The Expendables 3

The Expendables 3 - Dir. Patrick Hughes (2014)

Menahem Golan passed away on August 8^th at the age of 85. Most of you might not know his name, but you definitely know his work. Golan directed The Delta Force with Chuck Norris and Over the Top with Sylvester Stallone. Golan was better known as a prolific producer who took over Cannon Films in 1979 with his cousin Yoram Globus. Together, they churned out  movies like Missing in Action, Death Wish II through Death Wish 4, American Ninja, Masters of the Universe, and Superman IV: The Quest for Peace. Sure, they weren't classics, but their output became synonymous with the 80's action era.

Stallone has found a way to keep that genre on life support with The Expendables series. Each film sees Stallone assemble an all-star cast of action heroes for two hours of explosions, mayhem, and bloodshed. These movies are heavy on testosterone, but the scripts are light on plot, characterization, and wit. Still, the franchise has kept afloat as we now get set for The Expendables 3.

Barney Ross (Stallone) and his team of Lee Christmas (Jason Statham), Hale Caesar (Terry Crews), Gunner Jensen (Dolph Lundgren), and Toll Road (Randy Couture) are dropped into some anonymous Eastern European country. In a wild opener, the team rescues Doctor Death (Wesley Snipes), a founding member of the Expendables who has been imprisoned for years after a failed assassination attempt. Doc proceeds to hijack a transport train and crash it into the prison, likely killing hundreds of guards and inmates, just to get revenge on the sadistic warden. There's no rest for the wicked as Ross and company are tasked with taking out a notorious arms dealer, who is revealed to be Conrad Stonebanks (Mel Gibson), another founding member. Stonebanks was seemingly killed by Ross after turning to the dark side.

The Expendables barely escape with Hale Caesar suffering life threatening injuries. Not wanting to see anymore of his comrades dead, Ross puts together an all-new team with of fresh faces. Meet Smilee (Kellan Lutz), Mars (Victor Ortiz), Thorn (Glen Powell), and Luna (Ronda Rousey).

The Expendables has largely traded on nostalgia. In particular, the sequel featured the novelty of Jean-Claude Van Damme as a Euro-trash villain and the trifecta of Bruce Willis, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Stallone sharing the screen and mowing down wave after wave of faceless henchmen. Sadly, Expendables 3 seems to have forgotten about the elements that make the whole endeavor work. Yes, Stallone has added several notable names to the roster, but they aren't expected stars like Steven Seagal or Jackie Chan. Wesley Snipes makes his return to the screen and he's clearly enjoying the opportunity. There's a meta-moment when Snipes jokes that he was serving time for tax evasion. He's got great charisma as does Antonio Banderas as the loquacious Galgo, who is overly eager to join up with the Expendables.

When Willis split over a disagreement in pay, Harrison Ford stepped in as the new CIA handler Max Drummer. Ford is at crotchety level 11, growling and snarling every piece of dialogue. However, he's still Harrison Ford and the best one-liners they can come up with is, "That's gotta hurt." Chalk that up to a screenplay by Stallone and the team of Creighton Rothenberger & Katrin Benedikt, who also penned Olympus Has Fallen. Mel Gibson finds himself in the same boat. He chews the scenery whenever he gets the chance as the villain, who's not as cartoonish as Luther Voz in Machete Kills.

One nice surprise is Kelsey Grammer, an actor not exactly known for action roles. But, it's been the summer of Frasier with Grammer also appearing in X-Men: Days of Future Past and Transformers: Age of Extinction. Grammer plays Bonaparte, a facilitator that assists Ross in recruiting young blood.

Therein lays the primary problem with The Expendables 3. People came to see the big stars, not a bunch of newbies. Expendables: The Next Generation barely has the chance to develop any sort of personality other than one is a tech expert and one is a woman. Speaking of which, UFC's Ronda Rousey is a welcome change for this overwhelming sausage party, but she gives wooden line readings for the few bits of dialogue she's given. Stick with punching dudes in the face. Kellan Lutz plays a down-and-out soldier with an anti-authority issue, which never gets brought up again. The whole idea of bringing them in makes no sense. Barney Ross doesn't want his friends to die, but has no problem getting people he just met killed? And the more time we spend with them, the less we do with actors that are actually interesting.

