A Good Day to Die Hard

A Good Day to Die Hard - Dir. John Moore (2013)

"You know what I hate about Americans? Everything. Especially cowboys."

A brief history about the Die Hard franchise. The first film was based on the 1979 novel, Nothing Lasts Forever, by Roderick Thorp, which was a sequel to his 1966 book, The Detective. That was adapted into a movie starring Frank Sinatra as NYPD Detective Joe Leland. When Sinatra turned down the chance to make the sequel, Nothing Lasts Forever was altered into the standalone project that became Die Hard. Die Hard 2: Die Harder had a similar journey to the big screen as it was based on 58 Minutes, a completely unrelated novel by Walter Wager. Die Hard with a Vengeance and Live Free or Die Hard both began as spec scripts, Simon Says by Jonathan Hensleigh and WW3.com by David Marconi, before extensive rewrites. This makes A Good Day to Die Hard the first picture in the series to be envisioned from the start as a Die Hard movie. Yet, the fifth installment is merely Die Hard in name. It's as if a studio exec fished out an unproduced screenplay from the 80's, dusted it off, and made liberal use of cut and paste to turn it into the latest misadventure of John McClane (Bruce Willis).

This time around, McClane finds himself in Moscow to mend fences with his estranged son, Jack (Jai Courtney). The junior McClane has been arrested for murder and is set to testify in the trial of political prisoner Yuri Komarov (Sebastian Koch). Komarov has incriminating evidence against a powerful government official who inadvertently caused the Chernobyl meltdown by siphoning off radioactive material to sell on the black market. No sooner does McClane arrive at the courthouse then a group of mercenaries trigger an explosion and go in guns blazing. As it turns out, Jack is an undercover CIA agent tasked with ensuring that Komarov lives long enough to finger the bad guy. Now, John and Jack must survive in a foreign land while hounded by relentless Russian killers.

Out of all the Die Hard films, A Good Day to Die Hard is the worst of the bunch. Though they may have bombed at the box office, Bruce Willis's former Planet Hollywood cohorts had far more enjoyable efforts with The Last Stand and Bullet to the Head. At least, Arnold had a very talented director looking to make a foothold in the U.S. (Kim Ji-woon) while Stallone recruited an old school master of action (Walter Hill). The fifth installment of Die Hard has fallen into the hands of the unremarkable John Moore whose credits include Max Payne and the atrocious remake of The Omen. Moore can't be bothered to hold the camera steady for more than a few seconds. A raucous car chase through the crowded streets is reduced to a jumbled mess as the audience never gets the opportunity to revel in the untold destruction reeked by the heroes and villains alike. At least, the chase goes by quickly enough that you don't have the time to think about all the innocent civilians McClane has killed or injured due to his reckless driving. The multitude of uninspired action sequences that follow are strung together by the loosest of narratives.

The script was penned by Skip Woods who has the dubious distinction of also writing Swordfish, Hitman, and X-Men Origins: Wolverine. The story possesses none of the emotional gravitas of the first Die Hard. Even the father-daughter relationship from Live Free or Die Hard was more satisfying than the utterly uninteresting interplay between father and son in Good Day. The dialogue is weak with characters barely uttering more than two sentences at a time. The banter is equally dull and McClane's one-liners don't have the punch as they did in the 80's. The closest thing to wit this movie has is a running joke where McClane berates everyone for ruining his vacation, which doesn't make any sense since he's not on vacation.

Meanwhile, a sleepy-eyed Bruce Willis goes through the motions until he can say, "Yippie-ki-yay," and cash his fat paycheck. The three-dimensional everyman that John McClane was in the original film has given way to a shotgun-toting Wile E. Coyote. The Die Hard series has never been without over-the-top stunts dating back to McClane leaping off an exploding roof with a fire hose tied around his waist. The last picture took it to new heights with McClane going one-on-one with a fighter jet. In Good Day, McClane and son leap from tall buildings and are shredded by gunfire, yet escape with only a few cuts and bruises. McClane literally becomes a cartoon character when the climax sees a CGI Bruce Willis falling in slow motion amidst digital fire and debris before landing safely in a conveniently located pool of water.

