Catch .44 is proudly advertised as a film done in "the tradition of The Usual Suspects and Pulp Fiction." These were two of the most critically acclaimed films to come out of the mid-90's. The only thing Catch .44 has in common with them is that it feels like a movie that might have been released over fifteen years ago after Quentin Tarantino hit it big and a whole slew of wannabe filmmakers began aping his approach with stylish crime films about cool gangsters spewing hip dialogue.
Catch .44 begins with a trio of bad girls named Tes (Malin Akerman), Dawn (Deborah Ann Woll from True Blood), and Kara (Nikki Reed from the other vampire saga, Twilight) having a conversation in a diner in the middle of nowhere, Louisiana. The gals are waiting for their boss Mel (Bruce Willis), who wants them to stick up a drug shipment being run by a rival gangster. When he doesn't show up at the specified time, they draw guns and initiate a shootout. The story flashes back to how our heroines got to the diner as well as delving into the background of their leader Tes. Meanwhile, an odd hitman named Ronny (Forest Whitaker) has killed a local deputy, swiped his uniform, and is making his way to the diner.
As it turns out, Tes used to be a waitress at a sleazy strip club where she earned extra cash by swiping the wallets of the clientele. She gains the attentions of Mel, the club's owner, who puts her to work in some vague capacity. How she moves from pickpocket to gun-toting enforcer is never really explained. Instead, the narrative sprinkles in these flashbacks while showing more and more of the shootout, which culminates in an extended and poorly staged Mexican standoff.
The cast also included Brad Dourif as the town sheriff, Shea Wigham as the cook, and Smallville's Michael Rosenbaum as an obnoxious club patron.
Catch .44 doesn't get off to a strong start with Malin Akerman pontificating about faking it and women trying to live in "man land." The scene is a pretty blatant ripoff of the diner scenes from Reservoir Dogs and Death Proof. At least, Tarantino was clever enough to write dialogue about Madonna or some obscure 1970's television show. First-time writer/director Aaron Harvey cannot come up with anything more interesting than lines about leaving the toilet seat up. The QT imitation continues as Harvey introduces his main characters via freeze frame and bold yellow titles lifted right out of Kill Bill or Inglourious Basterds. Harvey also drowns his film with familiar pop songs by the Raveonettes and the Kills. And, yes, he uses "U.R.A. Fever," which seems to appear in every other movie these days. Harvey also chooses the not-so-subtle "Queen Bitch" by David Bowie for Tes's intro. In a bizarre bit of kismet, Tes purchases a cassette copy of Bruce Willis's The Return of Bruno from a gas station and jams out to "Respect Yourself." Apparently, the joke was written into the script long before the filmmakers ever dreamed of casting Willis in the picture.
Speaking of John McClane, he looks rather bizarre as Mel the mobster. Sporting a bleached blonde soul patch and bad skin complexion, Mel struts around his mansion in a bathrobe while munching on pecans. That perfectly sums up just how deep the characterizations are in Catch .44. Everything is thinly sketched out with quirks and tics in place of fleshed out personality traits. For example, Ronny speaks with a faux Tony Montana accent while Kara always has her earbuds on.
Imagine if someone took the diner segment from Pulp Fiction and expanded it into a full-length movie, but sapped it of any life or originality. Wait, you don't have to Aaron Harvey did just that with Catch .44, a derivative direct-to-video bore that could have been cut and pasted from the pages Tarantino tossed into his recycle bin.
Rating: * (*****)
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