Tusk

Tusk - Dir. Kevin Smith (2014)

"I don't want to die in Canada."

Kevin Smith made his mark as a writer/director of low-budget comedies riddled with potty words and pop culture references. He ventured away from stoner humor with Red State, a slipshod thriller about three teenagers held prisoner by a group of religious extremists. Red State wasn't a total success though it felt like the furthest thing from a Kevin Smith movie. Afterwards, Smith announced his retirement from filmmaking to focus on his podcast network. He would continue to tell stories without worrying about financing, studio heads, or box office receipts. Ironically, it was podcasting that reinvigorated Smith's love for movies.

On an episode of Smodcast, Smith and co-host/producer Scott Mosier became fascinated by an online post advertising room & board in exchange for the prospective lodger occasionally wearing a walrus costume. The two proceeded to plot out a Human Centipede-style horror flick about a maniac sewing another human being into a walrus suit. Smith took to Twitter to gauge interest and his followers responded with a resounding, "#WalrusYes." And Tusk was born.

Justin Long stars as Wallace Bryton, the host of the Not-See Party podcast, a show in which he and best friend Teddy Craft (Haley Joel Osment) poke fun at the latest internet sensations. Wallace embarks on a trip to Manitoba a kid who became a YouTube star after accidentally slicing his own leg off with a samurai sword. The boy eventually commits due to all the unwanted attention while Wallace only laments that he'll have to find get some other "Canadian weirdo" for the show.

Discovering a strange handbill, Wallace drives into the wilderness to the mansion of an eccentric hermit named Howard Howe (Michael Parks). Howe regales Wallace with tales of meeting Ernest Hemingway and being stranded in shark infested waters during WWII before being rescued by a gentle walrus. It's a monologue reminiscent of Robert Shaw's Indianapolis scene in Jaws, a long-time favorite of Smith. Wallace realizes too late that Howe has drugged his tea. This is the first step in the horrifying process to transform him into a human walrus.

At first blush, the concept doesn't seem like something that would spring from the mind of Kevin Smith. What happens to poor Wallace is gruesome and bizarre, almost in the vein of Cronenbergian body horror. By his own admission, Smith isn't a visual filmmaker. His preference is two people talking about comic books or Star Wars. That's indicative of Tusk though Smith still manages to set the eerie mood when he's not distracted by little narrative detours.

Long excels as the obnoxious Wallace and he serves as an excellent counterpoint to the bizarre antics of Michael Parks. Parks turns in a tour de force as the insane Howard Howe. Smith's gift for gab provides a cornucopia for Parks to feast on as he launches into mesmerizing monologues about his tortured backstory. At times, his speeches come off as glorified Wikipedia articles, but Parks is so entertaining that he makes every single word count. The story gets progressively more horrific and Smith wisely tries to balance the darkness with light humor.

Tusk is steeped in Smith's unwavering fascination with our neighbors in the Great White North. Of course, there are the usual gags about Canadian speak ("aboot," "eh") and how nice they all are. Also livening things up are a pair of sarcastic girls both named Colleen (Harley Quinn Smith & Lily-Rose Depp) who work in a convenience store and share a general disdain for Americans. Not only are they the female Dante and Randall, but Smith was inspired enough by their performances to give them their own spin-off, Yoga Hosers.

These cute asides don't always land. Just when you're getting into the interactions of Wallace and Howe, Smith pulls you away for one of many tangents. The worst offender is Guy LaPointe, a dogged detective from Quebec who has spent years hunting Howe. Johnny Depp provides an uncredited cameo as LaPointe and it's completely in line with some of his zanier roles. Hidden behind make-up and a thick Quebecois accent, LaPointe is a cartoon character and he receives a lot of screen time in the second half of the movie. Although Depp is amusing in the role, his presence serves as a detriment to the characters of Teddy and Wallace's girlfriend Ally (Genesis Rodriguez). Neither of them is given ample opportunity to grow beyond the functionary roles of sidekick and love interest. It's doubly problematic because Rodriguez gets to show off the acting chops she never got to in forgettable fare such as Man on a Ledge and The Last Stand.

Tusk is a bold and ballsy experiment from Kevin Smith that never finds the right balance between gothic horror and outrageous humor. Still, it's worth a look due to the indelible performances by Michael Parks and Johnny Depp.

Rating: ** ½ (*****)

Identity Thief

Identity Thief - Dir. Seth Gordon (2013)

2011 was the breakout year for Melissa McCarthy, who earned rave reviews for her performance in that year's runaway hit Bridesmaids. Her CBS sitcom, Mike & Molly, also debuted the previous fall on earned her an Emmy award that year for Best Lead Actress. Now is the time to cash in as McCarthy appears in The Hangover Part III and receives her first starring roles in The Heat (opposite Sandra Bullock) and Identity Thief.