Although he was good in Spartacus:Blood and Sand and as Werner Herzog's right-hand man in Jack Reacher, Jai Courtney never makes an impression as Jack McClane. That has more to do with the role being severely underwritten than his acting abilities. He certainly doesn't make you salivate at the prospects of a Die Hard Jr. movie. Sebastian Koch, from the excellent Lives of Others, joins the ranks of Chow Yun-Fat and Michael Nyqvist as an international actor who comes to Hollywood just to play a generic foreign guy in an action movie. Good Day desperately needed an Alan Rickman or Jeremy Irons due to a lack of noteworthy villains.

There is a slight amusement to be found by an unintentional political undercurrent. A Russian baddie mocks the McClanes by stating 1986 is over and Reagan is dead. Ironic because John McClane represented the blue-collar American values of the era. He was masculinity threatened by Japanese big business, feminism, opportunistic media, and ineffectual bureaucrats. His sidekick, Sgt. Al Powell, can only regain his manhood by drawing his revolver and blowing away the big, blonde terrorist. Here, we meet McClane as a solemn and solitary figure at a gun range where a portrait of Obama hangs in the corner. Next, he becomes the ugly American blundering through a situation he doesn't understand in another country with little regard for the collateral damage he causes.

The law of diminishing returns is in full effect. A Good Day to Die Hard is an absolute low point in the franchise history. A few recalls to the first Die Hard only succeed in exposing what a pale imitation unfolds before you. This is a painfully insipid chore that will have you longing for the days of Renny Harlin and Len Wiseman.

Rating: * ½ (*****)

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter - Dir. Timur Bekmambetov (2012)

Four score and seven ass kickings ago...

It says a lot about our education system when young children aren't taught pivotal moments in history such as when Abraham Lincoln killed all those vampires to end the Civil War or the time Adolf Hitler was gunned down by the guy who directed Hostel.

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter was conceived by Seth Grahame-Smith, who started a new literary mash-up trend with the hit novel Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. There, Grahame-Smith re-conceived the Bennett Sisters as a skilled fighting force against the undead. The book was quickly optioned by Lionsgate though it has been mired in development hell. Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter made it to the screen first thanks to the involvement of Tim Burton and Timur Bekmambetov with the relatively unknown Benjamin Walker cast in the title role.

The film begins with Abe as a child witnessing his father protect he and his friend William Johnson from the whip of a vicious plantation owner named Jack Barts (Marton Csokas). It turns out Barts is a vampire and kills Nancy Lincoln (Robin McLeavy) in revenge. As an adult, Lincoln hunts Barts down, but is ill-prepared for his supernatural strength. He is saved from death by Henry Sturgess (Dominic Cooper), a benevolent vampire who makes Lincoln his axe-wielding apprentice. During his training, our 16^th President learns that the vampires have flourished in the South with slaves serving as a veritable smorgasbord. He ultimately decides to use a weapon even more powerful than silver or holy water…politics.

The appeal of Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter isn't just seeing Lincoln dismember bloodsucking fiends, but the way in which it weaves fantastical elements with actual historical facts. Some of the most important figures in Lincoln's life are presented in fictionalized fashion. In Springfield, Illinois, Lincoln works in the general store of Joshua Speed (Jimmi Simpson) and is reunited with his childhood buddy William Johnson (Anthony Mackie). Both become his staunchest allies while campaigning and fighting vampires. He also falls in love with future wife, Mary Todd (Mary Elizabeth Winstead), despite Sturgess's warnings against personal relationships. Even Jefferson Davis (John Rothman) and Harriet Tubman (Jacqueline Fleming) figure into the narrative. Sadly, Lincoln's famous debates with Stephen Douglas (Alan Tudyk) are given only a fleeting amount of screen time. And it is at this point that the movie starts to die a slow and painfully boring death.

Grahame-Smith may be a talented novelist, but he has yet to display any consistency in his screenwriting endeavors. He impressed Burton enough to get writing duties on Dark Shadows and a possible Beetlejuice sequel. However, Dark Shadows was a box office flop that struggled to adapt a soap opera structure to a feature film. Grahame-Smith has the same problems translating his book. The middle section sags with a distinct lack of action and the overall tone is far too morbid for what should have been a campy cult classic. A few changes to the vampire mythology work well. The vampires' weakness to silver is tied into the 30 pieces of silver paid to Judas. One element that doesn't make a lot of sense is the fact that vampires cannot kill their own kind. It's a flimsy explanation for why Sturgess would take on Lincoln as a pupil when it didn't really need any explanation at all. Perhaps, the biggest problem with the movie is its tacky retconning of the Emancipation Proclamation. You see, President Lincoln didn't free the slaves out of an altruistic belief that all human beings deserve the basic right of freedom. It was to cut off the vampires' food supply.

