Ghosts of Girlfriends Past

Ghosts of Girlfriends Past - Dir. Mark Waters (2009)

Please understand I only saw this damn movie because I promised to take my sister to see it. I did not go to this fucking film of my own volition.

Matthew McConaughey showed promise once. He had a memorable turn as stoner David Wooderson in Richard Linklater’s Dazed and Confused. He had another strong performance as a small town sheriff in John Sayles’ Lone Star. Since then, McConaughey has been content to coast on his good looks, insufferable smirk, and Southwestern drawl through one god-awful picture after another. His most recent efforts include the festering turds that were Fool’s Gold and Surfer, Dude. At least he seemed to have some fun with his image in Tropic Thunder as Ben Stiller’s agent, a role originally meant for Owen Wilson.

McConaughey headlines yet another romantic comedy, playing up the cocky man-whore character that studios seem to believe audiences will flock to. This time around he stars as Connor Mead, a superstar photographer, in this modern day take on Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol. In the film’s opening moments, we immediately learn the depths of Mead’s douchebaggery. He strips a girl’s clothes off then has an archer shoot an apple off her head with a bow & arrow for a magazine cover, all without her consent. Mead STILL manages to worm his way into her panties even while he’s dumping three other girlfriends during a webcam conference call.

He returns home for his younger brother Paul’s (Breckin Meyer) wedding and is reunited with childhood friend Jenny Perotti (Jennifer Garner). There’s plenty of sexual tension between the two and an obvious flame carried by both, though neither would admit to it. After a few drinks, Mead spews some rhetoric condemning the concept of love and the institution of marriage. While taking a leak, he’s visited by the ghost of his late Uncle Walt, a loathsome lothario, played wonderfully by Michael Douglas as a cross between Hugh Hefner and Robert Evans. Uncle Walt is the Jacob Marley of the picture and warns Mead that he’ll be visited by three ghosts in order to save him from his loveless life of one-night stands. During one ghostly visit, we get a glimpse of the Walt Chamberlain level of boning Mead has devoted his life to as he sees every single woman he ever slept with. Taking into account the law of averages, it's a miracle he hasn't caught herpes, genital warts or even a bad case of the crabs.

Of course, Mead’s playboy image is a mask to hide his insecurities and fear of being hurt. We get the obligatory fight between the leads even though they’ll wind up in the end. It’s all so formulaic that I wonder if there were actual screenwriters typing this out or if they didn’t just cut and paste it from a bunch of other scripts. Looking at their credits on IMDB, writers Jon Lucas & Scott Moore were also involved in the stinkfest known as Four Christmases. So we have another cinematic abortion to blame them for.

Girlfriends Past isn’t a total loss. Jennifer Garner does her best even if her character is bogged down by uninventive and unconvincing displays of wit. Miss Garner does deserve better than to be trapped in the hell that is the female lead in every romantic comedy (AKA Meg Ryan). The film is saved by Douglas and another pair of funny supporting performances. The first from Emma Stone as the nerdy ghost of girlfriends past and the second by Robert Forster as a retired military man and father of the bride.

Rating: * 1/2

State of Play

State of Play - Dir. Kevin Macdonald (2009)

Just like Steven Soderbergh’s Traffic, State of Play was based on a BBC mini-series. Having not seen the origin British production, I can’t speculate as to how the American remake matches up to it. I will say that State of Play is a perfectly acceptable thriller that tries to evoke the themes of 70’s classics such as All the President’s Men with a hint of The Parallax View.

State of Play begins with a young African-American male with a history of drug problems and felonies being murdered in an alley late at night. The police probably would have let this one fade away if not for a bicyclist witnessing the shooting and also being killed. Cal McCaffrey (Russell Crowe) is the veteran reporter assigned to the case by the Washington Globe and his tough-as-nails editor Cameron Lynne (Helen Mirren). That very morning, Sonia Baker (Maria Thayer), the beautiful aide to Congressman Stephen Collins (Ben Affleck) is killed in a supposed accident on a subway platform. Collins is a rising star in political circles as he heads an investigative committee looking into the inner workings of PointCorp, a private security firm and obvious stand-in for Blackwater. Young and handsome, he’s the type of TV-friendly politico that John F. Kennedy Jr. may have been if not for his premature death. Alas, Collins is more John Edwards than John John as it comes out he was having an affair with Baker. Robin Wright Penn plays Collins’ dutiful wife, Anne, who reluctantly chooses to stand by her man for the big press conferences.

