Mortdecai

Mortdecai - Dir. David Koepp (2015)

Oh, Johnny Depp, what have you done?

There’s no doubting that Johnny Depp is an iconoclastic performer. He was always a well-respected actor who finally shot into the upper stratosphere of superstardom after Pirates of the Caribbean. Ever since the emergence of Jack Sparrow, Depp’s track record has been rather iffy. His high-profile roles in Alice in Wonderland, The Lone Ranger, and Dark Shadows were criticized for being nothing more than one-note cartoon characters. Is he simply trying to recapture the magic of Captain Jack?

Depp doesn’t do himself any favors with yet another overly mannered performance in Mortdecai, based on a series of novels by Kyril Bonfiglioli.

Lord Charlie Mortdecai is a renowned art dealer and a self-absorbed aristocrat. He also owes £8 million in back taxes to the British government, much to the dismay of his long-suffering wife Johanna (Gwyneth Paltrow). Meanwhile, a valuable Goya painting has been stolen during a restoration. As it turns out, the stolen painting leads to yet another long-lost Goya that would be priceless on its own. The artwork was looted by the Nazis during WWII and Hermann Goering himself was rumored to have written the numbers to his Swiss bank accounts on the back of the canvas. Now, a litany of ne’er do wells are after the paintings from a Russian gangster (Ulrich Thomsen) to notorious terrorist Emil Strago (Jonny Pasvolsky). MI5’s Inspector Alistair Martland (Ewan McGregor) must enlist the aid of Mortdecai, who is reluctant to agree because Martland holds an unrequited torch for Johanna.

There’s a part of me that actually admires that a film like Mortdecai was actually made. It’s the type of picture no one makes anymore, a throwback to the old screwball comedies of Howard Hawks and Preston Sturges with a dash of The Pink Panther. Despite the best efforts of Depp and Paltrow, their dialogue has none of the same snap or wit. Chalk that up to screenwriter Eric Aronson whose last credit was the dubious On the Line starring ‘N Sync’s Lance Bass. Mortdecai’s idea of humor revolves around Johanna gagging at the prospect of kissing her hubby’s ludicrous mustache, a nymphomaniac played by Olivia Munn, and Mortdecai nearly getting his testicles hooked to a car battery.

David Koepp directed Mortdecai and he’s a filmmaker who knows his stuff. He’s written big blockbusters such as Jurassic Park and Spider-Man, along with directing psychological thrillers (Secret Window), rom-coms (Ghost Town), and action (Premium Rush). Koepp clearly drew inspiration from classics like Charade and How to Steal a Million in attempting to make Mortdecai a modern globetrotting caper. If you remember, Depp already starred in one of these (The Tourist) and the results weren’t any better. Koepp is really let down by the flat material. The slapstick lacks any energy and the whole thing drags on interminably.

As Depp borrowed heavily from Keith Richards for his turn as Jack Sparrow, he draws from British comedian Terry-Thomas for his performance and look as Mortdecai, right down to the gap in his teeth. Sadly, Depp seems content with performing shtick than any sort of subtleties and it becomes tiresome in the long run. Paltrow gets to dust off her British accent, but her and Depp don’t have the chemistry that she and Robert Downey Jr. do. The one highlight in Mortdecai is Paul Bettany, who clearly relishes the opportunity to do some comedy for a change. Bettany goes Cockney to play Mortdecai’s manservant/bodyguard Jock.

One can imagine Mortdecai working had it come along in the 60’s with Peter Sellers or Terry-Thomas himself in the title role. Today, Mortdecai is an anachronistic bore. It seems as if all Johnny Depp hoped for was to amuse himself and on that level he succeeded.

Rating: * (*****)

Iron Man 3

Iron Man 3 - Dir. Shane Black (2013)

People always say, "Third time's the charm." However, that rule doesn't always apply to comic book movies. If a franchise is lucky enough to make it to a third outing, the filmmakers have forgotten what made the series successful in the first place. Superman 3, Spider-Man 3, and X-Men: The Last Stand are glaring examples while Batman Forever was the start of Batman's descent into campy nipple-dom. Christopher Nolan broke from the trend with The Dark Knight Rises and Marvel does the same with Iron Man 3.

