Tusk

Tusk - Dir. Kevin Smith (2014)

"I don't want to die in Canada."

Kevin Smith made his mark as a writer/director of low-budget comedies riddled with potty words and pop culture references. He ventured away from stoner humor with Red State, a slipshod thriller about three teenagers held prisoner by a group of religious extremists. Red State wasn't a total success though it felt like the furthest thing from a Kevin Smith movie. Afterwards, Smith announced his retirement from filmmaking to focus on his podcast network. He would continue to tell stories without worrying about financing, studio heads, or box office receipts. Ironically, it was podcasting that reinvigorated Smith's love for movies.

On an episode of Smodcast, Smith and co-host/producer Scott Mosier became fascinated by an online post advertising room & board in exchange for the prospective lodger occasionally wearing a walrus costume. The two proceeded to plot out a Human Centipede-style horror flick about a maniac sewing another human being into a walrus suit. Smith took to Twitter to gauge interest and his followers responded with a resounding, "#WalrusYes." And Tusk was born.

Justin Long stars as Wallace Bryton, the host of the Not-See Party podcast, a show in which he and best friend Teddy Craft (Haley Joel Osment) poke fun at the latest internet sensations. Wallace embarks on a trip to Manitoba a kid who became a YouTube star after accidentally slicing his own leg off with a samurai sword. The boy eventually commits due to all the unwanted attention while Wallace only laments that he'll have to find get some other "Canadian weirdo" for the show.

Discovering a strange handbill, Wallace drives into the wilderness to the mansion of an eccentric hermit named Howard Howe (Michael Parks). Howe regales Wallace with tales of meeting Ernest Hemingway and being stranded in shark infested waters during WWII before being rescued by a gentle walrus. It's a monologue reminiscent of Robert Shaw's Indianapolis scene in Jaws, a long-time favorite of Smith. Wallace realizes too late that Howe has drugged his tea. This is the first step in the horrifying process to transform him into a human walrus.

At first blush, the concept doesn't seem like something that would spring from the mind of Kevin Smith. What happens to poor Wallace is gruesome and bizarre, almost in the vein of Cronenbergian body horror. By his own admission, Smith isn't a visual filmmaker. His preference is two people talking about comic books or Star Wars. That's indicative of Tusk though Smith still manages to set the eerie mood when he's not distracted by little narrative detours.

Long excels as the obnoxious Wallace and he serves as an excellent counterpoint to the bizarre antics of Michael Parks. Parks turns in a tour de force as the insane Howard Howe. Smith's gift for gab provides a cornucopia for Parks to feast on as he launches into mesmerizing monologues about his tortured backstory. At times, his speeches come off as glorified Wikipedia articles, but Parks is so entertaining that he makes every single word count. The story gets progressively more horrific and Smith wisely tries to balance the darkness with light humor.

Tusk is steeped in Smith's unwavering fascination with our neighbors in the Great White North. Of course, there are the usual gags about Canadian speak ("aboot," "eh") and how nice they all are. Also livening things up are a pair of sarcastic girls both named Colleen (Harley Quinn Smith & Lily-Rose Depp) who work in a convenience store and share a general disdain for Americans. Not only are they the female Dante and Randall, but Smith was inspired enough by their performances to give them their own spin-off, Yoga Hosers.

These cute asides don't always land. Just when you're getting into the interactions of Wallace and Howe, Smith pulls you away for one of many tangents. The worst offender is Guy LaPointe, a dogged detective from Quebec who has spent years hunting Howe. Johnny Depp provides an uncredited cameo as LaPointe and it's completely in line with some of his zanier roles. Hidden behind make-up and a thick Quebecois accent, LaPointe is a cartoon character and he receives a lot of screen time in the second half of the movie. Although Depp is amusing in the role, his presence serves as a detriment to the characters of Teddy and Wallace's girlfriend Ally (Genesis Rodriguez). Neither of them is given ample opportunity to grow beyond the functionary roles of sidekick and love interest. It's doubly problematic because Rodriguez gets to show off the acting chops she never got to in forgettable fare such as Man on a Ledge and The Last Stand.

Tusk is a bold and ballsy experiment from Kevin Smith that never finds the right balance between gothic horror and outrageous humor. Still, it's worth a look due to the indelible performances by Michael Parks and Johnny Depp.

Rating: ** ½ (*****)

As Above, So Below

As Above, So Below – Dir. John Erick Dowdle (2014)

Is there anything more that can be done with the found footage genre? If As Above, So Below is any evidence, then the answer would be an emphatic 'No.' That's a bit of a shame since the film has something of a pedigree courtesy of director John Erick Dowdle, who co-wrote the script with his brother Drew. The Brothers Dowdle are no strangers to found footage having made The Poughkeepsie Tapes and Quarantine, a remake of the Spanish horror film REC. As Above, So Below has a cool premise, a unique locale, and distinctive poster art, all of which are squandered on a substandard scarefest.

Scarlett Marlowe (Perdita Weeks) is a British scholar and archeologist who dabbles in the skeptical field of alchemy. She desperately wants to validate her late-father's work by finding the legendary Philosopher's Stone, an ancient artifact with the ability to transmute matter. Her first step is the Rose Key, a tablet located in Iran and inscribed with a clue to the Stone's location. She sneaks into the country at great risk and barely manages to escape the cave before the Iranian military bomb it.

Scarlett, accompanied by a documentarian named Benji (Edwin Hodge), jets off to Paris where she recruits ex-boyfriend George (Ben Feldman) to help her translate an Aramaic tablet. George is reluctant to help since Scarlett abandoned him to the Turkish authorities on one of their previous junkets. Our intrepid treasure hunters realize that the Stone is buried somewhere within the labyrinthian catacombs underneath the City of Lights. They hire Papillon (Francois Civil) and his assistants Souxie (Marion Lambert) and Zed (Ali Marhyar) to guide them through the tunnels with promise of treasure as payment.

As Scarlett and her cohorts delve deeper into the catacombs, they find themselves way off map as tunnels collapse and openings mysteriously collapse. They are haunted by strange noises, apparitions, and other oddities such as a ringing telephone and The Mole (Cosme Castro), an old friend who seemingly disappeared in the catacombs two years ago. Most ominous of all is a message carved above an entrance reading, "Abandon all hope, ye who enter here."

As Above earned the honor of being the first production granted permission by the French government to film in the actual catacombs without the luxuries of electricity of cell service. Shooting on location gives the movie an authenticity that would have been lacking if producers had built sets on a soundstage. The tunnels add to the claustrophobia and you can almost smell the musty air. Not to mention all the millions of bodies buried underneath Paris. Unfortunately, the story fails to capitalize on the setting.

The characters are utterly forgettable with most of them simply being present to rack up a body county. Benji's sole purpose is to be the cameraman. You know; the guy who flees in terror, but always helpfully holds the camera at eye level. Scarlett should have been an intriguing protagonist. During an interview, she runs down a resume that includes multiple PhDs, fluency in seven languages, and a black belt in Krav Maga. All while she's barely 30. She should have been the love child of Indiana Jones and Lara Croft. Instead, she comes off as bland, self-serving, and just a bit callous when it comes to other peoples' lives.

Aside from Benji's digital camera, each actor is also outfitted with a smaller camera attached to their heads. There's a lot of shaky camerawork with the characters doing lots of running, climbing, and crawling. Grab some Dramamine if you're prone to motion sickness. Still, Dowdle manages to get a few creepy set pieces in, such as a close-up of Scarlett nearly drowning in a pool of blood. Another scene finds Benji trapped between a narrow opening and a pile of bones.

As Above, So Below is a high concept horror film that never lives up to its promise. It's just another paint-by-numbers production that will put you to sleep rather than keep you up at night.

Rating: * ½ (*****)

All the Boys Love Mandy Lane

All the Boys Love Mandy Lane - Dir. Jonathan Levine (2006)

When a film sits on the shelves for an inordinate amount of time before being unceremoniously released, there's a stigma attached to it. Maybe the movie just wasn't very good. That's not always the case. It took four years for Kenneth Lonergan's Margaret to see the light of day because of disagreements between the director and the studio over the final cut. The Cabin in the Woods, written and produced by Joss Whedon, was delayed for two years due to the financial trouble of MGM. Both pictures received strong reviews.

All the Boys Love Mandy Lane was another horror film that underwent a long, arduous journey to the silver screen. It debuted at the Toronto Film Festival in 2006 where it was snatched up by Harvey Weinstein for $3.5 million, over four times the $750,000 budget. However, Harvey and brother Bob disagreed on how to market and distribute Mandy Lane. This, coupled with initially poor test screenings, led to the Weinstein Company to sell the rights to the German-based Senator Entertainment. Senator released the picture overseas, but the company folded before they could do the same in the U.S. As luck would have it, the rights to Mandy Lane made their way back into the hands of the Weinsteins thanks to their new distribution arm Radius-TWC.