McCaffrey was once Collins’ roommate in college and it’s hinted at that he also had an affair with Anne years ago. Lynne wants to use McCaffrey’s relationship with the tarnished congressman to assist in the story being written up by the Globe’s online blogger, Della Frye (Rachel McAdams). McCaffrey and Frye begin working together in an adversarial capacity. The elder journalist feels she is a glorified gossip monger and can’t stand that she has a high-tech laptop and doesn’t seem to own a pen. Eventually she takes on a mentor role and teaches her to get out from behind a desk and use old-fashioned legwork to get the scoop.

Though the film takes a uniquely American point-of-view to the proceedings, it is the Scottish Kevin Macdonald (The Last King of Scotland) who helms the picture. Macdonald is backed up by a script written up by a team of crackerjack screenwriters all of whom are well-equipped to handle these ripped-from-the-headlines, twisty turny story. Among those who contributed to the script include Matthew Michael Carnahan (The Kingdom, Lions For Lambs), Tony Gilroy (Michael Clayton), Billy Ray (Breach, Shattered Glass), plus an uncredited rewrite from Peter Morgan (The Queen, Frost/Nixon). They manage to find some balance between the wealth of characters and subplots. There are a few bumps in the road that may take you by surprise and a few you can see coming. Perhaps, the weakest point in the film is the third act resolution which tries to fit in a few too many twists while wrapping all the dangling plotlines far too neatly.

The political scandals may make up the meat of the story, but the underlying themes of print versus online media are a far more fascinating aspect to State of Play. The clash between the old-school and the new-school. Further on point is the added effect of the economic slump to the financial viability of the newspaper. My local paper, the San Diego Union-Tribune, recently laid off just under 200 workers following similar layoffs last year. Filmmakers added an extra layer of resonance as we watch the latest headlines move through the massive printing press on its way to the public. If only there were a lame-legged newsie hawking copies on the local street corner, shouting ”Extry, extry.”

During early development, Brad Pitt and Edward Norton were attached to the roles of McCaffrey and Collins, respectively. We may not have gotten a Fight Club reunion, but Russell Crowe is more believable as the weary, slovenly McCaffrey than Pitt. It’s not a surprising role for Crowe following similar ones in American Gangster and Body of Lies. Affleck has the good looks for Collins, yet lacks the range of Norton to bring the character truly to life. Some of his line readings are flat. The best performances out of the A-list ensemble belong to supporting players Jason Bateman as a sleazy, drug-addled PR man and Jeff Daniels as an oily elder statesman.

State of Play isn’t the ingenious thriller the cast and crew had hoped it would be. It is, however, a popcorn film for those seeking something deeper than expensive CGI and loud explosions.

Rating: ***

Crank: High Voltage

Crank: High Voltage - Dirs. Neveldine/Taylor (2009)


He was dead…but then he got better.

Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor will never be confused with other dynamic directorial duos like the Coen Brothers. The films of Neveldine/Taylor are for the generation who shotgun Red Bulls for all-night sessions of Grand Theft Auto. The trash cinema tag team made their debuts with Crank, the closest a movie has ever come to being a live-action adaptation of a video game. Though it wasn’t based on any existing game, it unashamedly basked in the conventions of ultra-violent shooters and low-grade action flicks. Their next film, Gamer, appears to be a flawless fusion of the genres. The sequel to their first movie, Crank: High Voltage, provides more of the same.

The ever-grimacing Jason Statham returns as hitman Chev Chelios. In the first film, he was poisoned by Chinese gangsters and had to keep his adrenaline pumping in order to stave off the effects of the drugs. Chelios caused all kinds of mayhem and ran afoul of the Chinese, Latino gangbangers, and L.A. law enforcement. Despite falling out of a helicopter at the end of the original, someone apparently hit the continue button and Chelios is back. This time around, black marketers are planning on harvesting his organs and replaced his heart with an artificial one to keep him alive. Chelios breaks out and must keep his new ticker electrically charged. This means smashing people in the face while hooking jumper cables to his nipples. He even attempts to dry hump an old lady to cause static electricity.