Iron Man 3 opens in 1999 where the old, arrogant playboy Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr.) attends a conference in Switzerland. He parties with a pretty geneticist named Maya Hansen (Rebecca Hall) and ignores Aldrich Killian (Guy Pearce), a nerdy and lame-legged scientist. In present time, Stark should be standing on cloud nine. He helped fight off an alien invasion and he's now living together with Pepper Potts (Gwyneth Paltrow) in his cliff side Malibu mansion. Instead, Stark is suffering from insomnia and a newfound sense of inadequacy following the events of The Avengers. Next to the enormous green rage monster and the god of thunder, he's just a "man in a can." He suffers from anxiety attacks and takes refuge inside his Iron Man armor, which has become his high-tech security blanket. He spends sleepless nights tinkering in his workshop and building dozens of suits designed to deal with every danger he could possibly imagine.

Danger comes with a savagery Stark hasn't dealt with before as The Mandarin (Ben Kingsley), leader of the terrorist group, The Ten Rings, steps up his attacks on America. Meanwhile, Killian has remade himself as a suave, Richard Branson-looking entrepreneur. His think tank, A.I.M. (Advanced Idea Mechanics), has developed a super-soldier serum dubbed Extremis, which turns human beings into living bombs. When one of them goes off in front of Grauman's Chinese Theater, Stark brazenly issues a challenge to the Mandarin on live television. The bad guys respond by reducing his house to rubble and forces Stark to rely on more than just his suits.

Jon Favreau, who directed the previous Iron Man movies, returns as a producer and in the supporting role of bodyguard Happy Hogan. Favreau has passed the torch onto Shane Black whose career trajectory mirrors the troubles of Robert Downey Jr. and his onscreen alter ego. Black became one of the highest paid screenwriters in Hollywood off the back of his debut script Lethal Weapon. However, he became persona non grata after costly failures like The Last Boy Scout and The Long Kiss Goodnight. Black reappeared with his directorial debut, the neo-noir comedy Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, starring Downey. Their relationship would lead to Black serving as an unofficial consultant on Iron Man and Iron Man 2. Both Favreau and Downey credit Black with paralleling Tony Stark's moral quandaries with those of Robert Oppenheimer. Though Iron Man 3 is far and away Black's most daunting production yet, Marvel Studios has become enough of an efficient factory that it almost doesn't matter who is at the helm as long as they are halfway competent.

The look and feel of Iron Man 3 fits right into the merry Marvel method of movie making. It's slick without being overly stylish in a Michael Bay or Guy Ritchie sort of way. Iron Man 3 is more action packed than either of its predecessors. There's a thrilling sequence where Iron Man forms a human chain to rescue passengers sucked out of Air Force One. The climax features dozens of armored suits (including one of my favorites, the Silver Centurion) battling an army of Extremis powered soldiers on an offshore oil rig, a classic supervillain hideout. Stark's latest iteration, the Mark 42, can be remote controlled and donned in creative fashion.

The screenplay by Black and Drew Pearce consists of several Black trademarks such as the Christmas setting and a voiceover narration by Downey that stops and rewinds ala Kiss Kiss Bang Bang. Black's flair for witty banter is paired perfectly with Downey's penchant for off-the-cuff one-liners. Iron Man 2 was criticized for its preoccupation with building towards Avengers rather than telling a standalone story. That's been corrected here with a more focused sequel with only passing references to Thor and SHIELD. Everyone involved made a concerted effort to metaphorically return Tony Stark to the cave from the first film. Stark crash lands in rural Tennessee where he uses the tools at hand inside a ramshackle garage and befriends a doe-eyed, precocious boy named Harley (Ty Simpkins). This section of the film could have easily veered into mawkish Spielbergian territory, but the sentimentality is constantly undercut by Downey's irreverence. The script brings up the notion that we as individuals and as a nation have created our own enemies, but never digs deeper than surface level.

Don Cheadle's Rhodey (remade as the Iron Patriot) is sidelined for most of the movie and Rebecca Hall is wasted a bit in the underwritten role of Maya Hansen. On the other hand, Gwyneth Paltrow gets the chance to become more than just Stark's sounding board. Pepper Potts is thrown into the action frequently and even puts on the armor for a brief moment. Yes, she plays the damsel in distress, but she also gets to do some saving of her own. Perhaps, the most intriguing character in the threequel is Iron Man's arch-nemesis, the Mandarin. A yellow peril villain in the vein of Fu Manchu, Mandarin has been updated and re-imagined as an uber-terrorist appropriating an iconography of infamy. He's Castro, bin Laden, Qaddafi, Genghis Khan, and Colonel Kurtz all rolled into one. Sir Ben Kingsley portrays the Mandarin in unique fashion with a booming and authoritarian staccato; all accentuated by ominously constructed video threats. However, a twist to the character will have comic book fans launching into conniption fits.