Nobody really paid attention to Mandy Lane (Amber Heard) until she blossomed over summer break. At this point, All the Boys Love Mandy Lane may be a more appropriate title. The sweet-natured Mandy and her outsider friend Emmet (Michael Welch) are asked to a pool party by hunky alpha male Dylan (Adam Powell). When his advances fail, a drunken Dylan is convinced by Emmet to dive off the roof and into the pool to impress Mandy. His foolhardy gesture leads to his death.

Nine months later, Mandy has been embraced by the in-crowd while Emmet has been further ostracized, even by his former friend. Popular stoner Red (Aaron Himmelstein) invites Mandy to his parents' cattle ranch along with jocks Jake (Luke Grimes), Bird (Edwin Hodge), and pretty girls Chloe (Whitney Able) and Marlin (Melissa Price). Despite being under the watchful eye of handsome ranch hand Garth (Anson Mount), the kids consume plenty of alcohol and drugs. The fun stops when a psycho with a shotgun begins picking them off one by one.

It's easy to see why the Weinsteins had difficulty drawing up a marketing plan. All the Boys Love Mandy Lane isn't your typical hack and slash affair. The gorehounds won't find enough gratuitous violence to satisfy their cravings, yet the movie doesn't deconstruct the horror genre the way Cabin in the Woods or Scream did. Screenwriter Jacob Forman does seem to find a happy medium. Mandy Lane conforms to the standard tropes of teenage debauchery being punished by a mysterious killer. Still, it doesn't feel like a horror movie at first, aside from the eerie prologue. With its focus on the treacherous social dynamics of high school, Mandy Lane is clearly influenced by John Hughes as much as it is by Tobe Hooper or Wes Craven. The rural setting and grainy quality of the film recall Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

Jonathan Levine, who would go on to direct The Wackness and 50/50, makes his directorial debut on Mandy Lane. Not bad for a guy who was working in a mail room at the time. Levine had greater success melding horror with teen romance in Warm Bodies, but clearly displayed a knack for capturing the sometimes painful experience of youth. His indie sensibilities shine through even in the soundtrack with an eclectic selection that includes the Go-Go's and 60's crooner Bobby Vinton.

Mandy Lane hinges entirely on Amber Heard, who has gone on to high-profile roles in Pineapple Express, The Rum Diary, and Machete Kills. Of course, Heard is gorgeous enough to you believe every guy in school wants to get into her pants. She also conveys a vulnerability that makes her easy prey.

If John Hughes made a horror movie and shot it in the style of Tobe Hooper with a dash of Terrence Malick, it might look a little like All the Boys Love Mandy Lane. It's about time this low-budget gem found an audience.

Rating: *** (*****)

The Purge

The Purge - Dir. James DeMonaco (2013)

"Blessed be the New Founding Fathers for letting us Purge and cleanse our souls, Blessed be America, a nation reborn."

2013 was quite the year for Ethan Hawke. In August, he starred in Getaway, which received some of the worst reviews of the year. Earlier in the year, Hawke also starred in Before Midnight, the third picture in Richard Linklater's critically praised trilogy. While Getaway garnered a paltry 3% on Rotten Tomatoes, Before Midnight landed an impressive 98% and will surely find its way on numerous best-of year end lists. Not to be forgotten is The Purge, a low-budget thriller that came out around the same time as Before Midnight. Although the reviews were lukewarm, The Purge did take in over $87 million at the box office. Quite the haul considering the release date was sandwiched in between Fast and Furious 6 and Man of Steel with Iron Man 3 and Star Trek into Darkness still going strong.

The Purge takes place in the year 2022 as America sees crime rates and unemployment at an all-time low. This is attributed to an annual event known as 'The Purge,' a 12-hour period in which all crime, including murder, is legal. Well, almost all crime. Weapons of mass destruction are off limits and high-ranking government officials are not to be touched. Other than that, anything goes.

Thanks to the Purge, James Sandin (Hawke) has done extremely well for himself by selling high-tech security systems. He's sold quite a few to fellow residents in his affluent suburban neighborhood, enough to build a new addition to his spacious McMansion. As the Purge commences, Sandin puts his home on lockdown and settles in for a quiet night with the wife, Mary (Lena Headey), and kids, Charlie (Max Burkholder) and Zoey (Adelaide Kane). However, Charlie notices a wounded man (Edwin Hodge) outside the house crying for help. Against his father's protests, Charlie lets the stranger in and sets off a deadly chain of events. A gang of masked assailants come knocking to demand the Sandins hand over the "homeless pig" or they will tear down the gates and kill everyone in the house.

The Purge was written and directed by James DeMonaco, who was previously a screenwriter on The Negotiator and the remake of Assault on Precinct 13 that also starred Hawke. As a siege and home invasion picture, The Purge has a lot in common with the original Assault as well as The Strangers with Liv Tyler and Scott Speedman. It has all the hallmarks of a B-movie, but DeMonaco seeks to elevate the material with some heavy-handed political rhetoric. The country is under the sway of a group called the New Founding Fathers, an obvious analogue for the Tea Party, and participating in the Purge is seen as a patriotic duty. Of course, the easiest targets are the poor and disenfranchised, such as the stranger, who happens to be black and a veteran. The villains are young, white, and led by a handsome gentleman (Rhys Wakefield) with blue blooded affectations and a prep school uniform.

Wakefield gives a creepy performance and his gaunt frame makes him look like the perfect candidate to play a Batman villain. Hawke and Headey are also good, but the acting and the concept aren't enough to shake off the silliness.

The Purge requires a little suspension of disbelief. Just because people are allowed to cut loose for one day a year, doesn't necessarily mean they'll be law-abiding citizens are the other 364 days. Also, the characters behave in foolish ways that seem to be dictated by whatever is required to progress the story. Characters decide to split up like a bunch of teenagers in a slasher flick. The second act consists of the Sandins searching their home and arguing over what to do with the stranger. At least, the climax is action packed as a free-for-all erupts between the wholesome nuclear family and the bloodthirsty invaders.

The Purge won't be mistaken for serious cinema though it does work as a solid genre piece. The story is simplistic and, at less than 90 minutes, the film moves at a brisk pace.

Rating: ** (*****)

World War Z

World War Z - Dir. Marc Forster (2013)

Sometimes a movie's reputation precedes it. In the case of World War Z, people were ready to rip into it long before its release. The film was plagued with production woes as the studio clashed with the director. The release date was pushed back from December 2012 to June 2013 to allow extensive reshoots after a climactic battle in Moscow was thrown out. It seemed less and less likely that Paramount would receive any substantial profit for their Herculean labors as the budget ballooned to over $200 million. World War Z is hardly dead on arrival, but it won't set the world on fire.

World War Z is loosely based on the best-selling novel by Max Brooks, the son of Mel Brooks and Anne Bancroft. The original book is one of those works of fiction described by many as unfilmable. World War Z was written as an oral history recounting the global pandemic of the undead and influenced as much by Studs Terkel as George Romero. Told from multiple perspectives, it was steeped in geo-politics and revealed how various governments and cultures dealt with the zombie outbreak. Although J. Michael Straczynski's first draft stayed faithful to the novel, nearly all of the source material was thrown out in favor of building a slam-bang action franchise for Brad Pitt.

Most of the source material is tossed out as Pitt assumes the role of Gerry Lane, a United Nations investigator whose job duties are only vaguely defined. He’s been in war zones before and has happily left that life behind for domesticated bliss with his wife (Mireille Enos) and daughters (Abigail Hargrove & Sterling Jerins). A seemingly normal morning of traffic in downtown Philadelphia erupts in chaos as ravenous hordes of infected people swarm the streets. They quickly bite and infect others as the Lane family barely escapes. They are airlifted to sanctuary aboard a U.S. Naval vessel at sea. In order for his brood to stay, Gerry must venture out into the world with a team of specialists to track down patient zero and find a means to save the hopelessly overwhelmed human race. Gerry’s journey takes him to a military base in South Korea and Jerusalem where the Israelites have built a wall around the city to protect themselves.

