The King's Speech

The King's Speech - Dir. Tom Hooper (2010)

Now that it is awards season, all the major studios are rolling out their prestige pictures in order to keep them fresh in the minds of the voters. The King's Speech is exactly the type of movie that the Academy and other committees eat up with a spoon. It's based on an inspirational true story and features an all-star ensemble of British thespians.

Colin Firth is once again called upon to play the stiff Englishman as he steps into the role of Prince Albert, who suffered from a life-long stammering problem. This probably wouldn't have been such a big deal in the olden days when royalty was only called upon to wave and smile at the adoring masses, but a newfangled invention called radio now requires them to be eloquent and articulate. Poor Albert can barely get the words to sputter out of his mouth when addressing a crowd at Wembley Stadium. It isn't just public speaking that gives him problems, Albert even struggles with telling bedtime stories to his daughters Margaret and Elizabeth II (the current queen).

Albert's wife, Elizabeth (Helena Bonham Carter) supports him through thick and thin, bringing a parade of therapists through Buckingham Palace. After a disastrous session where Albert is forced to literally speak with marbles in his mouth, he begs Elizabeth to stop. However, she gives it one more go by turning to Lionel Logue (Geoffrey Rush), a failed actor from Australia with no real credentials as a therapist. Logue's eccentric methods exasperate the prim and proper Prince, who Logue insists on calling 'Bertie.' Logue doesn't bother with honorifics, wants to be treated as an equal, and probes Bertie about his personal life. At one point, Logue refers to some of Bertie's ancestors as a bunch of "royal assholes." Stuffed shirt that he is, Bertie takes offense and storms off more than once, but circumstances necessitate their uneasy relationship. When the King (Michael Gambon) dies, the throne is passed on to older brother David (Guy Pearce), who is crowned King Edward VIII. His scandalous affair with an American divorcee leads Edward to abdicate and Bertie is now King George VI. Meanwhile, Hitler prepares to plunge England into World War II and the new King is called upon to deliver an inspiring speech.

Screenwriter David Seidler (who suffered from stuttering) originally envisioned The King's Speech as a play with the potential for a feature film version. It's easy to see why the movie took precedence and attracted the attentions of such a high caliber cast. The script is basic, old-fashioned storytelling at its best, hitting all the right notes without a single superfluous scene. Seidler manages to inject an understated level of humor to the proceedings, which prevents the film from becoming too much of a starchy BBC-style production. The relationship between Bertie and Logue provides the backbone as a reverse Pygmalion with the middle class instructor teaching the posh student. In real life, the two became close friends for years.

Tom Hooper (The Damned United, HBO's John Adams) directs with a straightforward manner though some of his compositions aren't the most aesthetically pleasing. Still, he does a splendid job in contrasting the ornate trappings of the Palace with Logue's modest flat and basement office. The acting is uniformly excellent, particularly Helena Bonham Carter as the future Queen Mother and Guy Pearce as the irresponsible playboy brother. The only weak link in the cast is Timothy Spall's Winston Churchill, who comes off more as a comic relief caricature than an actual person.

Rating: *** (*****)

And Soon the Darkness

And Soon the Darkness - Dir. Marcos Efron (2010)

No movie is safe from the Hollywood remake machine. It doesn't matter if it's a renowned classic or a little-known cult film, it will be dusted off and redone for an audience too young to know about the original. This is the case with And Soon the Darkness, a remake of a British thriller from 1970 about a pair of young English ingénues terrorized in the French countryside. In his first feature film, director Marcos Efron (with co-writer Jennifer Derwingson) transplant the tale to South America and cast two of Hollywood's rising starlets, Amber Heard (Pineapple Express, Zombieland) and Odette Yustman (Cloverfield, You Again).

Heard and Yustman play BFFs, Stephanie and Ellie, two comely American girls on a cycling trip through Argentina. Stephanie and Ellie have split off from the rest of the tour group to adventure on their own. They arrive in a sleepy little village in the middle of nowhere. It seems peaceful enough, but appearances can be deceiving. The denizens walk around on eggshells while some eye the newcomers with suspicion. The fact that there are pictures of a missing girl plastered around town should be a red flag. However, our heroines don't notice anything is amiss. They get dolled up and hit the local bar for a night of drinks.

While Stephanie is the more responsible of the two, Ellie is the party girl. She flirts with the guys using what little Spanish she knows, downs shots, and sings along to "I Touch Myself" by the Divinyls. After a few too many drinks, the girls oversleep and miss the morning's bus out of town. What else is a pair of nubile gals to do then slip into their bikinis and sunbathe? Stephanie gets into an argument with Ellie over boyfriend troubles and storms off. When she heads back to apologize, Ellie is gone, leaving behind her cell phone. Stephanie tries to report her friend's disappearance to the local policeman (Cesar Vianco) who quickly dismisses the seriousness of the situation. Stephanie finds sympathetic help in Michael (Karl Urban), an American expatriate, who has lost someone too.

And Soon the Darkness presents nothing that hasn't been seen before, especially in the 'pretty American girls get abducted and tortured by evil foreigners' subgenre. Marcos Efron should at least be commended for not going the torture porn route and turning his film into another Hostel knock-off. Those of you who are gorehounds or just looking for a bit of T&A may be disappointing. The film does contain some violence, but nothing grotesque and there's no nudity whatsoever. There is a nice close-up of Yustman's posterior. Darkness is a competently made thriller with Efron lulling the audience (and his protagonists) into a false sense of security with gorgeous shots of the Argentinean landscape. The film's climax is exciting though not enough to bring you to the edge of your seat.

One of the movie's main weaknesses is the interminable amount of screen time that must be sat through before the action finally kicks in. This is the obligatory section of the movie where we are forced to get to know everyone. The characters are incredibly thin and it hardly helps that their conversations are vain and uninteresting. The lead actresses aren't called upon to do anything other than look pretty and scared. Karl Urban's appearance is a head scratcher. His role is so miniscule and meaningless you'll wonder why he even bothered to show up, unless it was for a free vacation. The same goes for Academy Award nominee Adriana Barraza (Babel) as the owner of the town's one and only hotel.

And Soon the Darkness might be considered perfectly acceptable cinema. It's a film that isn't overly stylish or overly indulgent. It isn't particularly inventive or captivating either. And Soon the Darkness offers only two hot looking leads and a story filled with predictable twists and cardboard characters.

Rating: * ½ (*****)

The Fighter

The Fighter - Dir. David O. Russell (2010)

The story of the underdog boxer on the road to the championship has been told countless times dating all the way back to 1931's The Champ, starring Wallace Beery. The Fighter certainly has a lot in common with the iconic Rocky.

Both films feature blue-collar heroes, the former has Rocky Balboa from Philadelphia, the latter focuses on "Irish" Micky Ward from Lowell, MA. Rocky forged through adversity with the love of pet shop clerk, Adrian, while Ward had the feisty Charlene, played by the equally feisty Amy Adams. One of the roadblocks set in Rocky's path was his alcoholic brother-in-law, Paulie. Ward has to deal with a domineering mother and his half-brother, Dickie Eklund, whose crack addiction derailed his own boxing career. Eklund's descent into drugs became the centerpiece for an HBO documentary about crack. That very same documentary forms a framing device for The Fighter.

The picture opens with Eklund (Christian Bale) talking to the camera. He has deluded himself and others into believing the movie is about his comeback to the world of boxing. Eklund's career highlight was a bout against Sugar Ray Leonard in which Eklund knocked down (not out, just down) the world renowned pugilist. Nowadays, he works as the trainer for his younger brother Ward (Mark Wahlberg) along with their mother, Alice (Melissa Leo), who serves as Ward's manager. Alice is also the mother of seven shrill daughters (one of whom is played by Conan O'Brien's sister) by way of two different men. It is clear to anyone that Ward is being held back by familial ties. Alice hardly has the business acumen she claims she has to successfully guide her son's career. Meanwhile, Dickie frequently misses training sessions while getting high at a local crack house.

Ward's fortunes change when he meets Charlene, who is in the same On the Waterfront 'I coulda been a contender' territory. She is a former high jumper and college dropout working a go-nowhere job as a bartender. Charlene gives Ward the strength to distance himself from his troubled family and give his career a shot in the arm.

The Fighter isn't solely about boxing. No, the sport serves as a backdrop for the story of two men who must find the confidence to take control of their own lives. While Walhberg's dramatic chops can be a bit dodgy at times, he is effective here in portraying Ward as a working class schlub on the verge of success. This shouldn't be surprising as it’s a role Walhberg has played before in Invincible and even Rock Star and Boogie Nights. However, his co-star, Christian Bale, is receiving the lion's share of attention for his performance as Dickie Eklund. Bale certainly has the showier role, which required him to look emaciated and don false rotted teeth to play the drug addled Dickie. Bale is noticeably gaunt, but it is nowhere near his frighteningly, shriveled appearance in The Machinist. He's certainly dynamic whenever he appears on screen, full of bravado and nervous energy. Not to be overlooked are Melissa Leo and Amy Adams who provide a welcome female touch to an otherwise male-dominated film. Leo touches upon numerous emotions as the white trash matriarch of the Ward/Eklund brood while Adams is scrappy enough to stand toe-to-toe with their haggle of harpy sisters.