Bekmambetov is no stranger to directing gothic, over-the-top action films having previously helmed Night Watch and Wanted. The set pieces here are underwhelming with such liberal use of slow motion that Zack Snyder would even scoff. Only two sequences make any impression. One features a Lion King-esque stampede in which Barts throws an entire horse at Lincoln. The final act sees Lincoln and friends battling an army of vampires on board a train racing towards a burning bridge. The visual look of the film leaves much to be desired and likely falls on the shoulders of post-production rather than cinematographer Caleb Deschanel. The colors are de-saturated and there's a murkiness to the night scenes that makes the 3D version an absolutely avoidable.

This isn't the first time Benjamin Walker has portrayed a radical interpretation of a former president. He starred in the Broadway musical Bloody Bloody Andrew Jackson, which turned Old Hickory into an eyeliner wearing, angst-ridden rock star. Walker is decent enough, but the leaden material saps him of any energy or charisma. Walker bears a strong resemblance to Liam Neeson and, in fact, played a younger version of him in Kinsey. Ironic since Neeson was once attached to star Lincoln in Spielberg's upcoming biopic. In line with Vampire Hunter's ultra-serious tone, the actors play it dour with the exception of Marton Csokas who hams it up as the murderous Jack Barts. The best performance goes to Rufus Sewell as the vampiric progenitor Adam.

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter sounded like a wild concept. Then again, so did Snakes on a Plane and Hot Tub Time Machine, projects with a catchy title and that never panned out past their jokey premises.

Rating: ** (*****)

The Thing

The Thing - Dir. Matthijs van Heijningen Jr. (2011)

Until recently, John Carpenter had been persona non grata since the abysmal Ghosts of Mars, a sci-fi version of his earlier action flick, Assault on Precinct 13. For a while, he seemed content with collecting royalty checks as Hollywood studios churned out big-budget remakes of his beloved cult classics. Assault was remade along with The Fog and Halloween. A remake of Escape from New York has long been in development and there have been rumblings of a new version of They Live. Now, Universal Studios brings us The Thing, which will make Carpenter fans pray nobody decides to remake Big Trouble in Little China.

The 2011 Thing isn't a straight remake. In fact, the filmmakers even stated that remaking Carpenter's film would be akin to drawing a mustache on the Mona Lisa. Makes you wonder why they did it anyway. No, this is more of a prequel and a loose remake using its predecessor as a template. Carpenter's movie was a more faithful adaptation of John W. Campbell's 1938 novella, Who Goes There?, which was originally turned into a film by Howard Hawks. That 1951 version, The Thing From Another World, had more in common with Invasion of the Body Snatchers than it did the source material.

Carpenter's 1982 movie begins at an American research base in Antarctica as its inhabitants witness the strange sight of a pair of Norwegians trying to shoot a sled dog. Unbeknownst to anyone there, the dog is actually an alien creature that can take the form of any person or animal it kills. The prequel delves into the tragic events that befell the scientists at the other base and how the alien was set loose.

At the nearby Thule base, the Norwegian researchers have discovered a massive alien spacecraft hidden underneath the snow for centuries. They've also discovered a dormant biological being frozen in the ice. Head scientist Dr. Sander Halvorson (Ulrich Thomsen) is extremely excited about the notoriety that will surely follow. Halvorson and his assistant, Adam Finch (Eric Christian Olsen), recruit paleontologist Dr. Kate Lloyd (Mary Elizabeth Winstead) to assist in the excavation of the alien. Of course, the thing breaks loose and picks the humans off one by one with the survivors never sure of who is really who.

The rest of the cast includes: Joel Edgerton and Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje as gruff American pilots and an assortment of Norwegian actors that aren't likely known outside their home country.

The 2011 version was directed by newcomer Matthijs van Heijningen Jr. and written by Eric Heisserer, who also penned Final Destination 5 and the remake of The Nightmare on Elm Street. Whereas the Carpenter and Hawks films were allegories of Cold War paranoia, neither van Heijningen nor Heisserer are particularly interested in subtext or parables. Their Thing is a straightforward and pedestrian horror movie. While Carpenter's Thing relied on the gruesome practical effects by Rob Bottin, the prequel gleefully trots out a heavy amount of CGI. The old axion of "Less is more," applies here as the more we see of these computer effects, the less convincing they are.