World War Z unfolds just like a video game with the protagonist embarking on a series of mini-missions, accomplishing a minor goal, before moving on to the next level. The climax certainly feels as if it were created after a marathon session of Resident Evil. It doesn’t help that we don’t care a lick about the majority of characters. The role of Gerry Lane is essentially a blank slate. Gerry’s desire to reunite with his family is his only perfunctory trait. Brad Pitt is unable to put his own stamp on the character and one could easily envision another Hollywood leading man (Tom Cruise or Will Smith) substituted with little discernible difference. The choppy nature of the story can be blamed on the screenplay being passed through the hands of Matthew Michael Carnahan, Damon Lindelof, and Drew Goddard with uncredited on-set rewrites by Christopher McQuarrie. With plot elements constantly in flux, many supporting players saw their legs cut off in the editing room. Gerry’s wife, Karin, is one of the more glaring examples. Instead of a fiercely determined mother, we get a whimpering woman waiting for her man to return home. Matthew Fox is apparently in the film, but I couldn’t tell you who he played or when he appeared. Great character actors like Mortiz Bleibtreu, Pierfrancesco Favino, and Peter Capaldi (the hot-tempered Malcolm Tucker from In the Loop) show up in the revamped third act, yet are simply credited as Doctors to show you how much thought was put into their parts.

One of the few folks to make an impression is the relatively unknown Daniella Kertesz as a tough Israeli soldier. Another is James Badge Dale, who was exceptionally impressive as a cancer patient in Flight and a menacing henchman in Iron Man 3, as a cocksure Army Ranger.

Director Marc Forster’s resume is buoyed by acclaimed indie flicks such as Monster’s Ball, The Kite Runner, and Finding Neverland. However, he hasn’t displayed an ability to handle big-budget action movies. Critics lambasted his direction on Quantum of Solace and there are moments in World War Z that harkens to that lesser entry in the Bond franchise. A sequence where the Lanes escape up a flight of stairs is incomprehensively constructed in the manner of the opening chase scene from Quantum. The larger scale set pieces come off better as Forster knows well enough to step aside and allow the digital effects teams to do their work. World War Z does get off to a rousing start thanks to the chaos in Philly and a pulse pounding score by Marco Beltrami. The way in which Gerry counts down how long it takes for a victim to become infected is cleverly done. The pace slows a bit until the zombies overrun Jerusalem in a thrilling middle section that is followed by the film’s best scene when a rabid stowaway infects a plane full of passengers.

While most zombie movies deal with a small group of survivors, World War Z is all about how the entire world handles a zombie outbreak. And that’s where it shines. It’s just a shame the film doesn’t have a tight grip on capturing smaller, intimate moments. The best zombie movies have always been allegorical in nature. George Romero’s Dawn of the Dead was a metaphor for rampant consumerism. Don’t expect any pointed jabs about modern culture with World War Z; it’s only concerned with being a slam-bang summer blockbuster.

Rating: ** ½ (*****)

Mama

Mama - Dir. Andres Muschietti (2012)

2011 was the breakout year for Jessica Chastain. She earned an Oscar nomination for Best Supporting Actress for her role in "The Help" and won critical acclaim for her performances in Tree of Life and Take Shelter. That doesn't include strong turns in Wilde Salome, Coriolanus, The Debt, and Texas Killing Fields, which were all released the same calendar year. While her work hasn't been as prolific since then, Chastain did start off 2013 with a bang as the star of the number one and number two box office toppers during the weekend of January 18. I'm speaking of Zero Dark Thirty and Mama, both of which remained in the top five for the following two weeks.

Chastain replaced her fiery red hair for a short black hairdo ala Joan Jett for this creepy horror flick. Mama opens in 2008 when white collar worker Jeffrey Desange (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau) loses a fortune and his marbles. Desange shoots his business partners and murders his wife before making off his with daughters, Lilly (Isabelle Nelisse) and Victoria (Megan Charpentier). Desange loses control of his speeding car on a snowy road and crashes into the woods. He seeks sanctuary inside an abandoned cabin, which is never a good idea. Before the desperate Desange can do the unthinkable, he is killed by a misshapen spirit the girls eventually refer to as 'Mama.'

Five years later, Lilly and Victoria are found by a search party. Filthy and feral, the girls are reunited with their uncle Lucas (also Coster-Waldau) and his new girlfriend, Annabel Moore (Chastain). With guidance from their psychiatrist Dr. Dreyfuss (Daniel Kash), Lucas and Annabel move from their cramped apartment to a quiet home in the suburbs to help acclimate the little ones back into society. However, Annabel is no happy homemaker. She's plays bass in a rock band and bristles at the idea of children. The older girl, Victoria, returns to civility more easily whereas the younger Lilly remains animalistic. She sleeps under the bed, screams at people who come near her, and eats bugs. Throughout the ordeal, Dr. Dreyfuss believes the 'Mama' the girls refer to was an imaginary being they created as an idealized protector.

Mama was directed by Andrés Muschietti, who co-wrote the screenplay with his sister Barbara and Neil Cross, whose credits include the BBC series Luther and Doctor Who. Muschietti initially shot Mama as a short film back in 2008 to drum up interest for the feature-length script. It worked as Muschietti impressed Guillermo Del Toro, who quickly signed on as executive producer. Mama has a lot in common with The Orphanage and Don't Be Afraid of the Dark, two other horror projects Del Toro helped shepherd. This is a dark and gothic ghost story that relies on old school scares rather than blood and guts. In true haunted house fashion, the scares come from knowing that there is something under the bed or in the closet as the characters cautiously (and foolishly) take a peek.

Mama herself is a mix of practical and CG effects with the tangled, black hair familiar to fans of Asian horror. Muschietti follows the Jaws formula of keeping Mama relatively hidden and only shown in short bursts until the final act.

Chastain turns in a solid performance, a far cry from her Oscar nominated turn as the grim CIA agent in Zero Dark Thirty. Game of Thrones fans will enjoy seeing Jamie Lannister in the dual role of Jeffrey and Lucas. The best performances in Mama belong to the young actresses who are utterly convincing as the lost sisters.

Mama isn't as balls-out insane as Cabin in the Woods, but it is one of the better horror flicks produced in recent years. It is well directed with several stylish flourishes by Muschietti that help to build a spooky atmosphere.

Rating: *** (*****)

Silent Hill: Revelation

Silent Hill: Revelation - Dir. Michael J. Bassett (2012)

Video game movies haven't been altogether successful. Interactivity is the key ingredient missing. Every choice the player makes advances the story in various ways and affects the outcome. They are a huge part of building the narrative whereas the film's audience is solely along for the ride. There's no button to mash or joystick to jostle if they don't like what's happening. The viewer is stuck with whatever wrongheaded decision has been made by the producers or screenwriters. This brings us to the befuddling Silent Hill: Revelation, based on the spooky franchise from Konami. Think of it was their answer to Capcom's Resident Evil.

The first Silent Hill game was released in 1999 and adapted into a 2006 picture by director Christophe Gans (Brotherhood of the Wolf) and writer Roger Avary (Pulp Fiction, Killing Zoe). To recap: Christopher (Sean Bean) and Rose Da Silva's (Radha Mitchell) adopted daughter Sharon (Jodelle Ferland) has frequent nightmares about a ghost town in West Virginia called Silent Hill. Believing it to be the girl's birthplace, Rose takes Sharon there only to be trapped in a nightmarish alternate dimension. The town is blanketed by fog and ash and inhabited by a cult of religious fanatics who accused Alessa, an innocent child, of being a witch and burned her at the stake. Sharon is actually a manifestation of Alessa's purity and innocence. The film concludes with the vengeful spirit of Alessa killing the cult while Rose and Sharon escape from Silent Hill, but remain trapped in the other world.

That summary may have been unnecessary because Revelation throws most of that out the window in the opening minutes. A brief flashback reveals Rose used a talisman known as the Seal of Metatron to send Sharon back home. Since then, Sharon (Adelaide Clemens) and her father have been moving across the country under assumed names to avoid the remaining cultists (The Order of Valtiel). Unfortunately, the Order has caught up with them and kidnapped Christopher to draw Sharon back to Silent Hill. With the help of classmate Vincent Cooper (Kit Harington), Sharon sets out to rescue her dad from the Order's leader, Claudia Wolf (Carrie-Anne Moss), who seeks to use Sharon for a ritual that will summon their god.

Writer/Director Michael J. Bassett (Solomon Kane) should get credit for creating such a slick and creepy looking movie on a shoestring budget of $20 million. His Silent Hill feels like hell on Earth and populated by gruesome creatures ripped from the mind of Clive Barker. Bassett plays plenty of lip service to the hardcore fans with the appearances of game villains like the knife-wielding Dark Nurses, a disturbing spider made out of mannequin parts, and the instantly recognizable Pyramid Head.

Ultimately, the visuals mean nothing when faced with a nonsensical story that exponentially increases in absurdity. Bassett clearly loves the source material, but finds no possible way to streamline it. Thus, the majority of the dialogue is nothing more than exposition. Characters drone on and on in a vain effort to explain the convoluted mythology of the game.

