A Million Ways to Die in the West

A Million Ways to Die in the West - Dir. Seth MacFarlane (2014)

The ubiquitous Seth MacFarlane has branched out far beyond his animated empire of Family Guy, American Dad, and the recently cancelled Cleveland Show. He's the closest thing we have these days to an old-fashioned song and dance man. He's hosted the Oscars, performed a concert tour, released a jazz album, and even executive produced the educational science series Cosmos: A Spacetime Odyssey. In 2012, MacFarlane wrote and directed his first feature film, Ted, the story about a man and a talking teddy bear who has long worn out his welcome. MacFarlane also performed the voice work and motion capture for the titular Ted. For his second feature, A Million Ways to Die in the West, we get MacFarlane in all his live-action glory as meek sheep farmer Albert Stark.

It's the year 1882 and Stark lives in the little town of Old Stump. He spends most of his time bemoaning how just about everything can kill you in the Wild West, from wild animals to unsanitary medical care. The most dangerous of all just might be murderous gunfighters. Albert is a sheep farmer and a pretty lousy one at that. His flock is scattered all over the place and when one of them grazes on another man's property, Albert is challenged to a showdown. Albert chickens out, much to the chagrin of his girlfriend Louise (Amanda Seyfried), who promptly for Foy (Neil Patrick Harris), the proprietor of the local Moustachery.

Albert thinks about packing it up and moving to San Francisco when he meets the gorgeous Anna (Charlize Theron). Both of them share a common disdain for everything dirty and backwards about the West. Anna also teaches Albert how to shoot a gun in order to challenge Foy and win back the fickle heart of Louise. Unfortunately, it turns out Anna is married to Clinch Leatherwood (Liam Neeson), a notorious outlaw who doesn't like anyone making moves with his wife.

A Million Ways to Die in the West wears its influences on its sleeve. Naturally, MacFarlane shoots quite a bit in Monument Valley, the gorgeous setting for so many classic John Ford Westerns. There's a nod to Terror in Tiny Town, an infamous 1938 movie starring an entire cast of little people and a lively dance number honoring facial hair that recalls Oklahoma. Of course, as a Western comedy, A Million Ways to Die in the West is cut from the same cloth as Blazing Saddles. Whereas Mel Brooks chose to do one long fart joke during the campfire sequence, MacFarlane spreads his flatulent humor throughout the film. And while Brooks was focused on race relations, MacFarlane takes a decidedly de-romanticized look at the Old West. He borrows the fish out of water aspect from Paleface and Son of Paleface starring Bob Hope. If you've watched Family Guy, then you'll know MacFarlane's reverence for hook nosed comedian thanks to the "Road to…" episodes with Stewie and Brian as Hope and Bing Crosby.

Albert makes numerous anachronistic observations about the time period. He looks at the violence and disease through modern eyes. He's reminiscent of Frank Grimes, the tightly wound character driven mad by the absurdity of The Simpsons. Sure, MacFarlane is a bit one-note in the lead, but he makes it work with his wry observations and off-the-cuff non sequiturs. Luckily, Million Ways has itself a terrific supporting cast with Neil Patrick Harris really asserting himself in the role of an annoying fop. Sarah Silverman is perfectly cast as Ruth, the proverbial hooker with the heart of gold, but with a twist. Silverman made a name for herself on the stand-up circuit with bawdy material that belied that sweet, pixie voice. Here, she's a prostitute openly engaged in outlandish sexual acts, yet she's in a chaste relationship with Albert's best friend, the virginal Edward (Giovanni Ribisi).

There are cameos galore in Million Ways. Blink and you might miss Ewan McGregor, Ryan Reynolds or Kaley Cuoco. Being set in the 1800's means MacFarlane can't rely on his usual arsenal of pop culture references. His one indulgence is the appearance of a certain time-traveling doctor and not the one who rides around in a police box.

Rating: *** (*****)

Ted

Ted - Dir. Seth MacFarlane (2012)

You have to wonder if Seth MacFarlane ever has time to sleep. The man has built himself an animation empire at Fox as the creator of Family Guy, American Dad, and The Cleveland Show. He writes, produces, and does numerous voices on each show. Fox even put him in charge of developing a new version of The Flintstones to add to their line-up. MacFarlane has hosted several Comedy Central Roasts, Saturday Night Live, and will also host the upcoming Oscars. Somehow, his busy schedule didn't prevent him from writing and directing his first feature film, Ted, which went on to become the highest grossing R-rated comedy of all time.

The story begins on Christmas in Boston when a lonely boy named John Bennett (Bretton Manley) wishes that his new teddy bear would come to life. Miraculously, the wish comes true and the two become the best of friends. Decades later, John (Mark Wahlberg) is now 35 and working a lousy job at a car rental agency. The bear, Ted (MacFarlane), is still around and the two have become typical Boston meatheads content to drink beer, smoke pot, and watch Flash Gordon. John's exasperated girlfriend, Lori (Mila Kunis), knows John will never truly grow up so long as Ted is around. Lori finally demands Ted leave when she returns to their apartment to find him carousing with a bunch of hookers. John must now find a way to balance his relationships with Ted and Lori while the bear fends for himself in the real world.

