Dredd

Dredd - Dir. Pete Travis (2012)

I'm not completely against reboots and remakes. There are some properties that deserve a second chance. One of them is Judge Dredd, who first appeared in the long running British comic book anthology, 2000AD. The series was set in a dystopian future under the totalitarian rule of the Judges, reflecting the prevailing mood amidst the height of Thatcherism. Dredd himself was a grim and unquestioning servant of the Judge System. He never removed his helmet, owing to his nature as a faceless representation of the law. The 1995 feature film was undone the moment Sylvester Stallone took off the helmet. He ceased to be Judge Dredd and was merely Stallone ("I ahm da law.").

Released under the auspices of Disney's Touchstone banner, Judge Dredd ground the property through the Hollywood machine and churned out a formulaic actioner full of cliches. Gone were the violence and the political commentary, replaced by comic relief sidekicks, romantic interests, and a hammy as hell Armand Assante. In the rich oeuvre of the Italian Stallion, it's no Demolition Man. At least, the production values were high. Judge Dredd did feature strong practical effects, marvelous set designs, and gaudy costumes designed by Gianni Versace. The new Dredd isn't nearly as flashy.

Dredd is set in a dystopian future where the most of the world has been rendered uninhabitable by nuclear war. The survivors of this Cursed Earth live in massive city-states, including Mega City One, located on the Eastern Seaboard. The megalopolis stretches from Boston to Washington D.C. and is policed by an overwhelmed force of Judges with the most infamous being the Judge known as Dredd (Karl Urban). Dredd is paired with a rookie named Cassandra Anderson (Olivia Thirlby), who has flunked the battery of tests required to be a Street Judge. But, her potent psychic powers, a result of the surrounding radiation, make her an invaluable asset.

Dredd and Anderson respond to a triple homicide at the 200-story tall Peach Trees housing complex and arrest a small-time drug dealer named Kay (Wood Harris). Kay is simply a cog in the machine of Madeline "Ma-Ma" Madrigal (Lena Headey), a scarred crime lord manufacturing a designer drug known as Slo-Mo, which allows the brain to experience reality at 1% speed. Ma-Ma locks the entire building down and unleashes all her minions to kill the Judges.

On the surface, the story of Dredd bares a remarkable resemblance to The Raid: Redemption, one of the best action movies in recent years. However, Dredd doesn't match up to the fight sequences of The Raid. In fact, Dredd tends to get repetitive with one shootout after another and multiple bodies being thrown off high ledges. Director Pete Travis (Vantage Point) does bring a visual flair to the proceedings with help from Oscar-winning cinematographer Anthony Dod Mantle (Slumdog Millionaire). For once, there is a logical reason for the inclusion of slow motion shot at 2500fps on the digital Phantom Flex camera. The slow motion is stunning and highlighted by a saturated color palette. The 3D effects are well done with shattered glass and splattered blood drifting out of the frame towards the viewer. They aren't enough to justify the extra cost of a 3D ticket, but you won't feel completely ripped off. The filmmakers have adapted the look of Dredd into a grittier world rooted in reality. Mega City One is a sprawling landscape of urban decay reminiscent of Children of Men and District 9. The uniforms of the Judges are bulkier and more militaristic in nature. And it wouldn't be Judge Dredd without the presence of the Judges' standard issue Lawgiver, a sidearm with biometric safeguards and programmable ammunition.

Screenwriter Alex Garland is known for crafting smart sci-fi flicks with 28 Days Later, Sunshine, and Never Let Me Go on his resume. At one point, he wrote the script for a Halo picture that came to fruition. Dredd isn't exactly as thought-provoking, but it remains faithful to the source material while working within the limitations of a mid-range budget ($45 million). Dredd doesn't delve deeply into the mythology of the comics. Instead, it serves as an introduction while following the formula of a cop drama ala Training Day. The film's measly opening weekend take of $6.3 million may have put the kibosh on Garland's proposed sequels that would have involved more ambitious elements, such as the Cursed Earth and Judge Death, a malevolent being that deemed life as the ultimate crime. A few Easter eggs have been thrown in to please the hardcore fans, including references to Fergee Memorial Park and Chopper the graffiti artist.