Iron Man 3 not only kicks off the summer blockbuster season, it's the beginning of Marvel Studios' Phase 2 and the course will be exciting judging by the early results. Other comic book threequels suffer from being over long and burdened with too many characters, but Iron Man 3 never feels bloated and moves at a quick clip. This is a fun and vibrant tentpole release bolstered by an exceptionally heroic score from Brian Tyler, one of the best done for Marvel Studios. A return to form for the Iron Man series and a worthy successor to The Avengers.

Rating: **** (*****)

Priest

Priest - Dir. Scott Stewart (2011)

Priest is supposed to be based on a Korean comic book series. Upon viewing the final product, it seems as if the filmmakers didn't even bother to read the books and chose to rip off better and more successful pictures. It's a sci-fi, action Western that's heavy on the religious imagery and light on plot and intelligence. Paul Bettany once again steps into the role of post-apocalyptic avenger with his Legion director Scott Stewart. Just as Legion was essentially Assault on Precinct 13 with angels and demons, Priest is The Searchers with vampires instead of Indians.

Priest begins promisingly enough with an animated prologue done by Genndy Tartakovsky (Dexter's Lab, Samurai Jack). This opening details how the world was ravaged by a centuries-long war between humans and vampires, re-envisioned as feral, eye-less creatures. Eventually the Church employed priests, skilled warriors bred to hunt and kill vampires. The priests cut down the blood-sucking hordes and forced the remaining survivors onto closely guarded reservations. With the battle now over, the priests found it difficult to re-integrate into normal life. They are forced to work menial labor and considered pariahs to a frightened society ruled over by the Church.

Bettany, as the nameless Priest, lives in a walled off city filled with neo-Gothic skyscrapers adorned with video billboards that may remind sci-fi fans of Blade Runner. Orwellian speak placards (FAITH WORK SECURITY) are plastered throughout the theocratic metropolis. He receives word that the vampire menace has returned and attacked the family of his brother, Owen (Stephen Moyer), and kidnapped daughter Lucy (Lily Collins). The Church council headed by Monsignor Orelas (Christopher Plummer) refuses to acknowledge the growing danger lest it tarnish their image of infallibility. Priest defies their commands, teaming with Lucy's boyfriend, a young sheriff named Hicks (Cam Gigandet) to rescue her and defeat Black Hat (Karl Urban), a former Priest transformed into a human/vampire hybrid. The Church sends the lovely Maggie Q and a trio of other priests to apprehend their errant brother.

Leaving the dystopian city, the setting shifts to a post-apocalyptic wasteland that's equal parts Judge Dredd, Mad Max, and Star Wars. The characters zoom across the desolate horizons on high-tech motorcycles. Priest doesn't bother with trifling things like logic and character development, jumping into one action sequence to another. Not counting the end credits, the film runs a little over eighty minutes so, at least, it knows not to overstay its welcome. The action is completely silly with more slow motion shots than all of Zack Snyder's movies combined. Priest doesn't use guns to fight vampires because he's armed with crucifix-shaped throwing stars. When Priest visits his brother on his deathbed, you can't help but think Stephen Moyer looks in good shape despite being mauled by demonic creatures.

The acting is as wooden as the stakes you usually see being plunged into the heart of a vampire with Cam Gigandet faring the worst as the dull gunfighter. Christopher Plummer (perhaps his most embarrassing pic since Starcarsh) and Karl Urban are wasted in one-note roles as is the great Brad Dourif in a throwaway part as a snake oil salesman.

Following the 3D trend, Priest was converted in post-production, but I viewed it in old fashioned 2D. The majority of the film occurs at night or in dark underground settings. I had enough of a hard time trying to see what's happening and I can't imagine how much darker it was in 3D.

Priest is the kind of mindless action movie that may satisfy those craving for junk food cinema. Anyone else will see it as a boring, derivative mess that will soon find its way into the Wal-Mart discount dump bin underneath unsold copies of Ultraviolet and Jonah Hex.

