Mortdecai

Mortdecai - Dir. David Koepp (2015)

Oh, Johnny Depp, what have you done?

There’s no doubting that Johnny Depp is an iconoclastic performer. He was always a well-respected actor who finally shot into the upper stratosphere of superstardom after Pirates of the Caribbean. Ever since the emergence of Jack Sparrow, Depp’s track record has been rather iffy. His high-profile roles in Alice in Wonderland, The Lone Ranger, and Dark Shadows were criticized for being nothing more than one-note cartoon characters. Is he simply trying to recapture the magic of Captain Jack?

Depp doesn’t do himself any favors with yet another overly mannered performance in Mortdecai, based on a series of novels by Kyril Bonfiglioli.

Lord Charlie Mortdecai is a renowned art dealer and a self-absorbed aristocrat. He also owes £8 million in back taxes to the British government, much to the dismay of his long-suffering wife Johanna (Gwyneth Paltrow). Meanwhile, a valuable Goya painting has been stolen during a restoration. As it turns out, the stolen painting leads to yet another long-lost Goya that would be priceless on its own. The artwork was looted by the Nazis during WWII and Hermann Goering himself was rumored to have written the numbers to his Swiss bank accounts on the back of the canvas. Now, a litany of ne’er do wells are after the paintings from a Russian gangster (Ulrich Thomsen) to notorious terrorist Emil Strago (Jonny Pasvolsky). MI5’s Inspector Alistair Martland (Ewan McGregor) must enlist the aid of Mortdecai, who is reluctant to agree because Martland holds an unrequited torch for Johanna.

There’s a part of me that actually admires that a film like Mortdecai was actually made. It’s the type of picture no one makes anymore, a throwback to the old screwball comedies of Howard Hawks and Preston Sturges with a dash of The Pink Panther. Despite the best efforts of Depp and Paltrow, their dialogue has none of the same snap or wit. Chalk that up to screenwriter Eric Aronson whose last credit was the dubious On the Line starring ‘N Sync’s Lance Bass. Mortdecai’s idea of humor revolves around Johanna gagging at the prospect of kissing her hubby’s ludicrous mustache, a nymphomaniac played by Olivia Munn, and Mortdecai nearly getting his testicles hooked to a car battery.

David Koepp directed Mortdecai and he’s a filmmaker who knows his stuff. He’s written big blockbusters such as Jurassic Park and Spider-Man, along with directing psychological thrillers (Secret Window), rom-coms (Ghost Town), and action (Premium Rush). Koepp clearly drew inspiration from classics like Charade and How to Steal a Million in attempting to make Mortdecai a modern globetrotting caper. If you remember, Depp already starred in one of these (The Tourist) and the results weren’t any better. Koepp is really let down by the flat material. The slapstick lacks any energy and the whole thing drags on interminably.

As Depp borrowed heavily from Keith Richards for his turn as Jack Sparrow, he draws from British comedian Terry-Thomas for his performance and look as Mortdecai, right down to the gap in his teeth. Sadly, Depp seems content with performing shtick than any sort of subtleties and it becomes tiresome in the long run. Paltrow gets to dust off her British accent, but her and Depp don’t have the chemistry that she and Robert Downey Jr. do. The one highlight in Mortdecai is Paul Bettany, who clearly relishes the opportunity to do some comedy for a change. Bettany goes Cockney to play Mortdecai’s manservant/bodyguard Jock.

One can imagine Mortdecai working had it come along in the 60’s with Peter Sellers or Terry-Thomas himself in the title role. Today, Mortdecai is an anachronistic bore. It seems as if all Johnny Depp hoped for was to amuse himself and on that level he succeeded.

Rating: * (*****)

Listen Up Philip

Listen Up Philip - Dir. Alex Ross Perry (2014)

If you're one of those people who can't enjoy a movie with an unsympathetic protagonist, then go ahead and skip Listen Up Philip. Jason Schwartzman once again inhabits the skin of a smarmy hipster douchebag and turns the dial up to 11 in the latest comedy from writer/director Alex Ross Perry. Perry's previous film, The Color Wheel, took audiences on a road trip with a pair of intolerable siblings cut from the same annoying cloth.

In Listen Up Philip, Perry takes us on a journey through the obnoxious underbelly of literate intellectuals in New York City. Our focus is on author Philip Lewis Friedman, a textbook example of narcissism, pretension, and an inflated sense of self-importance. The movie opens with Philip meeting an ex-girlfriend at a quaint corner diner ostensibly to give her an inscribed copy of his second novel, Obidant. When she arrives a few minutes late, Philip berates the former flame for her lack of support and boasts how his life has turned out so much better. Emboldened by his ego trip, Philip calls up a college friend to give him a similar tongue lashing. The kicker? The poor guy is now in a wheelchair. Perry has emphatically established that Philip is nothing short of a world class dick.

Luckily, Perry realizes that Philip can only be taken in small doses. As such, the film is as much about the title character as it is about the damaged people left in his wake. In the second act, Listen Up Philip shifts focus to Philip's long-suffering girlfriend Ashley (Elisabeth Moss), a photographer whose career has been stunted by Philip's jealousy and insecurities. Out of the blue, Philip decides to continue his writing at the upstate cottage of his idol Ike Zimmerman (Jonathan Pryce), a prolific author based on Philip Roth. It turns out to be the best thing to happen to Ashley, who is freed from the suffocating nature of their toxic relationship.

On the flip side is the almost parasitic relationship between Philip and Zimmerman, a prickly misanthrope who is likely to be where Philip's future lies. Zimmerman leeches off Philip's youth in an attempt to jumpstart his own stagnant career while also attracting much younger women. At the same time, Zimmerman allows his already strained relationship with daughter, Melanie (Krysten Ritter), to crumble piece by piece.

With its focus on trendy bourgeois New Yorkers, Listen Up Philip feels like the type of film that could have sprung from the mind of Noah Baumbach, Whit Stillman or Woody Allen. Cinematographer Sean Price Williams utilizes a slightly jittery handheld approach that calls to mind Allen's Husbands and Wives or the early work of John Cassavetes. Perry adds to the literary feel with voiceover narration by Eric Bogosian. Narration is often used as a crutch by less confident filmmakers, a way to spell out what the audience should be able to infer. However, Perry weaves the narration seamlessly into the story to round it all out.