The character of Judge Dredd is a difficult one to pull off properly. He is unyielding authority, not a character that goes through a lot of introspective soul searching. Thankfully, Garland never attempts to humanize Dredd. Karl Urban plays the character to a tee, despite having his face obscured by Dredd's trademark helmet. Urban gives him a gruff and gravelly voice without going over-the-top in a Christian Bale sort of way. The film's requisite emotional arc is imparted on Psi-Judge Anderson, who sees the world in shades of gray in contrast to Dredd's myopic, black and white view. Olivia Thirlby is an unlikely candidate to co-star in an action pic, but she ably embodies the heart of the movie. Well, as much heart as a movie where people are skinned alive can allow. Lena Headey is also good as Ma-Ma, a rare instance in which the lead villain is female, though you wish she could have been given more to do.

In terms of comic book franchise reboots, Dredd isn't Batman Begins. It's more like Punisher: War Zone, a stylishly violent improvement that doesn’t fully realize the potential of its property.

Rating: *** (*****)

The Dark Knight Returns, Part 1

The Dark Knight Returns, Part 1 - Dir. Jay Oliva (2012)

"You don't get it, boy. This isn't a mudhole, it's an operating table…and I'm the surgeon."

The 80's were the "grim 'n' gritty" era of comic book superheroes with readers favoring mature content over brightly colored spandex. Watchmen was one of the most heralded works of the time along with Frank Miller's The Dark Knight Returns and Batman: Year One, which bookended the Caped Crusader's crime fighting career. Warner Premiere previously adapted Year One into an animated feature with a scant runtime of 64 minutes. Fans were justifiably worried that Dark Knight Returns might receive similar treatment with the majority of Miller's epic left on the cutting room floor. Warner has wisely split Dark Knight Returns into two parts with the first installment comprising of the first two issues.

It has been years since Bruce Wayne (Peter Weller) has worn the cape and cowl. The elderly millionaire is still a bachelor and estranged from his former ward Dick Grayson. His loyal butler Alfred is still by his side and Bruce has regular dinners with Commissioner Gordon, who is now aware of his dual identities. There are times when Bruce searches for a new thrill to replace the adrenaline rush of nocturnal vigilantism. The film opens with Gotham's favorite son wrecking a Formula-1 racer.

The city itself hasn't changed much. Crime is still rampant though Batman's rogues gallery has nearly vanished. Citizens live in fear of a violent street gang known as the Mutants. Bruce can hardly stand watching the news with daily reports about murders, robberies, and kidnappings. Meanwhile, Harvey Dent (Wade Williams), once known as Two-Face, has undergone facial reconstructive surgery. However, when the fallen district attorney returns to his former identity, Bruce once again dons the tights. The return of Batman inspires streetwise Carrie Kelly (Ariel Winter) to dress up as Robin and become the Dark Knight's new sidekick.

Inspired by Dirty Harry, Frank Miller's Batman is hardly the genial Adam West version. This Batman is built like a brick house with a voice like grinding gravel. Many fans envisioned Clint Eastwood playing the older Bruce Wayne, but the filmmakers went with Robocop himself, Peter Weller. Weller has a deep, authoritarian voice though Michael Ironside, who played the character on an episode of Batman: The Animated Series, was closely to the way I imagined the older Batman would sound. Ariel Winter from Modern Family provides just the right amount of spunk to play the first female Robin. Other voice actors include: Michael McKean as Harvey Dent's psychiatrist, Paget Brewster as Lana Lang, and Maria Canals (who played Hawkgirl on Justice League) as Gordon's successor Ellen Yindel.

The animators have done a splendid job in melding Miller's angular art style with their sleeker look. Many of the iconic images from the comics are present in the movie. There's the silhouette of Batman against the night sky as lightning strikes the background, an image that adorned the debut issue. The majority of Miller's pulpy dialogue has been lifted almost verbatim such as, "He was a good soldier. He honored me," in reference to the late-Jason Todd, Batman's second Robin. Ironically, Dark Knight Returns was published two years before Todd would actually die in Batman #428.

Batman: Year One provided inspiration for Christopher Nolan as he developed Batman Begins and The Dark Knight Returns served a similar capacity for The Dark Knight Rises. Bruce Wayne coming out of retirement and dealing with a broken down body are the most obvious elements. The scene where a veteran cop tells his rookie partner he is, "…in for a show," is taken straight from the source material. Inspiration goes both ways as Returns composer Christopher Drake attempts to approximate Hans Zimmer's score to less than successful results.