Rating: * (*****)

The Tourist

The Tourist - Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck (2010)

The Tourist is the kind of film that Hollywood used to make decades ago. This is the kind of film reserved for stars like Cary Grant, Tony Curtis, Audrey Hepburn, and Grace Kelly. It's all about beautiful people doing beautiful things in beautiful places. A remake of the French film, Anthony Zimmer, The Tourist has the makings of a surefire with Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie in the lead. The director is Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck whose previous picture, the sublime Lives of Others, won an Oscar for Best Foreign Language Film in 2006. Donnersmarck was one of three credited writers along with Christopher McQuarrie and Julian Fellowes, both are also Oscar winners, the former for The Usual Suspects and the latter for Gosford Park. Surprisingly, the A-list cast and high caliber creative team hardly delivers the masterpiece one would expect.

Johnny Depp plays the vacationing Frank Tupelo, an unassuming math teacher from Wisconsin. That's going to take a while to sink into your head because I doubt there are many math teachers out there who look like Johnny Depp. Hell, I doubt there is anybody from Wisconsin who looks like Johnny Depp. Anyways, while riding the train to Venice, Frank meets the exceedingly gorgeous and glamorous Elise (Jolie). Despite the enormous gap in social strata, they hit it off and Elise asks Frank to tag along as she rides the canals to her ritzy hotel. Unbeknownst to Frank, Elise is the lover of an international fugitive by the name of Alexander Pearce whose face is unknown due to extensive plastic surgery. Scotland Yard has been after Pearce and so has a notorious gangster named Reginald Shaw (Steven Berkoff). To throw his adversaries off the trail, Pearce tells Elise to pick some fool to act as a decoy. This leads to poor Frank (in his pajamas) being chased across the rooftops of Venice by gun-toting thugs.

The main cast also includes Paul Bettany as a dogged Inspector on Pearce's trail, Timothy Dalton as his supervisor, and Rufus Sewell as a mysterious fellow following Frank and Elise.

Johnny Depp has proven to be an incredibly versatile actor with his best roles being his most eccentric. Jack Sparrow, Ed Wood, Willy Wonka, and Sweeney Todd are all outlandish characters that Depp has brought his own flair to. Here, Depp is simply called upon to play it as low-key as possible, perhaps, a little too low-key. He alternately appears bored and downright narcoleptic. The strongest emotion Depp summons is annoyed bemusement. Jolie is given an equally undemanding role, one where all she has to do is look good in a slinky dress with her lips painted red. Donnersmarck takes every opportunity to shoot Jolie against the exotic Italian locales. Meanwhile, Steven Berkoff steals the movie right from under his more well-known co-stars. Berkoff will probably be remembered as the villain with a funny accent in just about every 80's action movie. Think Octopussy, Beverly Hills Cop (Victor Maitland~!), and Rambo: First Blood, Part II. Surprise, surprise, Berkoff once again plays the villain with a funny accent. He's a special brand of evil, a guy who surrounds himself with hard-ass Russian henchmen and strangles a man while getting a suit tailored.

The Tourist is a lightweight romp that recalls classic pictures like William Wyler's Roman Holiday, and Stanley Donen's Charade. On the surface, it resembles Hitchcock's North by Northwest and To Catch a Thief with its globe-trotting adventure of mistaken identity. However, The Tourist has none of the suspense and rests far too much on the shoulders of its stars. A predictable last minute twist doesn't make a lick of sense if you think about it for more than ten seconds.

Rating: ** (*****)

Iron Man 2

Iron Man 2 - Dir. Jon Favreau (2010)


”If you make God bleed, people will cease to believe in him. There will be blood in the water and the sharks will come. All I have to do is sit here and watch as the world consumes you.”

Iron Man was never Marvel’s premiere superhero on the comic book page, but on the big screen he’s their centerpiece. 2008’s Iron Man was a rousing success and set the foundation for creating a singular cinematic universe where Marvel’s heroes exist side-by-side. As with the majority of sequels, Iron Man 2 ups the ante with more action, more FX, and more characters as Marvel Studios marches ever closer to the magnum opus of The Avengers.

Set a mere six months after the original film, Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr.) is riding high on a wave of newfound fame as Iron Man. He’s more than eager to feed our ultra-modern society’s hunger for celebrity. He stages the Stark Expo, an elaborate science fair, appearing in front of thousands of adoring fans and backed up by a bevy of gorgeous Ironette dancers. But, underneath that flippant, care-free demeanor, all is not well in the House of Stark.

