Sin City: A Dame To Kill For

Sin City: A Dame to Kill For - Dirs. Robert Rodriguez & Frank Miller (2014)

"Sin City is where you go in with your eyes open or you don't come out at all."

You have to hand it to Robert Rodriguez and Frank Miller for their dogged determination in sequelizing Sin City. Nine years later, the much-anticipated Sin City: A Dame to Kill For finally arrived in theaters to a tepid response. The movie came just shy of pulling in $40 million worldwide, a fraction of the $158 million earned by its predecessor. Perhaps, too much time has passed.

The original Sin City stood head and shoulders above other Hollywood releases with its hyper-stylized representation of film noir, stark black and white accentuated by splashes of color. Rodriguez also changed the way we thought of adapting comic books by slavishly remaining faithful to Miller's artwork. Pages from the comics were kept on set to utilize as storyboards. Now the look of Sin City isn't as fresh with perfume commercials appropriating the visuals. Miller certainly didn't help matters with his abysmal attempt at a feature film version of Will Eisner's Spirit. As for Rodriguez, Grindhouse was a fun experiment that deserved a larger audience, but Shorts, Spy Kids: All the Time in the World, and Machete Kills didn't set the world on fire.

A Dame to Kill For begins with "Just Another Saturday Night," in which the nigh-invulnerable bruiser Marv (Mickey Rourke) tries to piece together a hazy evening that involved frat boys lighting hobos on fire.

The best and most substantial story is "A Dame to Kill For" starring Dwight McCarthy (Josh Brolin), a man trying to put his violent past behind him. Everything falls apart when he is reunited with former lover Ava Lord (Eva Green). Against his better judgment, Dwight agrees to save Ava from an abusive marriage with the wealthy Damian Lord (Marton Csokas). Of course, Dwight should have known better than to believe anything coming from those luscious lips.

The second Sin City also features two original stories. In "The Long Bad Night," a cocky gambler named Johnny (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) enters into a high stakes poker game against the powerful Senator Roark (Powers Boothe) and might lose more than just his money. Finally, there's "Nancy's Last Dance," which continues the story from "The Yellow Bastard." Nancy Callahan (Jessica Alba) is still haunted by the death of her protector John Hartigan (Bruce Willis), who sacrificed his life to protect her from the grasp of Sen. Roark. Now, Nancy is a little unhinged and prepares nearly every waking moment to seek revenge against the untouchable politico.

If you enjoyed the style over substance approach of the first movie, then you'll probably dig A Dame to Kill For since you get more of the same. Rodriguez and Miller seamlessly blend live-action with computer animation in a dynamic fashion to craft the world of Sin City. There's some great imagery here, such as deadly little Miho firing a bow & arrow against a full moon or Roark surrounded by stacks of poker chips that resemble skyscrapers. After a while, it gets tiring, especially when the stories are so repetitive. We get decapitations galore and an endless stream of hard boiled narration. And the women of Sin City wind up being strippers, prostitutes or chopped into pieces by sadistic killers.

The filmmakers try harder this time around to integrate the various stories in the sequel and use the strip club, Kadie's Saloon, as a hub. It doesn't really work nor does it enhance the experience. It can be confusing as well since time means nothing. "Long Bad Night" and "Nancy's Last Dance" take place after the events of the previous picture, but "Dame to Kill For" is a prequel. Keep in mind; these new stories aren't by the Frank Miller who gave us acclaimed runs on Batman and Daredevil. This is the new Frank Miller behind the laughable All-Star Batman & Robin and the atrocious Holy Terror. This is a Frank Miller who thought it would be a fantastic idea for Nancy to disfigure her own face for the sole purpose of getting Marv to help her on a mission of vengeance. Heaven forbid a female character do something on her own.

Marv is a constant in each segment and the big bruiser brought a lot of dark humor in "The Hard Goodbye." However, he's now become a glorified attack dog that they sic on any henchmen in sight. So it makes absolutely no sense why Nancy doesn't just ask him to kill a bunch of dudes for her.