The cast also includes Jack McGee as Alice's henpecked husband, George, and Ward's real-life trainer, Mickey O'Keefe as himself.

The Fighter also serves as something of a comeback for director David O. Russell. The film was originally slated to be directed by Darren Aronofsky and would have served as a fitting complimentary piece to The Wrestler. Aronofsky eventually dropped out and Russell (who first worked with Walhberg on Three Kings) stepped in. Russell's last film to hit theaters was 2004's I Heart Huckabee's, which flopped at the box office and received mixed reviews. His next project, Nailed, became infamous as a troubled production that will likely never see the light of day. As the man behind the camera, Russell proves he still has the chops to helm a compelling film. Russell captures the dramatic moments of The Fighter while adding a comedic touch to all the right moments, including the sly use of "Here I Go Again" by Whitesnake as Ward's entrance music. The boxing sequences are also dynamic with a unique montage set to The Heavy's "How Do You Like Me Now?" The montage comprises of Raging Bull-style close-ups of slow motion fists smashing into sweaty drenched faces. The major fights were painstakingly recreated using the original bouts as the basis. Russell gathered the actual technical teams from the HBO fight night matches and shot with the same cameras giving the scenes a pixilated video quality.

Sports movies and romantic comedies generally stick most rigidly to formula than any other genre. Sometimes it's not about telling new stories, but telling stories well. By those standards, The Fighter gets an easy recommendation.

Rating: *** (*****)

TRON: Legacy

TRON: Legacy - Dir. Joseph Kosinski (2010)

"Did anyone see the movie 'Tron'?"
"No."
"Nope."
"No."
"No."
"No."
"Yes…uh…I mean, no."
-Treehouse of Horror VI, "The Simpsons"

The Simpsons weren't the only ones who didn't see the original Tron. The entertainment industry was riding high on the video game craze and the film came out a year before the great crash of 1983. Tron imagined a digital world where computer programs existed as anthropomorphized beings with red and blue circuit lines. Tron was revolutionary for its special effects and early use of computer graphics. However, the film failed at the box office with a tie-in arcade game pulling in more money. Thanks to a second life on home video, the cult of Tron has grown over the last two decades. It has become pop culture fodder for television shows like The Simpsons, Family Guy, and South Park.

The decision to move forward with the long-gestating sequel became easier in 2008 when the House of Mouse surprised audiences at Comic-Con with a sizzle reel featuring an all-new light cycle sequence created by the latest in CGI. The crowd response was positive enough that Disney hit the gas pedal on TRON: Legacy. Still, Disney is banking a lot on the fanboy memories of a movie from twenty eight years ago. The budget was reportedly at $170 million with $100 million more spent on a worldwide marketing campaign. The burden to deliver was set squarely on the shoulders of Joseph Kosinski, a commercial director making his feature-length film debut. Judging by the trailers only, TRON: Legacy sets the bar high in terms of visually pleasing special effects, but the story struggles to follow suit.

Those of you who aren't familiar with the original Tron, might have a hard time finding themselves a copy of the picture. Worried that new fans will find the old special effects laughable, Disney has held off on a Blu-Ray release. The previous DVD version has long gone out of print with unopened copies selling for over a hundred bucks on eBay. To summarize, Jeff Bridges played game designer Kevin Flynn, whose greatest creations were stolen from him by his boss at ENCOM. While investigating, Flynn is zapped by a laser and transported to a computerized world under the rule of the malevolent Master Control Program. There, he was looked upon as a god-like figure known as a User. Flynn eventually won the day with help from the title character, Tron, a digital version of his best friend, Alan Bradley (Bruce Boxleitner). In the years since, Flynn has built ENCOM into a corporate juggernaut until he disappeared in 1988, leaving behind his young son, Sam.

Today, an adult Sam (Garrett Hedlund) has little to do with his father's company, despite being the primary shareholder. He lives alone in a garage on the waterfront with only a squishy-faced Boston terrier to keep him company. One night, Alan approaches Sam with the news that he received a page sent from the senior Flynn's office in his abandoned arcade. Sam finds a hidden office where he is suddenly taken to a futuristic land known as the Grid. In The Wizard of Oz, Dorothy was whisked away from a sepia-toned Kansas and into the Technicolor wonderland of Oz. This being the 21st century, TRON: Legacy switches from the flat 2D, sepia-tinged real world into a 3D realm of jet black architecture highlighted by eerie blue lights.

Sam learns the Grid was created by his father along with a computerized copy known as Clu. Tasked with creating a perfect world, Clu saw imperfections in a group of programs called Isos, who emerge as if they were the Jews wandering out of the desert. Clu conquers the Grid in brutal fashion, destroying or converting anyone who stood against him. Trapped in his world, Kevin Flynn has lived a Howard Hughes-style life of seclusion, hiding from Clu to prevent his creation from finding the means to travel into the real world.

If the original Tron was an Atari 2600, then TRON: Legacy is an X-Box 360. Modern technology has given the computerized world created so long ago a glossy sheen. The effects and set design of the Grid is a feast to behold. Familiar vehicles like the Solar Sailer and the Recognizer are given sleek upgrades. The famous disc battles and light cycle races from the first movie are back with a vengeance. As you'd expect, they are bigger and badder than ever. The disc battles aren't just one on one anymore. Multiple contests occur simultaneously on a gravity-defying battleground with numerous levels in an ever-shifting configuration. Combatants now incorporate martial arts and elaborate gymnastics maneuvers into play. However, the artists and animators are unable to overcome the proverbial "uncanny valley" when it comes to the appearance of Jeff Bridges' digital doppelganger. For the opening prologue, Bridges is given a CGI facelift and made to look like a younger version of himself. Try as they might, the effects team can't seem to get him right and apparently know it. Kosinski hides this faux Flynn in the shadows and behind objects in the foreground. There are no such luxuries when it comes to the villainous Clu who must be seen front and center. The plastic look of this de-aged Bridges works better to enhance Clu's existence as a sinister simulacrum. The character performs incredible stunts with ease, but is unable to pull off the simpler motions of speech. He is a virtual meat puppet vainly attempting to sync his mouth movements with the spoken dialogue.

While the fake Jeff Bridges left much to be desired, the real one brings a much needed dose of gravitas to a film full of outlandish concepts. The easy-going, hippie charm of the Dude shines through, especially when he's spouting lines like, "I'm gonna go knock on the sky and listen to the sound." No longer the young hotshot from the first Tron, Flynn has become a Zen master in the Grid, a binary bodhisattva and messiah for the oppressed masses. It's too bad some of that same charm didn't rub off on Garrett Hedlund. It's not that he gives a bad performance, just a bland performance. To be fair, the character of Sam Flynn isn't fully fleshed out, no more real than the anonymous programs he encounters. As the female lead, Olivia Wilde brings more to the character of Flynn's protégé, Quorra, than what is there on the page. It certainly helps that Wilde is gorgeous beyond belief and kicks ass even while wearing a skin-tight catsuit and platform shoes. The liveliest performer, without a doubt, is the ultra-talented Michael Sheen who channels David Bowie as a flamboyant nightclub owner named Castor. Yes, even software programs need to party down and get drunk once in a while.

Speaking of which, for an effects-driven, popcorn film, the sequel sure took itself seriously. Just when Bridges manages to wring out a light moment of humor, the movie goes back to stone faced mode. The pacing was also uneven. Once Sam enters the Grid, he is immediately taken to the Arena for the game and the audience is yanked right along with him. The script has already set Sam up as a parkour-practicing, motorcycle-riding, thrill junkie with no problems excelling at the grueling competitions. Thus, no time is wasted in getting into the action. However, the plot slows to a crawl as the thin father-son angle plays out. The climax builds to a crescendo with Clu fascistically rallying his marching minions in a sequence that seems lifted right out of Triumph of the Will. Good battles evil, then it is back to the characters gazing at their navels, then back to the action. The final denouement itself seems to echo a similar resolution from Blade Runner.

On the strengths of the visuals alone, TRON: Legacy definitely needs to be seen in theaters to get the full effect. If you are willing to spring for it, go for the IMAX version. The special effects look breathtaking and you will be rattled and shaken by the bass of Daft Punk's electronic score. However, don't feel like you're missing out if you go for the cheaper 2D version. The 3D effects aren't absolutely necessary and the already dark film is darkened further by the process. Only don't expect TRON: Legacy to deliver more than eye candy. The sequel comes off overly serious and overly bombastic when it needs to be a fun adventure. The film almost gets bogged down in the kind of half-baked, New Age philosophy that sunk the Matrix movies.

Rating: *** (*****)

The Tourist

The Tourist - Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck (2010)

The Tourist is the kind of film that Hollywood used to make decades ago. This is the kind of film reserved for stars like Cary Grant, Tony Curtis, Audrey Hepburn, and Grace Kelly. It's all about beautiful people doing beautiful things in beautiful places. A remake of the French film, Anthony Zimmer, The Tourist has the makings of a surefire with Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie in the lead. The director is Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck whose previous picture, the sublime Lives of Others, won an Oscar for Best Foreign Language Film in 2006. Donnersmarck was one of three credited writers along with Christopher McQuarrie and Julian Fellowes, both are also Oscar winners, the former for The Usual Suspects and the latter for Gosford Park. Surprisingly, the A-list cast and high caliber creative team hardly delivers the masterpiece one would expect.

