Stolen

Stolen - Dir. Simon West (2012)

When Liam Neeson's daughter is kidnapped, she's taken. When it's Nic Cage's daughter, she's stolen.

Stolen is the latest piece of cinematic schlock starring Nicolas Cage, who just cannot say 'no' anymore. Cage returns to New Orleans, his stomping grounds for past films Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call – New Orleans and Seeking Justice. Here, Cage plays Will Montgomery, the brains behind a bank robbery gang that includes Vincent (Josh Lucas), Hoyt (perennial character actor M.C. Gainey), and blonde bombshell Riley (Malin Akerman). His latest heist is boosting $10 million all while the gang is under surveillance by the FBI. The job might have gone down smoothly if Vincent hadn't tried to kill a janitor who just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. Will saves the man's life and leads the cops on a merry chase as his cohorts escape. He serves eight years in prison and returns to find his now-teenage daughter, Alison (Sami Gayle), wants nothing to do with him.

Vincent has also returned to kidnap Alison, locking her in the trunk of a stolen cab moving through the city. In exchange for the girl, Vincent demands the return of the $10 million. Poor Will burned all the money before being arrested to receive a lesser sentence. The feds don't buy his story and with no other choice Will enlists the aid of Riley for another heist to get the ransom.

Stolen is a low-rent effort for Simon West, who just came off The Expendables 2 and previously worked with Cage on Con Air, an enjoyably mindless flick from the Bruckheimer action factory. For all the shootouts and car chases, Stolen remains utterly lifeless. The script by David Guggenheim (who also wrote Safe House) is rife with plot holes and feels slapped together at the last minute. Apparently, nothing in New Orleans has changed in the eight years of Will's incarceration.

Even in his worst pictures, Cage can be an entertaining train wreck when he's allowed to be unleashed. Unfortunately, there's nothing for Cage to latch onto with such a bland protagonist. The only thing remotely resembling a Cage-ism is the character's penchant for listening to Creedence Clearwater Revival. If only he could have switched roles with Josh Lucas, who starred in another movie titled Stolen in 2009. Once a handsome bad boy, Vincent went off the deep end and resurfaces as a disheveled psycho with one leg. That's the kind of scene chewing part that could have given us another in a long line of loony Nic Cage performances.

Wasting away in the supporting cast are Mark Valley and Danny Huston as the FBI agents assigned to watch Will. For some reason, Huston spends the entire movie wearing a pork pie hat like he's Popeye Doyle.

If only someone had stolen the original negatives for Stolen and burned them. This is such a stinker that it makes you long for more masterful Nic Cage works like Season of the Witch or Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance.

Rating: * (*****)

Wrath of the Titans

Wrath of the Titans - Dir. Jonathan Liebesman (2012)

The original Clash of the Titans wasn't that great of a film. It's mostly remembered for the stop-motion effects by Ray Harryhausen. At least, it is remembered. The 2010 remake is remembered more as a cautionary example against hasty 3D conversion and a catchphrase ("Release the Kraken!") that tired quickly. Still, Clash made a ton of money, which is enough justification to greenlight a sequel, Wrath of the Titans.

Ten years after the events of the previous movie, Perseus (Sam Worthington) lives the quiet life of a fisherman with his son, Helius (John Bell). He is once again dragged into the world of myths and legends when his father, Zeus (Liam Neeson), asks for his aid against HIS father, Kronos the Titan. Yes, there are actual Titans this time around.

Mankind's faith in the gods have further eroded their powers leaving Zeus vulnerable against the combined forces of Hades (Ralph Fiennes) and Ares (Edgar Ramirez), the god of war. The treacherous twosome mean to steal Zeus's remaining strength to free Kronos. To stop them, Perseus must gather the weapons of the gods; Zeus's lightning bolt, Poseidon's trident, and Hades' pitchfork. Perseus is joined by Agenor (Toby Kebbell), the son of Poseidon (Danny Huston), Hephaestus (Bill Nighy), the forger of the gods, and the warrior princess Andromeda (Rosamund Pike, replacing Alexa Davalos).