The Dark Knight Returns, Part 1 is an exhilarating adaptation of Frank Miller's seminal mini-series. WB made the wise choice of splitting the film into two volumes. On the plus side, this allowed screenwriter Bob Goodman to craft something faithful and action-packed. On the other hand, it's hard to judge Part 1 on its own since it is only half the story.

Rating: *** (*****)

The Cold Light of Day

The Cold Light of Day - Dir. Mabrouk El Mechri (2012)

Times must be tough if a movie starring Bruce Willis and Sigourney Weaver opens domestically to a dismal $1.8 million. Then again, the majority of movie-goers probably weren't aware that The Cold Light of Day was even released on Sept. 14^th. Summit Entertainment must have seen the writing on the wall and didn't waste any of their Twilight money on marketing a surefire flop.

The still-unknown Henry Cavill headlines the picture as Will Shaw, a business consultant reluctantly joining his family on vacation in Spain. Will has an icy relationship with his father, Martin (Willis), a cultural attaché whose work meant he didn't spend a lot of time with his wife and kids. While swimming ashore for supplies, Will returns to their boat to find his mother (Caroline Goodall), brother (Rafi Gavron), and brother's girlfriend (Emma Hamilton) have been kidnapped. Turns out, Martin is really a CIA agent, who stole a briefcase of valuable contents from the Mossad. The Israelis want the case in exchange for the Shaws. Too bad Martin is murdered by his corrupt handler, Jean Carrack (Weaver). American officials at the embassy don't believe him and local police want to arrest him. Will's only help comes from a feisty woman named Lucia (Verónica Echegui), who turns out be his half-sister.

The Cold Light of Day is second rate dreck, produced from a screenplay co-written by Scott Wiper whose biggest contribution to cinema is the Steve Austin vehicle The Condemned. This is the type of Z-grade junk usually reserved for an aging Steven Seagal. Only the presence of Willis and Weaver save it from the direct-to-video wasteland. Both are bigger stars than this film deserves and probably only took part for a quick paycheck and a free vacation. Willis is only briefly seen and when he is onscreen he can barely muster an iota of energy. With a better script, Weaver might have made an interesting villain, but she has nothing to chew on besides a steady stream of stilted dialogue.

The burden rests solely on the broad shoulders of Henry Cavill, a handsome Brit being positioned as the next big thing. Time will tell if Cavill becomes an A-lister or the next Taylor Kitsch. He hasn't shown the type of charisma or acting chops that he must have shown to be cast as Superman in next year's Man of Steel. Then again, neither The Cold Light of Day nor Immortals are the best material to show off Cavill's range. As Will Shaw, he's reduced to playing the ugly American who complains how no one speaks English.

Director Mabrouk El Mechri gained notice for the meta-textual dramedy, JCVD, with Jean-Claude Van Damme playing a version of himself. El Mechri had potential to deliver something stylish considering the opening action sequence of JCVD done as one continuous shot. Instead, the action in Cold Light is utterly pedestrian with shootouts and car chases jarringly edited.

The Cold Light of Day is what happens when you cross Hitchcock with The Bourne Identity, then did it in the most inept way possible.

Rating: * (*****)

Wrath of the Titans

Wrath of the Titans - Dir. Jonathan Liebesman (2012)

The original Clash of the Titans wasn't that great of a film. It's mostly remembered for the stop-motion effects by Ray Harryhausen. At least, it is remembered. The 2010 remake is remembered more as a cautionary example against hasty 3D conversion and a catchphrase ("Release the Kraken!") that tired quickly. Still, Clash made a ton of money, which is enough justification to greenlight a sequel, Wrath of the Titans.

Ten years after the events of the previous movie, Perseus (Sam Worthington) lives the quiet life of a fisherman with his son, Helius (John Bell). He is once again dragged into the world of myths and legends when his father, Zeus (Liam Neeson), asks for his aid against HIS father, Kronos the Titan. Yes, there are actual Titans this time around.

Mankind's faith in the gods have further eroded their powers leaving Zeus vulnerable against the combined forces of Hades (Ralph Fiennes) and Ares (Edgar Ramirez), the god of war. The treacherous twosome mean to steal Zeus's remaining strength to free Kronos. To stop them, Perseus must gather the weapons of the gods; Zeus's lightning bolt, Poseidon's trident, and Hades' pitchfork. Perseus is joined by Agenor (Toby Kebbell), the son of Poseidon (Danny Huston), Hephaestus (Bill Nighy), the forger of the gods, and the warrior princess Andromeda (Rosamund Pike, replacing Alexa Davalos).