Malcolm McDowell makes a silly cameo as a raving old man, a role he's more than capable of comfortably slipping into. Yet, you can't help but feel he, along with Sean Bean and Carrie-Anne Moss, are slumming it. Neither of the leads is given much. Aussie actress Adelaide Clemens bares a strong resemblance to Michelle Williams, except she's not given the chance to show if she has the same dramatic chops with such a one-dimensional character. And "Game of Thrones" devotees shouldn't expect a lot from Kit Harington since his Vincent Cooper isn't nearly as well-written as Jon Snow.

Silent Hill: Revelation is a portentous horror show that could have easily been churned out of the Paul W.S. Anderson factory. At least, it's better than anything by Uwe Boll.

Rating: * (*****)

Werewolf: The Beast Among Us

Werewolf: The Beast Among Us - Dir. Louis Morneau (2012)

Universal Pictures recently released a fabulous boxset that paid tribute to the classic monster films of yesteryear. Among the pictures included in the set was The Wolf Man, starring Lon Chaney, Jr. Universal has tried many times to create a film that would have the same lasting impact. John Landis's An American Werewolf in London has achieved cult status, but nothing else has come close. The troubled production behind Joe Johnston's 2010 remake probably tarnished the reputation of the werewolf more than enhanced it. It's a reputation that needs polishing in today's culture where the werewolf exists as a buff and shirtless pretty boy rather than a primal creature. There was talk of the studio rebooting Wolf Man yet again, which leads us to Werewolf: The Beast Among Us.

Werewolf is set in a little village in Transylvania where the citizens are plagued by a feral beast. Folks are slaughtered wholesale under the light of a full moon. Luckily, an intrepid band of hunters arrive to collect on the handsome reward the desperate villagers offer. The group is led by Charles (Ed Quinn), an American gunslinger whose parents were killed by a werewolf. He is joined by the debonair knife-thrower Stefan (Adam Croasdell); the beautiful, flamethrower wielding Kazia (Ana Ularu), and the boastful, eyepatch wearing Hyde (Steven Bauer).

Although the movie opens with the hunters and a prologue detailing the origin of Charles, the lead protagonist is actually Daniel (Guy Wilson), the earnest apprentice to the town doctor (Stephen Rea, who previously hung out with werewolves in Underworld: Awakening). Daniel is eager to join the hunters in order to protect his mother, Valdoma (Nia Peeples), and girlfriend, Eva (Rachel DiPillo). Soon, they find that the creature they are stalking is no ordinary werewolf. It is faster, stronger, and smarter than the ones they've faced before.

Werewolf doesn't have any connections to either Wolf Man films though it does borrow from both as well as elements from another great monster flick, Jaws. There's a sequence where Charles propositions the townsfolk in a similar fashion to Quint. In a clever scene, Daniel disembowels a corpse and uses the intestines as werewolf chum. When that fails, a nonplussed Charles makes an obvious nod to Roy Scheider by saying, "We're gonna need bigger traps."

Therein lies the main problem with Werewolf. It simply mixes together elements seen in more familiar films, instead of building upon werewolf mythology. There's nothing new to be found. It doesn't help that Charles is dressed in a wide-brimmed hat and trenchcoat reminiscent of Hugh Jackman in Van Helsing, another failed attempt to resurrect Universal's monsters. The tone veers between action and horror with a heavy emphasis on the romance between Daniel and Eva, both of whom are as bland as bland can be. The screenplay tries to inject an aura of mystery by making the audience guess the identity of the werewolf. Too bad the answer is fairly obvious before the end of the first act.

At least, the special effects are decent and not as laughable as other direct-to-video features. Shot on location in Romania, Werewolf is indistinguishable from any Syfy movie of the week.

The werewolf has taken a cinematic beating over the last few years with some real bombs like Blood and Chocolate, Skinwalkers, and Red Riding Hood, not to mention the franchise that shall not be named. Despite featuring Benicio del Toro, Anthony Hopkins, and Emily Blunt, The Wolfman was a critical and commercial flop. If a blockbuster with two Oscar winners couldn't get the job done, there's not much hope for a straight to video movie without any big stars. Skip Werewolf: The Beast Among Us and watch Brotherhood of the Wolf or Dog Soldiers.

Rating: * (*****)

Piranha 3DD

Piranha 3DD - Dir. John Gulager (2012)

In 1978, Roger Corman's New World Pictures released the original Piranha, which was a Jaws knockoff directed by B-movie maven Joe Dante from a script by indie auteur John Sayles. It was an enjoyable exploitation movie with its tongue firmly planted in cheek. Piranha spawned a 1981 sequel only notable because it marked the directorial debut of James Cameron as well as a 1995 Showtime remake starring a then-unknown Mila Kunis. Alexandre Aja brought the man-eating fish back with a vengeance in 2010 with Piranha 3D. The remake was surprisingly entertaining as it reveled in its tackiness with projectile vomit flying out of the screen. Piranha 3D may have been well-made trash, but its sequel Piranha 3DD is just plain trash.

A year after the horrific events of Piranha 3D, Lake Victoria is a ghost town following a massive attack on spring breakers by an undiscovered species of prehistoric piranha. The military embarked on a widespread eradication of the deadly fish and the threat has been seemingly neutralized. Meanwhile, Maddy (Danielle Panabaker), a marine biology student, has returned home to nearby Merkin, Arizona for the summer. She is shocked when her sleazy stepfather, Chet (David Koechner), has transformed her late-mother's water park into a hedonistic hotspot. Chet has replaced lifeguards with "water-certified" strippers and a "Cooch-Cam" that displays close-ups of the female anatomy as they exit the pool. He's also illegally tapped into an underground river to avoid paying bills to the water company. Guess how the piranhas get into the park?

Piranha 3DD treads water for its first two acts, which feel interminable in spite of a length that's barely 80 minutes, not counting end credits. There's an occasional piranha attack though most of the screen time is dedicated to Maddy reconnecting with her old friends, the slutty Ashley (Meagan Tandy) and the virginal Shelby (Katrina Bowden). There's also a love triangle between the heroine and her ex-boyfriend Kyle (Chris Zylka), a meathead sheriff's deputy, and the nerdy Barry (Matt Bush), who's had a crush on Maddy since childhood. Once the thin attempts at character development are dispensed with, it's finally time for the bloodbath.

Say what you will about Alexandre Aja, but at least he directed Piranha 3D with a stylish flair. The violence of the sequel just doesn't match up to the previous film in terms of scope or skill. The body count is much less and the kills aren't nearly as inventive. John Gulager, who also directed the Feast trilogy, seems content to rehash gags rather than come up with anything new. A prologue involving Gary Busey and a dead cow that farts out piranha eggs doesn't match up to the previous opening with Richard Dreyfuss. Other lowbrow sequences include a piranha lodged up someone's rectum and another swimming out of a girl's vagina to chomp down on her lover's penis. We also get the lovely image of a decapitated head motorboating a pair of naked breasts. Speaking of which, Gulager gleefully dishes out a heaping helping of nudity. Buxom bikini-clad babes lose their tops and jiggle their bountiful bosoms in slow motion. One pair of bouncing boobs belongs to David Hasselhoff.

The former Baywatch star plays himself in the third act as the C-list celebrity hired to host the grand opening of Chet's Big Wet water park. Hasselhoff has found new life as a self-parody and adds direly needed humor. In a running gag, hapless patrons plead for his assistance as they truly believe him to be a trained lifeguard. The Hoff is one of the few enjoyable elements in Piranha 3DD, along with returning cast members Christopher Lloyd, Paul Scheer, and Ving Rhames. Lloyd once again brings his bug-eyed Doc Brown act as a slightly loopy ichthyologist. Rhames is back as the traumatized Deputy Fallon, who lost his legs in the last feeding frenzy. Luckily, he's now in possession of titanium crutches equipped with shotguns. He also gets two of the movie's best lines: "Fish ate my damn legs" and "I ain't afraid of no punk ass water." As for the rest of the cast, they perform their duties adequately though there isn't enough Katrina Bowden for my tastes. Danielle Panabaker deserves better roles, but has carved a niche as a young scream queen with appearances here and in the remakes of The Crazies and Friday the 13^th.

Piranha 3D was a guilty pleasure that turned the dial up to 11 when it comes to gore and raunchiness. Dipping into the pool a second time was a bad decision. As expected with a title like Piranha 3DD, the sequel gives you bigger breasts, but not a bigger and better film.