Johnny Depp plays the vacationing Frank Tupelo, an unassuming math teacher from Wisconsin. That's going to take a while to sink into your head because I doubt there are many math teachers out there who look like Johnny Depp. Hell, I doubt there is anybody from Wisconsin who looks like Johnny Depp. Anyways, while riding the train to Venice, Frank meets the exceedingly gorgeous and glamorous Elise (Jolie). Despite the enormous gap in social strata, they hit it off and Elise asks Frank to tag along as she rides the canals to her ritzy hotel. Unbeknownst to Frank, Elise is the lover of an international fugitive by the name of Alexander Pearce whose face is unknown due to extensive plastic surgery. Scotland Yard has been after Pearce and so has a notorious gangster named Reginald Shaw (Steven Berkoff). To throw his adversaries off the trail, Pearce tells Elise to pick some fool to act as a decoy. This leads to poor Frank (in his pajamas) being chased across the rooftops of Venice by gun-toting thugs.

The main cast also includes Paul Bettany as a dogged Inspector on Pearce's trail, Timothy Dalton as his supervisor, and Rufus Sewell as a mysterious fellow following Frank and Elise.

Johnny Depp has proven to be an incredibly versatile actor with his best roles being his most eccentric. Jack Sparrow, Ed Wood, Willy Wonka, and Sweeney Todd are all outlandish characters that Depp has brought his own flair to. Here, Depp is simply called upon to play it as low-key as possible, perhaps, a little too low-key. He alternately appears bored and downright narcoleptic. The strongest emotion Depp summons is annoyed bemusement. Jolie is given an equally undemanding role, one where all she has to do is look good in a slinky dress with her lips painted red. Donnersmarck takes every opportunity to shoot Jolie against the exotic Italian locales. Meanwhile, Steven Berkoff steals the movie right from under his more well-known co-stars. Berkoff will probably be remembered as the villain with a funny accent in just about every 80's action movie. Think Octopussy, Beverly Hills Cop (Victor Maitland~!), and Rambo: First Blood, Part II. Surprise, surprise, Berkoff once again plays the villain with a funny accent. He's a special brand of evil, a guy who surrounds himself with hard-ass Russian henchmen and strangles a man while getting a suit tailored.

The Tourist is a lightweight romp that recalls classic pictures like William Wyler's Roman Holiday, and Stanley Donen's Charade. On the surface, it resembles Hitchcock's North by Northwest and To Catch a Thief with its globe-trotting adventure of mistaken identity. However, The Tourist has none of the suspense and rests far too much on the shoulders of its stars. A predictable last minute twist doesn't make a lick of sense if you think about it for more than ten seconds.

Rating: ** (*****)

The Warrior's Way

The Warrior's Way - Dir. Sngmoo Lee (2010)

Sometimes fanboy cinema can be a bad thing. The Warrior's Way is a curious blend of Kurosawa and Leone, a cross between 300, Lone Wolf & Cub, and A Fistful of Dollars. The Warrior's Way comes to us from first-time director, Lee Sngmoo, who studied cinema at NYU and currently teaches at the national film school in South Korea. Lee isn't the first to come up with the idea of fusing the Western with the martial arts film. We've already seen Jackie Chan's Shanghai Noon, Takashi Miike's Sukiyaki Western Django, and another South Korean export, The Good, the Bad, and the Weird. So how does Lee's movie stack up?

Jang Dong-gun, from the incredible Tae Guk Gi: The Brotherhood of War, makes his English language debut as Yang, the greatest swordsman in the world. How do we know he's the greatest swordsman in the world? He kills the guy who used to be the greatest right at the beginning of the movie. As a member of the ninja clan known as the Sad Flutes, Yang has been charged with wiping out a rival. The former number one was penultimate member, leaving behind only a baby girl. Yang balks at killing a child and together they seek refuge in America.

Yang and the baby make their way to a tiny town in the middle of the desert known as Lode. The eccentric inhabitants of the town include your usual gallery of slack-jawed yokels and a traveling circus that decided to move on in. Yang settles in, running the laundry and befriending Lynne (Kate Bosworth), a comely knife throwing lass. As a young girl, Lynne's entire family was murdered The Colonel (Danny Huston), a sadistic and disfigured Confederate officer. Under Yang's tutelage furthers her abilities with the blade. Lynne finally gets her chance for revenge when the Colonel and his henchmen ride back into Lode. Yang must rally a ragtag force of cowboys, clowns, firebreathers, and the town drunk (Geoffrey Rush), who turns out to be a helluva sharpshooter. And then the ninjas arrive.

The climax is where The Warrior's Way truly shines as it descends into a bloody free-for-all of samurai swords versus six-shooters. While Lee tends to copy Zack Snyder's slow-motion accentuated style, the fight scenes are the type of brainless fun that action junkies eat up. If only the rest of the picture was on the same level. The lead up into the action-packed third act is full of stilted dialogue and empty attempts at character development. The extensive green screen work adds a cartoonish feel that Lee heightens by using a comic book font. It's too artificial looking to truly be an old-fashioned Spaghetti Western. Shooting the film on an actual set would have lent a strong sense of personality and authenticity.

Jang Dong-gun learned English for the movie and his delivery is passable, if wooden. Lee wisely has him play the taciturn hero who rarely speaks. The rest of the international cast include Kate Bosworth whose spunky Southern belle act feels like an audition for Hee-Haw and Bad Santa's Tony Cox as the circus's ringmaster. Danny Huston hams it up as the villain as does Geoffrey Rush. His signature line, "Ninjas…damn," was a highlight of the trailer, but is conspicuously absent from the final cut. The leader of the Sad Flutes is played by Ti Lung, the star of classic Hong Kong action films like A Better Tomorrow and Drunken Master II.

The Warrior's Way is the type of genre fare usually reserved for the direct-to-video market. Somehow it managed a theatrical release and disappeared from multiplexes almost as soon as it arrived. It's silly and dumb and if that's all you're looking for, give it a rent.

Rating: * ½ (*****)

How Do You Know

How Do You Know - Dir. James L. Brooks (2010)

In How Do You Know, James L. Brooks attempts to answer the question of how do you know when you're in love. Instead, Brooks' latest picture answered the question of how do you know when Hollywood spending is out of control – when you've spent over $100 million to make a romantic comedy. Nearly half of that budget went to the inflated salaries of the principal players. Reese Witherspoon received $15 million while Jack Nicholson was paid $12 million for what is essentially a minor supporting role. Brooks and Owen Wilson both received $10 million, but poor Paul Rudd got the shaft. Despite being the lead actor, Rudd only walked away with $3 million. After all the dust settled and the checks cashed, How Do You Know limped away from opening weekend with just under $7.5 million.

Witherspoon plays Lisa Jorgensen, a softball player who has just been cut from the U.S. Olympic team. Having turned 31, the coach feels she's past her prime. With little else going on in her life, Lisa finds comfort in a simple, undemanding relationship with Major League Baseball pitcher, Matty Reynolds (Owen Wilson). At first blush, Matty seems to be the typical, all-star athlete. He's got a multi-million dollar contract, an immaculate penthouse apartment, and women crawling all over him. He even has a closet full of pink track suits to give to his lady friends the morning after. Yes, he's a little self-centered and chauvinistic, but Matty is so obliviously sweet-natured that it's hard to hate the guy.

Paul Rudd is George Madison, a businessman working at some nebulous firm run by his father, Charles (Nicholson). His life crumbles suddenly when he faces federal charges of securities fraud. At least, that's what I think it was. Whatever George did or didn't do isn't very clear. In fact, it's never clear what he does at the firm or what the firm even does. George's and Lisa's paths cross after an aborted blind date. When they finally meet, George finds Lisa is just what he needs while Lisa struggles with which guy to pick.

After watching How Do You Know, you'll wonder how in the Hell this dreadful movie could have come from the same filmmaker do wrote and directed Terms of Endearment, Broadcast News, and As Good As It Gets. Not to mention a man who has been a producer and driving force behind The Simpsons. The story is filled with contrivances and feels like some terrible, unfunny pilot for some awful sitcom, except this won't die after half an hour. The usually dependable Rudd can't elicit even a modicum of chuckles. He's forced to play the bland, nice guy that usually gets dumped at the end of every crappy romantic comedy. The whole subplot involving George's legal situation comes off as some half-assed commentary on the current financial crisis. It goes nowhere and you wonder if Brooks did any sort of research at all into that world. Nicholson just sleepwalks through a role that was originally offered to Bill Murray who wisely declined. Tony Shalhoub is utterly wasted in a one scene cameo as a therapist.

I will give kudos to Brooks for digging up Mark Linn-Baker to play the firm's company lawyer. Baker will probably forever be remembered as the other guy on Perfect Strangers, the one who wasn't Balki. Hey, how do you know a movie is bad? When you'd rather talk about Perfect Strangers.