While Clash followed the formula of the traditional hero's journey, Wrath is more of a standard hero's quest. The screenplay is mapped out just like a video game with Perseus searching for various items and defeating mid-level boss characters before facing the primary villain. Jonathan Liebesman, who previously directed Battle: Los Angeles, handles the CGI intensive action sequences well with Perseus pitted against mythological beasts such as the Chimera, Cyclopes, and the Minotaur deep within a shifting labyrinth. In contrast to Immortals, the Titans here are formidable foes with Kronos portrayed as a colossus of smoldering rock and molten lava.

There isn't much of a difference between Sam Worthington in Clash and Sam Worthington in Wrath, aside from a fuller head of curly hair. Kebbell and Nighy provide levity while Pike is striking in her Xena garb though their characters are never fully formed. As for the gods, it's hard not to enjoy any scenes featuring Neeson and Fiennes, no matter how corny the dialogue. Poor Danny Huston gets the short end of the stick. The god of the seas only had one line in the last movie and he gets maybe a handful of scenes in the sequel.

Just as Athena sprung from the brow of Zeus upon birth, Wrath of the Titans seems to have sprung from the mind of an avid God of War gamer. Wrath is a streamlined action pic that runs at a brisk pace. Released at the end of March, it was a nice appetizer for the summer blockbuster season that was to come.

Rating: ** (*****)

Immortals

Immortals - Dir. Tarsem Singh (2011)

"Today, we are offered something we would never have. Today, we fight for honor!"

Tarsem Singh's films may be a narrative mess, but they pack a visual wallop. Singh melds his unique style to the legends of Greek mythology for Immortals. He cites influences as varied as Caravaggio and Baz Luhrmann though most movie-goers will see it as 300 meets Clash of the Titans.

The evil King Hyperion (Mickey Rourke) seeks vengeance against the gods for ignoring his prayers and allowing his family to die. His armies lay waste to all of Greece in search of the Epirus Bow, a weapon of mass destruction that has the power to free the Titans imprisoned under Mount Tartarus. The only mortal who can stop them is Theseus (Henry Cavill), the son of a peasant woman murdered by King Hyperion. Theseus escapes and finds allies with fellow slave Stavros (Stephen Dorff) and the virgin oracle Phaedra (Freida Pinto).

Immortals is a feast for the eyes if you find its brown, earthy tones to be appetizing. There's a definite Zack Snyder feel with action sequences punctuated by slow motion. At times, the film is grimy and grisly, particularly a fight scene between Theseus and the Minotaur (played by former pro wrestler Robert Maillet aka Kurrgan), re-imagined as a massive soldier wearing a helmet shaped like a bull's head. At other times, it's downright garish, particularly when it comes to the realm of the gods. Working under the assumption that omnipotent beings wouldn't want to look like old bearded guys, the Greek pantheon are portrayed as vain Calvin Klein models. Each one is dressed as a golden gladiator on their way to the discotheque. Casting towards youth means you lack the gravitas possessed by veteran actors such as Sir Laurence Olivier or Liam Neeson. Luke Evans (who appeared briefly in Clash as Apollo) is solid as Zeus, but the others (Isabel Lucas as Athena, Kellan Lutz as Poseidon) don't do much, except stand around and look pretty.

Zeus has decreed the gods shall not directly intervene with the affairs of the mortals. In the end, that's exactly what they do, providing a deus ex machina for the climactic battle against the Titans. The Titans themselves hardly live up to the moniker. They're more like zombies with really ashy skin and finned helmets.

This is Henry Cavill's first leading role in a major blockbuster. He has the good looks and the size to be an action hero, but we may have to wait until Man of Steel to get a better feel for his skills as a thespian. Mickey Rourke makes the one-dimensional villain entertaining simply by being Mickey Rourke. Of all the characters, Hyperion has the most ludicrous costume, horned headgear as if he were the kid from Where the Wild Things Are fully grown and in a permanent roid rage.

Immortals should only be enjoyed as a campy throwback to the sword and sandals pictures that dotted the B-movie landscape of 1960's Italy.