Those of you expecting a subtle, heartwarming night at the movies must have wandered into the wrong theater. Crank: High Voltage is an assault on the senses with its hyperkinetic camerawork and whiplash style editing. There’s tons of nudity including a shootout in a strip club. One dancer gets shot in the implants causing them to ooze silicone. We also get an extended rapid-fire sex scene between Statham and Amy Smart (as Chelios’s girlfriend Eve) in the middle of a horse racetrack. An attempted girl-on-girl sex scene tells you exactly the audience they’re going for. Throw in a Godzilla-inspired Kaiju battle and this Crank sequel is the perfect fix for any pop culture junkie.

Though Crank: High Voltage can be a fun, no-holds barred action picture, it can also be unbearably embarrassing. Neveldine and Taylor obviously have a shallow bag of tricks and they dip into the same gags over and over again. Multiple characters are struck in the groin on numerous, painful occasions. A member of the supporting cast suffers from full body Tourette’s syndrome and goes into convulsions out of nowhere. These bits are mildly amusing at first, but get annoying when repeated ad nauseum. To top things off, Bai Ling (as a ‘Me so horny’ hooker) and David Carradine (as an old Chinese crime boss) play roles so stereotypical that they set Asians back by a hundred years. Mickey Rooney in Breakfast at Tiffany’s was far kinder to the image of Asians everywhere.

I’ll give Neveldine/Taylor credit for going straight for the jugular with their Crank films. They won’t win any awards with high society, but if you’re looking for a pure, unadulterated B-movie experience you can’t go wrong with a Crank double feature. Statham may not be the most multi-faceted actor, but he excels in these roles as unstoppable ass kicker.

Crank: High Voltage is also packed with cameos galore including former Spice Girl Geri Halliwell as Chev’s mother, Lauren Holly as a horny psychiatrist, a sleazy looking Corey Haim (with mullet), and porn stars Ron Jeremy and Jenna Haze. Not that I’d know who those are…

Rating: **

X-Men Origins: Wolverine

X-Men Origins: Wolverine - Dir. Gavin Hood (2009)


”I’m the best there is at what I do, but what I do isn’t very nice.”

Wolverine has consistently been one of Marvel’s most popular characters for the past three decades, yet his origins have remained a mystery for most of that time. Little bits and pieces have come to light though the revelations that his memories were tampered with placed many of those stories suspect. He’d been given adamantium as part of a secret military experiment. He was part of black ops team with other mutants. He fought Nazis during World War II alongside Captain America. It wasn’t until 2001 that Marvel published Origin, a six-issue mini-series that definitively depicted Wolverine’s childhood. That series provided the genesis for the long-awaited spin-off film.

X-Men Origins: Wolverine begins with a brief prologue built around a tragic event in Wolverine’s childhood in the mid-1800’s. His father is murdered and a young James Howlette (later Logan) pops his bone claws for the very first time. He and half-brother, Victor Creed (who will eventually grow up to be Sabretooth), flee and promise to watch each others’ backs from then on. From there, we watch an opening credits sequence of Logan and Victor battling side-by-side in the Civil War, World Wars I & II, and finally Vietnam. Creed goes berserk in ‘Nam leading them to face down a firing squad. Both survive because of their mutant healing factors and are recruited by William Stryker (Danny Huston) for an elite squad of mutants. The group includes Agent Zero (Daniel Henney), Fred J. Dukes AKA the Blob (Kevin Durand), Chris Bradley AKA Bolt (Dominic Monaghan), the teleporter John Wraith (will.i.am), and Wade Wilson (Ryan Reynolds). After viewing the atrocities committed by his teammates, Logan chooses to walk away and lives a quiet life as a lumberjack with his schoolteacher girlfriend Kayla (Lynn Collins). When Creed begins hunting for him, Logan volunteers for the adamantium bonding process in order to get revenge on the man he called ‘brother.’ During the course of the film, we’re also introduced to fan-favorite characters like Gambit (Taylor Kitsch), Emma Frost (Tahyna Tozzi), and a young Cyclops. Also, look out for cameos from Toad, Banshee, and Quicksilver.