The prequel also breaks up the sausage fest that was the Carpenter version by introducing female characters. Mary Elizabeth Winstead is cast as a tough female protagonist modeled after Ellen Ripley. There is something cool and arousing about seeing Winstead forcefully wielding a flamethrower to battle the beast. Sadly, she doesn't get much to work with and doesn't display half the charm she did as Ramona Flowers in Scott Pilgrim vs. The World. None of the other characters are fleshed out either and are simply there to increase the body count. It also hurts that they don't have someone with a strong screen presence like Kurt Russell and Keith David in the original. They also don't have Wilford Brimley, another huge strike against it.

The Thing pales in comparison to the John Carpenter cult classic. It's proof that just because you have more money and better toys, doesn't mean you'll make a better picture. Despite its mediocrity, The Thing might serve as a decent appetizer for a double feature with the Carpenter version as the main course.

Rating: ** (*****)

Scott Pilgrim vs. The World

Scott Pilgrim vs. The World - Dir. Edgar Wright (2010)


I’ve liked you for a thousand years, a thousand years.
I’ve liked you for a thousand years, a thousand years.
- “Scott Pilgrim” by Plumtree

Hollywood loves scouring the comic book and video game worlds for hot properties to turn into films. Usually these adaptations involve translating the fantastical elements of the source material into a real world setting. Scott Pilgrim vs. The World doesn’t even attempt to tone down the craziness. The result is a hyper-stylized picture that is one of the most visually dynamic films in recent memory.

Scott Pilgrim was originally created by Toronto-based artist Bryan O’Malley as a six volume series of graphic novels. O’Malley combined autobiographical elements with his love of manga, video games, and indie rock music. The comics were filled with pop culture references wrapped within pop culture references. Who better to adapt the books than Edgar Wright the filmmaker who has embraced geek culture with Shaun of the Dead, Hot Fuzz, and the similarly themed TV show, Spaced.

The eponymous Scott Pilgrim is played by Michael Cera, an unlikely lead for such an action-packed movie. Like most of Cera’s characters, Scott is an awkward, stammering slacker. He has no job and plays bass in a three-piece garage band called Sex Bob-Omb. Pilgrim isn’t as hip as he makes himself out to be. He doesn’t own a cell phone, still uses AOL to check his email, and honestly believes people are impressed by his knowledge of obscure Pac-Man trivia. He’s a self-centered boy raised on a steady diet of Nintendo and pop culture detritus. As such, Scott casts himself as the hero in his own little world. He seems to treat girls as prizes to be won after completing various levels of his life. Nearly everything he does is a huge production. Even when he goes to the bathroom an energy bar appears to indicate when he’s finished.

Scott is still reeling from a bad breakup with former girlfriend, Envy Adams (Brie Larson), who has gone on to become the famous lead singer for The Clash at Demonhead, named after an old NES game. On the rebound, Scott is dating Knives Chau (Ellen Wong), an overly exuberant and charmingly naïve schoolgirl. But, poor Knives is kicked to the curb when Scott falls madly in love with Ramona Flowers (Mary Elizabeth Winstead). The alternative dream girl, Ramona has bright magenta hair and zips along on roller skates through a convenient subspace portal inside Scott’s head.

Before the romance can even begin, Scott finds himself under assault from The League of Evil Exes, Ramona’s former flames who have banded together to snuff out any chance of happiness for the young couple. The first Evil Ex is Matthew Patel (Satya Bhabha), an angry Emo clad in military surplus chic who summons a horde of demon hipster chicks for a Bollywood dance number. The remaining Evil Exes include: Lucas Lee (Chris Evans), pro skateboarder turned movie star; Todd Ingram (Brandon Routh), a bassist who has gained psychic powers due to his strict vegan diet; Roxy Richter (Mae Whitman) who dated Ramona during her brief bi-curious “sexy phase;” and the electronica playing DJs the Katayanagi Twins (Shota & Keita Saito). As you’d expect from any good game, each showdown becomes progressively more difficult until they confront the mastermind behind this guild of jilted lovers is record producer Gideon Graves (Jason Schwartzman).