Rating: * ½ (*****)

Premium Rush

Premium Rush - Dir. David Koepp (2012)

You can't refer to Joseph Gordon-Levitt as simply the kid from 3^rd Rock from the Sun. JGL has grown into one of the finest young actors working in Hollywood today. While he's displayed strong dramatic chops, he's recently become an unlikely action hero thanks to roles in Inception and The Dark Knight Rises. Gordon-Levitt doesn't have the imposing stature or the impressive physique of an Expendable, but his youthful looks and wiry frame serve him well in Premium Rush.

JGL is Wilee, like the coyote, as one character notes. However, he has more in common with the roadrunner as he zips around New York City on a fixed frame bicycle with no gears or brakes. His mottos in life are: "Brakes are death" and "Can't stop. Don’t want to…" Wilee is a former law school student who traded in his suit and tie to work as a bike messenger. He didn't do it for the money because he only makes eighty dollars on a good day. He's an adrenaline junkie and he loves the thrill of dodging the ever-perilous streets of NYC. Wilee's recklessness is part of the reason he was dumped by his beautiful co-worker Vanessa (Dania Ramirez).

Premium Rush opens in media res with Wilee flying through the air in slow motion before painfully crashing onto the asphalt. The narrative jumps back and forth chronologically as quickly as the bicyclists bob and weave through traffic. Wilee is hired by Vanessa's roommate, Nima (Jamie Chung), to deliver an envelope to Chinatown. That seems simple enough, except the envelope contains a marker worth $50,000. The money is supposed to buy safe passage for Nima's son and elderly mother from China to America. Instead, a crooked NYPD detective, Bobby Monday (Michael Shannon), wants the cash to pay off his sizable gambling debts. He has a weakness for Pai Gow, of all things. To gum up the works further, Wilee has to contend with a cocky rival named Manny (Wolé Parks) and a determined bike cop (Christopher Place), who resembles the cartoon coyote in terms of misfortune and haplessness.

Premium Rush comes to us from writer/director David Koepp, who co-wrote the screenplay with John Kamps (Zathura). Koepp is a veteran of summer blockbusters and had a hand in everything from Jurassic Park to Spider-Man. His directorial efforts have been less ambitious with his last movie being the rom-com Ghost Town. Premium Rush is a relatively low-budget action pic with a silly concept ripped right out of the 80's. Indeed, the film is a throwback to Quicksilver and BMX Bandits. The camaraderie shared by bike messengers is emphasized and builds to a climax where everyone rallies to Wilee's aid. The screenplay is light on substance and heavy on style. Koepp utilizes GPS maps to detail the route. He also uses something nicknamed, "Bike-O-Vision," which is Wilee's version of Spider-Sense. Time freezes at an intersection as Wilee lays out each possible scenario. Koepp shoots on location with CGI used only to enhance practical effects. JGL didn't emerge unscathed as evidenced by an outtake in which the actor required 30 stitches in his arm after crashing into the rear windshield of a cab.

The chase sequences themselves are exciting. There's a race through Central Park and a reference to The French Connection. Wilee also performs some wicked stunts during a daring escape from a police impound lot.

Gordon-Levitt anchors the movie and Dania Ramirez exudes a sweaty sexiness as she pumps her pedals across town. However, the best performance belongs to Michael Shannon in all his wide-eyed, menacing glory. It's the type of villainous turn you'd expect from Christopher Walken or Willem Dafoe. Film geeks will hear Shannon name drop Forrest J. Ackerman as an alias.

Premium Rush moves at a breakneck speed and doesn't aspire to be anything more than 90 minutes of pure fun.

Rating: *** (*****)

Piranha 3DD

Piranha 3DD - Dir. John Gulager (2012)

In 1978, Roger Corman's New World Pictures released the original Piranha, which was a Jaws knockoff directed by B-movie maven Joe Dante from a script by indie auteur John Sayles. It was an enjoyable exploitation movie with its tongue firmly planted in cheek. Piranha spawned a 1981 sequel only notable because it marked the directorial debut of James Cameron as well as a 1995 Showtime remake starring a then-unknown Mila Kunis. Alexandre Aja brought the man-eating fish back with a vengeance in 2010 with Piranha 3D. The remake was surprisingly entertaining as it reveled in its tackiness with projectile vomit flying out of the screen. Piranha 3D may have been well-made trash, but its sequel Piranha 3DD is just plain trash.