Rating: * (*****)

Dream House

Dream House - Dir. Jim Sheridan (2011)

Dream House sure sounded like a dream project. At the helm was Jim Sheridan, the Academy Award nominated director of My Left Foot, In the Name of the Father and In America. The cast had serious star power with Daniel Craig, Rachel Weisz, and Naomi Watts in the lead roles. Yet, Dream House turned into a complete nightmare. Sheridan clashed frequently with producer James G. Robinson. Their disagreements centered on Sheridan employing an improvisational style that deviated heavily from the script by David Loucka. Response from test screenings was disastrous and extensive reshoots were required. Robinson and Morgan Creek Productions took control and edited the move themselves. A displeased Sheridan attempted to have his name removed from the credits. Dream House was eventually released with very little fanfare. There was no gala premiere, no press screenings, and the actors refused to promote the picture. It seemed the only good thing to come out of the film was the fact that Craig and Weisz fell in love on set and eventually married.

Craig is Will Atenton, a successful book editor in New York, who quits his job to spend more time with his family. He's just bought a new home in a sleepy, snow covered New England town. He hopes to live a quiet life with his wife, Libby (Weisz), and daughters Trish & Dee Dee (Taylor & Claire Geare). But, that doesn't appear to be in the cards. The townsfolk are on edge around Atenton, especially his next-door neighbor Ann Patterson (Watts), who is in a bitter custody dispute with her ex-husband Jack (Marton Csokas). After chasing off a group of goth teenagers partying in his basement, Will learns the previous owners of his happy house were brutally murdered. A man named Peter Ward allegedly killed his wife and daughters and was committed to an insane asylum. As Will digs further into the mystery, he may like what he finds.

It's difficult to discuss the plot of Dream House any further without spoiling everything. That's assuming you haven't seen the trailer, which revealed practically the entire movie. Not that it really matters; the story is so trite and unoriginal that you will see every twist coming. For one thing, Elias Koteas is in the movie. When has Elias Koteas ever been cast in a role where he wasn't a creepy guy?

Despite all the finger pointing, there's plenty of blame to go around. First there's the hacky screenplay by David Loucka, whose most notable credit was as a co-writer on the Whoopi Goldberg comedy, Eddie. It's a safe bet that A-list talent like Craig, Weisz, and Watts signed on to work with Jim Sheridan. However, I don't think his version would have been that much better than the final product.

Dream House seems like the Exorcist prequel all over again. Not surprisingly that was also produced by Morgan Creek. Paul Schrader directed the original picture before the studio hired Renny Harlin was brought on to direct a retooled version. They were both eventually released into theaters and were both critical and financial flops.

Sheridan's cut may have been incrementally better than the theatrical version, but it surely couldn't have been on par with his best work. This isn't the same Sheridan who directed In America. It's the Sheridan who directed Get Rich or Die Tryin.' Sheridan is more than capable of telling personal stories about Irish immigrants, but he's not up to handling slick Hollywood fare.

Dream House might be Daniel Craig's worst performance ever. Perhaps, Craig was less than enthused about returning for reshoots and couldn't be bothered to give it his all. Sort of like Harrison Ford being forced to read the stilted narration for the theatrical cut of Blade Runner.

Dream House consists of so many half-baked contrivances that you'd think it was made by someone who went through M. Night Shyamalan's dumpster. The backstage drama during the production was far more compelling than the actual movie. This is an ineptly made thriller lacking in atmosphere or suspense.

Rating: * (*****)

The Thing

The Thing - Dir. Matthijs van Heijningen Jr. (2011)

Until recently, John Carpenter had been persona non grata since the abysmal Ghosts of Mars, a sci-fi version of his earlier action flick, Assault on Precinct 13. For a while, he seemed content with collecting royalty checks as Hollywood studios churned out big-budget remakes of his beloved cult classics. Assault was remade along with The Fog and Halloween. A remake of Escape from New York has long been in development and there have been rumblings of a new version of They Live. Now, Universal Studios brings us The Thing, which will make Carpenter fans pray nobody decides to remake Big Trouble in Little China.

The 2011 Thing isn't a straight remake. In fact, the filmmakers even stated that remaking Carpenter's film would be akin to drawing a mustache on the Mona Lisa. Makes you wonder why they did it anyway. No, this is more of a prequel and a loose remake using its predecessor as a template. Carpenter's movie was a more faithful adaptation of John W. Campbell's 1938 novella, Who Goes There?, which was originally turned into a film by Howard Hawks. That 1951 version, The Thing From Another World, had more in common with Invasion of the Body Snatchers than it did the source material.

Carpenter's 1982 movie begins at an American research base in Antarctica as its inhabitants witness the strange sight of a pair of Norwegians trying to shoot a sled dog. Unbeknownst to anyone there, the dog is actually an alien creature that can take the form of any person or animal it kills. The prequel delves into the tragic events that befell the scientists at the other base and how the alien was set loose.

At the nearby Thule base, the Norwegian researchers have discovered a massive alien spacecraft hidden underneath the snow for centuries. They've also discovered a dormant biological being frozen in the ice. Head scientist Dr. Sander Halvorson (Ulrich Thomsen) is extremely excited about the notoriety that will surely follow. Halvorson and his assistant, Adam Finch (Eric Christian Olsen), recruit paleontologist Dr. Kate Lloyd (Mary Elizabeth Winstead) to assist in the excavation of the alien. Of course, the thing breaks loose and picks the humans off one by one with the survivors never sure of who is really who.

The rest of the cast includes: Joel Edgerton and Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje as gruff American pilots and an assortment of Norwegian actors that aren't likely known outside their home country.

The 2011 version was directed by newcomer Matthijs van Heijningen Jr. and written by Eric Heisserer, who also penned Final Destination 5 and the remake of The Nightmare on Elm Street. Whereas the Carpenter and Hawks films were allegories of Cold War paranoia, neither van Heijningen nor Heisserer are particularly interested in subtext or parables. Their Thing is a straightforward and pedestrian horror movie. While Carpenter's Thing relied on the gruesome practical effects by Rob Bottin, the prequel gleefully trots out a heavy amount of CGI. The old axion of "Less is more," applies here as the more we see of these computer effects, the less convincing they are.

The prequel also breaks up the sausage fest that was the Carpenter version by introducing female characters. Mary Elizabeth Winstead is cast as a tough female protagonist modeled after Ellen Ripley. There is something cool and arousing about seeing Winstead forcefully wielding a flamethrower to battle the beast. Sadly, she doesn't get much to work with and doesn't display half the charm she did as Ramona Flowers in Scott Pilgrim vs. The World. None of the other characters are fleshed out either and are simply there to increase the body count. It also hurts that they don't have someone with a strong screen presence like Kurt Russell and Keith David in the original. They also don't have Wilford Brimley, another huge strike against it.

The Thing pales in comparison to the John Carpenter cult classic. It's proof that just because you have more money and better toys, doesn't mean you'll make a better picture. Despite its mediocrity, The Thing might serve as a decent appetizer for a double feature with the Carpenter version as the main course.

Rating: ** (*****)

Tucker & Dale vs. Evil

Tucker & Dale vs. Evil - Dir. Eli Craig (2011)

College kids go off on a camping trip in the woods only to find their spring break ruined by a murderous clan of inbred rednecks. That particular plotline and variations on it have become a tried and true staple of the horror genre. Inspired by films like Deliverance, The Hills Have Eyes, and Texas Chainsaw Massacre, writer/director Eli Craig (who co-wrote the script with Morgen Jurgenson) cleverly twists the genre conventions with Tucker & Dale vs. Evil which casts the rednecks in a sympathetic light while the vacationing teens play the villains.

Tucker (Alan Tudyk) and Dale (Tyler Labine) are a pair of genial country bumpkins living in rural West Virginia. They've recently purchased a dilapidated cabin in the woods that they hope to renovate into a summer cottage. At the same time, a group of college students set up camp nearby and are immediately creeped out by these odd looking fellas in overalls and mesh trucker caps. One night, perky blonde Allison (Katrina Bowden) is knocked unconscious while skinny dipping and rescued by Tucker and Dale, the latter of whom develops a crush on her. The other teenagers falsely believe Allison has been kidnapped and urged to take action by her boyfriend, Chad (Jesse Moss), who possesses an unnerving hatred for hillbillies.

The kids make a series of bumbling attempts to rescue Allison that lead to their own violent demises. In a scene rivaling Fargo, one boy tries to jump Tucker and accidentally falls into a wood chipper. This leads Tucker and Dale into believing the kids are enacting a suicide pact.

Eli Craig has come up with several inventive and gruesome kills. He also manages to subvert many of the iconic imagery of horror films. When Tucker runs howling through the woods with a chainsaw, it's because he got stung by a swarm of bees. In another scene, Dale awkwardly tries to talk to Allison at a gas station. Told by Tucker to laugh a lot, he cackles maniacally while holding a Grim Reaper scythe and unintentionally frightens the teens.