Jason Schwartzman is at his most unctuous best and it almost breaks your heart to think that this might be the fate of Max Fischer. If you can get past the loathsome personalities of the main characters, you'll find Listen Up Philip to be a sharply written comedy.

Rating: *** (*****)

Laggies

Laggies - Dir. Lynn Shelton (2014)

As many indie directors do, Lynn Shelton became a recognizable name following the heralded debut at Sundance of her first film Humpday. She avoided the sophomore slump with her next (and best) picture, Your Sister's Sister, though she stumbled with her third feature Touchy Feely, which received a tepid response from critics. Shelton finds her stride once again with Laggies, which is the first film she did not also write. The screenplay is credited to Andrea Seigel, a YA author now trying her hand in the movie business.

Laggies is Shelton's version of the man-child comedy that Judd Apatow and Adam McKay have mastered with a feminist touch. Keira Knightley stars as Megan Burch, a highly educated 28-year old who lacks any ambition. She hasn't changed much since high school. Megan still hangs out with the same circle of friends, dates the same guy, and retains the same puerile sense of humor. She earns a quick buck by occasionally twirling a sign for her dad's accounting firm.

Megan's world is rocked during the wedding of her best friend, Allison (Ellie Kemper). Her nice, but bland, boyfriend Anthony (Mark Webber) proposes to her just before Megan catches her father (Jeff Garlin) receiving a handjob from another woman. Megan feels the scene and winds up at a convenience store where she agrees to purchase alcohol for Annika (Chloe Grace Moretz) and her friends. Next thing you know, Megan decides to lay low at Annika's house after telling everyone she's going away to a career counseling retreat. In an improbable turn of events, Annika's single father, Craig (Sam Rockwell), seems all right with this stranger staying at his home. Romance predictably blossoms between the unlikely housemates.

The central plot of Laggies strains credibility with a premise straight out of a hackneyed sitcom. It's quite the jump in logic for a dad to be so blasé about an adult sleeping in his teenage daughter's bedroom. Everything wraps up in a neat little bow though it takes longer than half an hour and it's left in the air if the protagonist learned any valuable life lessons. Credit goes to Shelton for treating her characters with such a gentle hand that you become invested in their stunted emotional journey.

A winning cast also helps. Keira Knightley's American accent is a bit off-putting and it requires a leap of faith to imagine the British beauty as a slacker on a street corner spinning a sign. Still, she throws herself into the part and it's satisfying to see her in something so light after the heavy duty lifting in A Dangerous Method or the overwhelming schlock of Pirates of the Caribbean. Knightley's casting is doubly ironic since actresses of her age are generally cast in the Chloe Moretz role. Moretz herself is a natural. She and Gretchen Mol, as the mother who abandoned her, share a low-key scene that is simultaneously tender and heartbreaking. It's one of the best moments of Laggies alongside just about anything with Sam Rockwell, who shines as the glib and somewhat awkward father.

Laggies is such a slight film that you are bound to forget it just as soon as the end credits roll. Yet, Shelton gives us enough of a refreshing take on the romantic comedy to consider this worth a rent.

Rating: ** ½ (*****)

Wish I Was Here

Wish I Was Here - Dir. Zach Braff (2014)

Zach Braff stirred up a little controversy when he launched a Kickstarter campaign to fund his second directorial effort, Wish I Was Here. Surely, Braff was living high on the hog off his big, fat Scrubs paychecks? Whether you agreed with Braff's methods for financing his film, the campaign successfully raised over $3 million.

It's been ten years since Braff made his directorial debut with Garden State, a movie that was critically praised by my peers and I. Looking back on it now; I find it cloying and overly precious though I can still admire Braff's visual whimsy. A decade later and it doesn't look like things have changed too much. Wish I Was Here is very much a spiritual sequel to Garden State. Braff's earlier picture was about an aimless twenty-something actor with a deceased mother and a disapproving father. Wish I Was Here is about an aimless thirty-something actor with a deceased mother and a disapproving father.

Wish I Was Here presents the notion that the angst and hipster melancholia of your 20's doesn't go away when you hit your 30's, despite getting married and raising a family in the suburbs.

Braff plays Aidan Bloom, an aspiring actor who hasn't had much luck since starring in a dandruff commercial a couple years ago. He has an icy relationship with his father Gabe (Mandy Patinkin), who pays for Aidan's children, Grace (Joey King) and Tucker (Pierce Gagnon), to attend an Orthodox Jewish school. Aidan's younger brother Noah (Josh Gad) has an even colder relationship with dad. They haven't seen each other in a long time while Noah lives in a trailer and spends his day writing nasty massages to celebrities on Twitter. Aidan's wife, Sarah (Kate Hudson), supports her husband's dream, but suffers silently at a menial job with the Water Department where she is regularly subjected to a co-worker's inappropriate comments.

Aidan is knocked for a loop when Gabe announces his cancer has aggressively returned. He has decided to spend whatever savings he has left on an experimental treatment, which means the kids can no longer afford to go to private school. Aidan decides that he'll home school Grace and Tucker until they can start public school next year. He finds the task much more daunting than anticipated.

Braff co-wrote the screenplay with his brother Adam and the results are a scattered mess. The narrative drifts into several detours along the way that include Noah's trip to Comic-Con to romance a cute cosplayer (Ashley Greene) and recurring fantasy sequences with Aidan as a sci-fi action hero. And did we really need to see the Bloom brood test drive an Aston Martin, aside from seeing Braff reunited with Scrubs co-star Donald Faison? Braff uses creative shorthand when it comes to spelling out his message by quoting T.S. Eliot or Robert Frost's "Mending Wall" while they repair a fence. Braff also slathers on the dreamy qualities of Wish I Was Here by lacing the soundtrack with classic folk rock (Paul Simon, Bob Dylan) and modern indie favorites (The Shins, Bon Iver). Still, Braff's playfulness is on display, such as staring at an empty display that reads, "This pamphlet will save your life."

At least, the acting is well done across the board with Mandy Patinkin as a standout. He brings stoicism and a dry sense of humor to the role. Kate Hudson is a delight and it's nice to see her in something of substance for a change. Both Joey King and Pierce Gagnon are great with a precociousness that feels authentic rather than forced. In particular, Gagnon seems to have a preternatural ability for the screen with his previous role being the ominous child in Looper. The late-James Avery makes a cameo appearance in an amusing scene where Aidan goes to an audition without realizing that the role is now for an African-American.

