A Haunted House 2

A Haunted House 2 – Dir. Michael Tiddes (2014)

It's the sequel to a movie nobody asked for in the first place.

Marlon Wayans and his many brothers kicked off the Scary Movie franchise, which parodied horror movies using Scream as its spine. They departed from the series after the second movie. In 2013, Wayans struck out on his own with A Haunted House, a parody of the found footage genre, specifically Paranormal Activity. Despite being ravaged by critics, the film earned $60 million worldwide off a modest budget of #$2.5 million. If you know Hollywood, you know they'll jump on anything that makes a modicum of money. Hence, we have the inexplicable existence of A Haunted House 2.

For those of you who missed the original picture, Malcolm Johnson (Wayans) moves into a new home with his girlfriend Kisha Davis (Essence Atkins) only for the loving couple to suffer a string of supernatural phenomena. Part 2 begins right where they left off with Malcolm and his cousin Ray-Ray (Affion Crockett) attempting to drive a possessed Kisha to the hospital. They are struck by a passing vehicle and flee the scene leaving behind the unresponsive Kisha.

One year later, Malcolm has a new wife and a new house. He is now married to Megan (Jaime Pressly) and serves as stepfather to her two children, Becky (Ashley Rickards) and Wyatt (Steele Stebbins). Becky, like most teenage girls, is sullen and disrespectful to her mom's new husband. Wyatt is an odd boy who speaks to an invisible friend named Tony just as Danny did in The Shining. Only in this case, Wyatt's Tony is black and enjoys profanity and vodka.

Malcolm finds that Wyatt's behavior isn't the only thing strange going on in his life. The previous homeowners left behind a few objects including a creepy doll named Abigail, some disturbing reels of 16mm film, and a smelly antique box that fascinates Becky. Malcolm quickly discovers that the evil that plagued him before has followed him.

Wayans once again assumes multiple duties as star, co-writer, and producer for A Haunted House 2. He barely had enough material for one movie, let alone two. Wayans relies almost entirely on lazy references to recent horror flicks such as The Conjuring, The Possession, The Last Exorcism, and Sinister. The rest of his jokes usually involve racial stereotypes and name dropping celebrities (the Kardashians, Kanye West, etc.). Wayans blatantly pads out the running time by prolonging his already unfunny gags. The sight of a bare-assed Wayans having intercourse with the doll will be burned into your memory as the scene is stretching beyond any reasonable length. The joke continues to draw zero guffaws when the doll begins sending Malcolm gross selfies on his phone.

The sequel does have a stronger supporting cast than its predecessor, which makes it all the more disappointing when the film does nothing with them. Jaime Pressly can be very funny as evidenced by her time on My Name is Earl, but her character is rendered as nothing more than as an emasculating harpy. At least, she's gorgeous to look at. Cedric the Entertainer returns as the volatile Father Doug with Gabriel Iglesias as Malcolm's neighbor. Both are talented comedians who fail to inject humor in the puerile material. Hayes MacArthur and Missi Pyle are equally wasted as paranormal investigators modeled after Patrick Wilson and Vera Farmiga in The Conjuring. Wayans himself simply mugs for the camera, screeching and yammering every chance he gets. The only actor in the movie to garner an iota of amusement is Rick Overton as a paranormal scholar who cooks meth on the side.

Rating: * (*****)

A Haunted House

A Haunted House - Dir. Michael Tiddes (2013)

Although you can trace the origins of the found footage genre back to 1980’s Cannibal Holocaust, it was 1999’s The Blair Witch Project that brought it into modern consciousness. There’s been a resurgence of the genre following the runaway success of the Paranormal Activity films. With that success comes a host of imitators and parodies, beginning with the direct-to-video 30 Nights of Paranormal Activity with the Devil Inside the Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. One of the most prominent horror spoofs has been the Scary Movie franchise, which was shepherded by the Wayans Brothers. They departed after two films and were replaced by David Zucker, no stranger to parodies since he also directed Airplane and The Naked Gun. The Weinstein Company is resurrecting the Scary Movie brand after seven years with a fifth installment coming to theaters in April. Meanwhile, Marlon Wayans, an original star and co-writer of Scary Movie, has branched out with his own horror-comedy, A Haunted House, which hit theaters in January and arrives on DVD and Blu-ray shortly after the release of its competitor.

Malcolm Johnson (Wayans) is extremely excited to have his girlfriend, Keisha (Essence Atkins), move into his handsome suburban home. However, things go wrong immediately when she accidentally runs over Malcolm’s beloved dog. It only gets worse when spooky events start to occur, from doors and objects moving by themselves to ghostly moans in the middle of the night. Keisha sheepishly admits that she sold her soul to a demon for a pair of Christian Louboutin shoes and may have brought the supernatural presence with her. Together, they seek help from a variety of sources, including a pair of security experts (David Koechner and Dave Sheridan) filming their own reality series, an overly intimate psychic (Nick Swardson), Malcolm’s gangsta cousin Ray-Ray (Affion Crockett), and a priest (Cedric the Entertainer) with dubious credentials.