While Clash followed the formula of the traditional hero's journey, Wrath is more of a standard hero's quest. The screenplay is mapped out just like a video game with Perseus searching for various items and defeating mid-level boss characters before facing the primary villain. Jonathan Liebesman, who previously directed Battle: Los Angeles, handles the CGI intensive action sequences well with Perseus pitted against mythological beasts such as the Chimera, Cyclopes, and the Minotaur deep within a shifting labyrinth. In contrast to Immortals, the Titans here are formidable foes with Kronos portrayed as a colossus of smoldering rock and molten lava.

There isn't much of a difference between Sam Worthington in Clash and Sam Worthington in Wrath, aside from a fuller head of curly hair. Kebbell and Nighy provide levity while Pike is striking in her Xena garb though their characters are never fully formed. As for the gods, it's hard not to enjoy any scenes featuring Neeson and Fiennes, no matter how corny the dialogue. Poor Danny Huston gets the short end of the stick. The god of the seas only had one line in the last movie and he gets maybe a handful of scenes in the sequel.

Just as Athena sprung from the brow of Zeus upon birth, Wrath of the Titans seems to have sprung from the mind of an avid God of War gamer. Wrath is a streamlined action pic that runs at a brisk pace. Released at the end of March, it was a nice appetizer for the summer blockbuster season that was to come.

Rating: ** (*****)

The Warrior's Way

The Warrior's Way - Dir. Sngmoo Lee (2010)

Sometimes fanboy cinema can be a bad thing. The Warrior's Way is a curious blend of Kurosawa and Leone, a cross between 300, Lone Wolf & Cub, and A Fistful of Dollars. The Warrior's Way comes to us from first-time director, Lee Sngmoo, who studied cinema at NYU and currently teaches at the national film school in South Korea. Lee isn't the first to come up with the idea of fusing the Western with the martial arts film. We've already seen Jackie Chan's Shanghai Noon, Takashi Miike's Sukiyaki Western Django, and another South Korean export, The Good, the Bad, and the Weird. So how does Lee's movie stack up?

Jang Dong-gun, from the incredible Tae Guk Gi: The Brotherhood of War, makes his English language debut as Yang, the greatest swordsman in the world. How do we know he's the greatest swordsman in the world? He kills the guy who used to be the greatest right at the beginning of the movie. As a member of the ninja clan known as the Sad Flutes, Yang has been charged with wiping out a rival. The former number one was penultimate member, leaving behind only a baby girl. Yang balks at killing a child and together they seek refuge in America.

Yang and the baby make their way to a tiny town in the middle of the desert known as Lode. The eccentric inhabitants of the town include your usual gallery of slack-jawed yokels and a traveling circus that decided to move on in. Yang settles in, running the laundry and befriending Lynne (Kate Bosworth), a comely knife throwing lass. As a young girl, Lynne's entire family was murdered The Colonel (Danny Huston), a sadistic and disfigured Confederate officer. Under Yang's tutelage furthers her abilities with the blade. Lynne finally gets her chance for revenge when the Colonel and his henchmen ride back into Lode. Yang must rally a ragtag force of cowboys, clowns, firebreathers, and the town drunk (Geoffrey Rush), who turns out to be a helluva sharpshooter. And then the ninjas arrive.

The climax is where The Warrior's Way truly shines as it descends into a bloody free-for-all of samurai swords versus six-shooters. While Lee tends to copy Zack Snyder's slow-motion accentuated style, the fight scenes are the type of brainless fun that action junkies eat up. If only the rest of the picture was on the same level. The lead up into the action-packed third act is full of stilted dialogue and empty attempts at character development. The extensive green screen work adds a cartoonish feel that Lee heightens by using a comic book font. It's too artificial looking to truly be an old-fashioned Spaghetti Western. Shooting the film on an actual set would have lent a strong sense of personality and authenticity.