First world problems come to mind when discussing the drama of Wish I Was Here. It's hard to sympathize with an inert protagonist whose major issue is possibly getting a 9 to 5 job. Your enjoyment of Braff's sophomore film will depend on your love of Garden State and tolerance for schmaltz.

Rating: ** ½ (*****)

The Skeleton Twins

The Skeleton Twins - Dir. Craig Johnson (2014)

Bill Hader and Kristen Wiig have proven themselves to be exceptional comedic talents. They've branched out since leaving Saturday Night Live and occasionally appear in a film together. Most notably were their scene-stealing turns as the managers of an amusement park in Greg Mottola's Adventureland. It shouldn't be surprising that an enterprising filmmaker would choose the pair to headline their picture. What might be surprising is that The Skeleton Twins isn't an uproarious comedy, but a somber mix of light and dark subject matter.

Wiig and Hader play estranged siblings Maggie and Milo Dean, who haven't spoken to each other in over ten years. Milo has moved to Los Angeles where he waits tables while trying to make it as an actor. Meanwhile, Maggie has remained in upstate New York where she works as a dental hygienist and is married to nice guy Lance (Luke Wilson). Both are repositories for all manner of emotional damage.

The Skeleton Twins opens with Maggie about to down a handful of pills. Her suicide attempt is postponed when she receives a call that Milo has been hospitalized after slitting his wrists. Milo reluctantly agrees to stay with Maggie and along the way we find out just how damaged these two are. Their father committed suicide when they were kids and their mother (Joanna Gleason) is no peach. She's a new age self-help guru who was too busy with an "insight retreat" to attend her own daughter's wedding. Maggie's seemingly blissful marriage isn't all it's cracked up to be. She's been secretly taking birth control pills in spite of Lance's desire to have children and she's been having an affair with her handsome scuba instructor (Boyd Holbrook). As for Milo, he resumes an obviously doomed relationship with a former high school teacher (Ty Burrell) with whom he had an affair when he was only 15.

The Skeleton Twins was directed by Craig Johnson, who also co-wrote the script with Mark Heyman, one of the writers for Black Swan. The movie has all the earmarks for an indie comedy, right down to Mark & Jay Duplass receiving executive producer credit. Johnson relies heavily on the murky imagery of water; a trope that should have been retired after The Graduate did it so well. Johnson never quite nails the nuances necessary to convey the themes of the story. As a result, many scenes are hindered by dialogue right on the nose though that didn't stop Johnson and Heyman from winning the Waldo Salt Screenwriting Award at Sundance.

Leave it to Hader and Wiig to elevate the material. The SNL alumni effortlessly portray the shorthand communication that comes from siblings due in no small part to their familiarity off-screen. Some of the movie's best moments are when the two are simply riffing with one another, such as when they goof around after sniffing nitrous oxide or dress in drag for Halloween. Hader and Wiig also make the most of the clichéd bonding session over a kitschy pop tune. In this instance, it's Starship's "Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now," which goes from insipid to inspired thanks to Hader's energy in contrast to Wiig's deadpan facial expressions.

Wiig and Hader aren't the only winning cast members. Kudos go to a wonderfully understated Ty Burrell and Luke Wilson, who brings all the earnest charm you've come to expect from the Wilson clan.

The Skeleton Twins isn't an altogether successful film, but the engaging performances by Kristen Wiig and Bill Hader are well worth a look. The protagonists find just the right mix of pathos and humor.

Rating: *** (*****)

Obvious Child

Obvious Child - Dir. Gillian Robespierre (2014)

Obvious Child has reductively been referred to as the abortion rom-com. Yes, the subject plays an important part in the film, but the movie shouldn't be defined by it just as the protagonist shouldn't be defined by one act.

Obvious Child began as a 2009 short film written and directed by Gillian Robespierre and starring Jenny Slate. Robespierre is a first time director while Slate spent a season on Saturday Night Live and had recurring role on Parks and Recreation.

Slate stars as New Yorker Donna Stern, who works at a bookstore during the day and performs as a stand-up comic at night. It should go without saying that she's barely scraping by in the Big Apple. The comedy club she frequents could hardly be considered a metropolis of mirth. Donna's material usually involves intimate details from her love life, which angers her boyfriend Ryan (Paul Briganti), who breaks up with her in a dingy co-ed bathroom. To add insult to injury, he also admits to cheating on Donna for several months.

Donna deals with the situation about as well as expected. She clumsily attempts to stalk her ex, and then awkwardly rambles about the ordeal on stage. She tops off the evening by getting blazing drunk and engaging in a one-night stand with the clean cut Max (Jake Lacy). Upon discovering she's pregnant, Donna ultimately decides to have an abortion, but finds it exceedingly difficult to break the news to Max.

Mainstream movies have generally avoided the hot button issue of abortion like the plague. It's flippantly brought up for the briefest seconds in Knocked Up while the title character in Juno is sent fleeing from a clinic. The only film in recent memory to deal with the subject with any dramatic weight is Cristian Mungiu's 4 Months, 3 Weeks, and 2 Days. It goes without saying that Obvious Child is on a completely different spectrum.

Robespierre's screenplay has all the earmarks of an indie comedy with plenty of cutesy, twee moments such as Donna and Max sharing a romantic piss in an alley or a fresh take on the clichéd pregnancy test scene. Robespierre doesn't treat the subject with kid gloves. Yet, she avoids sermonizing or demonizing her characters. Donna's decision isn't painted as a right or wrong one, just a decision that she makes without agonizing over it. It's a bold choice on Robespierre's part and one that will undoubtedly irk some.

Jenny Slate deserves credit for imbuing a potentially unlikeable character with such winning charm. Donna could have easily been an annoying hipster, an aimless millennial in a post-Lena Dunham world. But, no, there's a gentle quality to her in spite of a filthy stand-up act cut from the same cloth as Sarah Silverman and Amy Schumer. There's also a sweet romance blossoming between Donna and Max, the latter of whom might have been relegated to the role of bland nice guy in a more conventional rom-com.

Obvious Child is an uneven comedy and Robespierre may have been better served trimming a few bits and pieces. A scene involving David Cross as a loathsome lothario feels quite superfluous. Still, Obvious Child is a welcome change of pace to all the lowbrow comedies and effects extravaganzas cluttering the shopping mall multiplexes. The picture hinges on a solid performance by Jenny Slate and a supporting cast that includes Gaby Hoffman and Richard Kind.