Sandy Patterson (Jason Bateman) is a buttoned down accountant struggling to support his wife (Amanda Peet) and two daughters while working under the heel of an obnoxious boss (Jon Favreau). With a baby on the way, Sandy accepts a more lucrative position with his best friend (John Cho) at a brand new start-up firm. Unfortunately, Sandy has absent mindedly given his social security number to a telemarketer over the phone. Going by the name Diana (McCarthy), the identity thief runs up exorbitant credit card debt in Florida and gets a few arrest warrants in his name. Since the Denver police can't do anything unless she's standing right there, Sandy hits the road to bring Diana back himself. Easier said than done as Sandy is completely unprepared for the obnoxious maelstrom that is Diana. Even worse, she's run afoul of two drug dealers (Genesis Rodriguez and rapper T.I.) and a grizzled bounty hunter (Robert Patrick).

Identity Thief was directed by Seth Gordon, who made a splash with his debut feature The King of Kong, a delightful documentary about vintage arcade games. Since then, Gordon has gone on to helm subpar Hollywood comedies Four Christmases and Horrible Bosses, along with the occasional episode of Parks and Recreation and The Office. You never notice the direction in films like Identity Thief and Gordon is perfectly serviceable. Stylish shot compositions aren't nearly as important as a funny, well-written script, which is nowhere to be found. The screenplay by Craig Mazin (who also wrote the Hangover sequels) relies on lowbrow humor and gives its talented cast almost nothing to work with.

The bulk of the movie is a road trip comedy in the vein of Planes, Trains, and Automobiles or Midnight Run. Jason Bateman is once again typecast as the straight arrow surrounded by outlandish characters. Meanwhile, McCarthy plays it to the hilt with big hair and thick eyeliner that makes her look like Mimi from The Drew Carey Show. A little McCarthy goes a long way. She was terrific in Bridesmaids and her brief part in This Is 40 was one of the best things in an otherwise dreary picture. Here, McCarthy wears out her welcome by the first act. It's not entirely her fault; the character is nothing more than a cartoon. Diana is cut from the same cloth as the annoying buffoon portrayed by Zach Galifianakis in Due Date. By the time Diana finally becomes a real human being in the third act the damage is done. That's a shame since McCarthy shows off serious acting chops in turning the caricature into a vulnerable person with real pathos. In the end, you have one person with a grating personality, another who is an utter milquetoast, and you don't want to root for either of them.

Sandy isn't the only victim of theft as someone must have stolen anything remotely funny about the entire movie. The jokes are lame and revolve around genitals or Sandy's androgynous name with a few pratfalls thrown in for good measure. The bounty hunter and the drug dealers seemed to have only been added to pad out the runtime. Identity Thief simply wastes the talents of Jason Bateman and Melissa McCarthy.

Rating: * ½ (*****)

The Last Stand

The Last Stand - Dir. Kim Ji-woon (2013)

"How are you, Sheriff?"

"Old."

Well, he said, he'd be back. After serving two terms as the governor of California, Arnold Schwarzenegger returns to the silver screen with The Last Stand. It's his first starring role since Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines in 2003.

Arnold is Ray Owens, a former LAPD officer now working as the sheriff of sleepy Summerton Junction, located near the border of Arizona and Mexico. Away from big city life, Owens' main problem is the obnoxious mayor constantly parking his Camaro in a fire zone. Those peaceful and tranquil days are over when notorious drug lord Gabriel Cortez (Eduardo Noriega) escapes from FBI custody. Grabbing a female agent (Genesis Rodriguez) hostage, Cortez races to the border at over 200mph in a modified Corvette ZR1. Cortez already has a small army waiting for him near Summerton building a bridge across a canyon to escape into Mexico. The only ones that can stop him are Owens and his ragtag bunch of deputies (Zach Gilford, Jaimie Alexander, Luis Guzman), a war vet (Rodrigo Santoro) sleeping it off in their jail cell, and a local nutcase named Lewis Dinkum (Johnny Knoxville).

Arnold never was the most talented thespian, but he succeeded because of his charisma and undeniable screen presence. Neither of those things has dulled even in his sixties. Sure, he's older, a little less mobile, and his one-liners don't have the same zing they used to. "You fucked up my day off," won't go down in movie history the way, "Hasta la vista, baby" did. Still, he's pretty damned entertaining. The Last Stand doesn’t attempt to hide the fact that we are dealing with an aging Arnold as he assumes the kind of grizzled role Clint Eastwood might have.

The script was penned by Andrew Knauer with rewrites by Jeffrey Nachmanoff (The Day After Tomorrow) and George Nolfi (The Adjustment Bureau) to tailor the project once Arnold signed on. The story is a modern day equivalent of Rio Bravo while trading on the usual clichés and narrative formulas of the action genre. The supporting cast is filled with archetypes including the eager to please rookie thirsting for more action and the chronic underachiever who must rise to the occasion. And The Last Stand may have gone overboard in giving Arnold two comic relief sidekicks in the form of Luis Guzman (at his most Luis Guzman) and Johnny Knoxville. While Eduardo Noriega doesn't make the most memorable villain, he does have Peter Stormare as his lead henchman. Stormare is always fun as a bad guy and his inexplicable attempt at a southern accent is hilarious. Unfortunately, the movie grinds to a halt whenever it cuts to the FBI control room where Forest Whitaker proves his tactical genius by shouting, "Find him," and "Do it now," at his underlings.