Rosario Dawson as the machine gun toting dominatrix Gail is back along with Jaime King as twin sexpots Goldie and Wendy, and Bruce Willis as the world's most laconic ghost. Dennis Haysbert takes over the role of Manute from the late-Michael Clarke Duncan while Jamie Chung replaces Devon Aoki as the silent assassin Miho. Among the newcomers are Juno Temple, Christopher Lloyd, Ray Liotta, Lady Gaga, Christopher Meloni, Jeremy Piven, and Stacy Keach underneath grotesque make-up that makes him look like a rejected Dick Tracy villain.

None of them hold a candle to Eva Green, who relishes in the role of the femme fatale to end all femme fatales. This is the very definition of sultry and seductive. Green deserves a special award for Best Performances in Unnecessary Frank Miller sequels. She was also the highlight of 300: Rise of an Empire as warrior woman Artemisia. Josh Brolin equates himself well with the gruff and lurid prose as Dwight when he had his old face. It does hurt the tale that Clive Owen was unable to return as Dwight after the reconstructive surgery.

Sin City: A Dame to Kill For feels like a quick cash grab that was slapped together, except it came nine years later when the irons have long been cold. It's gratuitously crude and violent without any creative spark.

Rating: ** (*****)

Machete Kills

Machete Kills - Dir. Robert Rodriguez (2013)

Robert Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino paid homage to the exploitation movies of their youth with the 2007 double feature Grindhouse. They had big plans to turn it into a franchise until the film died at the box office. Still, there was enough interest to spinoff Machete, a machete wielding badass who made his first appearance in one of Grindhouse's faux-trailers.

Described as ”FBI, CIA, and DEA all rolled into one mean burrito," Machete starred in a self-titled feature film bolstered by over-the-top action and an eclectic cast that included Robert DeNiro and Lindsay Lohan. Of course, Machete couldn't have worked without its star, Trejo, the craggily faced and tattooed character actor in his biggest role to date. Trejo returns in the sequel, Machete Kills, which remains faithful to its B-movie roots while upping the ante by adding a sci-fi spin. There's a lead villain cut from the same mold as Hugo Drax from Moonraker and plenty of Star Wars references.

A mission to foil an arms deal ends disastrously for Machete and ICE agent Sartana (Jessica Alba). Our hero is about to be hanged by a redneck sheriff (William Sadler) when he's pardoned by President Rathcock (Charlie Sheen, billed under his real name of Carlos Estevez). POTUS sends Machete into Mexico to track down a nuclear weapon that has fallen into the hands of a former cartel leader known as Mendez the Madman (Demián Bichir), so called because of his multiple personalities. However, the real mastermind is revealed to be billionaire industrialist Luther Voz (Mel Gibson), who has concocted a plan to engulf the entire world in nuclear war.

Also returning for the sequel are Michelle Rodriguez as the one-eyed revolutionary She and Tom Savini as hitman Osiris Amanpour. Joining them are Amber Heard as beauty queen/secret agent Miss San Antonio and Sofia Vergara as Desdemona, leader of a gang of deadly prostitutes. While the cast is as star-studded as its predecessor, most of the actors (Vanessa Hudgens, for example) appear in glorified cameos. One character, a master of disguise named The Chameleon, is simply there to justify a string of gonzo, guest appearances by Walt Goggins, Lady Gaga, and Cuba Gooding Jr. Only a few get to make any real impression, such as Sheen who has fun playing into his tabloid persona as a boozehound and horndog. Bichir and Gibson (in his first turn as a bad guy) give the best performances as both actors straddle the line between cartoonish villainy and honest-to-goodness gravitas. Bichir, in particular, brings some surprisingly soulful moments to Machete Kills.

Rodriguez's flair for action isn't fully on display here. Machete Kills manages a couple of decent set pieces, usually involving Machete versus Chilean martial arts star Marko Zaror. Unfortunately, much of the film is repetitive with Rodriguez relying one too many times on his hero killing henchmen by throwing them into helicopter blades. Sofia Vergara, who plays it to the hilt, packs a high caliber brassier as well as the crotch gun from Desperado and From Dusk Till Dawn. Even a catfight between Amber Heard and Michelle Rodriguez comes off dull.