Rating: ** ½ (*****)

Life After Beth

Life After Beth - Dir. Jeff Baena (2014)

Zombies have always worked well as metaphors for hot button issues, such as rampant consumerism or the darker side of humanity. It's not surprising that a few ingenious filmmakers decided to use the zombie apocalypse to deal with romance and relationships. Edgar Wright did it best with Shaun of the Dead while 2013's Warm Bodies had fun with the premise in our post-Twilight era of cinema. Life After Beth mixes the genres of undead horror with young romance, but in a different manner. Whereas Warm Bodies is set years after the fall of civilization and told from the point of view of the handsome zombie boy, Life After Beth takes place just before the outbreak and told from the point of view of the relatively normal Dane DeHaan.

DeHaan is Zach Orfman, whose entire world has been shattered following the death of his girlfriend Beth Slocum (Aubrey Plaza). She died of a rattlesnake bite while hiking in the woods by herself. Zach is hit just as hard by the lingering regrets he feels because Beth was going to break up with him. There were a lot of things he could have done to improve their relationship like going on a hike with her.

Everything changes when Beth returns, alive and well, with no memories of her death or romantic problems with Zach. Her parents, Maury and Geenie (John C. Reilly and Molly Shannon) aren't about to look a gift horse in the mouth. They're more than content to accept that she's been resurrected though Zach is obviously freaked out. Then, he realizes he's been given a second chance with Beth to do all the things they only talked about. Although, there are little instances that Beth isn't quite right. For example, she has a predilection for sleeping in the attic and listening to smooth jazz. She's also prone to fits of rage and feats of incredible strength. And that skin complexion doesn't look quite right…

Life After Beth was written and directed by Jeff Baena, who also co-wrote David O. Russell's I Heart Huckabee's. There's a similar quirkiness on display in "Beth" with the film set in a heightened version of milquetoast suburbia. The story is almost a prequel to the zombie apocalypse showing the initial return of the dead and their subsequent transformation into a ravenous horde. Baena does an interesting job in setting the parameters of the world, but he never delves further than surface level.

Zach is a blank cipher, a largely reactive protagonist who comes off on the whiny side. Baena hardly gives his supporting characters much beyond what's written on the page and leans heavily on his actors. Luckily, he's cast a wealth of talent accomplished enough to make something out of the one-dimensional denizens of Life After Beth. This includes John C. Reilly, Paul Reiser and Cheryl Hines as Zach's parents, and a throwaway cameo by Garry Marshall. Molly Shannon is pitch perfect as Beth's sweet-natured mom, even maintaining her ultra-sunny disposition after having a hand eaten off. Matthew Gray Gubler is cast against type as Zach's older brother, Kyle, a rent-a-cop with delusions of grandeur and a hard-on for his Desert Eagle .50. Kyle is nothing more than a cartoon thrown into the mix to be quirky for quirky's sake.

Aubrey Plaza is great as Beth, getting a chance to play character outside of her usual sarcastic tone. Anna Kendrick pops in for a handful of scenes as a childhood friend of Zach's. You can't help but imagine the possibilities of a buddy comedy starring Plaza and Kendrick with the former's sardonic humor pitted against the latter's adorable perkiness.

Life After Beth had an intriguing premise with an excellent cast, but never lived up to its potential as a hybrid of horror, comedy, and romance. Unfortunately, the movie decomposed quicker than its title character.

Rating: ** (*****)

Sharknado 2: The Second One

Sharknado 2: The Second One - Dir. Anthony C. Ferrante (2014)

Once upon a time, they were known as the Sci-Fi Channel. Then, they became SyFy and attempted to diversify their programming with reality shows and WWE wrestling. Throughout it all, one thing has remained constant with SyFy and that is the cheesy, made-for-TV monster of the week movies. D-list celebrities like Antonio Sabato Jr. or Lorenzo Lamas are forced to do battle with mutated insects are monsters resurrected from the prehistoric age. The majority of these movies treated themselves deadly serious, despite the fact that they were met with a round of chuckles. It took a while before SyFy got in on the joke and the tipping point was probably Sharknado.

Improbably, the low-budget picture about a tornado full of sharks launched itself into the pop culture stratosphere. No surprise that a sequel, Sharknado 2: The Second One was immediately greenlit.

In case you missed it, Sharknado featured Ian Ziering (of Beverly Hills 90210 fame) as Fin Shepard, a surfer who saved Los Angeles from the threat of a tornado that had swept through the Pacific Ocean and spread bloodthirsty sharks throughout the city. Fin even managed to win back the heart of his ex-wife April (Tara Reid). The sequel begins with Fin and April on a flight to New York City as part of their book tour for the best-selling How to Survive a Sharknado. Suddenly, the plane hits bad weather…bad weather filled with man-eating sharks. Faster than you can say, William Shatner, Fin spots a shark on the wing, but nobody believes him. Heck, he hardly believes it himself. How can the same thing happen to the same guy twice?

The weather becomes even deadlier as two tornadoes threaten to converge in the heart of Manhattan. Fin must not only save the city, but his family as well. His sister, Ellen (Kari Wuhrer), and niece, Mora (Courtney Baxter), are visiting the Statue of Liberty while her husband, Martin (Mark McGrath), takes in a Mets game at Citi Field.

Sharknado wastes no time in getting the carnage going. Whereas the first film had to introduce the protagonists and the concept of the sharknado, the sequel starts right away with sharks being scooped up by Mother Nature. The prologue is basically Sharks on a Plane though Ian Ziering never shouts, "Get these motherf'n sharks off my mother'fn plane." What a missed opportunity. There's a lot more ridiculousness to follow with Martin and his son immolating sharks with super soakers filled with napalm. Or how about Tara Reid replacing her left hand (which was bitten off by a shark) with a buzzsaw?

The popularity of the original Sharknado meant that numerous celebrities were knocking on SyFy's door, each one looking to be a part of the film. Sharknado 2 includes cameos by Wil Wheaton, Andy Dick, Kurt Angle, Kelly Osbourne, Biz Markie and Jared from Subway. You've also got Matt Lauer, Al Roker, Kelly Ripa, and Michael Strahan all portraying themselves. The movie is loaded with just as many winks and nods to other movies and TV shows. Judd Hirsch has a brief role as a cab driver in a reference to his role on Taxi while Robert Hays captains another doomed flight ala Airplane. Fin's family is named Martin and Ellen Brody with Billy Ray Cyrus popping in as a doctor named Quint.