If you thought X-Men: The Last Stand was a slapdash, disappointing effort in the franchise, then you’ll be similarly disappointed with Wolverine. The story attempts to rush through over a hundred years of Wolverine’s life in about an hour and forty minutes. The script by David Benioff (25th Hour, The Kite Runner) and Skip Woods (Swordfish) lacks any substance whatsoever. The opening prologue crams six issues of plot into a matter of minutes. The rest of the film is just a series of action set pieces with a few obligatory emotional sequences in between and wrapped around several predictable plot twists. The resolution is nothing more than a series of pathetic contrivances that are forced in so the prequel can loosely be tied into the other films.

Though the film is supposed to center around Wolverine, filmmakers made sure to stuff their production with as many characters as possible. None of whom get enough screen time to have any resonance and are only around so they can sell spin-offs and toys. It’s the same problem that plagued the third X-film as well as Spider-Man 3. Comic book fans will probably be disappointed that some of these characters weren’t faithful to the source material. For example, the Hudsons, the superhero couple that founded Canadian super-team Alpha Flight, are re-imagined as Ma and Pa Kent.

South African director Gavin Hood first caught producers’ eyes with the Oscar-nominated film, Tsotsi. Hood followed that up with the politically heavy-handed Rendition. This is Hood’s first attempt at a big-budget action spectacle and he seems completely overwhelmed. Hood chooses to go for the most melodramatic shots whenever possible. Characters leap through the air, land in a crouching position, and turn to the camera with a menacing look on their face. Half the film seems to be slow motion close-ups of people standing in action figure poses. On top of that, Wolverine suffers from awful and unconvincing CGI. Quite shocking for a film with a budget of $150 million. A simple scene of Logan scraping his adamantium claws together looks like a cheap cartoon.

On the positive side, much of the acting is well-done. Hugh Jackman has mastered the gruff charm of the Ol’ Canucklehead and he’s able sprinkle in a few light moments in the film. Both Danny Huston and Liev Schreiber are excellent in their roles. I almost wish there was a way to George Lucas X-Men and put him in as Sabretooth. Despite his prominence in the film’s ad campaign, Ryan Reynolds has only a tiny role in the film. Comic fans know Reynolds’ character as Deadpool the Merc with a Mouth, and he manages to accurately portray Wade Wilson’s gift of gab. It’s a shame he was so criminally underused and it’s doubly shameful that Deadpool was so massively mishandled.

X-Men: The Last Stand suffered much critical drubbing from reviewers and comic fans, but it received the biggest box office open of all three X-Men films. It seems Fox decided to use the same hackneyed formula for Wolverine. While it garnered a wealth of poor reviews, an opening weekend take of over $80 million won’t change Fox’s mind in regards to its handling of Marvel properties. Iron Man helped Marvel kick off last summer’s blockbuster season to rousing success, but Wolverine is a mediocre beginning for 2009.

Rating: **

Monsters vs. Aliens

Monsters vs. Aliens - Dir. Rob Letterman & Conrad Vernon (2009)


Imagine if the title characters from Attack of the 50ft. Woman, The Blob, The Creature from the Black Lagoon, The Fly, and Mothra all teamed up to fight invaders from space. Dreamworks unleashed yet another CG animated project to the multiplexes which seems to be a seasonal thing. Monsters vs. Aliens seems to have sprung from the minds of fanboys who cherish their bootleg copies of black & white B-movies and back-issues of MAD Magazine. It’s light on plot, but the kind of fun film that kinds will definitely enjoy and it won’t bore or annoy the adults.

Susan Murphy (Reese Witherspoon) is about to get married to Derek (Paul Rudd), a self-absorbed weatherman who is about to go to the big show in Fresno. Suddenly, a meteor from outer space conks Susan on the head and mutates her to just one inch shy of 50 feet. She’s captured by the military and shipped off to Area 51 which is under the command of Gen. W.R. Monger (Kiefer Sutherland). For decades, Gen. Monger has been collecting monsters including fish-man the Missing Link (Will Arnett), the gelatinous B.O.B. (Seth Rogen), mad scientist Dr. Cockroach (Hugh Laurie), and an enormous bug known only as Insectasaurus. Together, they are man’s only hope against the evil alien warlord Galaxhar (Rainn Wilson).

