A Haunted House

A Haunted House - Dir. Michael Tiddes (2013)

Although you can trace the origins of the found footage genre back to 1980’s Cannibal Holocaust, it was 1999’s The Blair Witch Project that brought it into modern consciousness. There’s been a resurgence of the genre following the runaway success of the Paranormal Activity films. With that success comes a host of imitators and parodies, beginning with the direct-to-video 30 Nights of Paranormal Activity with the Devil Inside the Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. One of the most prominent horror spoofs has been the Scary Movie franchise, which was shepherded by the Wayans Brothers. They departed after two films and were replaced by David Zucker, no stranger to parodies since he also directed Airplane and The Naked Gun. The Weinstein Company is resurrecting the Scary Movie brand after seven years with a fifth installment coming to theaters in April. Meanwhile, Marlon Wayans, an original star and co-writer of Scary Movie, has branched out with his own horror-comedy, A Haunted House, which hit theaters in January and arrives on DVD and Blu-ray shortly after the release of its competitor.

Malcolm Johnson (Wayans) is extremely excited to have his girlfriend, Keisha (Essence Atkins), move into his handsome suburban home. However, things go wrong immediately when she accidentally runs over Malcolm’s beloved dog. It only gets worse when spooky events start to occur, from doors and objects moving by themselves to ghostly moans in the middle of the night. Keisha sheepishly admits that she sold her soul to a demon for a pair of Christian Louboutin shoes and may have brought the supernatural presence with her. Together, they seek help from a variety of sources, including a pair of security experts (David Koechner and Dave Sheridan) filming their own reality series, an overly intimate psychic (Nick Swardson), Malcolm’s gangsta cousin Ray-Ray (Affion Crockett), and a priest (Cedric the Entertainer) with dubious credentials.

Marlon Wayans intended A Haunted House to be a humorous look at how black people would react to supernatural circumstances in the place of white folk. Too bad Eddie Murphy already did that gag in his classic stand-up special Delirious. Not to mention Murphy's joke was far funnier and only a couple minutes long. A Haunted House is excruciatingly dull and it's almost half an hour into the movie before the ghost story kicks into gear. One of the criticisms levied against Paranormal Activity was the thin plot and the plot is even thinner here. Really, it's a one joke premise. As soon as the furniture is thrown around, get the hell out of the house. That's exactly what Malcolm tries to do, but then the movie would be blessedly over. Instead, he and Keisha stick around, forcing us to endure a steady string of fart jokes and dated references to Snakes on a Plane and the Shake Weight.

Wayans seems to think flashing his bare ass is hilarious and does so on several occasions such as when he drunkenly defecates in the middle of the living room and when he gets sodomized by an invisible spirit. A Haunted House also loves playing up stereotypes from a Mexican housekeeper who seemingly can't speak English to Nick Swardson's swishy psychic who is constantly trying to fondle Malcolm because that's what all gay guys do.

Admittedly, there are some amusing moments. One scene finds Malcolm and Keisha calmly eating breakfast completely ignoring the poltergeist wreaking havoc on their kitchen. A Haunted House might have worked as a series of short skits. As it stands, it's nothing more than a lazy, lowbrow spoof.

Rating: * (*****)

The Sitter

The Sitter - Dir. David Gordon Green (2011)

What happened to David Gordon Green? His career as a director got off to a strong start with George Washington and All the Real Girls. He continued his streak of small town dramas with Undertow and Snow Angels, before making a leap into the mainstream with the stoner action-comedy Pineapple Express. Green not only showed talent for riveting indie flicks, but also a flair for zany and raunchy comedy. At least, he did with Pineapple Express. Unfortunately, the well seems to have run dry as evidenced by Green's latest R-rated comedies. Your Highness was a critical and commercial flop that just barely made half of its meager $50 million budget. Green closed the year on another sour note with The Sitter, which will likely only be remembered as the last appearance of the overweight Jonah Hill.

Hill plays Noah Griffin, a college student on suspension. He's content to lay on the couch at his mom's house with no intentions of getting a job or any serious plans for the future. He decides to actually do something nice for his mom (Jessica Hecht) and babysit a trio of kids so she can enjoy a night out. Noah is put in charge of Slater (Max Records), a nervous bundle of neuroses; Blithe (Landry Bender), a wannabe celebutante wearing heavy make-up and a tutu; and their adopted sibling from El Salvador, Rodrigo (Kevin Hernandez), who enjoys blowing things up with fireworks.

Noah has a pseudo-girlfriend in Marisa (Ari Graynor), who asks him to bring her some cocaine for a party in exchange for sex. Thinking with his cock, Noah sets out into the seedier boroughs of New York City with the children in tow. Noah buys the coke from Marisa's dealer, Karl (Sam Rockwell), a bipolar eccentric who employs scantily clad bodybuilders in his drug lab. Karl also transports his narcotics inside dinosaur eggs, one of which is stolen by Rodrigo. Trying to get laid is the least of Noah's problems now that he has gangsters out to kill him.