Jang Dong-gun learned English for the movie and his delivery is passable, if wooden. Lee wisely has him play the taciturn hero who rarely speaks. The rest of the international cast include Kate Bosworth whose spunky Southern belle act feels like an audition for Hee-Haw and Bad Santa's Tony Cox as the circus's ringmaster. Danny Huston hams it up as the villain as does Geoffrey Rush. His signature line, "Ninjas…damn," was a highlight of the trailer, but is conspicuously absent from the final cut. The leader of the Sad Flutes is played by Ti Lung, the star of classic Hong Kong action films like A Better Tomorrow and Drunken Master II.

The Warrior's Way is the type of genre fare usually reserved for the direct-to-video market. Somehow it managed a theatrical release and disappeared from multiplexes almost as soon as it arrived. It's silly and dumb and if that's all you're looking for, give it a rent.

Rating: * ½ (*****)

The Kingdom

The Kingdom - Dir. Peter Berg (2007)

2007 was quite the year for politically charged movies. Hollywood dealt out their own liberal views on the war in the Middle East with films like In the Valley of Elah and Rendition. All three films received mixed reviews and raked in tepid box office revenue. The Kingdom followed suit using some of those same themes which isn´t surprising as screenwriter Matthew Carnahan also write Lions for Lambs. But, The Kingdom dials down the politics while upping the mayhem. It polishes up those hot-button topics with the glossy sheen that only a big-budget blockbuster can.

The film opens with a Cliff Notes quickie rundown history of the Saudi Arabia and its relationship with the U.S. Next, we're taken to a housing complex for oil company employees in the Saudi capital city of Riyadh. The residents are enjoying an afternoon softball game when two terrorists, wearing Saudi State Police uniforms, attack. They open fire on anyone and every house in their path drawing the real police. In the ensuing chaos, a suicide bomber, also in a stolen uniform, triggers an explosion killing himself and everyone in close proximity. However, these attacks are only the tip of the iceberg. The terrorists used these initial attacks to lure in first-responder teams and over a hundred people are killed in the following, and much larger, explosion. Among the victims was the FBI´s lead agent in Saudi Arabia, Special Agent Francis Manner (Kyle Chandler).

Special Agent Ronald Fleury (Jamie Foxx) has the unenviable task of bringing the terrorists to justice for the death of his friend and the others killed. He finds his hands tied as the Saudi royal family is reluctant to allow an FBI team into the country. They do not want to seem dependent on the Americans nor do they want more killed on their soil. The U.S. State Department is in agreement and refuses to authorize Fleury´s requests. Fleury turns to some back-room chicanery and blackmail to get the Saudis to open up the doors. He´s immediately on his way to Riyadh with an investigation team that consists of Special Agents Janet Mayes (Jennifer Garner), Adam Leavitt (Jason Bateman), and explosives expert Grant Sykes (Chris Cooper).

Once arriving in Riyadh, they find their investigation hindered by the Saudis. Fleury and company are no more than observers. They watch as the Saudi officials unknowingly contaminate the crime scene and overlook vital evidence. They are forced to live and sleep in a gym under lock and key. They are dogged at every step by Col. Faris Al-Ghazi (Ashraf Barhom), the head of security at the complex who has been relegated to babysitter for the Americans. Even the U.S. Embassy, in the form of Deputy Chief of Mission Damon Schmidt (Jeremy Piven), wants them on a plane and back home as quickly as possible. Fed up, Fleury does some more wheeling and dealing and the Saudi royals give him the green light to take over the investigation.