Monsters vs. Aliens has all the trappings of the typical modern animated film with its all-star cast and numerous pop culture references. Aside from the original Shrek, Dreamworks hasn’t been able to match the heartfelt substance that their rivals at Pixar have repeatedly instilled in their films. The closest they’ve come was through their brief partnership with Aardman Studios which produced the charming Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit and the underrated Flushed Away. No, most have been the same cookie-cutter talking animal pictures. Monsters vs. Aliens does stand out with its high-concept story though it takes a simplistic popcorn film approach to telling it. It touches on themes of friendship, alienation, and female empowerment yet is unable to fully explore them. The animation is, of course, exceptional. I’m afraid to admit I didn’t get the chance to view it in 3D. In one scene, the filmmakers are wryly self-reflexive to the process when they show a technician playing paddle ball.

The voice-over cast is good and none of the players feel like they were stunt cast. From Dr. House to Dr. Cockroach, Hugh Laurie seems like he’s having the most fun while Will Arnett channels his Gob Bluth character for the Missing Link. Seth Rogen, who is apparently contractually obligated to be in every movie made now, gets off some of the best one-liners and non-sequitors as the dim-witted B.O.B.

Rating: **1/2

Observe and Report

Observe and Report - Dir. Jody Hill (2009)


”The world has no use for another scared man. Right now, the world needs a fucking hero.”

Much like Adventureland which was released a week before, Observe and Report is advertised as something it’s not. Trading on the popularity of Seth Rogen, Observe has plenty of low-brow, raunchy humor, but it's not the wall-to-wall laugh riot the trailers make it out to be. It’s far darker than any of the Apatow or Apatow-like films. The comparison could be made that this is Seth Rogen's Cable Guy. The film is the sophomore effort from writer/director Jody Hill who inexplicably wowed a select group of Sundance festival-goers with his debut, The Foot Fist Way about an abrasive Tae Kwan Do instructor played by Danny McBride.

Seth Rogen’s Ronnie Barnhardt has a similarly abrasive attitude sometimes hidden behind a mask of geniality. Barnhardt is a mall cop, but he’s not quite as likeable as previous Rogen characters and he’s certainly nothing like Paul Blart. He’s bipolar with a deep-seated vicious streak and delusions of grandeur. Ronnie has held an unrequited crush on Brandi (Anna Faris), the buxom blonde behind the make-up counter. A serial flasher begins turning the mall into his own personal playground by exposing himself to unsuspecting women. When Brandi becomes his latest victim, he vows to bring the pervert to justice. This puts him at odds with Detective Harrison (Ray Liotta), the officer assigned to the case. Harrison becomes even more exasperated when Ronnie makes it known that he intends to join the police force. Throughout the film, Ronnie battles his own personal demons just as he battles teenage skateboarders.

Observe and Report answers the question of what Taxi Driver would have been like if Scorsese made it into a comedy. Ronnie Barnhardt is a disturbed individual and walks that thin line between being funny and repulsive. It's only through the sheer force of personality that Rogen keeps him from becoming completely unsympathetic. The first half of the film belie the darker corners in which it delves in the latter half. Jody Hill's script is uneven. At times, it's sharp and outrageous. Yet, Hill fails to curb his baser impulses and the film just goes too far, particularly in the end.

Rogen's best scenes really are when he's attempting to keep things more lighthearted. He trades F you's with a Middle Eastern vendor (Aziz Ansari) who he derisively calls Saddam. Anna Faris is perfectly suited for the shallow bimbo role and proves again she's one of the most talented female comics today. The real surprise comes from Michael Pena who is known more for dramatic fare such as Crash and World Trade Center. Here, Pena dons a mop top and lisp to play Ronnie's second-in-command Dennis.

Rating: ** 1/2

Adventureland

Adventureland - Dir. Greg Mottola (2009)


”We are doing the work of lazy pathetic morons.”

Miramax’s marketing campaign is misleading when it comes to the latest film by Greg Mottola, the writer/director of the raunchy Superbad. Mottola’s third picture is the semi-autobiographical, Adventureland, a much more mature and low-key coming-of-age tale. There are moments of slapstick and hilarity sprinkled throughout, but the meat of the story lies in its themes of love, heartbreak, and uncertainty. Thematically, it’s been compared to The Graduate, but I’d say Adventureland is more like Dazed and Confused filtered through the lens of Freaks & Geeks.