Marlon Wayans intended A Haunted House to be a humorous look at how black people would react to supernatural circumstances in the place of white folk. Too bad Eddie Murphy already did that gag in his classic stand-up special Delirious. Not to mention Murphy's joke was far funnier and only a couple minutes long. A Haunted House is excruciatingly dull and it's almost half an hour into the movie before the ghost story kicks into gear. One of the criticisms levied against Paranormal Activity was the thin plot and the plot is even thinner here. Really, it's a one joke premise. As soon as the furniture is thrown around, get the hell out of the house. That's exactly what Malcolm tries to do, but then the movie would be blessedly over. Instead, he and Keisha stick around, forcing us to endure a steady string of fart jokes and dated references to Snakes on a Plane and the Shake Weight.

Wayans seems to think flashing his bare ass is hilarious and does so on several occasions such as when he drunkenly defecates in the middle of the living room and when he gets sodomized by an invisible spirit. A Haunted House also loves playing up stereotypes from a Mexican housekeeper who seemingly can't speak English to Nick Swardson's swishy psychic who is constantly trying to fondle Malcolm because that's what all gay guys do.

Admittedly, there are some amusing moments. One scene finds Malcolm and Keisha calmly eating breakfast completely ignoring the poltergeist wreaking havoc on their kitchen. A Haunted House might have worked as a series of short skits. As it stands, it's nothing more than a lazy, lowbrow spoof.

Rating: * (*****)

Madagascar 3: Europe's Most Wanted

Madagascar 3: Europe's Most Wanted – Dirs. Eric Darnell, Tom McGrath & Conrad Vernon (2012)

The Madagascar series could hardly be considered the crown jewel of Dreamworks Animation’s filmography. Shrek is its most renowned and financially successful franchise while How to Train Your Dragon is their finest achievement with Kung Fu Panda a close second.  There’s just nothing memorable about the first two Madagascar movies and the animation and art style could hardly be considered groundbreaking. It’s with great surprise that Madagascar 3: Europe’s Most Wanted is light years ahead of the previous installments and one of the better animated features of 2012.

For those unfamiliar with the series, Madagascar follows the misadventures of Alex the Lion (Ben Stiller), Marty the Zebra (Chris Rock), Gloria the Hippo (Jada Pinkett-Smith), and the nebbish Melman the Giraffe (David Schwimmer) as they escape from the Central Park Zoo. Along with a quartet of ingenuous penguins, the runaway animals find themselves on the titular island as well as the plains of Africa where Alex originated. As Europe’s Most Wanted begins, our protagonists grow home sick for their caged confines in the Big Apple and seek to return to NYC. However, their ticket home, the penguins, are enjoying the high life in Monte Carlo.

Owing to the absurdist humor of the film, Alex and the gang apparently swim all the way as they emerge in the harbor with snorkels and goggles. Upon arrival, the furry friends run afoul of a relentless animal control officer named Capt. Chantel DuBois (Frances McDormand), who appears to be a cross between Cruella de Vil and the Terminator. This leads into a manic chase through the streets and rooftops of Monte Carlo with the animals riding in a nuclear powered battle van. It all culminates with DuBois bursting through walls while a makeshift cargo plane manned by a crew of chimpanzees fires banana peels at her from a high-powered machine gun. Did I mention the absurdist humor?

From there, the plane crashes and everyone is forced to hop aboard a train of circus animals. Among the performers are the gruff tiger Vitaly (Bryan Cranston), lithe jaguar Gia (Jessica Chastain), and the dim-witted Italian seal Stefano (Martin Short). The penguins use their casino winnings to purchase the ailing circus through their proxy, two chimps disguised as the King of Versailles. Alex assumes the role of de factor ringleader as he remakes the show into the only circus owned and operated entirely by animals. But, Capt. DuBois is determined to mount a lion’s head in her ghoulish trophy room.

The off-the-wall gags and breakneck pacing are reminiscent of the classic Looney Tunes shorts. Youngsters probably won’t be cognizant of this fact; they will be too busy admiring all the shiny wackiness, especially the climax involving a flying neon circus. The soundtrack will also appeal to both young and old with hip tracks like Katy Perry’s “Firework” amidst Andrea Bocelli’s “Con Te Partiro” for a romantic montage between the lemur King Julien and a unicycle-riding, tutu-wearing bear. There’s also a scene in which DuBois fires up her troops from their debilitating injuries with a rousing rendition of “Non Je Ne Regrette Rien.”