Ted has all the hallmarks of a Seth MacFarlane production. It is littered with profane humor and random celebrity cameos from the likes of Ryan Reynolds, Norah Jones, and Tom Skerritt. Flash Gordon himself, Sam J. Jones, makes an appearance as he riotously parties with the hero worshipping protagonists. Most importantly, Ted features a plethora of pop culture references fired off with machine gun precision. MacFarlane's cannibalization of pop culture can be summed up by a parody of the Airplane! parody of Saturday Night Fever. Characters riff on everything from Diff'rent Strokes to Hootie and the Blowfish. Oddly enough, these gags work better than jabs at more timely targets such as Adam Sandler's Jack and Jill or one-time Superman Brandon Routh.

MacFarlane comfortably surrounded with familiar faces. He co-wrote the script with fellow Family Guy writers, Alec Sulkin and Wellesley Wild, while the score was done by Walter Murphy, who also composed the Family Guy theme song. Patrick Stewart does voiceover narration, Alex Borstein has a supporting role as John's mom, and Patrick Warburton appears as one of John's co-workers. Mila Kunis, the voice of Meg Griffin, brings charm and wit to the usually thankless role of the nagging girlfriend. Giovanni Ribisi has an over-the-top turn as an obsessed fan determined to purchase Ted for his creepy kid.

The entire movie hinges on the friendship between John and Ted. Both Wahlberg and MacFarlane deliver the goods. Wahlberg hasn't much luck at straight dramatic roles as evidenced by his shaky performances in The Lovely Bones and The Happening. He's also done so many C-grade action films that it's easy to forget how talented he is as a comedic actor. He's hilarious in Ted, especially in a scene where he rapidly lists the names of white trash girls. Wahlberg also gets to show off a flair for physical humor when he throws down with Ted. Speaking of the bear, the CGI is excellent with Ted seamlessly blended in with flesh and blood actors. MacFarlane not only did the voice, but the motion capture on set while directing. In another MacFarlane trademark, everyone simply accepts the existence of a talking teddy bear without once raising an eyebrow.

Are people going to find Ted offensive and juvenile? Certainly and it's hard to argue the point when you see a talking teddy bear spray lotion on his face while acting like it's semen. Seth MacFarlane relishes journeying into R-rated territory in a manner he cannot on television and finds a unique take on the buddy comedy.

Rating: *** (*****)

Tooth Fairy

Tooth Fairy - Dir. Michael Lembeck (2010)


During Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson’s early wrestling career, fans detested his clean-cut, good guy character so much that they chanted, “Die, Rocky, Die.” The chant now should probably be, “Why, Rocky, Why?” Johnson may not be the most nuanced performer around, but he’s got a natural charisma which you can’t learn in acting school. It was an easy transition for The Rock to move from pro wrestling superstar to action hero. In The Rundown, Arnold Schwarzenegger popped up in a quick cameo to pass the proverbial torch to Johnson. “Have fun,” the Governator said. We still haven’t gotten that blockbuster film from Johnson, even if it looks like he’s having fun in his recent string of subpar, family comedies.

Johnson starred as a football player who has to learn what’s really important in life in The Game Plan. In Tooth Fairy, he’s a hockey player who has to learn what’s really important in life. Johnson is Derek Thompson who was busted down to the minors after a shoulder injury. With his NHL career over, he is now more than content with becoming a brutish enforcer nicknamed, “The Tooth Fairy,” because he knocks out opposing players’ teeth. Off the ice, Thompson romances single mom Carly (Ashley Judd) and attempts to bond with her children, Tess (Destiny Whitlock) and the cynical Randy (Chase Ellison).

After telling one child to “lower his expectations” and attempting to reveal that the tooth fairy isn’t real to Tess, Thompson is whisked away to Fairyland (seriously) where he is sentenced to work as an actual tooth fairy to pay his debts to society. In Fairyland, he meets his case worker, Tracy (Stephen Merchant), and the head fairy, Lily (Julie Andrews in full on Julie Andrews mode). Billy Crystal is there too doing a variation of Miracle Max from The Princess Bride as a fairy who provides Thompson with a bag of magical gadgets to perform his duties.

As a concept, Tooth Fairy has been floating around development hell since the mid-90’s. The script has passed through the hands of at least five different writers including the veteran team of Babaloo Mandel and Lowell Ganz (Parenthood, City Slickers). You’d think somewhere along the way, someone would have come up with something funny. Instead, we get lame gags like Thompson plummeting from a balcony because he can’t work his wings or trying to hide his tights from his teammates. We also get bad puns like, “That’s the tooth,” and “Fairy evolution? Who come up with that Charles Darwing?”

The concept itself is downright moronic. Thompson is told that Fairyland is in danger because kids have stopped believing in the Tooth Fairy. We never learn what exactly will happen nor do we learn why it’s so damn important to have these fairies around. And we still don’t know what the hell they do with all those teeth. Also, where exactly do they get the funding necessary to leave behind a dollar under all those pillows? Here’s another important question, who gives a shit about the Tooth Fairy? I guess with so many Santa movies, they were grasping at straws for another mythical character. Personally, I think the Tooth Fairy ranks well below the Easter Bunny and Hanukkah Harry.

Johnson is likable enough to save this mess from being a total loss. However, Tooth Fairy is the kind of inane movie that shamefully passes itself off as family entertainment. 2009 saw so many great family films with heart and intelligence (Coraline, Fantastic Mr. Fox, Up, Where the Wild Things Are) that it churns the stomach to see Hollywood take a step back with this nonsense. If you don't want your kid's teeth to fall out, don't feed them sugary junk food. If you don't want your kid's brain cells to fall out, don't take them to see Tooth Fairy. The tooth does indeed hurt. A painful experience on par with a gum scraping or root canal.

Rating: *