James Brennan (Jesse Eisenberg) has just graduated college with a degree in comparative literature. He’s looking forward to a summer long trip to Europe before beginning grad school at Columbia where he’ll study journalism. James has plans to become a travel writer. However, a wrench is thrown into the works when his dad takes a pay cut and they can no longer afford it. James moves back home to Pittsburgh where he’s forced to get a job. With no real work experience, the best he can find is a menial job at the local amusement park. Adventureland is run by Bobby (Bill Hader) and his wife Paulette (Kristen Wiig) who size James up as a games man. Transformed into a glorified carny, James is tasked with manning the booths of rigged games and appropriately doling out the cheap prizes.

James meets a variety of denizens at the park including an old childhood friend named Frigo (Matt Bush) who has grown into a crude and obnoxious man-child with a habit of punching James in the nuts at an inopportune time. Then again, I suppose there’s never an opportune time to get punched in the nuts. James also befriends Joel (Martin Starr), a lanky pipe-smoking literati with an affinity for Nikolai Gogol. But, the big one is Em (Kristen Stewart), a fellow games monkey he quickly falls for. Em comes from a damaged home. Her mother passed away and her father has remarried a cold, passive-aggressive (played by Reno 911’s Mary Birdsong). On top of that, she’s carrying on a clandestine affair with an older married man, Connell (Ryan Reynolds), the park’s handyman who tells bullshit stories about how he once jammed with Lou Reed.

Mottola’s script is an incredibly observant work exploring the relationships of his characters, each one well rounded and relatable. Eisenberg is used to playing these nerdy, awkward teens having played just those in Roger Dodger and The Squid & the Whale. Comparisons have been made between Eisenberg and Michael Cera. Though Eisenberg doesn't come off as glib as Cera, but he is more nuanced. The performances are strong across the board with SNL's Bill Hader and Kristen Wiig stealing every scene they're in.

If there are any complaints to be had with Adventureland, they lie in the third act which felt forced. It was as if Mottola just had to plug in the standard formula in breaking up the characters for the eventually tearful reunion. The resolution feels as if it were dictated by preset plot points and not the actual characters.

Rating: ***

Fast & Furious

Fast & Furious - Dir. Justin Lin (2009)


The original film in the Fast & Furious franchise, directed by schlockmeister Rob Cohen, was essentially Point Break with cars instead of surfboards and Vin Diesel’s Dominic Toretto as a more intense anti-hero than Patrick Swayze’s Zen-like Bohdi. Both films end with the protagonist (Paul Walker in the former, Keanu Reeves in the latter, both equally wooden) reaching a level of respect for his nemesis and allowing him to flee on his own terms. Following The Fast and the Furious was the ridiculously titled sequel, 2 Fast 2 Furious (now helmed by John Singleton), with only Paul Walker returning as FBI agent Brian O’Conner. A third film of direct-to-video quality was unfathomably foisted onto the public. Directed by Justin Lin, The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift dumped all previous characters though Toretto appears towards the end in a quick cameo.

For those who find articles too difficult to remember, the succinctly titled Fast & Furious, is likely to be right up your alley. Toretto and his girlfriend, Letty (Michelle Rodriguez), have fled the U.S. since the first film and have found their way to the Dominican Republic. After Toretto strikes out on his own, he learns that Letty has been murdered in L.A. by a drug lord named Arturo Braga. Returning to America, Toretto runs right into O’Conner is also tracking down Braga. They reluctantly agree to work together to work their way into Braga’s organization which has been smuggling drugs across the border with street racers as the mules.

I’ve probably made the paper thin plot sound far more complex than it actually was. Fast & Furious offers nothing new to anybody who hasn’t already seen a million other action films. Walker is the scruffy rebel smothered by his by-the-books superiors while Jordana Brewster fills the role of the sweet girl caught in the middle of the conflict. I think Vin Diesel is a better actor than most give him credit for, but here he’s just required to be the burly, baritone beefcake who stands there and looks menacing.

Fast & Furious does break out of the starting gate with a strong set piece featuring Toretto’s gang attempting to highjack a gasoline tanker truck. If you saw the trailer, you know what I’m talking about. But, the rest of the film gets saddled with clichés, painful dialogue, and leaden performances. The climax is built around a chase sequence with cars racing through a network of underground mining tunnels. While it might have seemed cooler on paper, the final product leaves much to be desired. The race is lit too darkly while the shots and angles are too muddled to give you any idea of what was happening. It’s nearly as disorienting as the opening car chase in Quantum of Solace. On top of all that, the CGI cars make the sequence look like something out of a video game. Justin Lin was once the toast of the indie scene after the success of Better Luck Tomorrow, yet he seems more than content with making mainstream pap.