In the end, I can only offer How Do You Know two meager compliments: Janusz Kaminski's cinematography is excellent, effectively capturing slick, big city life and Reese Witherspoon is the best she's ever looked.

Rating: * ½ (*****)

You Will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger

You Will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger - Dir. Woody Allen (2010)

"Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player that struts and frets his hour upon the stage and then is heard no more: it is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing." - William Shakespeare, Macbeth.

Woody Allen's latest picture opens with a reworking of that same Shakespearean quote. Knowing Allen, the irony was most definitely not lost on him. You Will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger is full of sound and fury, but ultimately amounts to nothing.

Tall Dark Stranger features an ensemble of A-list actors who likely signed on so they can finally say they starred in a Woody Allen movie. The glue that holds the cast together is Gemma Jones as Helena, who has just suffered a devastating divorce from her long-time husband, Alfie (Anthony Hopkins). In her despair, Helena seeks guidance from a dime store fortune teller named Cristal (Pauline Collins). Helena's daughter, Sally (Naomi Watts), knows Cristal is an obvious fraud, but any comfort mother finds is good enough. Alfie, meanwhile, has fallen for a ditzy blond named Charmaine (Lucy Punch), who is a third of his age and works as a call girl.

Sally's marriage is also on the rocks. Her husband and Allen analogue, Roy (Josh Brolin), had a hit novel and struggles to write a follow up. He is forced to work as a limo driver to pay bills. Roy finds his spirits lifted by the beautiful Dia (Freida Pinto), who lives in an adjacent apartment building. Sally gets a new job as the assistant to a successful art dealer played by Antonio Banderas. Of course, she is smitten by him because he's Antonio freakin' Banderas. Allen's screenplay bobs and weaves through the multiple relationships as fickle lovers make their ultimate decisions about who to be with. Eventually, nearly everyone is miserable with their choices in life. Then, just when you think the movie is about to really get going, it abruptly ends as if Allen finally fizzled out and decided to just go home.

Though it's a drama with light comic overtones, Tall Dark Stranger is all about pessimism. However, Allen never reaches the farcical levels of fatalism that the Coen Brothers achieved in A Serious Man. All Allen manages to achieve is a middling sense of cynicism. Gone are the films full of wit and insightful observations about love and life. This is a film that seems cobbled together from a recycling bin left overflowing by refuse from the cutting room floor. These are stock characters wandering about in a London rendered completely indistinct by a director seemingly content to coast on his reputation.

At 75, Allen continues to plug away with a new film released each year. Perhaps, his prolific body of work is its own worst enemy. Anything new of Allen's will immediately be compared to classics such as Annie Hall or Hannah and Her Sisters. Alas, his recent movies will always fall short. Aside from Match Point, none of his new stuff has been particularly spellbinding. Even passable fare like Vicky Christina Barcelona couldn't live up to the expectations that come from the name Woody Allen. If it had been directed by someone else, it might have been more highly regarded. No such arguments will occur with You Will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger, it would have been bad no matter who was behind the camera.

Rating: * ½ (*****)

Skyline

Skyline - Dirs. Colin & Greg Strause (2010)

Skyline is the sort of cheap knock-off that was once churned regularly by Roger Corman's New World Pictures. Nowadays, it's the type of movie you'd see in the discount bins at Big Lots or airing at 2AM on the Sci-Fi Channel (or SyFy).

Jarrod (Eric Balfour) and his girlfriend Elaine (Scottie Thompson) arrive in Los Angeles to celebrate the birthday of Jarrod's best friend, Terry (Donald Faison). Terry is now a big shot in Hollywood and wants Jarrod to move out there to work as a special effects wizard, but Elaine is reluctant. Meanwhile, Terry has been cheating on his girlfriend, Candice (Brittany Daniel) with his assistant, Denise (Crystal Reed). All this Gossip Girl soap opera stuff becomes moot when the aliens arrive. After a wild party, Jarrod wakes up at 4AM to see an ominous blue light piercing the previously quiet night. Humans are moths to the flame allowing the alien mothership to suck in the hapless Earthlings as if they were specks of dust.

Skyline is wholly derivative of practically every sci-fi film of the last several years. The basic premise takes the widescreen mayhem of Independence Day and crosses it with the street level point-of-view of films such as Cloverfield and District 9. The action is shot in a similar manner to Michael Bay's Transformers. The alien sentries with their undulating tentacles look an awful lot like the Sentinels from the Matrix movies.

The story itself is laughably inept, full of cardboard characters and tedious dialogue. Most of the movie consists of the protagonists hiding out in a spacious condo while the audience is forced to listen to them bitch about their meaningless personal lives. Everything is so ultra-serious that you can't even enjoy the movie on an unintentionally camp level.

This shouldn't be surprising since Skyline was written and directed by the Brothers Strause, who were also behind the atrocious Alien/Predator: Requeim. The behind-the-scenes controversy that the Strauses have created has been more intriguing than the actual movie. Skyline is the first of two alien invasion films set in L.A. The second is next year's Battle: Los Angeles, which takes more of a Black Hawk Down approach to the concept. The special effects house run by the Strauses worked on Battle: Los Angeles and are now being sued by Sony.

The CGI in Skyline looks like it would have commanded a high price tag, but the production budget was a mere $10 million. The extraterrestrials and their spacecrafts look extremely convincing, but none of that matters when the rest of the movie is so God awful.

Rating: * (*****)

The Next Three Days

In Conviction, Hilary Swank plays a mother of two who puts herself through college and law school in order to free her brother after he is wrongly convicted of first degree murder. Russell Crowe, however, is no Hilary Swank. He's Russell Crowe after all and he doesn't have time for any of that fancy book learning. When his wife is sentenced to life in prison, he decides to bust her ass out in The Next Three Days.

Crowe is John Brennan, an English teacher who spends his days lecturing to community college students about Don Quixote. Brennan finds himself in his own Quixotic quest when his wife, Lara (Elizabeth Banks, is arrested during family breakfast time for the murder of her boss. The circumstantial evidence is pretty damning. Lara had an argument with her boss earlier in the day. Her fingerprints are on the murder weapon and blood from the victim was found on her coat. John is thoroughly convinced of Lara's innocence, but their options dwindle as years pass and the appeals process goes nowhere.

John consults with an ex-con (Liam Neeson in a one scene cameo) who literally wrote the book on prison breaks. This formerly unassuming teacher sets in motion an intricate plan to free his wife and escape the country before authorities lock down the city. The ticking clock that gives the film its title kicks when John learns that Lara will be transferred from county jail to a maximum security penitentiary upstate.

The Next Three Days has good moments and weak moments. If you saw Crash, you know that Paul Haggis is not a subtle filmmaker. He's downright blunt and wants to spell everything out for the audience. That trait is evident with the running time of his latest picture. Next Three Days was based on a 2007 French film entitled Pour Elle, which was 96 minutes long. Haggis's version clocks in at over two hours. The movie chugs along at a lethargic pace as we watch the emotional toll that Lara's imprisonment has taken on her husband and young son.

While the dour emotional scenes drag on, the portions that focus on the actual jailbreak are riveting. Yes, they are a bit preposterous and Haggis tends to rely too much on convenient coincidences, but they are riveting. As a law-abiding Joe Average, John must find ways to gather enough cash to live on the run as well as acquire fake IDs. His nocturnal trips to the wrong part of town are tense as is a sequence where John tries out a homemade skeleton key during a visit to his wife. How he learned to make one seems simple enough. He saw it on YouTube. John also learns how to break into a car using only a tennis ball. There's more to the internet than just porn.

Crowe doesn't quite pull off the role of the unassuming school teacher, but he does excel at being gruff and brooding. There's not a lot of chemistry between he and Elizabeth Banks who still looks beautiful while trying to be haggard.

The Next Three Days could have used some judicious editing to tighten the pace and cut the fat. After the mediocrity of the first two acts, the film concludes with a thrilling climax as the prison escape finally happens. That itself might make the movie worthy of a rental.

Rating: ** (*****)

Unstoppable

Unstoppable - Dir. Tony Scott (2010)

"This is Will Coulson, your conductor, we're gonna run this bitch down."

Unstoppable marks the fifth collaboration between Tony Scott and Denzel Washington as well as the second time in a row the pair get to play with trains. Their working relationship has yielded some good (Man on Fire) and some bad (Déjà Vu). You can count Unstoppable as one of the good. It's a slick flick powered with enough blue-collar testosterone to keep an entire fleet of Amtrak locomotives running.

Loosely based on actual events, Unstoppable features Washington as veteran rail man, Frank Barnes, who is in charge of training new conductor, Will Coulson (Chris Pine). Barnes isn't thrilled because this snot-nosed kid is taking a job away from another old timer like himself. Coulson doesn't endear himself after making a series of mistakes on his first day behind the wheel. Meanwhile, someone else has made a mistake far worse. In a hurry to go to lunch, a slack-jawed goof by the name of Dewey (Ethan Suplee) steps out of the cab to switch tracks and accidentally leaves his train under power. Hey, that's what you get for putting Willem from Mallrats in charge. I mean, the guy couldn't even see the sailboat in that picture.