After the slam-bang prologue, the movie lulls into a slumber as it introduces the new characters and puts them into danger so the old guard can come to their rescue. At over 2 hours long, the third installment is the lengthiest off the trilogy and there was just no need for those additional twenty minutes. The movie doesn’t pick up until the third act when Expendables of all ages join forces to battle Stonebanks and the entire army of a fictional Slavic country. Since this is PG-13, limbs aren't chopped off and human bodies aren't blown to bits. Just because Expendables 3 isn't R-rated, doesn't meant the body count has lessened. Hundreds of soldiers are gunned down, blown up by grenades, or impaled by throwing knives. Almost everyone gets their own moment to shine, from Rousey using MMA moves to snap limbs to Lutz pulling a Steve McQueen by jumping a motorcycle. Ford busts out his piloting skills by flying a chopper into the combat zone with Arnold and Jet Li riding shotgun. By the way, Jet Li pops up for about five minutes and all he does is fire a machine gun, despite being one of the greatest martial arts stars in movie history. And while Arnold doesn't bust out another "I'll be back," he does reprise his famous line from Predator, "Get to da choppa!"

Stallone and Schwarzenegger share a quiet scene in which the two contemplate retiring from the gun-for-hire business. You could also take it as commentary on their acting careers. Neither man has lit up the box office the way they did back in the 80's. They aren't slow down either with Stallone set for Rambo V and Arnold working on Terminator: Genesys and Legend of Conan. They might not be ready to hang up their combat boots, but maybe it's time to put The Expendables out to pasture if this is the best they can do.

Rating: * ½ (*****)

The Expendables 2

The Expendables 2 - Dir. Simon West (2012)

The Expendables was wish fulfillment for any hardcore action fan, even if it was about fifteen years too late. Sylvester Stallone gathered together a veritable dream team of badasses from the past and present to commit wholesale carnage. Of course, there were plenty of movie goers wondering where their favorite stars were. Where's Steven Seagal or Don "The Dragon" Wilson? Also, how about some female Expendables? You'll be happy to know The Expendables 2 does what all good sequels should do, expand on the concept with a bigger cast and even bigger action.

The whole gang is back: Barney Ross (Sylvester Stallone), Lee Christmas (Jason Statham), Yin Yang (Jet Li), Gunner Jensen (Dolph Lundgren), Hale Caesar (Terry Crews), and Toll Road (Randy Couture), along with a young sniper named Billy the Kid (Liam Hemsworth). The sequel begins with a blood-soaked prologue as the team raids a compound in Nepal to rescue a Chinese billionaire as well as rival mercenary Trench (Arnold Schwarzenegger). Following a successful mission, Ross barely has a chance to enjoy the down time when he's approached by CIA spook Mr. Church (Bruce Willis). Collecting on a debt, Church tasks Ross with retrieving the contents of a high-tech safe from the wreckage of a plane that went down in Albania. Church assigns his computer expert, Maggie (Yu Nan), to assist in the endeavor. They are later joined by the enigmatic Booker (Chuck Norris), another soldier of fortune on a mission to take down the organization.

The Expendables are ambushed by a criminal cartel led by Jean Vilain (Jean-Claude Van Damme) and with a name like Jean Vilain, what else could he be, except evil? Vilain steals the item and kills one of heroes, earning the enmity of Ross. The McGuffin turns out to be a computerized blueprint of a mine containing five tons of weapons-grade plutonium, which he plans to sell to the highest bidders.

Stallone co-wrote the screenplay with Richard Wenk (16 Blocks, The Mechanic) and it's more streamlined than the previous film. Gone are the B-plots that futilely tried to flesh out the already thin characters. There aren't any extraneous side stories this time around, such as with Lee Christmas's girlfriend (Charisma Carpenter, who only appears in one scene). These guys don't have time for romance when they have shit to blow up. They don't have time for existential introspection either so there is no belly gazing or heartfelt monologues from Mickey Rourke (who chose not to return). The script is the type of throwaway junk that was churned out by Cannon Films back in the 80's, right down to the Cold War threat, the Eastern European setting, and a bad guy with a funny accent.

