all rolled into one mean burrito," Machete starred in a self-titled feature film bolstered by over-the-top action and an eclectic cast that included Robert DeNiro and Lindsay Lohan. Of course, Machete couldn't have worked without its star, Trejo, the craggily faced and tattooed character actor in his biggest role to date. Trejo returns in the sequel, Machete Kills, which remains faithful to its B-movie roots while upping the ante by adding a sci-fi spin. There's a lead villain cut from the same mold as Hugo Drax from Moonraker and plenty of Star Wars references.

A mission to foil an arms deal ends disastrously for Machete and ICE agent Sartana (Jessica Alba). Our hero is about to be hanged by a redneck sheriff (William Sadler) when he's pardoned by President Rathcock (Charlie Sheen, billed under his real name of Carlos Estevez). POTUS sends Machete into Mexico to track down a nuclear weapon that has fallen into the hands of a former cartel leader known as Mendez the Madman (Demián Bichir), so called because of his multiple personalities. However, the real mastermind is revealed to be billionaire industrialist Luther Voz (Mel Gibson), who has concocted a plan to engulf the entire world in nuclear war.

Also returning for the sequel are Michelle Rodriguez as the one-eyed revolutionary She and Tom Savini as hitman Osiris Amanpour. Joining them are Amber Heard as beauty queen/secret agent Miss San Antonio and Sofia Vergara as Desdemona, leader of a gang of deadly prostitutes. While the cast is as star-studded as its predecessor, most of the actors (Vanessa Hudgens, for example) appear in glorified cameos. One character, a master of disguise named The Chameleon, is simply there to justify a string of gonzo, guest appearances by Walt Goggins, Lady Gaga, and Cuba Gooding Jr. Only a few get to make any real impression, such as Sheen who has fun playing into his tabloid persona as a boozehound and horndog. Bichir and Gibson (in his first turn as a bad guy) give the best performances as both actors straddle the line between cartoonish villainy and honest-to-goodness gravitas. Bichir, in particular, brings some surprisingly soulful moments to Machete Kills.

Rodriguez's flair for action isn't fully on display here. Machete Kills manages a couple of decent set pieces, usually involving Machete versus Chilean martial arts star Marko Zaror. Unfortunately, much of the film is repetitive with Rodriguez relying one too many times on his hero killing henchmen by throwing them into helicopter blades. Sofia Vergara, who plays it to the hilt, packs a high caliber brassier as well as the crotch gun from Desperado and From Dusk Till Dawn. Even a catfight between Amber Heard and Michelle Rodriguez comes off dull.

Machete Kills opens with another faux-trailer for a third picture, Machete Kills Again…in Space, that offers more thrills than the actual movie that followed. Maybe it's time to say, "Adios," to this franchise.

Rating: ** (*****)

Haywire

Haywire - Dir. Steven Soderbergh (2012)

Steven Soderbergh has to be considered one of the most versatile filmmakers working today. He can effortlessly switch from slick blockbusters like Erin Brockovich and the Ocean's series to iconoclastic indie projects like Bubble and Full Frontal. Soderbergh's latest film, Haywire, is a melding of both worlds and his first foray into the action genre.

Haywire was conceived specifically for Gina Carano, who is considered by many to be THE face of female MMA. This is her first movie role and though she's not exactly an actress with great range, she is a believable badass. Carano is far more suited to the role of action heroine than others like Kate Beckinsale, Angelina Jolie, or Milla Jovovich. She's not wafer thin, but curvy, tough, and beautiful.

Carano is the awesomely named Mallory Kane, an operative for a private security firm specializing in secretive missions. She is betrayed by her boss, Kenneth (Ewan McGregor), following a job in Barcelona to rescue a Chinese journalist held hostage. Mallory is sent to Dublin under the guise of posing as arm candy for Paul (Michael Fassbender), a British freelance agent, who is actually tasked with killing her. When that fails, Mallory sets out on a quest for revenge and leaves a trail of bodies in her wake.

Haywire opens somewhere in the middle of the story with Mallory confronting a fellow agent, Aaron (Channing Tatum), in a diner. After a vicious fight, she grabs a good samaritan (Michael Angarano) and forces him to drive her away as she tells him his story. Not the most original device, but a clever and simple way to unfold the narrative.

Aside from beginning in media res, the plot is fairly straightforward and minimalistic. It's a close cousin to another Soderbergh revenge picture, The Limey, which was also penned by Haywire screenwriter Lem Dobbs. In fact, it could almost be mistaken for the type of low-budget, direct-to-video actioners that are pumped out by Seagal, Van Damme or Dolph Lundgren. What sets Haywire apart from such detritus is Steven Soderbergh and an A-list cast.