The runaway train begins picking up speed sending the railroad company into a tizzy to regain control. The train not only carries a large amount of diesel fuel, but several cars of toxic chemicals. It's also heading into heavily populated areas. Not to mention there's a dead man's curve ahead that's directly above a fuel depot. Oh, and a train full of elementary school students on a field trip is traveling on a collision course. Barnes and Coulson take it upon themselves to gun their locomotive in reverse in the hopes of catching up to the train and slowing it down.

Is it a little ludicrous? No, it's plenty ludicrous. Unstoppable is everything it's advertised to be, unapologetic schlock. This is a fast-paced action movie full of energy and white-knuckle tension. Yes, we know the heroes will eventually succeed, but the film keeps you on the edge of your seat and gripping your armrests. Credit should go to a surprisingly restrained Tony Scott. He and older brother Ridley Scott could mount a big-budget blockbuster in their sleep. While Ridley has dipped his feet in various genres like sci-fi (Alien, Blade Runner) and even romantic comedy (A Good Year), Tony has stuck with high-octane popcorn pictures. Over the years, he has relied heavily on saturated images, flashy camera tricks, and frenzied editing over solid storytelling. Here, Tony Scott takes a step back and allows the audience to focus solely on the story.

Any other credit goes to the lead actors who carry the movie on their hefty shoulders. Chris Pine brings some of that Captain Kirk bravado with him and he needs all of it to prevent being swallowed whole by Mr. Denzel Washington. Seriously, Denzel is simply Denzel. He has such a tremendous on-screen presence that he transcends whatever character he is playing. Barnes and Coulson have your standard buddy relationship. The former is the hard-nosed lifer and the latter is the brash rookie. There's not much more to it than that, but Washington and Pine absolutely make it work. Screenwriter Mark Bomback gives each man a perfunctory backstory. Coulson struggles with marital troubles while Barnes is a widower raising two young daughters who work at Hooters. Of course, we get shots of them in their orange shorts and tight tank tops to keep the film from turning into a complete sausage fest. They are definitely a welcome sight from all the shots of pulsating trains thrusting about and decimating anything within their path.

Speaking of which, the only female role of note is Rosario Dawson as Connie Hooper, the company's yardmaster. Much like Washington in The Taking of Pelham 123, she's in charge of coordinating the trains and directing traffic. I doubt there are many yardmasters who look like Rosario Dawson, but who's going to complain? Dawson does her best with an underwritten part that mostly calls for her to spout explanatory dialogue like, "…we're talking about a missile the size of the Chrysler Building."

Unstoppable serves as something of a love letter to the working class man. Scott and Bomback touch upon the current economic state and how it has affected those who have served as the backbone of the nation. It's not surprising that the film is set in Pennsylvania, home of the founding fathers along with the steel industry and Pennsylvania Railroad, once one of the largest companies in the world. How apropos that the main antagonist is Kevin Dunn as a railroad executive who is worried more about stockholders and the bottom line than with people's lives.

However, don't mistake Unstoppable for anything resembling a thinking man's film. It's a cinematic adrenaline rush for the action junkie.

Rating: *** (*****)

The Disappearance of Alice Creed

The Disappearance of Alice Creed - Dir. J Blakeson (2010)

The Disappearance of Alice Creed opens with stark efficiency as we watch a pair of crooks silently prepare for the perfect crime. First, the perpetrators steal a plain, white van, the kind that serial killers always use in the movies. Next, they proceed with workmanlike manner in purchasing various items such as a mattress, duct tape, and power tools. They line the bedroom walls of their dingy flat with insulation for sound proofing and install additional bolts and locks to the front door. They dress in matching outfits and black gloves before driving to their destination. Suddenly, they've wrapped some poor girl in a blanket and thrown her in the back of the van.

As we soon learn, the criminals are Vic (Eddie Marsan) and Danny (Martin Compston), partners who originally met while in prison. Danny is the young hotshot while Vic is the stone cold veteran. Their victim is one Alice Creed (Gemma Arterton), the daughter of a very wealthy man. Danny picked the girl and Vic has planned the entire operation down to every fine point. Vic and Danny tie Alice down to the bed, handcuffing her wrists to the bed post and placing a ball gag in her mouth. They strip her naked in order to take photos to send to her father. Once that's out of the way, Alice is dressed in a purple tracksuit then has a hood placed over her head. Vic and Danny exit the bedroom and dispose of all their clothing. Danny seems to be losing some of his nerve now that the girl is no longer "theoretical," but Vic sets him straight with a steadfast ruthlessness. The ransom from Alice's father will make them rich.

Anybody who's seen a good crime movie knows there's no such thing as the perfect crime. Twists and turns lie ahead as the film reveals more and more about the crooks and Alice, who is hardly the helpless lass the bad guys thought.

The Disappearance of Alice Creed marks the feature film debut for writer/director J Blakeson, whose most notable credit was as screenwriter of the direct-to-video sequel, The Descent: Part 2. The enigmatically named Blakeson keeps his direction simple without drowning the picture with a lot of flashy camera tricks. He allows the film to rest solely on the shoulders of his actors. The Scottish-born Compston (who has previously appeared in films like Red Road and The Damned United) does a good job of evolving his character beyond that of the rookie in over his head. However, it's Eddie Marsan who commands attention whenever he is on screen. Marsan has become a noted character actor following excellent turns in Happy Go Lucky and Sherlock Holmes. Here, Marsan comes across as an icy sociopath without resorting to cartoonish histrionics.

Blakeson keeps his focus on the villains in the first half of the movie with the title character serving as a supporting player. Usually, when the audience is asked to identify with the criminals, they are charming rogues as evidenced in the Ocean's franchise or the classic Rififi. Make no mistake about it; these guys will never be called charming. They are nasty, especially Vic.

Considering the film is named after her, it needs a capable actress to be Alice Creed. Blakeson has found his damsel in distress in Gemma Arterton. The lovely actress had only just appeared in Quantum of Solace when production began. Her star status rose this year following roles in the big-budget blockbusters Clash of the Titans and Prince of Persia. That's has certainly helped gain notice for Alice Creed, which debuted in 2009 at the London and Toronto Film Festivals. Arterton has a rough time of it in the first half as she's mainly restrained or blindfolded. In addition to the earlier nude scene, she's forced by her captors to pee in a pitcher while spread-eagled across the bed. To Blakeson's credit, he doesn't shoot these sequences in a salacious manner, but it's hard to completely leech away the inherent elements of exploitation cinema.

The Disappearance of Alice Creed is a bit of a mixed bag. Blakeson directs with a restrained assurance and the film starts off as a strong crime thriller. If only Blakeson had kept the script as clean as his direction. The plot suffers from a one too many left turns as the narrative becomes bogged down with shocking revelations. Alice Creed comes on strong, fizzles out and only just rights itself at the climax.

Rating: ** (*****)

Tangled

Tangled - Dirs. Nathan Greno & Byron Howard (2010)

Disney hits the big five oh with Tangled, their 50th feature length animated film released in theaters. They've released dozens of classics and some that should be forgotten (Treasure Planet, Chicken Little). Tangled may not rank among Disney's greatest efforts, but it's a fun film for the young and old.

Tangled is Disney's version of the famous fairy tale by the Brothers Grimm. You might be wondering why the House of Mouse didn't simply call it the more recognizable Rapunzel. Chalk that up to the ad wizards. Disney felt their previous picture, The Princess and the Frog, underperformed at the box office because boys didn't want to see a movie about princesses. Considering the studio reportedly spent a whopping $260 million on the picture, they definitely want to get their money's worth. So the marketing division put the focus on the dashing male lead and emphasized the film as an adventure story. However, make no mistake about it, Tangled still follows the classic Disney formula that has worked since Uncle Walt had the crazy idea to do Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. We've got our plucky princess heroine, a handsome love interest, an evil stepmother figure, wacky animal sidekicks, and plenty of musical numbers.

Tangled opens with a prologue involving a magical flower with the ability to rejuvenate. An old woman named Mother Gothel (Donna Murphy) finds the flower and uses it to make herself young again. When the King discovers the flower's existence, he sends his men to find it in order to save his wife when she grows weak during childbirth. The Queen is saved and the flower imbues the hair of their daughter, Rapunzel (Mandy Moore), with the same healing properties. Mother Gothel kidnaps Rapunzel and never cuts her hair lest it lose its wondrous power.

Years pass and it is now Rapunzel's eighteenth birthday. She has spent her entire life inside a tower and never allowed to leave. Mother Gothel has spun wild tales of the dangers lurking in the outside world in order to keep her "daughter" in line. However, Rapunzel's curiosity keeps her dreaming of what lies beyond her tower. Meanwhile, the notorious thief, Flynn Rider (Chuck's Zachary Levi), is being chased through the woods by the royal guard after robbing the castle. He takes refuge in the tower where he's knocked out by Rapunzel and her trusty frying pan. She eventually convinces the reluctant Rider to escort her to the royal kingdom.

