Identity Thief

Identity Thief - Dir. Seth Gordon (2013)

2011 was the breakout year for Melissa McCarthy, who earned rave reviews for her performance in that year's runaway hit Bridesmaids. Her CBS sitcom, Mike & Molly, also debuted the previous fall on earned her an Emmy award that year for Best Lead Actress. Now is the time to cash in as McCarthy appears in The Hangover Part III and receives her first starring roles in The Heat (opposite Sandra Bullock) and Identity Thief.

Sandy Patterson (Jason Bateman) is a buttoned down accountant struggling to support his wife (Amanda Peet) and two daughters while working under the heel of an obnoxious boss (Jon Favreau). With a baby on the way, Sandy accepts a more lucrative position with his best friend (John Cho) at a brand new start-up firm. Unfortunately, Sandy has absent mindedly given his social security number to a telemarketer over the phone. Going by the name Diana (McCarthy), the identity thief runs up exorbitant credit card debt in Florida and gets a few arrest warrants in his name. Since the Denver police can't do anything unless she's standing right there, Sandy hits the road to bring Diana back himself. Easier said than done as Sandy is completely unprepared for the obnoxious maelstrom that is Diana. Even worse, she's run afoul of two drug dealers (Genesis Rodriguez and rapper T.I.) and a grizzled bounty hunter (Robert Patrick).

Identity Thief was directed by Seth Gordon, who made a splash with his debut feature The King of Kong, a delightful documentary about vintage arcade games. Since then, Gordon has gone on to helm subpar Hollywood comedies Four Christmases and Horrible Bosses, along with the occasional episode of Parks and Recreation and The Office. You never notice the direction in films like Identity Thief and Gordon is perfectly serviceable. Stylish shot compositions aren't nearly as important as a funny, well-written script, which is nowhere to be found. The screenplay by Craig Mazin (who also wrote the Hangover sequels) relies on lowbrow humor and gives its talented cast almost nothing to work with.

The bulk of the movie is a road trip comedy in the vein of Planes, Trains, and Automobiles or Midnight Run. Jason Bateman is once again typecast as the straight arrow surrounded by outlandish characters. Meanwhile, McCarthy plays it to the hilt with big hair and thick eyeliner that makes her look like Mimi from The Drew Carey Show. A little McCarthy goes a long way. She was terrific in Bridesmaids and her brief part in This Is 40 was one of the best things in an otherwise dreary picture. Here, McCarthy wears out her welcome by the first act. It's not entirely her fault; the character is nothing more than a cartoon. Diana is cut from the same cloth as the annoying buffoon portrayed by Zach Galifianakis in Due Date. By the time Diana finally becomes a real human being in the third act the damage is done. That's a shame since McCarthy shows off serious acting chops in turning the caricature into a vulnerable person with real pathos. In the end, you have one person with a grating personality, another who is an utter milquetoast, and you don't want to root for either of them.

Sandy isn't the only victim of theft as someone must have stolen anything remotely funny about the entire movie. The jokes are lame and revolve around genitals or Sandy's androgynous name with a few pratfalls thrown in for good measure. The bounty hunter and the drug dealers seemed to have only been added to pad out the runtime. Identity Thief simply wastes the talents of Jason Bateman and Melissa McCarthy.

Rating: * ½ (*****)

Total Recall

Total Recall - Dir. Len Wiseman (2012)

Philip K. Dick is one of science fiction's most renowned and prolific authors. His works have been adapted into feature films numerous times with varying results. While it didn't exactly capture the spirit of the original short story, "We Can Remember It for You Wholesale," Total Recall has etched its place in the movie history as a classic action film. And so it goes that Hollywood combs its own past successes in search of a quick buck.

The remake is set during the tail end of the 21^st century in a world ravaged by global war. The only countries left standing are UK, now known as the United Federation of Britain, and the former Australia, now called the Colony. Instead of Austrian powerhouse Arnold Schwarzenegger, we have Irish bad boy Colin Farrell in the lead role of Douglas Quaid, an unassuming factory worker from the Colony. He and hundreds of other blue collar joes commute to and fro aboard the Fall, a massive transport system that tunnels through the center of the Earth. Quaid is listless about his mundane life, despite being married to the gorgeous Lori (Kate Beckinsale). One day, he decides to visit Rekall, a company that purports to realize your deepest fantasies through implanted memories. Just as the technicians at Rekall are about to put Quaid through the procedure, they discover his mind is already full of false memories. Armed gunmen burst into the building shooting everyone before Quaid guns them down with shocking ease.

Quaid learns he may actually be an agent for the resistance against the corrupt Federation chancellor Vilos Cohaagen (Bryan Cranston). His "wife" Lori attempts to kill Quaid at every turn and the only one who may be able to save him is a beautiful freedom fighter named Melina (Jessica Biel).