The main appeal of The Expendables 2 is the chance to see Arnold, Bruce Willis, and Stallone blasting machine gunfire at ear shattering decibels. Yes, John Matrix, John McClane, and John Spartan unleash their wrath on an army of anonymous henchmen. Bodies literally explode into fountains of blood as bullets rip through them. Any worries that the violence might be softened should be put away. Sadly, Jet Li doesn't get to participate in the fun as he only appears in the opening. The action itself isn't spectacularly stylish, but it is adequately directed. Stallone handed the reins to Simon West whose workman-like direction is reminiscent of past standbys like Albert Pyun or Peter Hyams.

Any action movie worth its salt is required to have a few cornball one-liners. We get them here with Statham, disguised as a priest, announcing, "I now pronounce you…man and knife." But, most of the humor is self-referential, delivered with a heavy dose of irony and a tongue firmly planted in cheek. Ennio Morricone's theme to The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly plays each time Chuck Norris, who looks pretty spry for a 72-year old, makes his grand entrance. His character is named after John T. Booker, the role he portrayed in Good Guys Wear Black, and he's frequently referred to as a "Lone Wolf." Chuck Norris even gets to tell a Chuck Norris joke. ("I heard you got bit by a king cobra." "Yeah…but after five days of agonizing pain, the cobra finally died."). The script hints at a possible love story between Barney Ross and Maggie with the former being apprehensive to let anyone close. Perhaps, it is because he remembers the death of Julia Nickson in Rambo: First Blood Part II. Of course, Arnold gets all the best lines. He chomps into his scenes as hard as the ever-present stogies in the corner of his mouth. The ex-governor of California exchanges catchphrases with Bruce Willis during the climatic shootout. ("You've been back enough times. This time, I'll be back." "Yippie-ki-yay.")

The best performances in the film belong to the two guys who probably need subtitles more than Schwarzenegger, Dolph Lundgren and Jean-Claude Van Damme. Lundgren is given a beefier role with his Gunner Jensen now clean and sober. He's become a lovable lug with references made to his real-life master's degree in chemical engineering and Fulbright Scholarship to MIT. Van Damme makes the most of his first major theatrical role in years, excluding the meta-textual JCVD. The Muscles from Brussels is immensely entertaining in a rare villainous turn. Plus, it's cool watching him unleash his trademark flying roundhouse kick to Stallone's face. For his brief screen time, Liam Hemsworth adds a new dimension as his youthful exuberance helps to amusingly remind his established co-stars of their increasing age.

They may have less hair and more wrinkles than back in their heyday, but the holy trinity of Planet Hollywood still has the charisma necessary to carry a huge blockbuster and the heavy ammunitions it requires. The Expendables 2 is well-made schlock cinema for those wanting nothing more than big guys with big guns.

Rating: *** (*****)

The Expendables

The Expendables - Dir. Sylvester Stallone (2010)


Sylvester Stallone is an action movie icon. He found worldwide success with the Rocky and Rambo franchises before an ill-fated attempt to branch into comedy nearly derailed his career. I’m sure I’m not the only one who’d like to forget about the existence of Oscar and Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot. Stallone returned to his action roots with Cliffhanger and Demolition Man, but things just seemed to go so terribly wrong after that. He starred in a series of forgettable flops like Judge Dredd, Assassins, and a poorly advised remake of the classic revenge film Get Carter. It seemed there was no place in the world for the alpha male hero of the 80’s. Stallone seemed to be passé and destined to drift into the direct-to-video world inhabited by Steven Seagal and Jean Claude-Van Damme. Oddly enough both were approached for Stallone's new film, The Expendables, but both turned down the opportunity.

No doubt that predicament was exactly what the Italian Stallion needed to mount an impressive comeback in the 21st century. Stallone returned to his roots once more and resurrected Rocky Balboa and John Rambo for one more go. Examining their place in this modern world, Stallone found there was still life left in a punch drunk has-been boxer and a burnt out Vietnam vet.