As you'd expect from a Disney feature, the animation is absolutely gorgeous. Inspired by old oil paintings, the animators created a picture perfect storybook kingdom with a luscious forest. Ironically, a lot of work went into making the CGI resemble the hand drawn animation found in the classic Disney films of yesteryear. The facial expressions of the characters are incredibly detailed. Rapunzel, in particular, has a wide eyed sense of wonder and the animation for her hair is well done. It's a shame that the filmmakers didn't make better use of Rapunzel's long locks as the film progressed. They also don't do much to distinguish the lead characters beyond just perky princess and swashbuckling rogue. The antagonist, Mother Gothel, has to be one of the least memorable Disney villains in a long time. It's a disappointment from the same studio that created great baddies like Cruella De Vil and Gaston.

Equally forgettable are the tunes from long-time Disney composer Alan Menken and lyricist Glenn Slater (Home on the Range). Most of the songs seem to burst out as a requisite to the Disney formula rather than a natural extension of the story. The only number with any real energy is "I've Got a Dream," a hilarious musical sequence set in a seedy tavern for medieval thugs, some of whom are voiced by Jeffrey Tambor, Brad Garrett, and Jaws himself, Richard Kiel.

The show is actually stolen by the animal sidekicks, who aren't voiced by A-list celebrities this time around. There's Rapunzel's one and only friend, a feisty little chameleon named Pascal. There's also Maximus, a horse for the royal guard who pretty much steals the entire movie. Maximus is more police dog than handsome steed. He growls and snorts as he sniffs out the trail of Flynn Rider. He even punches him and draws a sword in a ludicrous duel.

Despite some stereotypical characters and a bland soundtrack, Tangled is a fun adventure that is beautifully animated. It's not an all-time classic, but a great effort from Disney.

Rating: *** (*****)

Burlesque

Burlesque - Dir. Steve Antin (2010)

When pop stars break into acting, it's usually not a pretty sight. One need not look any further than Mariah Carey in Glitter or Britney Spears in Crossroads. Christina Aguilera's big screen debut may not be very memorable, but it isn't nearly as dreadful.

The one-time Mouseketeer plays Ali, a small town girl from Iowa who hops on the bus to Los Angeles to fulfill her dreams of stardom. She pounds pavement going from one fruitless audition to another until she comes across The Burlesque Lounge on the Sunset Strip. She's immediately floored by the exquisite costumes and elaborate dance numbers. Ali is desperate for a job there, but is turned down flat by the club's owner Tess (Cher). She finds some sympathy from Tess's gay best friend, Sean (Stanley Tucci), and the handsome bartender, Jack (Cam Gigandet), who gives her a job as a waitress. She eventually impresses Tess enough to become a dancer, earning enmity from the club's previous centerpiece, the jealous and alcoholic Nikki (Kristen Bell). The girls, with the exception of Tess, are called on to merely lip synch the tunes. An act of sabotage by Nikki backfires allowing Ali to show off her "mutant lungs" for a rendition of Etta James' "Tough Lover." Just like that she becomes the new star attraction.

Meanwhile, Tess is fighting to save the club when she falls behind on mortgage payments. Her ex-husband and business partner, Vince (Peter Gallagher), is pressuring her to sell out to real estate mogul, Marcus Gerber (Eric Dane). The exceedingly rich Marcus has his eyes on not just the club, but on Ali as well. Our plucky heroine is ensnared in a love triangle between the kind-hearted Jack and the high life that only Marcus can give her.

Burlesque was directed by Steve Antin, the brother of Pussycat Dolls founder, Robin Antin. It's clear where Antin's influences lie as he apes Bob Fosse and Rob Marshall in the staging of his dance numbers. These are showy sequences reminiscent of Cabaret and Chicago. Speaking of which Alan Cumming, who played the Emcee in the 1998 Broadway production of Cabaret, essentially reprises the role here in a glorified cameo. The guys at the Lounge wear bowlers and eyeliner while looking like metrosexual versions of the Droogs from A Clockwork Orange. Though the film is called Burlesque and is set in a burlesque club, there's not a lot of actual burlesque involved aside from a toned down fan dance. Nobody gets naked and the outfits stay well within the realm of the PG-13 rating.

Antin also received sole credit for the screenplay, which was worked on at various times by Diablo Cody (Juno), Susannah Grant (Erin Brockovich), and John Patrick Shanley (Moonstruck, which earned Cher an Oscar for Best Actress). The results are a hodgepodge of clichés as we follow the journey of a young waif through the seductive world of Hollywood. It's predictable and chock full of corny lines like, "I held back your hair while you threw up everything, but your memories." There's an earnestness to each scene as everyone takes things deadly serious rather than playing up the obvious camp qualities.

Nobody goes to see a movie like Burlesque for a deeply moving script, they go for the music. Aguilera and Cher are more than capable of carrying the soundtrack with their powerful vocals, but the songs themselves don't feel worthy of their talents. None of them stick in your head or have you humming them on the drive home. The only tune that sticks out is an odd concoction that samples Marilyn Manson's "Beautiful People."

As the lead, Aguilera is never called upon to do anything demanding in terms of acting. She's there to sing, dance, and look good. Don't expect a transformation from Plain Jane, she's glamorous from the beginning and becomes even more glamorous as the film progresses. However, Burlesque utterly belongs to Cher and Stanley Tucci, who steal the movie whenever they're onscreen together.

While your intrepid film critic was unimpressed by the trite Burlesque, some of my fellow audience members were hooting and hollering at the garish spectacle. This one is strictly for fans of Xtina and Cher.

Rating: * ½ (*****)

The Kingdom

The Kingdom - Dir. Peter Berg (2007)

2007 was quite the year for politically charged movies. Hollywood dealt out their own liberal views on the war in the Middle East with films like In the Valley of Elah and Rendition. All three films received mixed reviews and raked in tepid box office revenue. The Kingdom followed suit using some of those same themes which isn´t surprising as screenwriter Matthew Carnahan also write Lions for Lambs. But, The Kingdom dials down the politics while upping the mayhem. It polishes up those hot-button topics with the glossy sheen that only a big-budget blockbuster can.

The film opens with a Cliff Notes quickie rundown history of the Saudi Arabia and its relationship with the U.S. Next, we're taken to a housing complex for oil company employees in the Saudi capital city of Riyadh. The residents are enjoying an afternoon softball game when two terrorists, wearing Saudi State Police uniforms, attack. They open fire on anyone and every house in their path drawing the real police. In the ensuing chaos, a suicide bomber, also in a stolen uniform, triggers an explosion killing himself and everyone in close proximity. However, these attacks are only the tip of the iceberg. The terrorists used these initial attacks to lure in first-responder teams and over a hundred people are killed in the following, and much larger, explosion. Among the victims was the FBI´s lead agent in Saudi Arabia, Special Agent Francis Manner (Kyle Chandler).

Special Agent Ronald Fleury (Jamie Foxx) has the unenviable task of bringing the terrorists to justice for the death of his friend and the others killed. He finds his hands tied as the Saudi royal family is reluctant to allow an FBI team into the country. They do not want to seem dependent on the Americans nor do they want more killed on their soil. The U.S. State Department is in agreement and refuses to authorize Fleury´s requests. Fleury turns to some back-room chicanery and blackmail to get the Saudis to open up the doors. He´s immediately on his way to Riyadh with an investigation team that consists of Special Agents Janet Mayes (Jennifer Garner), Adam Leavitt (Jason Bateman), and explosives expert Grant Sykes (Chris Cooper).

Once arriving in Riyadh, they find their investigation hindered by the Saudis. Fleury and company are no more than observers. They watch as the Saudi officials unknowingly contaminate the crime scene and overlook vital evidence. They are forced to live and sleep in a gym under lock and key. They are dogged at every step by Col. Faris Al-Ghazi (Ashraf Barhom), the head of security at the complex who has been relegated to babysitter for the Americans. Even the U.S. Embassy, in the form of Deputy Chief of Mission Damon Schmidt (Jeremy Piven), wants them on a plane and back home as quickly as possible. Fed up, Fleury does some more wheeling and dealing and the Saudi royals give him the green light to take over the investigation.

It´s at this point that the story finally kicks in as the film becomes "CSI: Saudi Arabia." While many reviews felt that these scenes were tedious, I disagree. I thought it was interesting seeing the FBI agents work the crime scene within the strict confines of Saudi laws and culture. In one scene, Agent Mayes upsets a pair of Saudi officers while trying to simply lift a corpse´s fingerprints. She is not allowed to touch the dead body of a Muslim. It´s disappointing that the procedural aspects give way to bullet-riddled action spectacle. The final third section of the picture features the heroes engaging in a harrowing gun battle with the perpetrators. It´s a shame that the filmmakers decided that the bad guys would be brought down at the end of a gun barrel rather than through detective work. I will say that the climactic action sequences are incredibly well-done, especially the final showdown. Director Peter Berg has proven he pull off stylish action following his work on the incredibly fun, The Rundown. Here, he brings that same flair to The Kingdom and it´s in line with the work of producer Michael Mann. Unfortunately, Berg tends to rely on shaky handheld shots, a technique which is has become a tiresome trend. What would be is to keep the camera steady and let us actually see what´s happening without getting a migraine.