Was anyone truly clamoring for a FOURTH installment of the Fast and the Furious franchise? Surprisingly, there were as Fast & Furious did over $70 million in box office its opening weekend, a record for the month of April. Is it exactly high art? Nope, but it is brainless entertainment and a slightly satisfying (if fattening) appetizer for those looking to whet their taste buds for the upcoming summer blockbuster season.

Rating: * 1/2

What Just Happened

What Just Happened? - Dir. Barry Levinson (2008)


Hollywood poking fun at its own self-importance isn´t anything new; they´ve been doing it for decades. Some of my favorite movies about movies include Sullivan´s Travels, The Bad and the Beautiful, Singin´ in the Rain, and The Player. More recently, Ben Stiller took an over-the-top, cartoonish approach to the subject matter with Tropic Thunder. Barry Levinson´s latest film, What Just Happened? follows in the footsteps of Tropic Thunder, but takes a far more grounded approach at ridiculing the behind-the-scenes turmoil of La La Land. What Just Happened? tries to take a bite out of Hollywood too, yet lacks the teeth to do it. It just gums at it instead.

Based on the eponymous autobiography of producer Art Linson (The Untouchables, Heat, Fight Club), What Just Happened? focuses on aging producer Ben (Robert DeNiro) as he juggles his personal and professional lives. Ben has one film in the can, Fiercely starring Sean Penn (in a small role as himself) and directed by British auteur Jeremy Brundell (Michael Wincott). Ben hopes to build a ton of buzz at Cannes, but before that he has to leap the tall hurdle known as the test screening. The screening, with all the principal players in attendance, turns into a disaster. Brundell´s masterpiece ends with the hero, Penn, being shot by the bad guys, right after his lovable dog is shot through the head in a sudden, graphic manner. The audience, unsurprisingly, reacts with anger and disgust.

The studio head, Lou Tarnow (Catherine Keener), demands Ben follow her notes and alter the film accordingly. Brundell doesn´t react to this news very well, throwing a tantrum and bursting into tears. Simultaneously, Ben is producing another project that may never get off the ground because of its temperamental leading man. Ben is called to the set immediately when he learns that his star, Bruce Willis (also playing himself), has arrived sporting a beer belly and a big, bushy beard. The never seen studio executives threaten to shut the production down and sue Ben if their obscenely paid A-list actor doesn´t shave. Willis, on the other hand, threatens Ben with physical violence if he isn´t allowed to express himself artistically. With a beard…

Meanwhile, Ben has to deal with two ex-wives and the kids from each marriage. His teenage daughter, Zoe (Kristen Stewart), from his first wife won´t open up to him. He has an on-off, up-down relationship with his second ex, Kelly (Robin Wright Penn). They still have feelings for each other while attending therapy to complete their split amicably. Ben also suspects Kelly is sleeping with his screenwriter friend, Scott Solomon (Stanley Tucci).

As the stand-in for Linson, DeNiro puts in an understated performance, a different type from the larger-than-life characters he usually plays. He´s not the typical producer either or at least not the stereotypical one. He´s tired and world weary. There´s nothing wrong with DeNiro´s work here, but there´s nothing that really jumps out at you. You can say the same thing about most of the film. It too is understated and a bit underwhelming.

Part of the problem lies with the stakes. Not every movie should be about stopping the terrorists from detonating a nuke, but the protagonist should embark on a journey that allows the audience to connect with the character. Basic screenwriting. However, I never felt emotionally invested with Ben. His movie is savaged by audiences and critics? Big deal. Levinson frames the film around a photo shoot for a cover featuring Hollywood´s power players with Ben worrying about where he´ll be placed. Umm…so what? Ben´s familial situation might have elicited some sympathy were it given time to develop. It seems like a lot of the scenes involving the subplots with Zoe and Solomon were left on the cutting room floor.