Not since Ang Lee’s Hulk has there been a film that has managed to cinematically capture the comic book experience like Scott Pilgrim. Wright utilizes techniques such as split-screens and varying aspect ratios to energize his scenes. Flashbacks are told in panels with artwork by O’Malley. Adding to the cartoonish atmosphere are sound effect bubbles and little doodles that remind you of the things a junior high schooler would sketch in his notebook. Scott Pilgrim is also heavy in video game tropes. Wright sets you up immediately with an 8-bit version of the studio logo complete with a MIDI of the Universal theme. Vanquished enemies burst into coins and combatants charge each other until the background blurs into anime-style speed lines. Wright also samples sound effects from games such as The Legend of Zelda, Sonic the Hedgehog, and Street Fighter Alpha 3, among others. But, you don’t need to be a hardcore gamer to enjoy the movie. Less talented directors will use visual trickery with no true purpose, sometimes to cover up their own deficiencies. In contrast, the visuals of Scott Pilgrim are always in service to the story and help to build the unique world. If the Jets and the Sharks can engage in elaborately choreographed dance numbers before battle, surely Scott Pilgrim can pull a flaming sword from his chest.

The gaming symbolism provides a sense of nerd wish fulfillment. Haven’t we all wished we could get a do-over or wanted to believe a girl dumped you because she was being mind-controlled by a computer chip?

Just as the film is a scrumptious feast for the eyes, the soundtrack is an aural treat for the ears. Music was a huge component of the original comics so much so that O’Malley provided a recommended playlist for each volume. Likewise, music has been a vital part of Wright’s films. Need anyone be reminded of the zombie beatdown set to Queen’s “Don’t Stop Now” from Shaun of the Dead?

The score for Scott Pilgrim was largely composed by record producer Nigel Godrich who has worked with acts such as U2, Paul McCartney, and Radiohead. The music of Sex Bob-Omb is provided by Beck who gives them a fuzzy, distortion-laden sound befitting of a slapdash garage band. The character of Envy Adams was inspired by Emily Haines, lead singer of the Toronto band, Metric, who double for Clash at Demonhead. Wright also throws in some clever musical cues that include “Anthems for a Seventeen Year Old Girl” by Broken Social Scene for Knives Chau and The Rolling Stones’ “Under My Thumb” for Gideon Graves.

Michael Cera doesn’t depart too far from his dweeb-ish on-screen persona. He’s not the versatile actor, but he fits seamlessly into the role. As Scott Pilgrim, he must overcome his own innate inertia to defeat the League. Wright superbly casts the supporting players with a wealth of talented young actors. Schwartzman is the perfect actor to convey the hipster smarminess of Gideon Graves. However, it is Chris Evans and Brandon Routh, neither strangers to comic book films, who truly shine in their villainous roles. Evans is a member of the Fantastic Four, the Losers, the Avengers, and now the League of Evil Exes. He gives Lucas Lee the gravelly voice and scowl of Clint Eastwood along with a cocky swagger. Routh is equally funny imbuing the smug self-righteousness befitting of someone who is both a rock star and a vegan. Kieran Culkan (as gay roommate Wallace), Alison Pill (as freckle faced drummer Kim Pine), Anna Kendrick (as younger sister Stacey Pilgrim), and Aubrey Plaza (sometimes nemesis Julie Powers) act as a sardonic Greek chorus providing the film with a dry wit as they comment on the lunacy that is Scott Pilgrim’s life. The biggest surprise has to be newcomer Ellen Wong whose infectious enthusiasm as Knives Chau fully exhibits the unbridled joy that comes from the film. There’s a wonderful innocence about her not to mention the naturally expressive eyes of an anime character.

Also, look out for uncredited cameos from Thomas Jane and Clifton Collins Jr. as vegan police officers.

If Scott Pilgrim has a weakness, it is that the movie tends to feel overstuffed from time to time. Wright and co-writer Michael Bacall streamlined the six part series into a 110 minute film. Some characters, like the Katayanagi Twins, get short changed in screen time and some relationships, like the one between Scott and Pill’s Kim Pine, are only alluded to.

Scott Pilgrim vs. The World limped to a meager $10 million opening at the box office this past weekend. Perhaps, it aimed too heavily at a niche audience. Causal viewers may be baffled by the subculture the film revolves around, but it shouldn’t stop you from seeing it. Edgar Wright somehow manages to blend comic books, video games, and the physical humor of Looney Tunes with martial arts action and the youthful angst of John Hughes. The result is the exciting and inventive picture known as Scott Pilgrim vs. The World.

Rating: *** ½