Genre fans will likely gravitate towards Tucker & Dale due to Alan Tudyk's work on Firefly and Tyler Labine's on Reaper. Tudyk and Labine are hilarious in their roles without turning the characters into southern fried caricatures. They are slightly dim-witted, but not annoyingly stupid. There is also a surprising sweetness to the budding romance between Dale and Allison, played by the gorgeous Katrina Bowden, best known as Cerie, the flighty receptionist on 30 Rock.

Tucker & Dale vs. Evil has all the makings of a midnight cult classic. As a fusion of horror and comedy, it stands alongside recent titles like Shaun of the Dead and Zombieland.

Rating; *** (*****)

Fright Night

Fright Night - Dir. Craig Gillespie (2011)

"Hey, guy. You've been watching me. I've been watching you. Your mom, there's a kind of neglect. Gives off a scent. And your girl? She is ripe. It's on you to look out for them because there are a lot of bad people out there…"

The strip mining of 80's culture continues with this remake of the 1985 cult classic directed by Tom Holland (Child's Play). The original Fright Night was never one of my fondly remembered 80's vampire movies. I always preferred The Lost Boys, The Hunger, and Near Dark. Still, it had some charm, particularly a fantastic performance from Roddy McDowall as horror television host Peter Vincent. McDowall's character was a throwback to the protagonists of the classic Hammer horror films. The name itself was an homage to Peter Cushing and Vincent Price. The remake of Fright Night is one of those rare do-over's that actually improves on the original by quickening the pace and steeping it into modern pop culture.

twists its predecessor's suburban setting by taking place in an artificial oasis just outside of Las Vegas. This is a prefabricated neighborhood of innocuous tract homes with "For Sale" signs littering the front lawns and the neon lights of Sin City illuminating the horizon. High schooler Charley Brewster (Anton Yelchin) lives here with his mom, Jane (Toni Collette), a real estate agent trying to sell these houses. Charley is one of the most popular kids in school with a beautiful girlfriend in Amy (Imogen Poots). But, it wasn't always this way for Charley. He was once a nerd who engaged in goofy LARPing in his back yard with former best friend Ed (Christopher Mintz-Plasse), who was cast aside for the sake of Charley's popularity.

Charley reluctantly meets with his ex-BFF when several classmates mysterious disappear. Ed suspects Charley's new neighbor Jerry (Colin Farrell) is a vampire. Charley is naturally disbelieving until Ed vanishes as well.

The hip nature and clever dialogue of Fright Night owes a lot to the screenplay by Marti Noxon, one of the chief architects of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Noxon is no stranger to writing believable teenagers (I Am Number Four, notwithstanding) and scary bloodsuckers with a mix of horror and comedy. The story plays with the perception of vampires in a post-Twilight world as well as all the usual tropes of the mythology. Let the Right One In answered the question of what happens to a vampire when they come in without an invitation. Fright Night answers the question of does a vampire need an invitation if the house has been abandoned due to a collapsing market. There is an unexpected poignancy to the movie with Noxon touching upon themes of teen angst with vampirism serving as an allegory for the predatory nature of high school and status supremacy. Charley isn't all that nice of a kid for having so cruelly shunned Ed in favor of the jerks who would have mocked him not long ago. Jerry too is attempting to build his own social circle by using some of his victims to repopulate his species.

Jerry as played by Chris Sarandon (who does the obligatory cameo) was more in line with the classical, seductive vampire. Colin Farrell's version exudes in alpha male arrogance. He's Dracula in a tight t-shirt and denim jeans. It's a role that Farrell is clearly relishing and it's one of his most fun performances to date. Not as nuanced as In Bruges, but not as cartoonish as Horrible Bosses or Daredevil. In the original film, it never made sense for Jerry not to kill Charley outright. Here, it's a case of Jerry toyed with his food before the big bite. He's centuries old with an unfathomable body count. What does he have to fear from a boy? This is exemplified in a suspenseful sequence in which Charley breaks into Jerry's home (with the help of a handy lock picking app) in order to free a hot blonde neighbor. It is clear Jerry knows they are there, despite their feeble attempts to skulk about unnoticed. The finish to the scene is a real kick to the balls.

Director Craig Gillespie earned strong critical notice for the indie comedy Lars and the Real Girl, but he shows a true flair for stylish action in Fright Night. In addition to the break-in sequence, there's a thrilling set piece that begins with Jerry ripping up the Brewsters' gas line and igniting their abode ("Don't need an invitation if there's no house."). This kicks off an exciting chase scene done as a continuous tracking shot with Jerry hurling a dirt bike at Jane's SUV and trying to carve his way in with his "fucked up vampire hand." The only detraction to these parts is the obvious CGI. Aside from these scenes, the special effects are strong, but the 3D version should be avoided as it dims the already dark night scenes.

One of the major changes in the remake is the envisioning of Peter Vincent as a larger-than-life stage magician. Vincent is portrayed wonderfully by former Doctor Who, David Tennant, who plays him as Criss Angel by way of Russell Brand.

Fright Night may have been dumped into theaters during the doldrums of August, but it's the kind of thrill ride that should have been released on Halloween. No sparkly bullshit here, Fright Night takes the vampire back to his spooky, bloodthirsty roots.

Rating: *** (*****)

Scream 4

Scream 4 - Dir. Wes Craven (2011)

”You forgot the first rule of remakes…don’t fuck with the original.”

It's been fifteen years since a creepy voice over the phone asked a terrified Drew Barrymore if she liked scary movies. When Scream hit theaters in 1996, it revitalized the slasher genre, spawning two sequels and a litany of knockoff franchises. A decade has passed since the last installment and I doubt there was a huge demand for another Scream, aside from the Weinsteins. The former heads of Miramax have been looking to milk the cash cow of their previous successes. Scream 4 is the first of many sequels to come with a new Spy Kids coming out later in the summer as well as spinoffs of everything from Rounders to Shakespeare in Love in development.

Neve Campbell is back once more as tormented heroine, Sidney Prescott, who returns to her hometown of Woodsboro on a promotional tour for her memoirs. No sooner does Sidney arrive then a new Ghostface emerges to hack and slash his way through a smorgasbord of good-looking victims. Also returning for this latest R-rated Scooby Doo mystery is reporter Gale Weathers (Courteney Cox), who is still adjusting to small town life as the wife of Dewey (David Arquette), now the sheriff of Woodsboro. New to the film series are Sidney's cousin, Jill (Emma Roberts), and her best friend, Kirby (Hayden Panettiere), as one of the hottest horror movie aficionados ever. Replacing the late-Randy Meeks are Robbie (Eric Knudsen) and Charlie (Rory Culkin), two geeks who run the high school film club and record everything 24/7 with their webcam.

What set the original Scream apart from its pale imitators was the clever screenplay by Kevin Williamson, which played with the conventions of the horror genre. The movie was filled with self-aware characters ironically commenting on the very clichés they were occurring around them. It's not too much of a surprise that Wes Craven was drawn to the production as Scream came out two years after Wes Craven's New Nightmare, a meta-textual sequel in which Freddy Krueger stalked the cast and crew behind the movies.

After skipping out on the last picture, Williamson is back on scripting duties though Ehren Kruger (who penned Scream 3 in his absence) was brought on for last-minute rewrites. The final product still bares the Scream trademarks of self-aware humor, walking a thin line between satire and horror. A lot has changed since the initial film and Scream 4 attempts to address everything from the current state of horror movies to new technologies. Craven and company spread themselves too thin trying to tackle so many topics and come up short each time.

There are brief mentions about the lack of originality in Hollywood, the spate of remakes, and the rise of torture porn. At one point, Kirby lists nearly every major horror movie that has been remade in the past few years. Empty name-dropping seems to be the best they could do. One character comments that the old rules have changed, the kills have to be much more extreme. However, the kills in Scream 4 aren't very extreme or unique. Ghostface follows the same M.O. as always stalking unsuspecting victims then gutting them with a butcher knife. There are multiple scenes of victims running up staircases and kicking away their attacker.

As a part of the YouTube Generation, the young characters of Scream 4 are far savvier about technology than their predecessors. Everyone has an iPhone, but most of the gags about webcams and internet streaming feel like they were written five years ago. Not to mention these sorts of things have already been touched upon in other (inferior) movies like Halloween: Resurrection and FeardotCom. The one bit that does work involves a Ghostface App that allows callers to disguise their voice as the infamous murderer.