It´s at this point that the story finally kicks in as the film becomes "CSI: Saudi Arabia." While many reviews felt that these scenes were tedious, I disagree. I thought it was interesting seeing the FBI agents work the crime scene within the strict confines of Saudi laws and culture. In one scene, Agent Mayes upsets a pair of Saudi officers while trying to simply lift a corpse´s fingerprints. She is not allowed to touch the dead body of a Muslim. It´s disappointing that the procedural aspects give way to bullet-riddled action spectacle. The final third section of the picture features the heroes engaging in a harrowing gun battle with the perpetrators. It´s a shame that the filmmakers decided that the bad guys would be brought down at the end of a gun barrel rather than through detective work. I will say that the climactic action sequences are incredibly well-done, especially the final showdown. Director Peter Berg has proven he pull off stylish action following his work on the incredibly fun, The Rundown. Here, he brings that same flair to The Kingdom and it´s in line with the work of producer Michael Mann. Unfortunately, Berg tends to rely on shaky handheld shots, a technique which is has become a tiresome trend. What would be is to keep the camera steady and let us actually see what´s happening without getting a migraine.

The cast is strong, but their acting isn´t anything special. Foxx brings the same macho, tough-guy act he brought to Miami Vice and Garner is basically Sydney Bristow-lite. Cooper has some good scenes with a country fried good ol´ boy act that would do Tommy Lee Jones proud. Bateman tends to be a bit grating with his constant one-liners while Piven simply shows up and does his Ari Gold shtick. Really, the best performances come not from the headliners, but from two relatively unknown Palestinian actors, Barhom as Col. Al-Ghazi, and Ali Suliman as Sgt. Haytham. Filling out the supporting cast are Danny Huston (who pulls off an unconvincing Southern accent) as the attorney general, Frances Fisher as a reporter, Richard Jenkins as FBI Director Grace, along with cameos by Minka Kelly, Ashley Scott, and country singer Tim McGraw.

Many have labeled The Kingdom a jingoistic piece of cinema and it´s hard to disagree. Putting aside politics, the film is slipshod in its approach to storytelling. The first act of the film deals with political maneuvering; the middle act is a procedural investigation, while the final act takes the form of a slam-bang action movie. The film's zero-sum view on the war isn't as profound as it seems to think it is. The Kingdom does try to paint some Saudis in a positive light through a hackneyed friendship between Fleury and Al-Ghazi. At least, the filmmakers stopped short of having the two characters swap family photos. There´s nothing particularly special about The Kingdom that you should go out of your way to see it, but it´s worth a watch if you just want a flick to see while eating a tub of buttery popcorn.

Rating: ** ½ (*****)

Clash of the Titans

Clash of the Titans - Dir. Louis Leterrier (2010)


”Release the Kraken!”

The original 1981 Clash of the Titans played fast and loose with Greek mythology and is more renowned for being the swan song for effects guru Ray Harryhausen. The master of stop motion effects, Harryhausen went on to inspire a generation of top filmmakers including Tim Burton, James Cameron, and Sam Raimi. But, his brand of special effects was put out to pasture by the rise of the modern day summer blockbuster heralded by Steven Spielberg and George Lucas.

With CGI and digital 3D in full effect, it was only a matter of time before Clash was remade and updated with today’s technology. Sam Worthington is Perseus, the son of a human mother and Zeus (Liam Neeson), the king of the gods. At the beginning of his journey, Perseus knows nothing of his parental lineage. He is abandoned at sea and found by a kindly fisherman (Pete Postlethwaite). Perseus’s life is forever changed when Hades (Ralph Fiennes), god of the underworld, kills his adopted family.

Perseus is taken to the city of Argos where its rules have incurred the wrath of the gods with their insults. Hades issues an ultimatum for Argos to sacrifice its princess, Andromeda (Alexa Davalos), or he will release the monstrous Kraken (”Release the Kraken!”) and destroy the city and all its inhabitants. Perseus is sent on a mission to find a way to stop the Kraken and is accompanied by Draco (Mads Mikkelsen), leader of the royal guard, and the beautiful demi-goddess Io (Gemma Arterton). From them, Perseus learns how to fight and be a hero. Being half god, he learns in no time and without the assistance of a montage set to 80’s power rock.

This version of Clash is definitely not your father’s Clash of the Titans. Fans of the original are made well aware of that fact when one of its stars, Bubo the mechanical owl, makes a quick cameo only to be tossed aside like a bit of refuse. Pegasus, the gleaming white and winged steed, is now a badass black stallion who scares away the other horses.