Mars and mutants are no more as the remake keeps its feet firmly planted on Earth. In place of exotic, red sands, we have a futuristic cityscape paying homage to Blade Runner (another Dick adaptation) and Terry Gilliam's Brazil. Due to rampant overpopulation, the Colony looks like a dozen Hong Kongs built on top of each other. Technology has yielded innovative devices such as a cell phone implanted into the palm of your hand and an army of robotic police sentries. In fact, Quaid works as a riveter ironically building the very automatons that will oppress his people. The robots serve a secondary function as a method to sanitize the violence of its R-rated predecessor to a palpable PG-13. Quaid rips the arms off a machine rather than a human being and doesn't spout a witty one-liner afterwards.

Paul Verhoeven's Total Recall was marked by gratuitous nudity and over-the-top violence. It possessed a satirical take on America's culture of consumerism and capitalism, which was also heavily present in Robocop. Len Wiseman's remake lacks any of the campy charm Verhoeven injected in favor of a pedestrian actioner that could have rolled off the same assembly line as its robot police force. Wiseman, who previously helmed the first two Underworld films as well as Live Free or Die Hard, is a decent action director, but one without an innovative bone in his body. Two of the major set pieces involve a flying car chase and a parkour inspired foot race through the rooftops of the vertically stacked Colony. Neither of them offers genuine thrills though the CGI is impressive. One sequence that could have been unique was a zero gravity shootout that is all too brief. Wiseman even cribs from the JJ Abrams playbook by punctuating Recall with obtrusive lens flare.

Fans hoping for a more faithful version of the source material will be disappointed. The screenplay was written by Kurt Wimmer (Equilibrium) and Mark Bomback (Unstoppable) with an uncredited rewrite by James Vanderbilt (The Amazing Spider-Man). All three authors skew too closely to the first film and never blur the line between reality and fantasy. The original Recall suffered through nearly fifty rewrites and at one point had David Cronenberg, whose forte was mind fucking the audience, attached to direct. While Verhoeven's Recall merely touches upon the possibility that Arnold may still be at Rekall, the remake never offers anything more than a straightforward narrative.

For his part, Colin Farrell gives a solid performance, but plays it too cool at times. He's always in control of the situation and never as befuddled as Arnold. Whether or not that was an intentional choice by the former governor, I'll leave it up to you. Kate Beckinsale isn't as sultry as Sharon Stone, but she's far more ruthless. Lori is Cohaagen's primary enforcer and pursues Quaid with the dogged determination of a T-800. Jessica Biel doesn't leave much of an impression and Bryan Cranston is rather wasted in his scant role as the villain. The same goes for Bill Nighy as clandestine revolutionary Matthias.

Total Recall or Total Rehash? In spite of some significant changes, the new Total Recall is almost step-by-step a straight remake of the original film, but without any discernable personality. All the three-breasted hookers in the world can't help them there. If you haven't seen the original movie, you may find the remake to be a passable action flick.

Rating: ** (*****)

American Reunion

American Reunion - Dirs. Jon Hurwitz & Hayden Schlossberg (2012)

In 1999, American Pie was a smash hit thanks to an assortment of lowbrow gags that have become ensconced into pop culture consciousness. Movie fans will never forget the sight of Jason Biggs humping a warm apple pie or the shapely Shannon Elizabeth stripping to her undies. Universal certainly raked it in as the film made over $235 million worldwide off a scant $11 million budget. The studio was quick to strike while the iron was hot with two sequels and a string of direct-to-video spinoffs with Eugene Levy as the only original cast member. After nine years since the last Pie picture was released theatrically, Universal resurrects the franchise with American Reunion.

Jim (Biggs) and Michelle (Alyson Hannigan) are happily married with a son, but find it difficult to be intimate with one another. Following in the tradition of its predecessors, Reunion opens with the hapless Jim caught in an embarrassing situation as he attempts to pleasure himself. The couple hopes that their upcoming thirteenth high school reunion will give them a chance to reignite the flame. By the way, I know tenth, fifteenth, and twentieth anniversary reunions are a thing, but the thirteenth doesn't seem that big a deal. In any event, Jim is excited to see all his old buddies again. His plans are crimped when he has to fend off the amorous advances of Kara (Ali Cobrin), a high school senior he once babysat.

Kevin (Thomas Ian Nicholas) has become a successful architect and a slightly domesticated husband. Oz (Chris Klein) is now an NFL analyst for a cable sports network with a young supermodel girlfriend in Mia (Katrina Bowden). He's also the butt of a few jokes for his appearance on a Dancing with the Stars-type reality show. Finch (Eddie Kaye Thomas) dropped off the radar, but returns just in time with tales of traveling the world. Then, there's Stifler (Seann William Scott), who the others have been trying to avoid because he hasn't changed much.

Nearly everyone from the first film has returned in some small fashion with John Cho & Justin Isfeld as the MILF Guys, Chris Owen as the Sherminator, Natasha Lyonne as Jessica, and Shannon Elizabeth as Nadia. They are joined by new cast members Dania Ramirez, as a former band geek turned hottie, and Rebecca De Mornay (who still looks stunning at 52) as Finch's Mom.