The filmmakers also try too hard to maintain the meta-textual elements that had already been exhausted by the previous installments. Characters drop remarks about how this is the point in the movie where everyone feels they're safe until the killer shows himself. And what do you know; everyone feels they're safe until the killer shows himself. There's an underlying layer involving the film's starlets, Neve Campbell and Courteney Cox. Their characters have become inexorably linked to the events of the original film and have yet to move past them. In particular, Gale Weathers has yet to break a new story to surpass the first Woodsboro murders. The actresses themselves have yet to achieve the movie star status predicted by many following the original Scream. The script also throws in a few heavy-handed comments about established stars who have earned their fame and the newcomers who have undeserved done so through viral marketing and reality television.

Scream 4 is also rife with plot holes and it's difficult to tell if the writers got sloppy or if they were an intentional callback to its inspirations. Where exactly are the parents? Evidently, the perfect time to leave your kids alone is when a maniac killer is on the loose. How does the killer get around so quickly on foot? Meanwhile, how do the cops never arrive in time despite driving around in police vehicles? Then again, considering the police department is run by David Arquette…

Most of the script problems can be forgiven due to a quality ensemble with many of them giving fantastic performances. The two best performances come from Hayden Panettiere and Alison Brie from Community and Mad Men. Sporting a short hairdo, Panettiere is wonderful as the sexy and sassy Kirby. She's the best she's ever looked. Brie goes for the gusto as Sidney's snarky, opportunistic publicist. Also good is Marley Shelton in a small role as spunky deputy with a crush on Dewey, of all people. You don't feel too bad when she meets an inevitably grisly fate. As the franchise's holy triumvirate, Campbell, Cox, and Arquette have become old hat at playing their characters and some of the most noteworthy scenes involve the three of them. There's also a cool opening sequence of false starts featuring a bevy of young beauties like Aimee Teegarden, Kristen Bell, and Anna Paquin.

Scream 4 does feel like the same old routine, despite promises of new decade, new rules. It may not be perfect, but it is a fun popcorn film that plays out more like a dark comedy than a straight horror movie. It largely ignores the events of the second and third pictures, making it a true sequel in spirit to the original.

Rating: *** (*****)

SPOILER WARNING: My thoughts on the ending in the comments section.

Let Me In

Let Me In - Dir. Matt Reeves (2010)

It's rare when a remake equals the original and even rarer when it surpasses its progenitor. Unfortunately, most remakes just don't need to exist. Let Me In is just such a remake. The original film, Let the Right One In, is easily one of the best vampire movies ever made. Its only crime was apparently having subtitles, which means it doesn't exist in Hollywood's mind. Based on a novel by John Ajvide Lindqvist, Let the Right One In examined the darkness inside humanity through a chilling, unconventional love story that puts the teenage soap opera pap of the Twilight Saga to dire shame. The rights for the American adaptation were picked up by Hammer Films, producers of many classic Dracula movies starring Christopher Lee and Peter Cushing. The reins of the remake were handed to Matt Reeves, the director of Cloverfield, a Blair Witch-style take on the giant monster movie. Despite talks that Reeves would re-interpret the Lindqvist's book, Let Me In is simply a rehash of its predecessor.

Let Me In is set in the far removed town of Los Alamos, New Mexico in the year 1983. The Road's Kodi Smit-McPhee plays Owen drifting through the awkward pangs of pre-adolescence. His parents are in the midst of a messy divorce. Dad is never seen and is only ever heard during one phone call. Mom is always working and when she's home, spends much of her time soused on the couch. To say Owen is being bullied at school is an understatement. He is being tormented by a trio of cruel bullies and the adults seem blissfully ignorant of it all.

Enter a strange young girl named Abby, played by Hit-Girl herself, Chloe Moretz. She moves into the apartment next door to Owen in the middle of the night with her "father" (Richard Jenkins). There's something odd about this little girl and not just because she walks around barefoot in the dead of winter. Owen comes to learn she is a vampire. The "father" acts as her Renfield stalking his prey and draining them of blood. Despite his initial fears, Owen grows closer to Abby as she encourages him to fight back against his antagonists.

Let Me In manages to be a surprisingly effective thriller by using the original film as its blueprint. Many of the best scenes are lifted directly out of Tomas Alfredson's version, including the climatic sequence at the gymnasium pool. Some scenes are ramped up for an American audience accustomed to blood or existential quandaries. One of the big changes in the remake is a harrowing auto accident as Abby's guardian attempts to take his latest victim. It is one of the few times in which Matt Reeves asserts his own identity as takes the camera along for the ride in the backseat. While Alfredson favored long shots to accentuate the loneliness of his lead characters, Reeves goes for close-ups to capture their alienation directly. He also excises the subplots involving Owen's neighbors thus turning them into faceless fodder for Abby's hunger.

Let Me In also lacks any of the subtleties of the original film. Abby doesn't simply feed on her victims, but practically mauls them. She climbs onto their bodies like a spider. Reeves heavily relies on unnecessary CGI for the attacks, which is blatantly obvious even though they are mostly hidden in the shadows. Reeves also hammers in the themes of good and evil. An unnamed detective (Elias Koteas) believes the murders to be the work of Satanists, the religious nature of Owen's mother causes the rift in her marriage, and everything is set under the specter of Ronald Reagan. Reeves further familiarizes the movie's setting by referencing 80's pop culture throughout. Owen's love of Culture Club and Now & Later candy belies the darkness that surrounds him, just as the cheesier aspects of the 80's served as a stark contrast to its Cold War politics. Reeves serves up a cute juxtaposition to Abby's vampirism when Owen introduces her to the gameplay of Pac-Man.

The film's young leads are both excellent and each brings a heavy soulfulness that isn't commonly found among actors of their age. The other main roles are filled by veteran character actors Richard Jenkins and Elias Koteas, the latter of whom is less creepy than usual.

Let Me In will surely serve as an enthralling thriller for those who have yet to see Let the Right One In, a truly unique twist on the vampire genre. However, the burden of knowledge will rear its head for anyone familiar with the original. The remake can't escape its feeling of 'been there, done that.'

Rating: **

Frozen

Frozen - Dir. Adam Green (2010)

In the vein of Open Water, writer/director Adam Green offers Frozen, a minimalist horror film with a small cast and a central location. Whereas Open Water was set in the Atlantic Ocean off the Bahamas, Frozen is set in the snowy mountains of Utah.

Best friends Dan (Kevin Zegers) and Joe (Shawn Ashmore) make a regular pilgrimage to the ski resort of Snowbasin. This time around, Dan has brought along his girlfriend, Parker (Emma Bell), much to Joe's consternation. To Joe, Parker has been taking up far too much of his BFF's time and is now the third wheel on their ski trip. He's even more upset that Parker is a snowboarding beginner and they've been stuck on the kiddie slopes with her.

The guys want to get in one good ride before the resort closes down for the night and cajole the operator to let them on for a quick run. Through a series of minute events and a shift change, the trio is left stranded. The ski lift shuts down while they're still on it, suspended high above the mountain. Dan, Joe, and Parker try to convince themselves it is simply a malfunction, but their worries turn into panic once the lights turn off. Hours pass, the night grows colder, and they are subjected to fury of snow that feels like needles on their skin. They try to flag down a passing Snowcat driver to no avail.

They are now left at the mercy of the elements and the hungry wolves on the ground below. Each individual attempts to hatch their own desperate plans to escape and seek help.

Frozen works as a refreshing departure from the usual horror flicks with an axe-wielding maniac chopping his way through a pack of horny teenagers. Sort of ironic considering Green's debut film, "Hatchet," was just such a film. Frozen avoids being a gorefest, but there's just enough gruesomeness to accentuate the terror that befalls the protagonists. A grimace inducing leg break almost puts Joe Theismann's infamous injury to shame. In another scene, Parker accidentally loses her glove and later finds her bare hand stuck on the safety pole. When she pulls it off, don't expect the same comical tone as A Christmas Story.

While the movie has a strong concept at its core, its premise remains too thin for a feature length film. Before the lead characters are stranded, Green spends the first twenty minutes of the film getting to know them. This is the obligatory introduction period as we learn a little bit of their backgrounds and the relationship dynamics. However, the characters are just as thin as the premise. The dialogue is utterly bland and instantly forgettable. Parker complains that Dan doesn't call her by a pet name like, "sweetie" or "honey." That's about the highest level of complexity for these people. The fact that they are so whiny and entitled makes it difficult to eke out even an iota of sympathy for their ordeal. In Open Water, the couple is left alone in the middle of the ocean through no fault of their own. In Frozen, the friends are left alone on the ski lift because of their own stupidity.

Frozen cheats several times when it comes to ignoring some blatantly obvious things the characters could have done to prolong their survival. Conveniently (or inconveniently), nobody has a cell phone with them. As explained in one of the commentary tracks, many skiers and snowboarders won't take their phones with them for fear of breaking them. Okay, I'll buy that. Yet, nobody ever thinks of simply buttoning up. Isn't that something we've all been taught by our parents? Even with frostbite settling in on their faces, no one bothers to cover themselves up despite wearing thick hooded jackets and wool hats.