The cast is strong, but their acting isn´t anything special. Foxx brings the same macho, tough-guy act he brought to Miami Vice and Garner is basically Sydney Bristow-lite. Cooper has some good scenes with a country fried good ol´ boy act that would do Tommy Lee Jones proud. Bateman tends to be a bit grating with his constant one-liners while Piven simply shows up and does his Ari Gold shtick. Really, the best performances come not from the headliners, but from two relatively unknown Palestinian actors, Barhom as Col. Al-Ghazi, and Ali Suliman as Sgt. Haytham. Filling out the supporting cast are Danny Huston (who pulls off an unconvincing Southern accent) as the attorney general, Frances Fisher as a reporter, Richard Jenkins as FBI Director Grace, along with cameos by Minka Kelly, Ashley Scott, and country singer Tim McGraw.

Many have labeled The Kingdom a jingoistic piece of cinema and it´s hard to disagree. Putting aside politics, the film is slipshod in its approach to storytelling. The first act of the film deals with political maneuvering; the middle act is a procedural investigation, while the final act takes the form of a slam-bang action movie. The film's zero-sum view on the war isn't as profound as it seems to think it is. The Kingdom does try to paint some Saudis in a positive light through a hackneyed friendship between Fleury and Al-Ghazi. At least, the filmmakers stopped short of having the two characters swap family photos. There´s nothing particularly special about The Kingdom that you should go out of your way to see it, but it´s worth a watch if you just want a flick to see while eating a tub of buttery popcorn.

Rating: ** ½ (*****)

Love and Other Drugs

Love and Other Drugs - Dir. Edward Zwick (2010)

Sometimes I just don't understand the strange decisions made by Hollywood executives. Love and Other Drugs had all the makings of an interesting film centered on a very timely concept. The film was based on the non-fiction book, Hard Sell: The Evolution of a Viagra Salesman, written by Jamie Reidy, a former pharmaceutical salesman. With health care being a hot button topic, it seems like the perfect time for an inside look at the pharmaceutical industry. Instead, the studio plays it safe and whitewashes the story into yet another banal romantic comedy.

Jake Gyllenhaal plays Jamie Randall, a med school dropout who has just been fired from his job in retail electronics after boning the boss's girlfriend in the stock room. Jamie quickly gets a job shilling medication with the corporate juggernaut known as Pfizer. In the pharmaceutical game, medical knowledge is hardly a necessity, but good looks and a winning personality are everything. A dizzying montage shows candidates memorizing sales pitches and dancing the Macarena at a garish orientation. Jamie aspires for the bigger market of Chicago, but gets the accounts in Iowa instead. There, he's to push Zoloft, an anti-depressant that is a distant second in sales to the more renowned Prozac. He shamelessly flirts with the receptionists to get his foot in the door and offers bribes to various doctors. Fortunes rise (pun slightly intended) with the creation of Viagra and Jamie leaps at the opportunity, "Who can sell a dick drug better than me?"

While pretending to be an intern, he meets Maggie Murdock (Anne Hathaway), a patient suffering from stage one Parkinson's disease. Jamie inadvertently glimpses her breast and gets pummeled in the parking lot when Maggie finds out he's a drug rep. Only in the movies does this ignite a star-crossed romance. At first, both parties are only interested in empty sex, but true feelings develop to complicate their relationship. Jamie worries about how he'll care for Maggie when her condition inevitably deteriorates while Maggie is concerned about holding Jamie's career back.

Love and Other Drugs feels like four or five different movies stitched together in a haphazard manner. The film starts off strong with an engaging first act that serves as a satire of the pharmaceutical industry. Once Maggie is introduced the story veers into the territory of a standard romantic comedy. When the Parkinson's subplot is emphasized, Other Drugs becomes a weepy melodrama similar to the all-time cheesy classic Love Story. The sentimental portion does provide one of the few genuine moments of the picture when Maggie leaves a medical convention for a support group for those afflicted with Parkinson's. Topping it all off is a heavy element of raunchiness straight out of the Apatow comedy playbook. The film's stars get naked frequently and there are the requisite boner jokes involving Viagra. They've also brought in Josh Gad, who acts like the love child of Jonah Hill and Jack Black, as Jamie's lazy brother. Every word out of his mouth is an annoying and horribly unfunny attempt at lowbrow humor. On the other hand, Gyllenhaal and his Brokeback Mountain beard Anne Hathaway are both good in the lead roles as is Gabriel Macht as a rival salesman. However, Judy Greer is underutilized as are George Segal and the late-Jill Clayburgh, who only appear in one scene as Jamie's parents.

Love and Other Drugs is a different kind of film from director Edward Zwick, who helmed Glory and The Last Samurai, but it fits right in with thirtysomething, the sappy and soapy television series he produced back in the early-90's. This is a completely disjointed affair that fails to find any semblance of balance between light comedy and heavy drama.

Rating: * ½ (*****)

Faster

Faster - Dir. George Tillman Jr. (2010)

Faster marks the welcome return of Dwayne Johnson to the action genre after a string of family friendly films like Race to Witch Mountain and Tooth Fairy. Faster is a throwback to the gritty movies of the 70's as evidenced by a taciturn protagonist painted in shades of gray and his vintage muscle car. Johnson has admitted to studying Clint Eastwood to portray the hero who lets his gun do all the talking for him.

Faster opens with Johnson being released from prison after serving ten years. Once out, he jogs to a nearby junkyard where he finds a 1970 Chevy Chevelle stashed under a tarp. A revolver is waiting for him in the glove compartment along with a list of targets. Johnson stomps into an office building and shoots a telemarketer right in the head. It is only then that Johnson is identified as simply Driver.

As it turns out the telemarketer deserved to die for something other than just being a telemarketer (Courtney Gains). Driver and his brother (Matt Gerald) were part of a bank robbing crew that was ambushed by another gang. The brother was murdered and Driver was shot in the head. Miraculously, he survived and embarks on a path of vengeance against the men who killed his beloved brother. The telemarketer was just the first on the list. As for the others, some have seemingly reformed while others are just as nasty as ever.

Faster is a simple enough premise. It's a lean, mean revenge movie with Johnson looking so jacked; you would think he was making a return to the wrestling ring. Tillman directs with a clean hand without ever drowning the action in overly stylish visuals. If only the script by Tony & Joe Gayton (who penned the underrated The Salton Sea) had followed suit. The story splits its focus from the Driver and towards a pair of antagonists that stand in the way of his mission. Billy Bob Thornton plays Cop, a burnt out detective just ten days away from retirement. He juggles his hunt for the Driver with a heroin addiction and an estranged wife (Moon Bloodgood). Cop's relationship with his insecure, overweight son recalls Thornton's darkly comic turn in Bad Santa. Cop is partnered with Det. Cicero (Carla Gugino) who is barely tolerant of his slovenly manner.

On the other side of the law is Killer (Oliver Jackson-Cohen), a hitman with a British accent and a colorful backstory. It's gleaned that Killer has shaped his mind and body to perfection. A thrillseeker and former software wunderkind who has turned his fortunes to the art of murder for hire. He lives in an ultramodern mansion with his girlfriend, Lily (Maggie Grace), who shares his love of assault weapons. Killer stalks his prey while conversing with his therapist on his Bluetooth headset. He's a wild, out-of-left-field character that feels like he's been dropped in from a completely different film. Just as you're getting into the Driver's ass-kicking quest, Faster takes you on a detour into the personal lives of Cop and Killer. This three-pronged assault doesn't allot the screen time that the lead character deserves.

Despite a lack of focus, Faster is a passable actioner, one content to play with the archetypes of the genre rather than reinvent them. It's a slower paced, less stylish affair compared to The Rundown, but it's a damn sight better than the atrocious Doom.

Rating: ** (*****)

127 Hours

127 Hours - Dir. Danny Boyle (2010)

The maximalist meets the minimalist in Danny Boyle's 127 Hours, the follow-up to 2008's Best Picture winner, Slumdog Millionaire. Boyle has the tough task of cinematically chronicling the harrowing ordeal of Aron Ralston, a hiker who was forced to amputate his own arm after being pinned down by a boulder.

127 Hours is a veritable one-man show centered on James Franco as the free-spirited Ralston whose life is about to be forever changed, building from a series of innocuous decisions. Ralson wakes early in the morning to prepare for a hiking trip through Utah's Monument Valley, the site of many classic John Ford Westerns. He can't find his trusty Swiss army knife and he neglects to answer a phone call from his mother (Kate Burton). He does manage to grab a few supplies like a microwave burrito, a bottle of water, digital camera, and a camcorder. Ralston rips through the desert on his mountain bike with a mile wide grin on his face. Nothing seems to get him down. Even when he crashes his bike, he laughs it off and snaps a picture of himself.