Machete Kills opens with another faux-trailer for a third picture, Machete Kills Again…in Space, that offers more thrills than the actual movie that followed. Maybe it's time to say, "Adios," to this franchise.

Rating: ** (*****)

Spy Kids: All the Time in the World

Spy Kids: All the Time in the World - Dir. Robert Rodriguez (2011)

Robert Rodriguez has made his name as an innovative and visually inventive director in the action genre. He exploded onto the scene with the ultra-low budget El Mariachi before moving on to blockbusters like Desperado, From Dusk Till Dawn, and Sin City. In between his R-rated pictures, Rodriguez has helmed the kid-friendly series of Spy Kids movies. It's not too surprising considering Rodriguez is the father of five boys.

It made sense that the third movie, Spy Kids: Game Over, would launch the franchise into 3D. Eight years later, the fourth entry, Spy Kids: All the Time in the World was advertised as being presented in 4D. Time is considered to be the fourth dimension and while it plays a large role in the film, the 4D also referred to Aroma-Scope, Rodriguez's attempt to bring back Smell-O-Vision. Audience members were given scratch 'n' sniff cards, along with their 3D glasses, which gave them a whiff of scents like bubblegum, bacon, and chocolate. Perhaps, Spy Kids 5D will see the return of William Castle's "Tingler" gimmick where theaters are equipped with electrified seats. The following review is for the plain, old 2D version of Spy Kids.

Jessica Alba stars as Marissa Wilson, the top agent for the OSS, the Organization of Super-Spies. In her final mission before retirement, Marissa tracks down and captures Tick Tock, a villain who uses weapons that can temporarily freeze people in time. Why is she retiring? Because she's nine months pregnant and goes into labor while battling Tick Tock's henchmen. Rodriguez was inspired to make the movie after watching Alba change diapers on the set of Machete.

Marissa faces all new challenges as a happy homemaker. Her husband, Wilbur (Joel McHale), spends all his time working on his new reality show, Spy Hunters, where he fruitlessly searches for spies hiding in society. Her step-children, Rebecca (Rowan Blanchard) and Cecil (Mason Cook), can't stand her and are always pulling messy pranks on her.

Marissa is called back into action by her superior, Danger D'Amo (Jeremy Piven), when a new supervillain known as the Timekeeper begins stealing time. This causes the days to flow faster than normal. The Timekeeper's next move is to activate the Armageddon Device and the only thing that can stop it is a gem called the Chrono Sapphire. As it turns out, Marissa gave it to Rebecca as a gift. Thus, the kids are dragged into the mission and teamed with the original Spy Kids, Carmen (Alexa Vega) and Juni (Daryl Sabara), who are all grown up. They receive help from a robotic attack dog named Argonaut (voiced by Ricky Gervais).

Spy Kids unfolds at a fast and furious pace, which is perfect for anyone who might have the attention span of a goldfish. It's a cinematic sugar rush; all candy colored and powered by hefty amounts of caffeinated cola. The youngsters will be entertained, but older folks might get a headache. The plot doesn't make a lick of sense and is bogged down by blunt messages about the importance of family. There's a disturbing amount of scatological humor with jokes about dog poop and farts. The heroes also incapacitate the bad guys with a dirty diaper and a bag of vomit. Joel McHale and Ricky Gervais are talented comedians, but neither man is given strong enough material to elicit even a modest chuckle. All the Time in the World also could have used the presence of past stars like Carla Gugino, Cheech Marin, and Danny Trejo (who only appears in a quick one scene cameo).

It's ironic that the theme of Spy Kids: All the Time in the World is about living in the present and not dwelling on the past. The Weinstein Company has been cannibalizing their own past in an effort to resurrect their successful franchises to grab some quick cash. I don't know if anyone was truly clamoring for another Spy Kids movie and after watching this latest one, it's doubtful their minds were changed. All the Time in the World is the definition of junk food cinema, a movie lacking in substance and not at all healthy for consumption.