As the film’s hero, Worthington is slightly generic, but nowhere near as bland as the well-tanned Harry Hamlin. While the original featured Sir Laurence Olivier, Maggie Smith, and Bond girl Ursula Andress among its pantheon. In the remake, the denizens of Mount Olympus are headed up by Liam Neeson who equates himself well to the overly bombastic dialogue that always seems to pop up in these period pieces. As Zeus’s brother, Fiennes is all dark and raspy voiced, not too far off from Lord Voldemort. Danny Huston’s Poseidon only gets a couple of lines while the rest of the gods are mostly reduced to just standing around in glowing armor.

Despite some shortcomings, Clash is a rousing popcorn movie. The majority of the action is fun even if director Louis Leterrier has trouble with letting the camera stand still. The film’s best sequence is a battle against a group of giant scorpions keeping in spirit with Harryhausen’s work. An exceedingly phony looking CG Medusa knocks things down a notch. There are also some odd characters new to the remake in the Djinn, desert dwellers who look like leprous versions of the Tusken Raiders from Star Wars.

If you get the chance to see Clash of the Titans in theaters, save your money and skip the 3D version. The picture was shot in 2D and quickly converted afterwards to cash in on the 3D craze. Much of the film is flat with scenes barely registering as 3D. Secondly, this is a very dark movie and the 3D glasses darken the movie even further. Finally, Leterrier’s frenetic shooting style does not lend itself to the 3D process. The constant camera movements during the action scenes negate it.

Rating: ***

Robin Hood

Robin Hood - Dir. Ridley Scott (2010)


”Rise and rise again until lambs become lions.”

Was there a dire need for yet another Robin Hood film? There have been dozens and dozens of iterations about the famed archer on film and television. One of the most well-regarded versions is The Adventures of Robin Hood starring Errol Flynn in a light-hearted, Technicolor adventure film. The garish color palette of the 1938 picture is in stark contrast to Robin and Marian with Sean Connery as an aging, world weary Robin Hood returning to England and his love Marian (Audrey Hepburn in her first film after a 9 year absence) who has since become a nun. A grimier and grounded approach was taken with Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves starring Kevin Costner as the blandest version of the title character. Despite Costner’s vanilla performance and sad attempt at a British accent, Prince of Thieves was buoyed by the mere presence of Morgan Freeman and a deliciously over-the-top Alan Rickman as the Sheriff of Notthingham. You can also toss Disney’s animated Robin Hood and Mel Brooks’ parody Robin Hood: Men in Tights into the mix.

So where does Ridley Scott’s vision of Robin Hood stack up against the competition? Even with a $200 million budget, this Robin Hood sinks to the bottom of the barrel.

Russell Crowe teams with Ridley Scott for the fifth time. They originally paired up in the historical epic Gladiator and surprisingly followed that up with the romantic comedy, A Good Year. Their collaboration continued with the gritty crime film, American Gangster, and the spy thriller, Body of Lies. Robin Hood is closest in spirit to Gladiator and acts as a pseudo-companion piece to Scott’s Crusades picture, Kingdom of Heaven. This is a down and dirty rendition with nary a buckle swashed.

The film kicks off during the tail end of the 12th century with Richard the Lionheart (Danny Huston) attempting to make his way back to England following the folly of the Third Crusade. King Richard is killed by an arrow through the neck while ransacking a French castle. Among the king’s army is a skilled bowman by the name of Robin Longstride (Crowe) who quickly deserts the battlefield with his friends Little John (Kevin Durand), Will Scarlet (Scott Grimes), and Alan A’Dayle (Alan Doyle). Meanwhile, Richard’s right hand man, Sir Robert of Loxley (Douglas Hodge) leads a small band of knights to return the king’s crown to England. They are ambushed by the evil Sir Godfrey (Mark Strong) who conspires with King Philip of France (Jonathan Zaccai) to weaken England with civil war.