This is Gina Carano's acting debut and Soderbergh plays to her strengths. He doesn't give Carano any extended monologues, making sure her lines are short and sweet. He even tweaked her voice in post-production to make it deeper and more authoritative. Carano tends to deliver some of her dialogue in a robotic manner that actually accentuates the cold and ruthless demeanor of Mallory Kane. It's not unlike what Soderbergh did with ex-porn star Sasha Grey in The Girlfriend Experience. There, Grey's somewhat wooden performance played into her character's detached personality. Rather than placing the entire burden on Carano's shoulders, Soderbergh allows his impressive supporting cast to do most of the heavy lifting. In addition to Ewan McGregor and Michael Fassbender, the ensemble includes Antonio Banderas and Michael Douglas as shady government officials and Bill Paxton as Mallory's ex-military father.

In any event, no one came to see Carano deliver Shakespearean soliloquies. You're here to see her kick ass.

Soderbergh takes a basic approach to the action sequences and doesn't drown them with shoddy CGI, heavy metal music or cartoonish foley effects. He doesn't turn them into an incomprehensible mess by using rapid editing or manic camera movements. He keeps the camera steady and shoots in wide and medium shots. It's a joy seeing Carano bouncing off a wall and smashing somebody in the face with a hard fist. Two of the best set pieces in the film are the opening diner brawl and a car chase with Carano evading police by driving backwards through a snow covered forest. The centerpiece of Haywire is a brutal fight between Carano and Fassbender inside a hotel room. Soderbergh allows the tension to simmer to a boil as the couple calmly walks to their door and Carano slowly slips out of her heels. You know shit is about to explode, but you just don't know when.

Forgoing the typical rock soundtrack, Soderbergh opts for a sleek and jazzy score by David Holmes, who was also the composer on the Ocean's series. The music certainly has that same old school feel and combined with the subdued color palette gives Haywire a 70's throwback style.

Working with less money and less resources, Steven Soderbergh manages to blow away the big budget schlock by Michael Bay and generic directors like Len Wiseman or Brett Ratner. Haywire is arthouse action comparable to Nicholas Winding Refn's Drive, which was my pick for best film of 2011. Hopefully, Haywire won't be forgotten when it's time to write up the Best of 2012 lists. It's a unique film that marks the beginning of a promising new career for Gina Carano.

Rating: **** (*****)

You Will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger

You Will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger - Dir. Woody Allen (2010)

"Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player that struts and frets his hour upon the stage and then is heard no more: it is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing." - William Shakespeare, Macbeth.

Woody Allen's latest picture opens with a reworking of that same Shakespearean quote. Knowing Allen, the irony was most definitely not lost on him. You Will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger is full of sound and fury, but ultimately amounts to nothing.

Tall Dark Stranger features an ensemble of A-list actors who likely signed on so they can finally say they starred in a Woody Allen movie. The glue that holds the cast together is Gemma Jones as Helena, who has just suffered a devastating divorce from her long-time husband, Alfie (Anthony Hopkins). In her despair, Helena seeks guidance from a dime store fortune teller named Cristal (Pauline Collins). Helena's daughter, Sally (Naomi Watts), knows Cristal is an obvious fraud, but any comfort mother finds is good enough. Alfie, meanwhile, has fallen for a ditzy blond named Charmaine (Lucy Punch), who is a third of his age and works as a call girl.

Sally's marriage is also on the rocks. Her husband and Allen analogue, Roy (Josh Brolin), had a hit novel and struggles to write a follow up. He is forced to work as a limo driver to pay bills. Roy finds his spirits lifted by the beautiful Dia (Freida Pinto), who lives in an adjacent apartment building. Sally gets a new job as the assistant to a successful art dealer played by Antonio Banderas. Of course, she is smitten by him because he's Antonio freakin' Banderas. Allen's screenplay bobs and weaves through the multiple relationships as fickle lovers make their ultimate decisions about who to be with. Eventually, nearly everyone is miserable with their choices in life. Then, just when you think the movie is about to really get going, it abruptly ends as if Allen finally fizzled out and decided to just go home.

Though it's a drama with light comic overtones, Tall Dark Stranger is all about pessimism. However, Allen never reaches the farcical levels of fatalism that the Coen Brothers achieved in A Serious Man. All Allen manages to achieve is a middling sense of cynicism. Gone are the films full of wit and insightful observations about love and life. This is a film that seems cobbled together from a recycling bin left overflowing by refuse from the cutting room floor. These are stock characters wandering about in a London rendered completely indistinct by a director seemingly content to coast on his reputation.

At 75, Allen continues to plug away with a new film released each year. Perhaps, his prolific body of work is its own worst enemy. Anything new of Allen's will immediately be compared to classics such as Annie Hall or Hannah and Her Sisters. Alas, his recent movies will always fall short. Aside from Match Point, none of his new stuff has been particularly spellbinding. Even passable fare like Vicky Christina Barcelona couldn't live up to the expectations that come from the name Woody Allen. If it had been directed by someone else, it might have been more highly regarded. No such arguments will occur with You Will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger, it would have been bad no matter who was behind the camera.

Rating: * ½ (*****)