By no means is Sharknado 2 a cinematic classic. The special effects are horrendous and most of the actors are just as bad with Tara Reid being particularly wooden. The screenplay by the gloriously named Thunder Levin makes several sad attempts at fleshing out his one-dimensional characters. Levin wastes valuable shark chomping time with an unrequited love story between Ziering and Vivica A. Fox.

Rating: ** (*****)

A Million Ways to Die in the West

A Million Ways to Die in the West - Dir. Seth MacFarlane (2014)

The ubiquitous Seth MacFarlane has branched out far beyond his animated empire of Family Guy, American Dad, and the recently cancelled Cleveland Show. He's the closest thing we have these days to an old-fashioned song and dance man. He's hosted the Oscars, performed a concert tour, released a jazz album, and even executive produced the educational science series Cosmos: A Spacetime Odyssey. In 2012, MacFarlane wrote and directed his first feature film, Ted, the story about a man and a talking teddy bear who has long worn out his welcome. MacFarlane also performed the voice work and motion capture for the titular Ted. For his second feature, A Million Ways to Die in the West, we get MacFarlane in all his live-action glory as meek sheep farmer Albert Stark.

It's the year 1882 and Stark lives in the little town of Old Stump. He spends most of his time bemoaning how just about everything can kill you in the Wild West, from wild animals to unsanitary medical care. The most dangerous of all just might be murderous gunfighters. Albert is a sheep farmer and a pretty lousy one at that. His flock is scattered all over the place and when one of them grazes on another man's property, Albert is challenged to a showdown. Albert chickens out, much to the chagrin of his girlfriend Louise (Amanda Seyfried), who promptly for Foy (Neil Patrick Harris), the proprietor of the local Moustachery.

Albert thinks about packing it up and moving to San Francisco when he meets the gorgeous Anna (Charlize Theron). Both of them share a common disdain for everything dirty and backwards about the West. Anna also teaches Albert how to shoot a gun in order to challenge Foy and win back the fickle heart of Louise. Unfortunately, it turns out Anna is married to Clinch Leatherwood (Liam Neeson), a notorious outlaw who doesn't like anyone making moves with his wife.

A Million Ways to Die in the West wears its influences on its sleeve. Naturally, MacFarlane shoots quite a bit in Monument Valley, the gorgeous setting for so many classic John Ford Westerns. There's a nod to Terror in Tiny Town, an infamous 1938 movie starring an entire cast of little people and a lively dance number honoring facial hair that recalls Oklahoma. Of course, as a Western comedy, A Million Ways to Die in the West is cut from the same cloth as Blazing Saddles. Whereas Mel Brooks chose to do one long fart joke during the campfire sequence, MacFarlane spreads his flatulent humor throughout the film. And while Brooks was focused on race relations, MacFarlane takes a decidedly de-romanticized look at the Old West. He borrows the fish out of water aspect from Paleface and Son of Paleface starring Bob Hope. If you've watched Family Guy, then you'll know MacFarlane's reverence for hook nosed comedian thanks to the "Road to…" episodes with Stewie and Brian as Hope and Bing Crosby.

Albert makes numerous anachronistic observations about the time period. He looks at the violence and disease through modern eyes. He's reminiscent of Frank Grimes, the tightly wound character driven mad by the absurdity of The Simpsons. Sure, MacFarlane is a bit one-note in the lead, but he makes it work with his wry observations and off-the-cuff non sequiturs. Luckily, Million Ways has itself a terrific supporting cast with Neil Patrick Harris really asserting himself in the role of an annoying fop. Sarah Silverman is perfectly cast as Ruth, the proverbial hooker with the heart of gold, but with a twist. Silverman made a name for herself on the stand-up circuit with bawdy material that belied that sweet, pixie voice. Here, she's a prostitute openly engaged in outlandish sexual acts, yet she's in a chaste relationship with Albert's best friend, the virginal Edward (Giovanni Ribisi).

There are cameos galore in Million Ways. Blink and you might miss Ewan McGregor, Ryan Reynolds or Kaley Cuoco. Being set in the 1800's means MacFarlane can't rely on his usual arsenal of pop culture references. His one indulgence is the appearance of a certain time-traveling doctor and not the one who rides around in a police box.

Rating: *** (*****)

A Haunted House 2

A Haunted House 2 – Dir. Michael Tiddes (2014)

It's the sequel to a movie nobody asked for in the first place.

Marlon Wayans and his many brothers kicked off the Scary Movie franchise, which parodied horror movies using Scream as its spine. They departed from the series after the second movie. In 2013, Wayans struck out on his own with A Haunted House, a parody of the found footage genre, specifically Paranormal Activity. Despite being ravaged by critics, the film earned $60 million worldwide off a modest budget of #$2.5 million. If you know Hollywood, you know they'll jump on anything that makes a modicum of money. Hence, we have the inexplicable existence of A Haunted House 2.

For those of you who missed the original picture, Malcolm Johnson (Wayans) moves into a new home with his girlfriend Kisha Davis (Essence Atkins) only for the loving couple to suffer a string of supernatural phenomena. Part 2 begins right where they left off with Malcolm and his cousin Ray-Ray (Affion Crockett) attempting to drive a possessed Kisha to the hospital. They are struck by a passing vehicle and flee the scene leaving behind the unresponsive Kisha.

One year later, Malcolm has a new wife and a new house. He is now married to Megan (Jaime Pressly) and serves as stepfather to her two children, Becky (Ashley Rickards) and Wyatt (Steele Stebbins). Becky, like most teenage girls, is sullen and disrespectful to her mom's new husband. Wyatt is an odd boy who speaks to an invisible friend named Tony just as Danny did in The Shining. Only in this case, Wyatt's Tony is black and enjoys profanity and vodka.

Malcolm finds that Wyatt's behavior isn't the only thing strange going on in his life. The previous homeowners left behind a few objects including a creepy doll named Abigail, some disturbing reels of 16mm film, and a smelly antique box that fascinates Becky. Malcolm quickly discovers that the evil that plagued him before has followed him.

