Machete Kills

Machete Kills - Dir. Robert Rodriguez (2013)

Robert Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino paid homage to the exploitation movies of their youth with the 2007 double feature Grindhouse. They had big plans to turn it into a franchise until the film died at the box office. Still, there was enough interest to spinoff Machete, a machete wielding badass who made his first appearance in one of Grindhouse's faux-trailers.

Described as ”FBI, CIA, and DEA all rolled into one mean burrito," Machete starred in a self-titled feature film bolstered by over-the-top action and an eclectic cast that included Robert DeNiro and Lindsay Lohan. Of course, Machete couldn't have worked without its star, Trejo, the craggily faced and tattooed character actor in his biggest role to date. Trejo returns in the sequel, Machete Kills, which remains faithful to its B-movie roots while upping the ante by adding a sci-fi spin. There's a lead villain cut from the same mold as Hugo Drax from Moonraker and plenty of Star Wars references.

A mission to foil an arms deal ends disastrously for Machete and ICE agent Sartana (Jessica Alba). Our hero is about to be hanged by a redneck sheriff (William Sadler) when he's pardoned by President Rathcock (Charlie Sheen, billed under his real name of Carlos Estevez). POTUS sends Machete into Mexico to track down a nuclear weapon that has fallen into the hands of a former cartel leader known as Mendez the Madman (Demián Bichir), so called because of his multiple personalities. However, the real mastermind is revealed to be billionaire industrialist Luther Voz (Mel Gibson), who has concocted a plan to engulf the entire world in nuclear war.

Also returning for the sequel are Michelle Rodriguez as the one-eyed revolutionary She and Tom Savini as hitman Osiris Amanpour. Joining them are Amber Heard as beauty queen/secret agent Miss San Antonio and Sofia Vergara as Desdemona, leader of a gang of deadly prostitutes. While the cast is as star-studded as its predecessor, most of the actors (Vanessa Hudgens, for example) appear in glorified cameos. One character, a master of disguise named The Chameleon, is simply there to justify a string of gonzo, guest appearances by Walt Goggins, Lady Gaga, and Cuba Gooding Jr. Only a few get to make any real impression, such as Sheen who has fun playing into his tabloid persona as a boozehound and horndog. Bichir and Gibson (in his first turn as a bad guy) give the best performances as both actors straddle the line between cartoonish villainy and honest-to-goodness gravitas. Bichir, in particular, brings some surprisingly soulful moments to Machete Kills.

Rodriguez's flair for action isn't fully on display here. Machete Kills manages a couple of decent set pieces, usually involving Machete versus Chilean martial arts star Marko Zaror. Unfortunately, much of the film is repetitive with Rodriguez relying one too many times on his hero killing henchmen by throwing them into helicopter blades. Sofia Vergara, who plays it to the hilt, packs a high caliber brassier as well as the crotch gun from Desperado and From Dusk Till Dawn. Even a catfight between Amber Heard and Michelle Rodriguez comes off dull.

Machete Kills opens with another faux-trailer for a third picture, Machete Kills Again…in Space, that offers more thrills than the actual movie that followed. Maybe it's time to say, "Adios," to this franchise.

Rating: ** (*****)

One in the Chamber

One in the Chamber - Dir. William Kaufman (2012)

2012 was the year of the dream team and I'm not talking about the NBA superstars participating in the Summer Olympics. Comic book fans finally saw most of their favorite superheroes join forces in The Avengers, which was a runaway success. Lovers of classic action films were pleased to see icons like Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sylvester Stallone, Bruce Willis, and Jean-Claude Van Damme sharing the screen together in The Expendables 2. There's one pairing I don't think anyone was clamoring for and that's Dolph Lundgren and Cuba Gooding Jr. Gooding won an Oscar for Best Supporting Actor for his performance in Jerry Maguire and that should have skyrocketed his career. Instead, he's been puttering away in silly comedies (Snow Dogs, Boat Trip) and overwrought dramas (Radio, Red Tails). Gooding might as well try his hand at action.

In One in the Chamber, he plays an American expatriate living in Prague named Ray Carver, who reluctantly works as a freelance assassin. He is hired by crime bosses Mikhail (Andrew Bicknell) and his brother Bobby Suverov (Leo Gregory) to eliminate their rivals Vlad Tavanian (Alin Panc) and Demyan Ivanov (Louis Mandylor). Vlad and several of his men are killed, but Demyan escapes and turns the tables on the Suverovs by hiring Carver to kill them. In response, Mikhail enlists the services of a legendary hitman named Aleksey Andreev (Lundgren), known and feared in the underworld as the Wolf. As Carver precariously straddles the line between both factions, he must also protect Janice Knowles (Claudia Bassols), an innocent woman with a startling connection to Carver.

Gooding doesn't make much of an impression as the protagonist. His forte is in more energetic and lighthearted roles. Here, he's asked to play the silent, brooding type while spouting superfluous voiceover narration. It's not all that convincing. The real star of the picture is Dolph Lundgren, who towers over everyone as the eccentric baddie. Clad in a Hawaiian shirt and a fedora one size too small, he is described by one character as "Sinatra on steroids." Lundgren adds some much needed humor to a film that takes itself too seriously at times.

One in the Chamber was directed by William Kaufman, who also helmed another DTV actioner in Sinners and Saints. Kaufman is a competent director and he handles the set pieces adequately considering the low budget. The movie starts off strong as Carver opens fire on the Tavanian crime family with a high caliber sniper rifle. There's also a rooftop foot chase, a couple of quick shootouts, and a fight sequence between Gooding and Lundgren. The action isn't all that spectacular, but it's the only thing holding together a loose production cobbled together with bad dialogue and a hackneyed plot.

You never expect a lot from a direct-to-video feature and One in the Chamber only delivers in the most modest of ways.  This is a run-of-the-mill B-movie that could have used more Dolph Lundgren and less Cuba Gooding Jr.

Rating: * (*****)