The power core within Tony Stark’s chest is keeping his heart pumping, but is also poisoning his blood, the toxicity levels increasing with each usage of the Iron Man armor. A government subcommittee headed up by the officious Sen. Stern (Garry Shandling) demand that Stark turn over the Iron Man technology to them. Meanwhile, in Russia, a downtrodden physicist named Ivan Vanko (Mickey Rourke) builds his own miniaturized reactor feeding energy into a pair of tendrils. Turns out, Vanko’s father Anton helped Tony’s father, Howard (John Slattery), build the original Arc reactor before being deported back to Russia to live and die in abject poverty.

Vanko fails to kill Stark on a Monaco racetrack, but manages to attract the attention of rival industrialist Justin Hammer (Sam Rockwell). Hammer desperately wants to be Tony Stark, except he lacks the smarts. So he hires Vanko to build him an army of armored warriors and make Iron Man “look like an antique.” Taking hits on all sides, Tony shirks responsibility, handing the company over to Pepper Potts (Gwyneth Paltrow) and finding solace at the bottom of a bottle. After Tony shows up drunk in full armor at his birthday party, his best friend Rhodey (Don Cheadle) steals the Mark II suit and turns it over to the military. Fanboys will giggle with glee as it’s pimped out with an arsenal of weapons into War Machine.

Bolstering this cavalcade of characters is Scarlett Johansson as Tony’s new personal assistant who is actually an undercover SHIELD agent. Fans will know her as the Black Widow. Scarlett busts out an array of MMA and Lucha Libre maneuvers while almost busting out of her skin-tight leather leotards. Samuel L. Jackson’s Nick Fury (who first appeared in a post-credits scene in the preceding film) gets a meatier role as does director Jon Favreau as Tony’s driver/bodyguard Happy Hogan.

Clark Gregg returns as SHIELD Agent Coulson as do Leslie Bibb as reporter Christine Everhart and Paul Bettany as the voice of Tony’s artificial intelligence, JARVIS. Kate Mara makes a one scene appearance as a federal marshal and not as Bethany Cabe as previously rumored. Plus, there’s the obligatory cameo by Stan Lee (one of the best yet).

An ensemble of A-list actors were gathered together for the Iron Man and Iron Man 2 is no different. Mickey Rourke already looks like a comic book character so casting him as Ivan Vanko (a combination of supervillains Whiplash and Crimson Dynamo) was a no-brainer. A tried and true method actor, Rourke researched his role by visiting a Russian gulag and speaking with gangsters and criminals. As Vanko, he’s covered in tattoos and sports a shit-eating grin full of gold teeth. He just may be the most bad-ass physicist to walk the planet. Yes, even more than Stephen Hawking.

Sam Rockwell, who was once in the running to play Tony Stark, is another welcome addition. A master of the art of the smarmy, Rockwell absolutely excels as the underhanded Hammer. He’s one of the few actors who can go tit-for-tat with both Downey and Rourke. Also thrown into the mix is Don Cheadle, replacing Terrence Howard amidst rumors of dissention on the set and an escalating salary. Cheadle fits seamlessly into the cast, confronting Tony at the senate hearing with the meta-textual line, ”I’m here now. Deal with it and move on.”

The excellent performances are not just due to a talented cast, but also to a talented director. As a writer/director/actor, Favreau cut his teeth on the independent film Swingers, which he starred in and wrote. Owning to those indie roots, he knows the importance of story and characters above all else. Favreau has also cited Robert Altman as an influence for giving his actors free reign to improvise during filming. The improvisation is never more evident than in the Howard Hawksian interplay between Tony and Pepper. That freedom has allowed Robert Downey Jr. to bring Tony Stark to life as a deep and fully realized character. He’s also kept Favreau and screenwriter Justin Theroux on their toes with both men having to rewrite the script on the fly throughout production. Theroux is also an actor turned writer. He made a memorable appearance playing a filmmaker in David Lynch’s mindbender Mulholland Drive. He also co-wrote Tropic Thunder which impressed Downey enough to bring him on to the sequel.