Wayans once again assumes multiple duties as star, co-writer, and producer for A Haunted House 2. He barely had enough material for one movie, let alone two. Wayans relies almost entirely on lazy references to recent horror flicks such as The Conjuring, The Possession, The Last Exorcism, and Sinister. The rest of his jokes usually involve racial stereotypes and name dropping celebrities (the Kardashians, Kanye West, etc.). Wayans blatantly pads out the running time by prolonging his already unfunny gags. The sight of a bare-assed Wayans having intercourse with the doll will be burned into your memory as the scene is stretching beyond any reasonable length. The joke continues to draw zero guffaws when the doll begins sending Malcolm gross selfies on his phone.

The sequel does have a stronger supporting cast than its predecessor, which makes it all the more disappointing when the film does nothing with them. Jaime Pressly can be very funny as evidenced by her time on My Name is Earl, but her character is rendered as nothing more than as an emasculating harpy. At least, she's gorgeous to look at. Cedric the Entertainer returns as the volatile Father Doug with Gabriel Iglesias as Malcolm's neighbor. Both are talented comedians who fail to inject humor in the puerile material. Hayes MacArthur and Missi Pyle are equally wasted as paranormal investigators modeled after Patrick Wilson and Vera Farmiga in The Conjuring. Wayans himself simply mugs for the camera, screeching and yammering every chance he gets. The only actor in the movie to garner an iota of amusement is Rick Overton as a paranormal scholar who cooks meth on the side.

Rating: * (*****)

Bad Words

Bad Words - Dir. Jason Bateman (2014)

While he's directed episodes of several television series, Jason Bateman hasn't helmed a feature film until Bad Words, a subversive comedy set in the world of spelling bees. This is assuredly not a documentary in the vein of Spellbound or a feel-good drama ala Akeelah and the Bee.

Bateman is Guy Trilby, a 40-year old misanthrope who enters the Golden Quill, a national spelling tournament for children. It turns out Guy never finished junior high and he exploits a loophole in the rules that state no entrant must have passed the eighth grade. Much to the chagrin of tournament director Dr. Bernice Deagan (Allison Janney) and founder Dr. William Bowman (Philip Baker Hall), Guy is actually a genius and might just win the whole damn thing. Guy's only competition is Chaitanya Chopra (Rohan Chand), an affable 10-year old whose cheery disposition remains unwavering in the face of Guy's utter contempt. Luckily, Chaitanya is saved from Guy's more disreputable actions to disrupt the bee. At one point, he sprays ketchup on a girl's trousers and tricks her into thinking she's having her period.

The screenplay for Bad Words was written by newcomer Andrew Dodge. It made the Black List, a compendium for hot, but unproduced scripts, back in 2011. It's easy to see why studios were gun shy of Bad Words since the protagonist is an unrepentant jerk whose behavior borders on child abuse.

Jason Bateman has excelled at playing the straight man thrust into absurd situations. On Arrested Development, his Michael Bluth was the lone beacon of sanity surrounded by a family of lunatics. In Bad Words, Bateman actively plays against his nice guy image, but still spews every line of venom with his trademark deadpan delivery. He never shows one ounce of gratitude towards Jenny Widgeon (Kathryn Hahn), a hapless online reporter who sponsors Guy and even pays for his meals and accommodations. The two of them engage in casual, awkward sex in which Jenny repeatedly orders Guy not to look at her. Hahn is always terrific in these supporting roles, which require her to fearlessly leap into outrageous situations. Allison Janney and Philip Baker Hall are great foils for Bateman though you can't help feel that they are a bit wasted in such one note roles.

The main thrust of the film centers on the friendship between Guy and Chaitanya, which forms against all odds, but is thoroughly in line with movie conventions. Bateman's experience as a child actor likely helped coax a naturalistic performance out of doe-eyed and precocious Rohan Chand. It's all summed up in a montage set to the Beastie Boys as Guy and Chaitanya run amok in a spree of shoplifting, pranks, and a visit to a prostitute so the kid can see his first boobs. On one hand, you sort of root for the two to bond given Chaitanya's troubles with bullies and his ultra-stern father. Yet, it's a difficult task to remain in Guy's corner when he's hurling racist insults at the boy, ones that aren't even that creative like "slumdog" and "curry hole."

Can you spell, 'misfire?' Bad Words never had the convictions to go full force in creating a truly reprehensible protagonist. It tries hard to make Guy unlikeable while still making him likeable enough for that third act emotional payoff when all is revealed. Bateman has the talent to make it work, but the humor goes for pure shock value rather than anything creative.

Rating: ** (*****)

Walk of Shame

Walk of Shame – Dir. Steven Brill (2014)

Everybody has a bad day, but chances are they were nothing like the bad day suffered by Elizabeth Banks in Walk of Shame, a raunchy comedy that's a mash-up of The Hangover and After Hours.

Banks stars as Meghan Miles, a news reporter who is in line for a promotion to lead anchor and about to get married. However, everything falls apart in quick fashion. Her handsome fiancé (Oliver Hudson) dumps her while the new promotion goes to someone else. Meghan decides to blow off some steam with her best friends, feisty Rose (Gillian Jacobs) and dim bulb Denise (Sarah Wright), for a night of drinking and debauchery. Meghan spends the night with handsome bartender Gordon (James Marsden). Since this is Los Angeles, he's not really a bartender, he's actually a writer. Either way, he's living in a hip loft that neither a bartender nor a struggling writer could afford.

Meghan receives a late night phone call from her producer (Willie Garson) that the anchor position is open once more after the prospective candidate was fired due to some embarrassing photos. Meghan tries to rush to the studio, but her car (with her purse and ID inside) has been towed away. She's locked out of the building and can't remember which apartment was Gordon's. Oh, and she forgot her cell phone after being frightened by her one night stand's cat. Meghan finds herself wandering the streets in a skin-tight yellow dress, which causes everyone to mistake her for a hooker.

Walk of Shame was written and directed by Steven Brill, whose resume includes Little Nicky, Mr. Deeds, and Drillbit Taylor. That will give you a good clue as to the level of sophistication at play here. Walk of Shame derives much of its humor from racial stereotypes and the humiliation of its starlet. Banks stumbles around and becomes the subject of scorn by judgmental bystanders and a pair of smug police officers (Bill Burr, Ethan Suplee). If they aren't lecturing her, then they're propositioning her, such as a devout Jew believing she was sent by the devil to tempt her or a horny kid who wants to get a look at her boobs. The only helpful individuals Meghan encounters are three gangsters who offer her shelter in a crack house before it's attacked by a rival gang.