Much like Pineapple Express, The Sitter features a mixture of raunchy, lowbrow humor along with mild action and chase sequences. Gordon doesn't handle the latter well as he fails to imbue these scenes with the same energy he did with Pineapple Express. Not all the blame falls on the director's shoulders. The majority of the film's faults lie with the script by Brian Gatewood and Alessandro Tanaka, who are also penning the upcoming remake of Baywatch, which will surely top year-end worst lists should it ever be released.

Gatewood and Tanaka practically plagiarize a bunch of 80's comedies with the spine of the story lifted from Adventures in Babysitting, plus a dash of Uncle Buck with Hill filling the role of a modern day John Candy. There's even a William Zabka-type in Marisa's ex-boyfriend, a blonde kickboxer with the oh-so-80's name of Ricky Fontaine (Jack Krizmanich). The rest of the movie's humor relies solely on broad stereotypes, like jive talking African-Americans who don't like white people and a flaming gay guy on roller skates.

The Sitter is a poorly conceived pastiche of derivative ideas and unfunny gags. Hill is called upon to simply reprise his Superbad persona and after his understated performance in Moneyball, it's disappointing.

Rating: * (*****)

We Bought a Zoo

We Bought a Zoo - Dir. Cameron Crowe (2011)

The holidays are usually a great time for Hollywood to unleash schmaltzy, family friendly entertainment to the masses. This past Christmas was no different with the release of Steven Spielberg's War Horse and Cameron Crowe's We Bought a Zoo. Both directors had been incognito for several years, but have returned with a vengeance.

Crowe wrote and directed one of his most critically acclaimed films in Almost Famous, based on his experiences as a teenage journalist for Rolling Stone. However, Vanilla Sky, his remake of Alejandro Amenabar's Open Your Eyes, met with mixed reactions and his rom-com Elizabethtown was a critical and commercial flop. Crowe's recent output includes a documentary on Pearl Jam and one on Elton John and this drama based on Benjamin Mee's memoirs, We Bought a Zoo: The Amazing True Story of a Young Family, a Broken Down Zoo, and the 200 Wild Animals That Changed Their Lives. A columnist for the Guardian, Mee, purchased the troubled Dartmoor Wildlife Park in 2006, which he ran with his wife (who later passed away from a brain tumor), brother, two children, and mother.

For the first time, Crowe isn't the sole credited writer. He rewrote the screenplay originally penned by Aline Brosh McKenna, who also adapted The Devil Wears Prada and I Don't Know How She Does It. Crowe transplants the story from foggy England to sunny Southern California and casts Matt Damon in the role of Benjamin Mee, a writer who has just lost his wife to cancer. Benjamin is left alone to care for his young daughter, Rosie (Maggie Elizabeth Jones), and teenage son, Dylan (Colin Ford). Dylan deals with the death of his mother by drawing gruesome pictures in art class and is eventually expelled for stealing.

Looking for a change, Benjamin quits his job and purchases an 18-acre farmhouse outside the city that actually houses a ramshackle zoo. The zoo is maintained by a skeleton crew led by the spunky Kelly Foster (Scarlett Johansson) and is home to a variety of species including tigers, peacocks, a lion, and a depressed grizzly bear. Rosie predictably falls in love with the place while Benjamin sees it as a new adventure, but Dylan hates it there, despite a budding romance with Kelly's shy cousin Lily (Elle Fanning). Kelly isn't enthusiastic either, seeing the new owner's lack of knowledge and experience as a severe detriment. Benjamin has to mend his broken family and rally everyone together in order for the zoo to pass inspection. Can they pull it off or will the zoo be shut down forever?

If you have any doubts in your mind, then We Bought a Zoo must be the first movie you've ever seen. Crowe sticks to a well-worn formula with characters drawn in broad strokes. Rosie is precociously precocious and Dylan is the typical angry and brooding adolescent. The supporting characters are similarly thin with Angus Macfadyen as the angry Scotsman, John Michael Higgins as an unctuous zoo inspector, and Almost Famous lead Patrick Fugit as the guy with a monkey. Seriously, that's his character, he has a monkey.

Music has always played an important role in Crowe's films. Aside from a serene score by Sigur Rós frontman Jónsi, Crowe's soundtrack selections are way too obvious, just as obvious as a subplot involving a tiger with failing kidneys that's meant to echo Benjamin's spousal loss. Tom Petty's "Don't Come Around Here No More" comes on when Dylan gets kicked out of school while a rain soaked montage is set to "I Think It's Going to Rain Today" by Randy Newman. "Don't Be Shy" by Cat Stevens becomes the theme for the awkward and budding romance between Dylan and Lily, which comes close to replicating the iconic love stories of the 80's that Crowe became famous for.

We Bought a Zoo has some strong points. Matt Damon is infinitely likeable in the lead role, Elle Fanning gives another solid performance, and Thomas Haden Church injects some much needed wit as Benjamin's brother. You'll definitely get a warm and fuzzy feeling thanks to cinematographer Rodrigo Prieto (21 Grams, Brokeback Mountain), who gives the film a bright, sunny sheen. However, it doesn't feel like a Cameron Crowe movie. There are no "You had me at hello" or John Cusack holding up a boom box moments. In the end, We Bought a Zoo is an innocuous little picture that might have aired on the Disney Channel on a lazy weekend afternoon.

Rating: ** (*****)