The use of such a multitude of actors and characters may be a little worrisome. The downfall of many superhero sequels (Spider-Man 3, X-Men: The Last Stand) is throwing in too many characters and too many plotlines. Thankfully, Iron Man 2 isn’t muddied up by an unwieldy amount of personalities. Each character and subplot is melded into the central narrative and converges towards the climax and resolution. They do not all get the appropriate screen time they deserve, but it works. Well, for the most part…

If Iron Man 2 has any faults, they lie in the saggy middle section. After a rousing racetrack battle between Iron Man and Vanko, the film pumps on the brakes for the second act. Tony alienates those around him while dealing with his illness and issues with his later father who appears in vintage film reels like a hybrid of Howard Hughes and Walt Disney. Whenever superhero sequels come along, those involve always mention how the second movie will be even better because they’ve gotten the origin story “out of the way.” However, Iron Man deftly weaved the origin story into the picture thus making the hero’s journey of Tony Stark making it every bit as important as the action scenes. With the origin out of the way, it seems the filmmakers were unclear as to where to go with Tony Stark. The second act of the sequel treads familiar territory as Tony works in his lab while his enemies scheme behind his back. It unfolds a little too much like the original film.

Favreau may not have the greatest command over action, but what he does here gets the job done. For a big-budget spectacle, Iron Man 2 is surprisingly light on action with only three major set pieces in the film. The opening fight on the racetrack is pulled off well and the final showdown is a wondrous multi-tiered battle with a picture perfect melding of practical and CG effects. The only drawbacks with each sequence are the anti-climactic endings. They build and build then fizzle out at the finish. Iron Man has yet to face a foe that is on equal footing. I suppose we have to wait for inevitable debut of arch-nemesis, the Mandarin, in Iron Man 3 to finally find someone who can really menace our hero.

Iron Man is the crown jewel of the Marvel movie oeuvre. Along with The Dark Knight, it made 2008 the pinnacle year for the comic book movie. If it is all downhill from there, Iron Man 2 makes sure it isn’t a steep drop, but a slight stumble. By the lofty standards of the original film, the sequel doesn’t quite live up to its predecessor. Iron Man 2 feels more like a stepping stone to further the Marvel’s movie universe (which I’ll spoil below) rather than a film to stand on its own. However, it’s still damned good entertainment. Damn, damn good entertainment.

Rating; *** ½

WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD!

Want to find out what all that talk about New Mexico meant? Stick around until after the credits for a glimpse of Mjolnir, the mighty hammer of Thor.

There are more Easter Eggs to be found in Iron Man 2. The most obvious is the appearance of an incomplete version of Captain America’s shield which could be glimpsed very briefly in the first film.

Look closely at the news report Tony Stark is watching in the SHIELD briefing room. It’s the same report from The Incredible Hulk following his clash with the army on the college campus. Even better, re-watch Hulk and you’ll notice the reporter mentions something about thunderstorms. Hmm…

Legion

Legion - Dir. Scott Stewart (2010)


Throw another one onto the apocalyptic bonfire. A week after the release of The Book of Eli comes another end of the world action film. Zombies and vampires have had their turn, now here come the angels.

God has grown tired of mankind and orders his army of winged warriors to wipe them off the face of the Earth. One angel, Michael (Paul Bettany), disobeys his creator. He heads to the mortal realm, cuts off his wings, and loads up with automatic weapons. He makes his way to a diner called Paradise Falls in the middle of nowhere. There, he must protect Charlie, the waitress (Adrianne Palicki), and more importantly, her unborn child who is destined to lead humanity into greatness.

What transpires is a biblical version of John Carpenter’s Assault on Precinct 13 with Michael and a ragtag group of humans defending the diner from an onslaught of possessed humans and the vengeful angel Gabriel (Kevin Durand). Among those diners are Bob Hanson (Dennis Quaid), the hardnosed owner; his son Jeep (Lucas Black) who pines away for Charlie; Percy (Charles S. Dutton), the one-handed cook; Howard & Sandra Anderson (Jon Tenney & Kate Walsh) and their daughter Audrey (Willa Holland); and Kyle (Tyrese Gibson), a passer-by who asks for directions.

You’d think a movie about the end of days and angels with machine guns would be pretty exciting. Alas, Legion starts off strong, sags in the middle, and peters out at the very end. The film’s best and most memorable scene comes early when the diners are attacked by a little, old lady (“You’re baby is going to fuckin’ burn!”). Nothing else in Legion lives up to that moment. The movie grinds to a halt with a second act bloated by endless exposition and a half-assed attempt at character development with scene after scene of the diners getting to know each other. While admirable, their backstories are so clichéd that they still remain paper thin which means valuable smashing time is wasted with talk, talk, talk.

In the pantheon of angel movies, Legion is definitely superior to that horrible John Travolta film, but isn’t nearly as good as Wim Wenders’ classic Wings of Desire. Though Wings probably would have been even better if the angels in it had machine guns too.

Rating: * ½