To be fair, Banks does her best. Her beauty and winning personality still shine through the dull material. She's a bright woman who is forced to act foolishly for the sake of the screenplay. The central joke involving her figure hugging attire doesn't even work. In L.A., that's dressing conservatively. Out of all the contrivances that force Meghan into her precarious predicament, one is surprisingly clever. Even when she's able to make a call, Meghan can't remember anyone's number since they were saved in her old phone. Welcome to the 21^st century. Marsden is well cast, but he isn't given much to do outside of being the genial love interest. Fans of stand-up comedy might enjoy the brief appearances by Bill Burr, Bryan Callen as a sketchy drug dealer, and Tig Notaro as an extremely unhelpful owner of an impound lot. There's also Ken Davitian as a taxi driver and Kevin Nealon as a traffic reporter with an odd personal life.

In more capable hands, Walk of Shame might have had something profound to say about slut shaming and internet infamy. Instead, we get another comedy that goes for the lowest hanging fruit available.

Rating: * ½ (*****)

Alan Partridge: Alpha Papa

Alan Partridge: Alpha Papa - Dir. Declan Lowney (2013)

The name is Partridge, Alan Partridge.

The signature character of Steve Coogan may not be familiar to American audiences, but he's been a staple in British comedy for twenty years. He first appeared as an inept sports reporter on On the Hour, a spoof of the news broadcast on BBC Radio 4. Since then, Partridge has graduated from recurring character to lead on his own shows across radio and television along with his very own an autobiography I, Partridge. Coogan's portrayal of Partridge was certainly an influence in his brilliant turn as Tony Wilson in Michael Winterbottom's 24 Hour Party People, a comedic account of the burgeoning Manchester music scene. Now, Partridge has graduated to feature films with a self-titled comedy directed by TV vet Declan Lowney with a script by Coogan, Armando Ianucci (creator of The Thick of It and Veep), Peter Baynham (a co-writer of Borat), and Neil & Rob Gibbons.

Originally released last year in England as Alan Partridge: Alpha Papa, the movie finds Alan Partridge as the host of Mid-Morning Matters, an innocuous radio program on North Norfolk Digital. The station has just been bought by the massive conglomerate of Gordale Media. Fellow DJ Pat Farrell (Colm Meaney), who works the late night shift, is worried about his job and asks Partridge to speak with the new head honchos. When Partridge discovers the pink slip is going to either he or Farrell, he immediately throws his pal under the bus. He even writes "Just Sack Pat" in bold, red letters. Unfortunately, a disgruntled Farrell returns later that night brandishing a shotgun and taking the radio staff hostage. Unaware of his friend's duplicity, Farrell insists Partridge serve as an intermediary for the police's negotiators. Partridge may be woefully unqualified for the job, but that doesn't stop him from turning the tense situation into an opportunity to elevate his star status.

The plot is a bit slight and the hostage situation was clearly the type of action and drama that was necessary to carry the story to a feature length run time. Also, they're late in the game when it comes to lampooning corporate-owned media and awful morning talk radio. The movie really shines when it unleashes Coogan and allows Alan Partridge to just be Alan Partridge. Here's a guy who is self-serving, narcissistic, and with an overinflated opinion of himself. He's a precursor to the oblivious obnoxiousness of Ricky Gervais's David Brent on The Office. Coogan is on top of his game rifling off one-liners and non sequiturs, such as when he fills airtime with inane chatter ("We're asking, what is the worst monger? Iron, fish, rumor, or war?") or offering advice to his flunky Sidekick Simon (Tim Key) ("Never, ever criticize Muslims. Christians only and…sometimes Jews."). Coogan doesn't shy away from slapstick either. In one scene, he accidentally wanders out of the station and attempts to get back in and winds up standing like Buffalo Bill without his trousers.

Colm Meaney gives a wonderfully understated performance as the unstable Pat Farrell. Plus, the supporting cast includes Monica Dolan as a kindly co-worker inexplicably sweet on Partridge and Sean Pertwee as a humorless SWAT team leader.

Alan Partridge doesn't require any previous knowledge of the character. Coogan hits the ground running and you immediately get a sense of who this guy is. Best of all, the screenwriters didn't feel the urge for Partridge to grow as a human being or learn a valuable lesson. He's every bit the buffoon before and after.

Rating: *** (*****)

Chef

Chef - Dir. Jon Favreau (2014)

Carl Casper (Jon Favreau) is the head chef of a trendy bistro in Venice Beach and things are looking up for him. He's about unveil a brand new menu to herald the arrival of renowned food critic Ramsey Michel (Oliver Platt, whose brother, Adam, is a food critic for New York magazine), the blogger who raved about Casper's work a decade ago. Alas, the restaurant's owner Riva (Dustin Hoffman) demands Casper stick to the regular menu, which includes caviar-topped egg and a chocolate lava cake. It backfires as Michel lambasts the stale food and manages to insult Casper's weight, "…he must be eating all the food sent back to the kitchen."

Casper storms into the restaurant when Michel returns and launches into a heated tirade that is captured by numerous cell phones and uploaded to YouTube. He becomes persona non grata in the LA food scene just as he becomes an internet sensation. Looking for a fresh start, Casper reluctantly accompanies his ex-wife, Inez (Sofia Vergara), and son, Percy (EmJay Anthony), on a trip to Miami. Once there, he purchases a decrepit food truck and turns it into the snazzy El Jefe, serving up cubanos and arroz con pollo. This new venture reinvigorates Chef Casper's passion for cooking as well as repairing his strained relationship with Percy as they make the cross-country trip back to the west coast.

The plot of Chef draws immediate parallels to Jon Favreau's own career as a filmmaker. He made a splash as the writer and producer of Swingers before following it up with his directorial debut Made. Since then, his profile in commercial films has grown with Elf and the runaway success of Iron Man, which set the foundation for Marvel's cinematic universe. However, it was clear Favreau was not the primary decision maker anymore for Iron Man 2 and Cowboys & Aliens met with tepid reactions from audiences and critics alike. With Chef, Favreau has returned to his indie roots and created a comedy/drama driven by rich characters rather than expensive CGI.