Robin and his Merry Men (though they are never called as such) come across the aftermath. Donning the knight’s chain mail, Robin poses as Loxley upon his return to England. He arrives at Loxley’s estate where Robert’s father, Sir Walter (Max von Sydow), requests that he continue the masquerade much to the chagrin of Robert’s widow, the Lady Marian (Cate Blanchett). While Robin undertakes the charade, Godfrey brutally and relentlessly gathers taxes from the people under the orders of Richard’s brother, the petulant King John (Oscar Isaac), a near-copycat of Joaquin Phoenix’s Commodus.

The main cast also includes: William Hurt as the royal regent William Marshal, Mark Addy as Friar Tuck, and Matthew Macfadyen as an utterly inept Sheriff of Nottingham.

If that sounds like a lot to digest, it’s only the appetizer. There is a helluva lot more to come during the film’s daunting two and a half hour runtime. Robin Hood’s biggest strength lies in the spectacular production values. Scott and cinematographer John Mathieson (who also first collaborated on Gladiator) have created a gorgeous looking film that captures the majesty of the English landscape belonging to royalty and the squalidness of the world of the lower classes. CGI is effectively used to lend an added layer of authenticity. The acting isn’t particularly noteworthy, but the actors are fine in their roles. Honestly, the majority of them are capable of performing these parts in their sleep.

The weak link of the movie lies solely in the story. The screenplay was originally written by Ethan Reiff and Cyrus Voris who also wrote Kung Fu Panda and…ugh…Bulletproof Monk. Working under the title of Nottingham, the project was intended to portray Robin Hood as the villain while his arch-enemy, the Sheriff, would be shown in a more sympathetic light. Brian Helgeland (L.A. Confidential) was brought on board to rewrite the script. Tom Stoppard (Shakespeare in Love) was hired later on to perform script polishing while on-set. The filmmakers settled on telling the origin story of a character who has no definitive origin story. Thus, Scott has stripped Robin Hood of nearly everything that makes him Robin Hood.

The names and places may be the same, but the romance between Robin and Marian is only just blossoming. Robin doesn’t live in Sherwood Forest yet and he only robs from the rich and gives to the poor once. The film does postulate an interesting premise in making Robin, who has always been portrayed as a nobleman, a humble peasant and conning his way into the higher classes. However, that subplot is dropped soon after. See, Robin never knew his real father, but Sir Walter conveniently knew Daddy Longstride and reveals all to him. Oh, and Robin’s father apparently came up with the Magna Carta.

Therein lays another weak point in the script, the uneven hodgepodge of historical fact and fiction. Real-life figures and events feel shoehorned into the legends and myths of Robin Hood. The movie maintains a self-serious tone which is completely undone during the climactic battle when the transport ships from Saving Private Ryan arrive. It only gets more ludicrous when Marian arrives in battle armor with an army of wild boys who look like they wandered off the set of Lord of the Flies.

Imagine going to see Batman Begins only to discover Bruce Wayne doesn’t don the Bat-costume until the final minute of the film. Robin Hood makes us sit through a 140 minute prologue that ends at the exact moment when it should have begun.

Rating: * ½

Edge of Darkness

Edge of Darkness - Dir. Martin Campbell (2010)


”You had better decide whether you’re hangin’ on the cross or bangin’ in the nails.”

Edge of Darkness marks Mel Gibson’s big return to acting since his last starring role in M. Night Shyamalan’s Signs. In between, Gibson directed The Passion of the Christ and Apocalypto while making controversial headlines over drunken arrests and anti-Semitic remarks. You’re ability to view the film may depend entirely on your ability to separate Gibson’s off-screen antics with his on-screen persona.

Gibson is Thomas Craven, a veteran of the Boston Police Department. He is having dinner with his daughter, Emma (Bojana Novakovic), when she becomes violently ill with vomiting and nosebleeds. Before they can even rush to the hospital, a masked gunman blows Emma away with a shotgun blast. Originally working under the assumption that he was the target, Craven soon discovers they were after his daughter. Craven learns that Emma may have been exposed to radiation while working for an energy corporation called Northmoor. His investigation uncovers a vast conspiracy involving corrupt senators, left-wing radicals, and illegal nuclear weapons. Along the way, Craven receives some vague assistance from Jedburgh (Ray Winstone), a shadowy fix-it man who chooses to help Craven rather than kill him as initially tasked.