A year after the horrific events of Piranha 3D, Lake Victoria is a ghost town following a massive attack on spring breakers by an undiscovered species of prehistoric piranha. The military embarked on a widespread eradication of the deadly fish and the threat has been seemingly neutralized. Meanwhile, Maddy (Danielle Panabaker), a marine biology student, has returned home to nearby Merkin, Arizona for the summer. She is shocked when her sleazy stepfather, Chet (David Koechner), has transformed her late-mother's water park into a hedonistic hotspot. Chet has replaced lifeguards with "water-certified" strippers and a "Cooch-Cam" that displays close-ups of the female anatomy as they exit the pool. He's also illegally tapped into an underground river to avoid paying bills to the water company. Guess how the piranhas get into the park?

Piranha 3DD treads water for its first two acts, which feel interminable in spite of a length that's barely 80 minutes, not counting end credits. There's an occasional piranha attack though most of the screen time is dedicated to Maddy reconnecting with her old friends, the slutty Ashley (Meagan Tandy) and the virginal Shelby (Katrina Bowden). There's also a love triangle between the heroine and her ex-boyfriend Kyle (Chris Zylka), a meathead sheriff's deputy, and the nerdy Barry (Matt Bush), who's had a crush on Maddy since childhood. Once the thin attempts at character development are dispensed with, it's finally time for the bloodbath.

Say what you will about Alexandre Aja, but at least he directed Piranha 3D with a stylish flair. The violence of the sequel just doesn't match up to the previous film in terms of scope or skill. The body count is much less and the kills aren't nearly as inventive. John Gulager, who also directed the Feast trilogy, seems content to rehash gags rather than come up with anything new. A prologue involving Gary Busey and a dead cow that farts out piranha eggs doesn't match up to the previous opening with Richard Dreyfuss. Other lowbrow sequences include a piranha lodged up someone's rectum and another swimming out of a girl's vagina to chomp down on her lover's penis. We also get the lovely image of a decapitated head motorboating a pair of naked breasts. Speaking of which, Gulager gleefully dishes out a heaping helping of nudity. Buxom bikini-clad babes lose their tops and jiggle their bountiful bosoms in slow motion. One pair of bouncing boobs belongs to David Hasselhoff.

The former Baywatch star plays himself in the third act as the C-list celebrity hired to host the grand opening of Chet's Big Wet water park. Hasselhoff has found new life as a self-parody and adds direly needed humor. In a running gag, hapless patrons plead for his assistance as they truly believe him to be a trained lifeguard. The Hoff is one of the few enjoyable elements in Piranha 3DD, along with returning cast members Christopher Lloyd, Paul Scheer, and Ving Rhames. Lloyd once again brings his bug-eyed Doc Brown act as a slightly loopy ichthyologist. Rhames is back as the traumatized Deputy Fallon, who lost his legs in the last feeding frenzy. Luckily, he's now in possession of titanium crutches equipped with shotguns. He also gets two of the movie's best lines: "Fish ate my damn legs" and "I ain't afraid of no punk ass water." As for the rest of the cast, they perform their duties adequately though there isn't enough Katrina Bowden for my tastes. Danielle Panabaker deserves better roles, but has carved a niche as a young scream queen with appearances here and in the remakes of The Crazies and Friday the 13^th.

Piranha 3D was a guilty pleasure that turned the dial up to 11 when it comes to gore and raunchiness. Dipping into the pool a second time was a bad decision. As expected with a title like Piranha 3DD, the sequel gives you bigger breasts, but not a bigger and better film.

Rating: * (*****)

Bad Ass

Bad Ass - Dir. Craig Moss (2012)

Danny Trejo is bad ass. That's a little redundant. You don't really need a movie to tell you Trejo is a bad ass, but that's what we have. Bad Ass is loosely based on the internet video entitled, Epic Beard Man, in which an elderly gentleman pummeled an African-American man harassing him on the bus. Any racial context has been stripped away for this simplistic picture about a senior citizen dispensing his own brand of vigilante justice.

Frank Vega (Trejo) is a Vietnam vet, who returned from war to find his high school sweetheart has moved on with her life. There are no jobs either and he's forced to eke out a living selling hot dogs on the street corner. After beating up two skinheads on the bus, Frank becomes a viral sensation and nicknamed Bad Ass. Folks ask for his autograph and he even gets ride-alongs with a friendly police officer (Patrick Fabian). Life seems to be on the upswing until Frank's best friend, Klondike (Harrison Page), is gunned down in an alleyway. The cops aren't in any hurry to solve the case so Frank takes it upon himself to investigate. His amateur sleuthing uncovers a wider conspiracy involving a local crime lord named Panther (Charles S. Dutton) and the Mayor of L.A. (Ron Perlman).