At the heart of Chef is the relationship between father and son, the latter of whom is played without a hint of precociousness by EmJay Anthony. To Favreau's credit, he doesn't go the easy route by painting Casper as an insensitive prick. He's just a workaholic and a little oblivious from time to time. Watching the two together is just one of the joys of Chef, along with Casper's interactions with other characters, such as Bobby Cannavale and John Leguizamo as two of his kitchen comrades or Scarlett Johansson in a small role as a comely hostess. Sofia Vergera gives a more natural performance as compared to the over-the-top antics we usually see from her on Modern Family. Favreau also made sure to call in Iron Man for assistance as Robert Downey Jr. pops in for a cameo as Inez's eccentric ex-husband. He makes everyone who visits his office wear surgical booties over their shoes, including his leggy assistant's six-inch stilettos. Amy Sedaris should not be overlooked for her cameo as an overly tanned publicist trying to get Casper to sign on to a cheesy reality show ala Gordon Ramsay.

Of course, what would any self-respecting chef movie be without mouth-watering cuisine? Chef is food porn cinema right up there with Eat Drink Man Woman, Tampopo, and Big Night. Chef Roy Choi of Kogi BBQ fame not only served as a consultant, but tutored Favreau in gastronomical ways. The director lovingly preps, cooks, and plates numerous delicacies and these sequences are intricately shot and cut, even for something as simple as a grilled cheese sandwich. You'll want to toss those stale movie theater concessions to the sticky floor when you watch Favreau slice into a juicy, rare steak or curl pasta around his fork. Chef brings the local flavor by shooting on location in Miami, New Orleans, and Austin with El Jefe tailoring their menu to each city. You'll get fresh beignets in the French Quarter and beef brisket for you fanatics of Texas barbecue.

Dustin Hoffman makes an excellent point when he tells Casper that people would riot at a Rolling Stones concert if Mick Jagger didn't sing "Satisfaction." While Favreau clearly enjoyed the freedom of independent film, he never lambastes the idea of playing it safe or sticking to the hits. Chef is comfort food, a pleasant, lightweight comedy. There are no high stakes and very little conflict, which isn't a bad thing though the ending is too pat and hews too closely to Ratatouille.

Rating: *** (*****)

Vampire Academy

Vampire Academy - Dir. Mark Waters (2014)

The literary graveyard is strewn with the corpses of young adult novels that failed to become lucrative movie franchises. Hollywood studios have scoured the bookshelves looking for the next big thing. But, for every Hunger Games that becomes a box office sensation, there are a dozen also-rans like The Golden Compass, City of Ember, Beautiful Creatures, The Host, and The Mortal Instruments. These flops haven't scared the movers and shakers as 2014 has seen the release of Divergent as well as the upcoming The Giver and The Maze Runner. While Divergent was another big get for Summit Entertainment, Vampire Academy was nothing short of a misfire for the Weinstein Company.

The trailers for Vampire Academy made it appear to be another parody from the bankrupt minds of Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer. The movie culled obvious elements from Twilight, Mean Girls, and Harry Potter. Alas, Vampire Academy is actually based on a series of books by Richelle Mead.

In the world of Vampire Academy, there are three types of vampires. The Moroi are peaceful vampires who drink blood from willing subjects and only enough to sustain themselves. Sunlight is a weakness, but they don't burst into flames. They don't sparkle either. The Dhampir are half-human and half-vampire. They train and serve as the bodyguards for the Moroi elite. Then, there are the Strigoi, which are the vampires we have come to know and love. When a Moroi kills while feeding, they become an undead creature with a violent thirst for blood. Strigoi can only be killed by s silver stake.

Lissa Dragomir (Lucy Fry) is Moroi royalty who survived a deadly car accident that killed her parents and brother. The only other survivor is Lissa's best friend, Rose Hathaway (Zoey Deutch), a guardian in training. Due to this tragedy, the pair has developed a psychic bond that allows Rose to keep tabs on her charge.

The film picks up with Lissa and Rose on the run having fled the sanctuary of St. Vladimir's Academy two years ago. They are quickly caught and brought back to the boarding school by a group of guardians led by Dimitri Belikov (Danila Kozlovsky). Thrust back into the fold, Lissa and Rose must navigate the perilous waters of high school. On top of death threats and nasty rumors, there's young love as Lissa falls for Christian Ozera (Dominic Sherwood), an outcast whose parents were hunted down after turning Strigoi. Meanwhile, Rose tries to fight her feelings for her mentor Dimitri. No mention at all how creepy it is for the brooding warrior to be pining for an underage student.

It's easy to see why Vampire Academy would appeal to its target audience. The story revolves around two teenage girls with a focus on their friendship with romance as a side dish. Unlike Bella, Lissa and Rose are not passive protagonists and neither is defined by the men in their lives. Unfortunately, the script buries their relationship underneath a mountain of clumsy exposition and groan inducing dialogue. It feels as if the first half of the movie is spent entirely on establishing the rules of the world, the hierarchy of the vampires, and the backstories of our heroes. Nobody talks like a real human being, which is a shock since the screenplay was written by Daniel Waters, who penned the 80's teen comedy Heathers. The director is his brother, Mark Waters, who also helmed Mean Girls and another YA adaptation The Spiderwick Chronicles.

You wouldn't think established filmmakers had a hand in the making of Vampire Academy, more like a bunch of marketing firms piecing together a movie out of current trends and best sellers at Hot Topic. St. Vladimir's might be confused with Hogwarts if the latter didn't have a budget five times larger. None of the students learn about calculus or Shakespeare. They study magic, of course. Moroi have the ability to control the elements of earth, fire, wind, and water. It's up to the individual to decide which they wish to concentrate on. Lissa, being cut from the mold of the most special girl in the world, effortlessly controls all four along with the ability of Spirit that allows her to heal and join Captain Planet and the Planeteers. The Waters Brothers certainly get no love for forcing an actor of the caliber of Gabriel Byrne to speak awful lines such as, "She's a few corpuscles shy of a full artery."

Gabriel Byrne is absolutely wasted as the elderly vampire as are Olga Kurylenko as the school's headmistress and Joely Richardson in a throwaway role as the vampire queen. Zoey Deutch is quite charming and has drawn comparisons to Ellen Page in her delivery of one-liners, even if they consist of tired pop culture references. Deutch herself is 80's royalty being the daughter of Lea Thompson and Howard Deutch, the director of Some Kind of Wonderful and Pretty in Pink. Pink gets a shout out as Rose cavalierly calls her platonic guy friend, "Duckie."

Vampire Academy is an utterly unoriginal take on the genre. Yes, this movie sucks in more ways than one.

Rating: * (*****)