While walking the trail, he comes across a pair of cute girls (Amber Tamblyn & Kate Mara) who are lost. Ralson gladly acts as their guide. The trio squeezes through a narrow canyon that leads to a beautiful underground lake. After parting ways, Ralston attempts to traverse another crevice, one far less imposing, and slips on a rock. When the dust settles, Ralston finds that his right arm has been crushed in between the rock and the canyon wall. He's in the middle of nowhere and has neglected to inform anyone of his whereabouts. He tries desperately to free himself even jury rigging a pulley system with his climbing role and harness to no avail. Trapped for five days, Ralston is forced to do the unthinkable in order to survive. To Boyle's credit, he does not shy away from the incredibly graphic details in order to convey the seriousness of the man cutting off his own arm. Without his Swiss army knife, Ralston turns to a cheap and dull knock-off made in China. Though in real life, the act took Ralston approximately 45 minutes, the sequence only lasts around 3 minutes in the film. Needless to say, those of you with a weak stomach should avert their eyes. It's been reported that a few audience members at early screeners fainted at the grisly sight.

When focused solely on Ralston, Boyle's direction takes a claustrophobic direction with tight close-ups of James Franco pushed uncomfortably against the corner of the frame. The camcorder is used by Ralston as both a distraction and a confessional. Franco shines in these moments as even the direst of straits cannot extinguish his natural charm. In one of the film's best scenes, Ralston hosts a mock talk show with himself as host and guest. As the chance for survival becomes increasingly slim, Ralston can only assess his situation with a glib and succinct, "Oops." Where there are highs, there are lows and Franco is equally adept at portraying a man with a zest for life coming to grips with his mortality.

It's a difficult proposition to build a feature-length movie around a solitary character within a confined location. Films like Open Water, Frozen, and Buried have tried to similar stories with mixed results. Boyle manages to keep things fresh with his kinetic directing style. He opens 127 Hours with a split screen sequence that bluntly juxtaposes Ralston beginning his journey with throngs of people crammed together as they head off to work. Moving to Monument Valley, Boyle goes for long shots of his lead against the majestic open spaces. He allows us to revel in it before constricting the film. As Ralston grows weaker due to the elements and a lack of food and water, he escapes into a realm of flashbacks and fantasies. He imagines himself leaping to freedom as if he were Superman. There's even an amusing hallucination involving an inflatable Scooby Doo. Ralston leads us through happier moments in his life with his family (Treat Williams and Lizzy Caplan appear briefly as his father and sister) and reveals regrets with an ex-girlfriend (Cleméncé Poésy). Boyle and screenwriter Simon Beaufoy do a fine job of weaving these sequences into the narrative without feeling like superfluous padding.

However, Boyle forgets to put on the brakes from time to time. The perfect example comes when Ralston realizes he has a limited supply of water. Boyle whips the camera across the desert and back to Ralston's car where an unopened bottle of Gatorade rests. It's a clever and comical moment that Boyle overcooks by immediately going into a montage of soda commercials. The camera tricks are alternately invigorating and detracting, as if Boyle did not possess the patience needed to keep us in that tiny spot. 127 Hours is at its best when it is pure and undiluted, focusing intimately on Franco's raw performance.

Rating: *** (*****)

Eat Pray Love

Eat Pray Love - Dir. Ryan Murphy (2010)

To say Elizabeth Gilbert's globe-trotting memoir, Eat Pray Love, was a smash hit would be an understatement. It was pimped by Oprah Winfrey and translated into over thirty languages.. It also spawned a slew of merchandise like Eat Pray Love jewelry, Eat Pray Love journals, Eat Pray Love perfume, and even Eat Pray Love lip gloss. No word on Eat Pray Love: The Flamethrower. Obviously it touched a nerve with women around the world and a feature film version was inevitable.

Julia Roberts plays the on-screen version of Gilbert, a freelance journalist stuck in an unhappy marriage with her husband, Steven (Billy Crudup). After the divorce, she engages in a rebound relationship with a sensitive young actor named David (James Franco). Still not content, Gilbert wants to go on a year long quest to find herself and her sympathetic publisher (Viola Davis) provides an advance to cover expenses.

The first leg of the journey takes her to Rome where she indulges in rich Italian cuisine. She even learns Italian from a hunk with the unlikely name of Luca Spaghetti. After four months of food, wine, and friends, Gilbert heads to India where she'll meditate in an ashram for the 'Pray' section of her adventure. Here, she meets Tulsi (Rushita Singh), a young girl readying for an arranged marriage, and Richard (Richard Jenkins), a recovering alcoholic from Texas who imparts barbs of wisdom on the soul-searching protagonist. After another four months, Gilbert concludes her voyage in Bali in order to study with a ninth-generation medicine man (Hadi Subiyanto) she met on an earlier trip. It is here that Gilbert hopes to find a balance between life and spirituality when the 'Love' portion of the film kicks in. She falls for an exceedingly swarthy Javier Bardem as a Brazilian businessman and fellow divorcee.

As a 30-year old male, I am hardly the targeted audience for Eat Pray Love. I haven't read the original book either. I'm sure there are plenty of reasons why it managed to captivate its audience enough to stay on the New York Times bestseller list for 187 weeks. Whatever the reasons, it didn't come across in the big-screen adaptation. The film's failures certainly don't fall on the shoulders of the cast. Julia Roberts does a great job of being Julia Roberts. When you hire her for the lead, it's because she's the embodiment of the beautiful Hollywood starlet and she can connect with movie-goers. Billy Crudup, James Franco, and Javier Bardem are all good as the men in her life, despite being relatively thin roles. Viola Davis and Richard Jenkins bring an additional layer of gravitas whenever they are present. Davis always seems to carry things to another level no matter how small her parts are. In Jenkins' case, his speech about the reasons why he's at the ashram is engrossing and nearly hijacks the entire movie.

The problem is the film lacks the raw substance necessary to truly latch onto it. Ryan Murphy, the creator of Nip/Tuck and Glee, directed the picture and co-wrote the script with Jennifer Salt. He does a fair job technically, but is unable to imbue the story with any sort of genuine emotional resonance. When we first meet Gilbert, all we know is that she is unhappy for whatever vague reasons. Once Eat Pray Love launches into a series of exotic locations, it becomes a cross between a travelogue and a reality show on Food Network. It's hard to sympathize with a well-to-do New Yorker who's getting paid to go on vacation. Someone who's biggest problem seems to be being unable to fit into her jeans after eating too much pizza. As the film concludes in Bali, it shifts into a standard romantic comedy as Roberts and Bardem pull a meet cute after he nearly runs her over. The conclusion flies in the face of the one of the film's central themes. Gilbert had defined herself based on her relationships and learned she didn't need a man to be happy. So of course, she finds one to literally ride off into the sunset with. Finally, the film is just way too long, clocking in at 133 minutes with a 146 minute director's cut hitting DVD and Blu-Ray. There's just too much eating, praying, and loving.

Eat Pray Love is a shiny, polished production set in good-looking locations populated by good-looking people. It's a chick flick through and through, but one that is not nearly as soulless as the Sex and the City movies. I'm sure someone else will give it three or four stars, but I didn't find it nearly as appetizing.

Rating: * ½ (*****)

Life as We Know It

Life as We Know It - Dir. Greg Berlanti (2010)

Katherine Heigl doesn't seem to have a problem biting the hand that feeds her. She made digs at the writing staff of Grey's Anatomy and lambasted Knocked Up for its sexist themes, despite the fact that the film made her a movie star. Ironically, Heigl would participate in features that were far more misogynistic and insipid. She's frequently cast as the shrill and vapid control freak in a continuing stream of empty-headed romantic comedies. Life as We Know It isn't any different as Heigl once again plays an uptight professional woman who is thrust into motherhood with an emotionally immature man-child.

Heigl is Holly Berenson, the owner of a bakery and catering service, who is best friends with Alison Novak (Christina Hendricks). Josh Duhamel is the subtly named Eric Messer, a technical director for the Atlanta Hawks, who is best friends with Alison's husband, Peter (Hayes MacArthur). The Novaks figure their long-time buddies would make the perfect couple and set them up on what turns out to be a disastrous blind date. Holly wears a slinky cocktail dress. Messer is dressed in a leather jacket and tattered baseball cap. She drives a Smart Car. He rides a motorcycle. Oh, how will it ever work out? Well, it doesn't at first.

Two years later, Peter and Alison are killed in a car accident. They leave custody of their 1-year old daughter, Sophia, to the bewildered Holly and Messer. The newfound parents have a difficult time balancing their work and social lives with raising a baby. Holly and Messer may smart and successful people, but one dirty diaper later, they're suddenly bumbling idiots. One montage later though and suddenly they've turned things around and slowly realize just how much they match up as a family.

Life as We Know It is on the level of a bad sitcom. It's like a pilot for a throwback to the TGIF line-up. The film is full of stock characters that get into stock situations that are easily solved as sappy music plays in the background. Life is stepped in rom-com clichés with Holly romancing a good-looking pediatrician (Josh Lucas) who acts as the third wheel in the relationship. He's the nice, bland guy who gets dumped for the leading man. There's an extremely forced, second act complication that breaks the couple apart just so they can have another idiotic scene where one character rushes to the airport to catch the other before it's too late. The humor is equally inane with scenes of Heigl getting poop on her face and watching The Wiggles while stoned.

Life as We Know It is overly sentimental drivel, but it's harmless, sentimental drivel and that's the nicest, backhanded compliment I can pay it.

Rating: * (*****)