You don't go to a movie like The Last Stand for emotional character development. As a solid action movie, it doesn't disappoint. The credit goes to Kim Ji-woon who makes in his first American directorial effort. Kim leads a South Korean invasion to Hollywood with Park Chan-wook's Stoker seeing release in March and Bong Joon-ho arriving later in the year with Snowpiercer. Anyone who has seen Kim's The Good, the Bad, and the Weird or I Saw the Devil might go into The Last Stand with high expectations. However, none of the action sequences ever match up to the wild inventiveness seen in either of those pictures. Yet, it never feels as if Kim were handcuffed the way. Cortez's daring escape with a giant magnet is well-staged and the climactic confrontation is riddled with cool moments such as Arnold tackles a man off a roof and shoots him in the head in mid-air and the best use of a flare gun ever committed to film. Then, there's a great car chase with Owens and Cortez playing cat and mouse through a corn field.

The Last Stand's release is rather untimely with the debate on gun control raging across the country. This isn't just because of the violence, but also because much of the humor is derived from Knoxville's character as a gun collecting loony who has found various ways to skirt government regulations. But, The Last Stand is so silly and inconsequential, it could hardly be taken seriously the way Zero Dark Thirty ignited discussions about torture.

Arnold's star power has lost its luster over the years. In the 80's, The Last Stand may have opened to big numbers. Today, the film opened in 9^th place with a paltry $6.2 million. Maybe The Last Stand will find its audience on DVD because it is incredibly fun with an action-packed third act.

Rating: *** (*****)

Man on a Ledge

Man on a Ledge - Dir. Asger Leth (2012)

Man on a Ledge sort of gives you what it advertises. There's a man and he's on a ledge, but the film isn't clever or patient enough to stick to a single location. This is not Phone Booth or Buried.

The story kicks off with Sam Worthington checking into the ritzy Roosevelt Hotel in Manhattan. He orders a hearty breakfast consisting of lobster and champagne before writing a suicide note and stepping onto the ledge.

The story shifts back several months to reveal Worthington as disgraced police officer Nick Cassidy, who was sent to prison for stealing a $40 million diamond from real estate tycoon David Englander (Ed Harris). Turns out, Englander lost a fortune in the financial collapse and stole the diamond himself to collect the insurance money. With the help of corrupt cops, he was able to frame Cassidy, who managed to escape from prison.

Cassidy initiates an elaborate plan to prove his innocence and get revenge on Englander. His suicide ploy is meant only as a diversion to allow his brother, Joey (Jamie Bell), and Joey's girlfriend, Angie (Genesis Rodriguez), to break into Englander's vault and find the diamond.

Elizabeth Banks appears as a negotiator on leave following a failed attempt to prevent a rookie cop from jumping off the Brooklyn Bridge. There's also Ed Burns as another detective on the scene, Anthony Mackie as Cassidy's former partner, Titus Welliver as a SWAT commander, Kyra Sedgwick in a tiny role as news reporter Suzie Morales, and a whole host of onlookers. In classic New York fashion, they urge Cassidy to take the plunge in the hopes of recording it on their smartphones. Rounding out the cast is William Sadler in a seemingly throwaway part as a hotel valet. It's clear the valet will play a much larger role in the scheme based on the simple fact they cast such a notable character actor.

Man on a Ledge is essentially a heist movie, but the actual heist is glaringly pedestrian. Englander employs a supposedly state-of-the-art system, yet it's easily bypassed by crawling through a few air ducts and slicing the obligatory red wire. These scenes are made all the more sillier by the curvaceous Genesis Rodriguez typecast as a feisty Latina, which seems to be the only kind of Latina in cinema. She repels down elevator shafts and dangles above the floor Mission: Impossible-style while never removing her hoop earrings. Rodriguez even finds a flimsy excuse to strip down to her lace underwear. The gratuitous butt shots are a welcome relief from the inane banter she shares with Jamie Bell. It mostly consists of Joey asking Angie if he's given her the best sex she's ever had.

We never get any explanation as to how they acquired the schematics for Englander's building and security. The movie also makes a big deal about Cassidy wiping his fingerprints within the hotel room, yet the police could have easily lifted them from the window or the outside wall when he climbed out.

The interplay between Worthington and Banks doesn't fare much better than their co-stars'. Banks gives a solid performance, but her perfunctory backstory never fully meshes since we know Cassidy has no intention of jumping. Worthington has his fair share of critics, but I find he's a decent action hero. Here, he's forced to emote far more and isn't able to rise to the occasion. The sheer presence of Ed Harris makes up for Worthington's blandness. Harris plays the villain with cackling, cartoonish glee allowing Man on a Ledge to serve as a silly catharsis with the working class man triumphing against the corporate elite.

Despite a contrived script and a wealth of plot holes, Man on a Ledge is slickly shot by cinematographer Paul Cameron (Collateral) and Dutch director Asger Leth, a documentarian making his narrative debut. It's forgettable and not worth the effort to see the in the theaters. However, Man on a Ledge is worth a rental or a perusal on Netflix Instant should you be willing to check your brain at the door and have a lazy weekend afternoon to kill.

Rating: ** (*****)