Now in his mid-60’s, Stallone is experiencing something of a renaissance period. It wasn’t so long ago that Rambo could easily cut down a hundred bad guys by himself with a machine gun that never needed reloading. In Rambo, he had help from a ragtag group of mercenaries. There’s nothing ragtag about the mercenaries in The Expendables. Stallone has assembled an all-star collection of tough guys to kick some serious ass.

Stallone is Barney Ross, the leader of the Expendables. His best friend and right-hand man is Lee Christmas (Jason Statham), a skilled knife-throwing marksman. Also on the team are Yin Yang (Jet Li), Toll Road (UFC fighter Randy Couture), Hale Caesar (Terry Crews), and the unstable Gunner Jensen (Dolph Lundgren). They have tattoos, ride motorcycles, and have code-names that sound like bad G.I. Joe characters. Still, the Expendables are way tougher than the A-Team and the Losers.

The Expendables begins with the team rescuing hostages from a crew of bloodthirsty Somali pirates. After the battle, Gunner is dumped from the group due to his apparent drug use. In one of the film’s best scenes, Stallone reunites with his Planet Hollywood buddies Bruce Willis and the Governator, Arnold Schwarzenegger. Arnold plays a rival soldier of fortune while Willis plays the mysterious Mr. Church who propositions Stallone for a risky mission.

Ross is hired to topple a tin-plated dictator named General Garza (David Zayas) in the South American island nation of Vilena. Ross and Christmas scout out the island and meet their contact, the beautiful Sandra (Giselle Itie), who turns out to be Garza’s daughter. Our heroes discover Garza is in the pocket of rogue CIA agent James Munroe (Eric Roberts) who is using the island as a base for his drug trade. Working as Munroe’s henchmen are British kickboxer Gary Daniels and WWE Hall of Famer “Stone Cold” Steve Austin. Surmising that they’d be cleaning up the Agency’s own mess, they turn down the job. However, Ross finds himself inspired by Sandra and the Expendables arrive in full force to blow shit up and blow it up good.

Expendables is meant to be a throwback to the action films of the 80’s which featured ridiculous balls-to-the-wall violence, gratuitous nudity, and witty one-liners. Stallone tries to capture the spirit of movies like Commando and Delta Force. Unfortunately, he doesn’t really succeed until the last half hour of the picture.

Following the opening sequence, the film drifts around aimlessly as it works to introduce the various characters. Stallone and co-writer David Callaham toss in a superfluous subplot involving Christmas’s girlfriend, Lacy (Charisma Carpenter), and an abusive boyfriend. The first two acts sag into a quagmire of labored and uninteresting scenes when all you want to see are explosions. The banter between comrades falls flat. About the only moment that comes to life is the scene involving Stallone, Willis, and Schwarzenegger which includes a hilarious dig at Ol’ Arnold. Stallone aims to be the world weary soldier, but he is utterly outmatched in the world weary department by Mickey Rourke. As a retired Expendable turned tattoo artist, Rourke lends a surprising amount of soulfulness to the proceedings. It makes you wish he had a lot more scenes.

After dragging its heels for about an hour, Expendables finally kicks it into high gear when the good guys storm the bad guys’ stronghold. Stallone utilizes the same visceral carnage of the last Rambo film. Human bodies are ripped to shreds by machine gun fire and necks are broken emphatically. Couture and Austin aren’t the only ones who get to bust out MMA and pro wrestling maneuvers. Oh, and Terry Crews hurls an artillery shell with his bare hands. Even though Stallone tries for an old school feel, he falls into the trap so many action directors stumble into. His shots are in too tight and the editing too quick and jumpy for anyone to actually see what's happening on screen.

Stallone should be commended for returning us to the clean, old fashioned fun that comes from mindlessly violent entertainment. However, you wished he had incorporated even more mindlessly violent entertainment. The Expendables is a good action movie, just not a great one.

Rating: ** ½

The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor

The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor - Dir. Rob Cohen (2008)

Unnecessary continuation of an unnecessary franchise.

Laughable F/X and God awful direction from hack-meister Rob Cohen drag an already terrible film down further.

Jet Li and Michelle Yeoh are positively wasted.