Much like Traffic and State of Play, Edge of Darkness is based on a BBC mini-series directed by Martin Campbell. Campbell returns as director and was adapted by William Monahan, the screenwriter behind The Departed, which itself was a remake of Hong Kong film, Infernal Affairs. Monahan’s fingerprints can be seen throughout the picture with its Boston setting and hardboiled dialogue. Having already helmed Goldeneye and Casino Royale, Campbell has proven to be a capable action director. There aren’t any elaborate Bond-like set pieces here, but Edge is sometimes suddenly and shockingly violent.

In his mid-50’s, Gibson is noticeably haggard, a far cry from the matinee idol looks of his younger days. Despite laying on the Bostonian accent a little thick, the role fits Gibson like a glove. No surprise since Gibson is no stranger to playing cops and his star-making role was in the revenge-themed Mad Max.

Edge of Darkness mixes those same revenge themes with elements of the 70’s-style political thrillers such as The Parallax View. But, Darkness is not nearly as nuanced. The twists and turns in the narrative are predictable and the characters are one-dimensional. No one is more than they appear to be. We know Northmoor CEO Jack Bennett, played by Danny Huston, is the big bad for no other reason than he’s played by Danny Huston.

Muddying things up are a series of dream sequences in which Craven sees visions of his daughter as a child. These, along with a rather preposterous third act, are the film’s biggest shortcomings.

Rating: **

X-Men Origins: Wolverine

X-Men Origins: Wolverine - Dir. Gavin Hood (2009)


”I’m the best there is at what I do, but what I do isn’t very nice.”

Wolverine has consistently been one of Marvel’s most popular characters for the past three decades, yet his origins have remained a mystery for most of that time. Little bits and pieces have come to light though the revelations that his memories were tampered with placed many of those stories suspect. He’d been given adamantium as part of a secret military experiment. He was part of black ops team with other mutants. He fought Nazis during World War II alongside Captain America. It wasn’t until 2001 that Marvel published Origin, a six-issue mini-series that definitively depicted Wolverine’s childhood. That series provided the genesis for the long-awaited spin-off film.

X-Men Origins: Wolverine begins with a brief prologue built around a tragic event in Wolverine’s childhood in the mid-1800’s. His father is murdered and a young James Howlette (later Logan) pops his bone claws for the very first time. He and half-brother, Victor Creed (who will eventually grow up to be Sabretooth), flee and promise to watch each others’ backs from then on. From there, we watch an opening credits sequence of Logan and Victor battling side-by-side in the Civil War, World Wars I & II, and finally Vietnam. Creed goes berserk in ‘Nam leading them to face down a firing squad. Both survive because of their mutant healing factors and are recruited by William Stryker (Danny Huston) for an elite squad of mutants. The group includes Agent Zero (Daniel Henney), Fred J. Dukes AKA the Blob (Kevin Durand), Chris Bradley AKA Bolt (Dominic Monaghan), the teleporter John Wraith (will.i.am), and Wade Wilson (Ryan Reynolds). After viewing the atrocities committed by his teammates, Logan chooses to walk away and lives a quiet life as a lumberjack with his schoolteacher girlfriend Kayla (Lynn Collins). When Creed begins hunting for him, Logan volunteers for the adamantium bonding process in order to get revenge on the man he called ‘brother.’ During the course of the film, we’re also introduced to fan-favorite characters like Gambit (Taylor Kitsch), Emma Frost (Tahyna Tozzi), and a young Cyclops. Also, look out for cameos from Toad, Banshee, and Quicksilver.