The reins of the franchise have been handed off to Jon Hurwitz and Hayden Schlossberg, the writers behind the Harold & Kumar series. If anyone knows potty humor, it's them. However, the jokes just aren't funny or as outrageous as previous installments or even movies like 21 Jump Street or Knocked Up. Time has just passed them by. We get the requisite boob shots when Jim is forced to sneak an unconscious and naked Kara into her house without her parents knowing. Another prominent gag finds Stifler defecating into a cooler.

This wouldn't be too much of a problem if the character moments had any semblance of depth. Poor Thomas Ian Nicholas generally gets the short end of the stick as the writers struggle to find anything interesting for his character. In a rehash of American Pie 2, Kevin has an awkward encounter with his ex, Vicky (Tara Reid). Oz goes through the same thing with his former flame, Heather (Mena Suvari). These storylines highlight just how terribly written the female characters are in Reunion. They are either thinly drawn lovesick girls or nymphomaniac party skanks with the exception of Alyson Hannigan, who really deserves better. The one B-story that yields some fruit belongs to Levy as Jim's Dad, who looks to get back into the singles game following the death of his wife. He winds up romancing the original MILF, Stifler's Mom (Jennifer Coolidge).

As Thomas Wolfe once wrote, "You can't go home again." The central theme of American Reunion is all about living in the present without looking back at the past through rose-colored lenses. If only the filmmakers took those same lessons to heart, then we wouldn't get this bland and humorless sequel that simply did not need to be made.

Rating: * ½ (*****)

Saint John of Las Vegas

Saint John of Las Vegas - Dir. Hue Rhodes (2010)

Next to Christopher Walken, Steve Buscemi has to be my favorite character actor ever. His unconventional facial features and unique inflections make him stand out from the majority of actors working today. He's had so many memorable roles: Fargo, Reservoir Dogs, The Big Lebowski, Ghost World, and a dramatic turn in last year's The Messenger. No matter how bad a movie is, you can at least depend on Buscemi to be entertaining. Never has he had to work so hard to make such subpar material work than with Saint John of Las Vegas.

Saint John marks the feature debut of writer/director Hue Rhodes who took inspiration for the movie from Dante's Inferno. Buscemi plays John Alighieri, a former compulsive gambler now working as a claims adjuster for an insurance company in Albuquerque. He's engaged in a relationship with perky co-worker, Jill (Sarah Silverman), who has an infatuation with smiley faces and is carrying on an affair with their boss, Mr. Townsend (Peter Dinklage).

After bucking for a raise and a promotion, John winds up being sent on the road to investigate the claim of a stripper named Tasty D. Lite (Emmanuelle Chriqui), who lives outside of Vegas. She was supposedly left confined to a wheelchair with a neckbrace following a rear collision with another car. John is paired up with a veteran investigator in Virgil (Romany Malco). John is apprehensive about all this because he fears he will fall back into old habits the closer he gets to Sin City. While on the road, John and Virgil encounter all sorts of oddballs, such as a nudist colony of gun toting cowboys and a carnival worker (John Cho) sealed inside a flame-retardant suit. His scenes are as witty as the film gets to referencing Dante. No one can help the poor guy until the incendiary rig he's hooked up to, which engulfs him in flames every few minutes, runs out of fuel. Ironically, all he really wants is a cigarette.

Saint John has a hard time focusing on what it wants to be. The beginning of the movie has potential to be an amusing work place comedy ala Office Space due to the eccentricities of John and his co-workers. However, the rest of the film unfolds as a derivative indie road movie. The run-ins with all these strange characters are supposed to suggest the various Circles of Hell described by Dante, each one representing Limbo, Lust, Gluttony, etc. This is all well and good, if not for the fact that there is no flow in the story. The plot feels like a series of random vignettes tied loosely together without any sense of cohesion. There's not a strong enough character arc to carry the audience through the journey either. It's all just quirky for quirky's sake.

It's a credit to Buscemi's wealth of talent that he's able to make Saint John vaguely watchable. Peter Dinklage and Sarah Silverman are also very good in their supporting roles. Buscemi's sourpuss act contrasts well with Silverman's sunny disposition. But, they aren't enough to make Saint John of Las Vegas worth your time.

Rating: * ½

Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist

Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist - Dir. Peter Sollett (2008)

Michael Cera and Kat Dennings bum around NYC looking for love and music.

Cera continues to milk his awkward teen in a hoodie gimmick in yet another teen comedy. Not as witty as Juno or outrageous as Superbad, Infinite Playlist is a saccharinely sweet love story that rambles along until a less than satisfying conclusion. The script juggles two major plot lines between Nick, Norah, and their respective exes along with a more entertaining subplot involving Norah’s drunken best friend lost in the city. And it’s all set to a soundtrack that came right out of your standard hipster’s iPod Nano.

Kat Dennings is going to give Ellen Page a run for her money as the young, sardonic it girl while Jay Baruchel makes a 180 turn from his usual gangly dweeb roles for a role as a sleazy dweeb.

Infinite Playlist is Before Sunset for the Juno generation. It tries hard to capture the spirit of the 80’s classics of John Hughes, but I doubt it will be remembered as fondly in twenty years time.

Rating: **