The humor falls flat most of the time as well. The majority of the gags are so dry, you wonder if that was supposed to be a joke or not. On the rare occasions the comedy is played more broadly and fails to elicit any chuckles. The always dependable John Turturro plays a talent agent so neurotic that he out-Woody Allens Woody Allen. That would have been good enough, but they threw in a bizarre stomach disorder that causes Turturro to scream and cough in pain at random times. It isn´t funny the first time and repeating it again and again doesn´t make it any funnier.

The only scene in the film that has any kind of life to it is Bruce Willis´s tirade when he´s told to shave his beard. Willis looks like he could have given Jeff Bridges a run for the role of Obadiah Stane in Iron Man. The former John McClane is quite entertaining in the scene that was reportedly based on a real incident involving Alec Baldwin on the set of The Edge.

Levinson is undoubtedly familiar with all sorts of bizarre antics from movie folk having worked in the film industry as an actor, writer, director, and producer. He´s tackled the subject before in the oddly prescient Wag the Dog and, to a lesser extent, with the poorly made Man of the Year. This all-star production falls somewhere in the middle of those last two films. Directors with inflated opinions of their own artistic sensibilities, know-it-all executives who don´t really know anything and egoistical actors aren´t exactly revelations. What Just Happened? doesn´t beat a dead horse so much as jabs it with a pointy stick. Levinson set out to mock Hollywood and, ironically, made a film that fits in with the indistinguishable, milquetoast mass that it churns out.

Rating: * 1/2

Frozen River

Frozen River - Dir. Courtney Hunt (2008)


It wasn’t that long ago that Hollywood was concerning itself with the Bush administration and the war on terror. Nearly all of those films were critical and financial failures. With the economy going down the toilets, it’s not much of a surprise that the movie industry has turned its eye towards the disenfranchised. Critics have gladly coined the phrase, ‘new American realism,’ as the label de jour in regards to the new movement defined by films such as Shotgun Stories and Snow Angels. 2008 saw a deluge of pictures with similar themes with the best of which being Chop Shop, The Visitor, Wendy and Lucy, and Frozen River.

First-time filmmaker Courtney Hunt expanded Frozen River from a short film she made and scored in a big way, winning the Grand Jury Prize at Sundance and receiving an Oscar nomination for Best Original Screenplay. Hunt’s leading lady, Melissa Leo, was also equally lauded for her performance, receiving nominations at the Oscars and SAGs and a win at the Independent Spirit Awards.

Leo plays Ray Eddy, a struggling mom living in rural upstate New York near the Canadian border. She works a menial part-time job at a dollar store, has two sons and feeds them popcorn and Tang because that’s all she can afford. Her wants are simple, a new double-wide trailer with better insulation. However, Ray’s husband has absconded with the down payment and disappeared, likely to gamble away his wife’s hard-earned savings. Searching more for her husband’s car rather than the man himself, Ray runs into Lila Littlewolf (Misty Upham), a Native American living on the Mohawk reservation. She’s something of an outcast to both the whites and her own people. Like Ray, Lila has had a rough go of it, partly due to circumstances and partly due to her own foolish choices. Her husband is dead and her mother-in-law has custody of her son. She’s near-sighted and too stubborn to get glasses. She can’t hold down a job either because of that same stubbornness. Lila ropes Ray into smuggling illegal immigrants out of Canada across the frozen St. Lawrence River which has iced over into a makeshift road. It’s clear to anyone that these immigrants only have sweatshops and brothels in their future, but neither Ray nor Lila seem to know or care. But, they’re willing to do anything for their kids.

Leo definitely earned the accolades she was showered with. Her portrayal of Ray Eddy is a female equivalent to Mickey Rourke’s Randy the Ram and I mean that in the nicest way possible. The craggily lines eroded across her face belying her world-weary desperation. While Leo got the lion’s share of attention, Misty Upham’s performance shouldn’t be ignored as she turns us around on a character that should have been entirely unsympathetic. The rest of the cast is filled with unknowns though some might recognize character actor Mark Boone Junior from Memento and Batman Begins.

For the first two acts, Frozen River is an intimate character study due to the documentary style shooting of Hunt that places us right into the lives of people who’ve fallen through the cracks. The film transforms into a taut thriller in the third act as Ray and Lila go for the last, big score. Frozen River is one of those rare films that lacks the artifices present in other productions and makes you forget you’re watching a movie.

Rating: *** 1/2