Rating: * ½ (*****)

Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day - Dir. Garry Marshall (2010)


As I wrote in my review for New York, I Love You, anthology films can be a mixed bag filled with hits and misses. That isn’t the case with Valentine’s Day, it is a complete and utter miss.

An American knockoff of Love Actually, Valentine’s Day was written by Katherine Fugate (creator of the Lifetime soap Army Wives) and directed by Garry Marshall (Pretty Woman). The film stars a litany of well known actors in a series of storylines set in L.A. and revolving around the titular holiday. The whole thing feels like someone threw together a bunch of half-formed ideas from the cookie cutter bin of rom-com concepts because they couldn’t flesh them out into feature length.

Ashton Kutcher is the central character, a florist who gets dumped by his fiancée, Jessica Alba. His best friend, Jennifer Garner, is dating a doctor (Patrick Dempsey), who turns out to be married. Jessica Biel is a sports agent who bonds with Jamie Foxx, a news reporter, over their mutual distaste for Valentine’s Day. Topher Grace works as a mail room clerk in Biel’s office and begins dating the receptionist, Anne Hathaway, who secretly doubles as a phone sex operator. Julia Roberts is an Army captain who shares a plane seat with Bradley Cooper.

The over bloated cast also includes: Julia’s niece Emma, Hector Elizondo, Shirley MacLaine, Queen Latifah, Eric Dane, Kathy Bates, and Joe Mantegna.

The Taylors, Lautner and Swift, also appear as a couple of high schoolers in love. They’re good-looking, bubbly, and empty headed. That pretty much sums up the entire movie. Everybody in the movie is hot, rich, and somehow keep managing to bump into each other. The interconnected contrivances are a lot like Crash, except with romance instead of racism. They all live in some fantasy world version of Los Angeles completely lacking in traffic, crime, or racial diversity. In Valentine’s Day, the only Mexican in L.A. is George Lopez.

Rating: *

Machete

Machete - Dirs. Robert Rodriguez & Ethan Maniquis (2010)


”If you’re gonna hire Machete to kill the bad guy; you better make damn sure the bad guy isn’t you!”

As the summer movie season draws to a close, the studios can only offer movie-going audiences the scraps of its production slate. All the big blockbusters like Iron Man 2 and Inception have already been released, leaving the doldrums of August and September with films like The Switch and Vampires Suck. Thankfully, a pair of flicks has hit theaters to save us from the dregs. I’m speaking of Piranha 3D and Machete, both of which are throwbacks to the bygone days of drive-ins and B-movies. Also, both movies are drenched in violence, gratuitous nudity, and a wry sense of humor.

Machete began life as one of the mock trailers for Robert Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino’s ode to exploitation films, Grindhouse. The money shot of the trailer featured Danny Trejo flying through the air on a motorcycle with a mini-gun attached to it as everything explodes behind him. If that didn’t make you want to see a full-fledged Machete film, then you must not have a pulse.

Trejo is one of the most recognizable character actors working today thanks to a body littered with tattoos and a weathered face that looks like he was carved from well-worn granite. He spent over a decade in prisons like San Quentin and Soledad before going legit and getting into the movie industry thanks to ex-con and Reservoir Dogs star Eddie Bunker. Trejo’s first job was for 1986’s Runaway Train as a bit player and boxing trainer for Eric Roberts. Since then, he’s seen as a heavy in films like Heat, Con Air, and Desperado, his first collaboration with Rodriguez. It was then that Rodriguez was inspired to write the original screenplay for Machete with Trejo using his prowess with bladed weapons for good, instead of evil.

The prologue begins with Machete, a hard-assed Federale, heading into a showdown with the ruthless drug lord Torrez (Steven Seagal with a noticeable paunch). The opening has about half a dozen decapitations and a naked woman pulling a cell phone out of a very secure area of her body. That pretty much sets the wild tone for the rest of the film. Torrez murders Machete’s wife and leaves him for dead. Also, every time Seagal draws his sword, we hear the bionic sound effect from The Six Million Dollar Man.