Madagascar 3 isn't as emotionally riveting as the finer works of Pixar, but it is a colorful and highly entertaining experience.

Rating: *** (*****)

Larry Crowne

Larry Crowne - Dir. Tom Hanks (2011)

Tom Hanks has earned his reputation as an all-around nice guy and one of the most likeable actors in Hollywood. Hanks brings every ounce of that likeability for Larry Crowne, which marks his second film as a director following his debut behind the camera with 1996's That Thing You Do!

Hanks stars as the titular Larry Crowne, a mid-level employee for U-Mart, a big-box retailer resembling Target. Larry enlisted in the Navy straight out of high school and never went to college. This lack of higher education is cited as the primary reason for his lack of promotion into upper management. Since he can no longer advance any further, U-Mart executives decide to fire him despite years of exemplar service.

Larry finds himself in an all too familiar situation as a divorced, middle-aged man who is now unemployed and saddled with a mortgage he can no longer afford. Left with few options, Larry decides to enroll in community college. Thus begins a series of life-changing events for our affable protagonist.

First, he trades in his gas-guzzling SUV for a sporty scooter and befriends the cute and free-spirited Talia (Gugu Mbatha-Raw), who renames him "Lance Corona" and recruits him into her scooter gang. She even gives Larry a makeover, giving him a new hairdo and ditching his dorky polo shirts for a hip leather jacket. Next, Larry signs up for a morning class on informal speaking taught by the disillusioned Mercedes Tainot (Julia Roberts). Not only has she lost her passion for academia, but she also deals with a husband (Bryan Cranston), who considers posting on internet message boards as creating a beachhead in new media. He also surfs for porn, but since this is a PG-13 movie, the women are fully clothed.

In addition to directing, producing, and starring in Larry Crowne, Tom Hanks co-wrote the script with Nia Vardalos, whose My Big Fat Greek Wedding was championed by Hanks and wife Rita Wilson. Vardalos has yet to recapture the same success and the middling response to the clichéd Larry Crowne won't change that. The way in which the film offers sitcom solutions to complex issues borders on condescension. Is a degree from a community college really going to protect someone from the economic downturn? I know people with Master's degrees who are still having a rough time in the job market. How does Larry Crowne still manage to stay afloat in Los Angeles while working as a part-time short order cook? Sometimes Crowne comes off more as a man going through a mid-life crisis when he's wearing a leather jacket and wallet chain.

Larry Crowne was released the same weekend as Transformers: Dark of the Moon. It certainly serves its purpose as counter-programming to the hordes of loud, effects heavy blockbusters. Hanks and Roberts (who gets more beautiful with age) have a winning chemistry together and there are some fun performances from Taraji P. Henson and Rami Malek as an annoyingly dim classmate. Without a doubt, the best thing in the movie is George Takei as an eccentric economics professor. The boisterous Takei steals every one of his scenes. I wouldn't want to see Larry Crowne 2, but I'd readily shell out twelve bucks to see a spin-off starring the former Mr. Sulu.

It's obvious Larry Crowne was meant as a soothing salve on the gaping wounds caused by the financial collapse with Hanks serving as a modern day Frank Capra or Preston Sturges. Sadly, Hanks is unable to capture the heart and wit of those cinematic masters. It is simply populist pabulum with a tone as affable and easy-going as its leading man.

Rating: ** (*****)

Talk To Me

Talk To Me - Dir. Kasi Lemmons (2007)

Talk To Me is loosely based on the true life story of Ralph Waldo "Petey" Greene, a disc jockey during the 60´s and 70´s who some have called one of the original "shock jocks." However, to label Greene as such would be an oversimplification of the man and his life´s work. Greene was born in Washington DC and grew up in the predominantly black Georgetown. After dropping out of high school, Greene joined the Army and served in the Korean War before being discharged for drug use. He was sentenced to ten years in prison for armed robbery in 1960. While serving out his time, Greene doing announcements over the PA system and played records sent to him by his grandmother. This would lead him on the path to becoming a disc jockey, television personality, and outspoken rights activist.

The film begins with Dewey Hughes (Chiwetel Ejiofor), the programming director for the DC radio station WOL-AM, visiting his brother, Milo (Mike Epps), at Lorton Reformatory where he´s serving a life sentence. Their visit is less than cordial as Dewey really wants nothing to do with his brother and only visits as a promise to their mother. Milo has mentioned his brother to Petey (Don Cheadle) who wants a job at Dewey´s station. The fact that he´s in prison is only a minor challenge. Sure enough, Petey wins over the warden and time off for good behavior after talking down an inmate about to commit suicide. Turns out, Petey actually spent six months trying to convince the man to go through with his plan.