If you thought X-Men: The Last Stand was a slapdash, disappointing effort in the franchise, then you’ll be similarly disappointed with Wolverine. The story attempts to rush through over a hundred years of Wolverine’s life in about an hour and forty minutes. The script by David Benioff (25th Hour, The Kite Runner) and Skip Woods (Swordfish) lacks any substance whatsoever. The opening prologue crams six issues of plot into a matter of minutes. The rest of the film is just a series of action set pieces with a few obligatory emotional sequences in between and wrapped around several predictable plot twists. The resolution is nothing more than a series of pathetic contrivances that are forced in so the prequel can loosely be tied into the other films.

Though the film is supposed to center around Wolverine, filmmakers made sure to stuff their production with as many characters as possible. None of whom get enough screen time to have any resonance and are only around so they can sell spin-offs and toys. It’s the same problem that plagued the third X-film as well as Spider-Man 3. Comic book fans will probably be disappointed that some of these characters weren’t faithful to the source material. For example, the Hudsons, the superhero couple that founded Canadian super-team Alpha Flight, are re-imagined as Ma and Pa Kent.

South African director Gavin Hood first caught producers’ eyes with the Oscar-nominated film, Tsotsi. Hood followed that up with the politically heavy-handed Rendition. This is Hood’s first attempt at a big-budget action spectacle and he seems completely overwhelmed. Hood chooses to go for the most melodramatic shots whenever possible. Characters leap through the air, land in a crouching position, and turn to the camera with a menacing look on their face. Half the film seems to be slow motion close-ups of people standing in action figure poses. On top of that, Wolverine suffers from awful and unconvincing CGI. Quite shocking for a film with a budget of $150 million. A simple scene of Logan scraping his adamantium claws together looks like a cheap cartoon.

On the positive side, much of the acting is well-done. Hugh Jackman has mastered the gruff charm of the Ol’ Canucklehead and he’s able sprinkle in a few light moments in the film. Both Danny Huston and Liev Schreiber are excellent in their roles. I almost wish there was a way to George Lucas X-Men and put him in as Sabretooth. Despite his prominence in the film’s ad campaign, Ryan Reynolds has only a tiny role in the film. Comic fans know Reynolds’ character as Deadpool the Merc with a Mouth, and he manages to accurately portray Wade Wilson’s gift of gab. It’s a shame he was so criminally underused and it’s doubly shameful that Deadpool was so massively mishandled.

X-Men: The Last Stand suffered much critical drubbing from reviewers and comic fans, but it received the biggest box office open of all three X-Men films. It seems Fox decided to use the same hackneyed formula for Wolverine. While it garnered a wealth of poor reviews, an opening weekend take of over $80 million won’t change Fox’s mind in regards to its handling of Marvel properties. Iron Man helped Marvel kick off last summer’s blockbuster season to rousing success, but Wolverine is a mediocre beginning for 2009.

Rating: **

How to Lose Friends & Alienate People

How to Lose Friends and Alienate People - Dir. Robert Weide (2008)


Loosely based on the eponymous memoirs of Toby Young which recounted his rise and fall at Vanity Fair. A male alternative to the sudden glut of Devil Wears Prada knockoffs, How to Lose Friends tells the tale of an obnoxious jerk and his stint at the trendy (but fictional) Sharps magazine. Ironically, the real-life Young was banned from the set after endlessly annoying the cast and crew.

The film gets off to a fine start. Simon Pegg acting like an uncouth ass and pissing all over the celebrity world he so desperately wants to be a part of? Sure, sounds like good times. Sadly, whatever bite this production might have had is lost when its teeth are pulled in favor of a second half that’s cookie cutter rom-com.

It’s not for lack of trying. Pegg is his usual entertaining self. Gillian Anderson puts Scully out to pasture as a Machiavellian publicist, Thandie Newton has a fun cameo as herself, and Megan Fox is actually wisely cast as a vainglorious starlet. A mock trailer with Fox as Mother Theresa is right up there with Spidey and Iron Man as gay monks in Tropic Thunder.

Their efforts are all for naught when the film can’t make up its mind between no holds barred Hollywood satire and schmaltzy romantic comedy.

Rating: **