Of course, Machete survives and three years later, he has relocated to Austin, Texas where he ekes out a modest living as a day laborer. He befriends Luz (Michelle Rodriguez), a taco vendor who runs an underground network to provide work and safe harbor for illegal immigrants. Both of them are being watched by Sartana (Jessica Alba), a sympathetic agent for ICE (Immigration and Customs Enforcement).

One day, Machete is approached by wealthy businessman Booth (Jeff Fahey) for a lucrative job. Not knowing who he really is, Booth hires Machete to assassinate Senator McLaughlin (Robert De Niro), a Texas politician running a no-tolerance campaign against illegal immigrants. He compares them to parasites and terrorists and advocates an electrified border fence. The Senator is in league with Lt. Von Jackson (Don Johnson), a fanatical border patrolman and leader of a pack of vigilantes that make the Minutemen look like the Girl Scouts. As it turns out, Booth is actually McLaughlin’s campaign aide and is framing Machete to drum up support for his boss in the election. On top of that, all the bad guys are working for Torrez. It’s the kind of excessively complicated plot hilariously lampooned in another exploitation homage, Black Dynamite.

Just to get it out of the way, yes, Machete is a film touching upon hot button topics. While it is obvious where Robert Rodriguez’s sympathies lie, you could hardly call it a politically charged movie. It is hard to take any accusations against the film seriously since the film hardly takes itself seriously. It is doubtful Machete will incite a race war with Mexicans riding into battle in lowriders armed with rocket launchers.

Rodriguez shares directing duties with editor Ethan Maniquis and both thoroughly maintain the picture’s over-the-top tone. Machete dispatches his foes in all manner of gruesome methods. Machete doesn’t just use his namesake weapon; he also utilizes surgical implements and gardening tools. In one scene, he repels down the side of a building using a man’s intestines. Machete isn’t just a fighter; he’s a lover too, bedding down nearly every beautiful lady he encounters. Rodriguez accentuates every love scene by breaking out the 70’s porno music.

Rodriguez and Maniquis know how to shoot action and they know hot to shoot their lovely starlets. Michelle Rodriguez looks particularly sultry with an eye patch and half t-shirt while firing off a double-barreled shotgun. Then, there’s Jessica Alba whose shapely figure is on display during a shower scene though the naughty bits have been strategically hidden.

After making a career of playing anonymous henchmen, Trejo finally gets his chance to shine and he doesn’t disappoint. He fits seamlessly into the lead role. He may not have matinee idol looks, but he has a ‘Don’t F—k with Me’ aura about him. The craggily face and the badass presence are definitely reminiscent of Charles Bronson and Lee Marvin. He’s a man of few words, speaking only in short, terse sentences. Don’t ever ask Machete to send you a text message either. ”Machete don’t text.”

With Trejo as his star, Rodriguez fills out the supporting cast with an eclectic assortment of actors. The oddball selection shouldn’t work, but it does as just about everyone plays their parts to a tee. Don Johnson’s cruel border guard is far removed from the pastel wearing Sonny Crockett and Jeff Fahey is wonderfully odious as the crooked Booth. DeNiro affects a Southern accent not too dissimilar to Max Cady from Cape Fear Many of the director’s usual players are also present in Machete including: Cheech Marin as a shotgun-toting priest, Tom Savini as a hired gun who offers his services with 1-800-HITMAN, and former Spy Kid Daryl Sabara as a wannabe cholo. Lindsay Lohan is cast in type as a drug-addled socialite, but doesn’t seem to understand the joke.

Much like Grindhouse, Machete uses artificial scratches on the film stock to give it that vintage feel. It also recycles several scenes originally shot for the trailer.

Described as ‘Mexploitation,’ Machete is pure ultraviolent schlock. It’s popcorn entertainment for R-rated audiences.

Rating: ***