Fresh out of the joint, Petey strolls on into the WOL offices expecting a job handed to him on a silver plate. Instead, his brash behavior and colorful language mortify Dewey and enrage the station owner, E.G. Sonderling (Martin Sheen). Thrown out of the building, Petey calls Dewey a sell-out and gathers a group of protestors outside the lobby. Nicknamed derisively by Petey as Mr. Tibbs, Dewey puts him in his place during a game of pool as he reveals that he too grew up in the projects and never forgot where he came from. Dewey convinces a reluctant Sonderling to put Petey on the air only to fire him a scant few minutes later after Petey calls Barry Gordy, the head of Motown Records, a pimp. Petey & Dewey lock Sonderling in his office the following morning and sneak into the broadcast booth. When the station´s phone lines are flooded with calls, Sonderling agrees to hire Petey on a full-time basis, but with some reservations.

Petey becomes the talk of the town, but his career takes a real jumpstart after the assassination of Martin Luther King Jr. Seeing the city torn about by fires and riots, Petey returns to the station to plead for peace. Dewey sees big things in Petey´s future and they leave behind their tiny radio booth for the stand-up circuit and televised talk shows. It is at this point where the film makes a veers away from being a fascinating biopic to a becoming a tired fable about fame and celebrity. Petey becomes uncomfortable with the sudden attention and being pigeon holed as simply a stand-up comic. Dewey is oblivious and like a beauty pageant mother, pushes on, living out his own dreams through Petey. The tension between the two comes to a head as Petey walks off in the middle of an appearance on the Tonight Show. We watch as the pair goes their separate ways and eventually reconcile after years of estrangement. It´s a story that has been played out on the screen many times before, the recent Dreamgirls comes to mind.

Even with a lackluster second half, Talk To Me is worthy of a recommend thanks to an all-around strong cast. As Petey Greene, Don Cheadle easily conveys the bluster and swagger of his character, but it´s during the quieter, introspective moments that he truly shines. The movie starts off strong in the first half introducing us to its subject and using the radio booth as a microcosm of one of the most turbulent times in American history. However, it strays too far once it turns into a story about the downfall of a star.

Rating: **

Cadillac Records

Cadillac Records - Dir. Darnell Martin (2008)


Cadillac Records tells an interesting story in the most uninteresting of ways. Segregation is the norm and, oddly, it would take a Jewish Polish immigrant and a wealth of black recording artists to slowly chip away at the barrier. Adrien Brody plays Leonard Chess whose rocky trip to the top starts with a nightclub in a Negro neighborhood. His paths cross with a poor sharecropper by the name of Muddy Waters played by Jeffrey Wright, who looks more like Billy Dee Williams than the blues musician. In Waters, Chess finds the star he needs to hitch a ride on and founds Chess Records. Soon, he’s attracting other talents such as Little Walter (Columbus Short), Chuck Berry (Mos Def), Howlin’ Wolf (Eamonn Walker), and Etta James (Beyonce Knowles).

Beyonce (who also served as executive producer) definitely has the pipes to match the legendary James and the audience I was with erupted in applause when she crooned, “At Last.” However, try as she might, she didn’t have the acting chops to match the larger-than-life personality that came with the larger-than-life voice.

It’s never clear whether Chess is truly taking care of his artists or ripping them off. Nonetheless, the label is riding the gravy train. While the stars may be raking in the dough and driving fancy Cadillacs, they still can’t eat the same places as white folks. Matter of fact, Berry is thrown out of a club he’s booked to play because the owners mistakenly believed he was white. He also causes a near riot simply by dancing with white girls on stage. Mos Def has a lot of fun with the role, but he's not in the film nearly enough. I'm all for spinning him off into a full-length film.

The film is narrated by Willie Dixon (Cedric the Entertainer) and uses Chess and Waters as the focal points, but no one personality is the centerpiece. Characters weave in and out of the story. Thus, Cadillac Records feels like several musical biopics strung together with each one following the typical trajectory of other biopics such as Ray or Walk the Line. It’s a formula that was mocked so well in Dewey Cox. The artists struggle with finances, drugs, and infidelity. They have their inevitable fall from grace before newfound fame pulls them back into the spotlight. Writer/Director Darnell Martin (whose body of art has primarily been in television) fashioned a script that leans just a little too much towards fiction rather than fact. She has added a few speculated romances (Chess & James, Little Walter and Waters' 1st wife) to spice things up.

There isn’t anything particularly terrible with Cadillac Records, but there isn’t anything particularly spectacular. It’s more noteworthy as a soundtrack rather than a film. A recommended rental.

Rating: ** 1/2