Frozen does not live up to its intriguing premise, stretched thin in order to fill out ninety minutes of runtime. The film is at its best when it focuses on the terror that the main characters endure. The weakest scenes involve the cardboard characters simply being their boring selves.

Rating: * ½

Blood: The Last Vampire

Blood: The Last Vampire - Dir. Chris Nahon (2009)


Everybody loves vampires and zombies nowadays. They used to be nightmarish creatures that have become almost cute and cuddly. As cool as zombies are, vampires have always had a mystique about them that has made the bloodsuckers sex symbols. The baffling phenomenon known as Twilight can certainly attest to that. Two of the most popular television dramas currently airing are the vampire-centric True Blood and The Vampire Diaries. Let the Right One In was one of the best films of 2008 and one of the best vampire films ever. Vampires aren’t just objects of lust and mystery, but they can be serious ass kickers too as evidenced with Blood: The Last Vampire.

The original Blood: The Last Vampire was an anime film made in 2000 by Production I.G., the animation studio behind Ghost in the Shell. That version of Blood was decent enough if somewhat empty at a scant forty-eight minutes. This live-action version may be twice as long, but it’s also twice as empty.

Gianna Jun (aka Jun Ji-hyun) won over international audiences as the title character of the South Korean comedy, My Sassy Girl. Here, she plays Saya, a 400-year old half-human, half-vampire hybrid. Through a series of flashbacks, we learn that Saya’s father was a renowned samurai who hunted demons until he was murdered by the vampire queen, Onigen (Koyuki). She was raised by one of her father’s retainers, Kato (Yasuaki Kurata), until he too was murdered by Onigen’s forces. Since then, Saya has spent centuries cutting through the vampire species until she can find Onigen.

Now, it is the 1970’s and the Vietnam War rages on. Saya is currently working with a secret organization known as the Council. Hot on Onigen’s trail, the Council sends Saya onto an American military base in Tokyo under the guise of a transfer student. Saya battles several vampires who have disguised themselves as soldiers, students, and faculty. Meanwhile, Alice McKee (Allison Miller), the daughter of the base’s commanding officer, stumbles onto the clandestine war between the Council and the vampires, becoming a target for both sides. Alice’s character is rather superfluous to the paper thin story. She’s ostensibly the outsider who triggers the other characters to espouse large chunks of exposition. I also get the feeling Alice was only there to be a pretty white face so the production doesn’t become too Asian.

The live-action Blood is an international production all the way. The star is South Korean and the cast is primarily American with a little Japanese, British and Irish mixed in. The film’s director is Chris Nahon, the Frenchman who also directed the Jet Li actioner Kiss of the Dragon Though it’s based on an anime feature and set in Japan, the film was shot in Argentina and Hong Kong. The Hong Kong influence continues as the producer for the film was Ronny Yu (Bride with White Hair), the screenwriter was Chris Chow (Jet Li’s Fearless), and the fight choreography was done by Corey Yuen (Fong Sai Yuk, The Transporter). The Hong Kong hand is definitely felt in the action sequences with elaborate acrobatics on display.

As decent as the fight scenes could have been, they are ruined by some of the most absolutely awful special effects I’ve ever seen. Two vampires transform into CGI gargoyles look about as real as your average porn star’s breast implants. Copious amounts of computer generated blood are spilled at the edge of Saya’s sword and not a single drop looks authentic. Blockbusters like Wolverine and G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra have no excuse for bad visual effects, but Blood (with a budget of $30 million) has something of an excuse due to less resources. Yet, I cannot fathom the reasons behind this over reliance on CGI when practical effects would have worked so much better. A sequence where the characters run across rooftops look laughably fake, especially in comparison to one from Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon which used plain old wire work.

In the end, the film suffers from bad acting, terrible dialogue, and dreadful FX. Gianna Jun, who was wonderful in My Sassy Girl gives a stilted performance due to her poor command of the English language. If all you’re looking for is the simple experience of watching a cute female in a schoolgirl uniform hack evildoers to pieces with a sword, then Blood: The Last Vampire might satisfy your shallow appetites.

Rating: *

Piranha 3D

Piranha 3D - Dir. Alexandre Aja (2010)


Piranha 3D is one of the stupidest movies I have ever seen. It’s ridiculous, crude, and completely lacking in any redeeming values. I loved it.

The original Piranha was produced by schlock-master Roger Corman whose New World Pictures pumped out dozens of cult classics like Death Race 2000, Rock ‘n Roll High School, and Slumber Party Massacre. Released in 1978, Piranha was both a rip-off and a parody of Jaws and featured the first credited work from filmmakers Joe Dante (Gremlins, The Howling) and John Sayles (Lone Star). An unrelated sequel, Piranha II: The Spawning, was released three years later and is only notable for being the first film directed by James Cameron.

The first Piranha was a pure B-movie through and through and so is the remake. Piranha 3D opens with a quickie cameo by Richard Dreyfuss as he reprises his role as Matt Hooper from Jaws. The scene pretty much sets the tone for the rest of the movie. Spring break is upon us and the small town of Lake Victoria (a fictionalized version of Lake Havasu where the film was actually shot) is preparing for the worst. The picturesque spot is invaded by a ravenous swarm of creatures straight out of your nightmares. I’m speaking of drunken college kids. Douchebag frat boys and slutty sorority sisters are everywhere and it is up to Elisabeth Shue and Ving Rhames to keep the peace. Shue plays Julie Forester, the town’s tough sheriff and a single mom with Rhames as the hard-assed Deputy Fallon.

Julie’s son, Jake (Steven R. McQueen, grandson of THE Steve McQueen), is a nice kid with an unrequited crush on the virtuous Kelly (Jessica Szohr) who would rather hang out with her jerkass jock boyfriend. He’s supposed to be babysitting his younger siblings, but takes a job as tour guide for the utterly obnoxious Derrick Jones (Jerry O’Connell) who is there to shoot Girls Gone Wild-style videos. Of course, the two blonde-haired moppets wander off and wind up stranded on a rock in the middle of the lake.

An earthquake opens up a fissure underwater that releases a host of hungry prehistoric piranha into the lake. The townsfolk and vacationers have no clue until it is too late.

Much like its progenitor, Piranha 3D is absolutely a B-movie and has everything you expect from a B-movie. I’m speaking of blood and boobs. The spring break bacchanalia is in full swing as buxom bikini-clad babes pull off their tops and let their ample assets loose. In a shamelessly gratuitous sequence, voluptuous cover girl Kelly Brook and porn star Riley Steele (I swear I only know that because of Google) perform a fully nude underwater ballet to “The Flower Duet” from the French opera, Lakmé.

When the piranhas finally chow down, it turns into a Grand Guignol. The lake turns red as it is awash with copious amounts of blood. The death scenes come quick with each one as gruesome as the next. Director Alexandre Aja is no stranger to gore having also helmed High Tension and the remake of Wes Craven’s The Hills Have Eyes. Bodies are literally consumed to the bone. A topless parasailer is lifted out of the water after her legs have been eaten away to gnarled stumps. Another girl gets her hair caught in a propeller leading to her scalp and face ripped off. Eli Roth makes a brief cameo as the sleazy emcee of a wet t-shirt contest and meets with an appropriately violent death. When Aja surveys the carnage, the lake is littered with carcasses in a visual reference to Saving Private Ryan.

The film stays firmly within genre conventions as the wholesome heroes survive with their limbs intact. The hedonistic hordes indulging in sex, drugs, and alcohol meet their ends at the sharp teeth of carnivorous fish. Despite warnings from the local constabulary, they continue their drunken revelry and pay the price for their stupidity.

Piranha was shot in 2D and converted to 3D in post-production. It certainly looks better than other converted movies like Clash of the Titans and Last Airbender. Most of the underwater scenes are dark and murky and the glasses make them even more dark and murky. The CG piranhas are also pretty crappy looking. On the positive side, Aja indulges in the gimmickry of 3D. Bare breasts and projective vomit fly at the screen.

As for the acting, nobody tries too hard, but they don’t need to. The supporting cast is made mostly of unknowns and porn stars with the lead actors carrying the weight. O’Connell is hilarious as the excessively sleazy peddler of softcore porn. His character and his manhood meet with justifiably violent ends. Adam Scott is cast against type as a heroic scientist while Christopher Lloyd is in full on Doc Brown mode as a crazy eyed fish expert. Oh, and Elisabeth Shue is way hot.

Piranha 3D is pure lowbrow exploitation cinema. However, it has no pretensions of being anything more.

Rating: ***