Bad Ass comes to us from director Craig Moss, who co-wrote the screenplay with newcomer Elliot Tishman. Moss is mostly known for the Twilight spoof, Breaking Wind, and a Judd Apatow parody, The 41-Year Old Virgin Who Knocked Up Sarah Marshall and Felt Superbad About It, a title more clever than anything in the actual film. Two low-budget comedies don't exactly inspire confidence for Moss's abilities as an action director. What we wind up with is a movie that deserves a more stylish bent than it receives. Moss doesn't handle the action scenes very well. The climactic fisticuffs between Trejo and Charles S. Dutton is laughable in an intentional way and appealing to anyone who has always fantasized of seeing Machete fight Roc. There's also a chase sequence between them aboard hijacked buses that references Red Heat. So much so that Moss lifted an entire sequence from the movie. Bad Ass is meant to invoke vigilante classics like Death Wish, but it's lacking in grittiness. The pacing of the film is so casual that there's no sense of suspense or stakes.

What saves Bad Ass is Danny Trejo himself. He cuts an imposing figure even when he's wearing a fanny back and cargo shorts. As a protagonist with a limited amount of income, Frank frequently rides the bus, which makes him the first action hero to rely on public transportation. The middle section of Bad Ass is devoted to Frank's romance with his neighbor, Amber Lamps (Joyful Drake). He rescues Amber from her abusive husband and befriends their son, who sets Frank up with a Bad Ass Facebook page. These scenes would normally be a drag, but Trejo makes them work with a corny sense of charm.

Bad Ass isn't a balls-out insane, exploitation film the way Machete or Hobo with a Shotgun were. It's a revenge movie that could have used a pulpier tone. Trejo alone is enough to make it a worthwhile viewing if you have 90 minutes to kill. Bad Ass is currently streaming on Netflix Instant.

Rating: ** (*****)

The Five-Year Engagement

The Five-Year Engagement - Dir. Nicholas Stoller (2012)

Director Nicholas Stoller and Jason Segel first worked together on the short-lived television series Undeclared, which was produced by Judd Apatow. They firmly established themselves in feature film with their smash-hit comedy Forgetting Sarah Marshall. Though Stoller worked with Segel again on "The Muppets," he was only a writer and executive producer with James Bobin of Flight of the Conchords fame directing. The Five-Year Engagement is their first official follow-up to Sarah Marshall as they once again explore the volatile minefield that is the adult relationship.

Five-Year Engagement begins where most romantic comedies end with the proposal. Tom Solomon (Segel) is a successful sous chef making a name for himself in the trendy restaurant scene of San Francisco. He's been dating psychology student Violet Barnes (Emily Blunt) for a year and pops the question during a romantic rooftop dinner with the Golden Gate Bridge in the background. A wedding date is set and invitations are sent out, but things hit a snag when Violet gets accepted into the post-doctorate program at the University of Michigan in Ann Arbor. They decide to move to the Wolverine State and postpone the nuptials until she receives her degree in two years.

Violet rises through the ranks of grad students after proposing an experiment to study self-control issues with stale donuts (an offshoot of the Stanford marshmallow experiment) that serves as an obvious metaphor. On the flip side, Tom has a miserable time dealing with the cold weather and lack of job prospects. He's stuck making sandwiches at a deli. The couple drifts further and further apart as the audience wonders whether or not these wacky kids will eventually tie the knot.

Of course, they do, which shouldn't come as a shock unless you've never seen a movie before. While the parts have been rearranged, the underlying spine of the film remains true to formula. As stated in the title, we know it will take Tom and Violet five years before they can enjoy wedded bliss. However, sometimes it's the journey that counts and not so much the destination. The Five-Year Engagement takes a meandering route towards the conclusion and falls into the trap of many Apatow productions by just being too long. The movie runs over two hours all while the story is crying out for a peppier pace.

Segel and Blunt have previously played romantic interests in the embarrassingly bad Jack Black vehicle, Gulliver's Travels. Luckily, they get better material here and display an easy chemistry with each other. The script is even keeled and doesn't paint either one of them as the villain in the relationship. However, they are written rather blandly until the comedy is ratcheted up into slapstick realm. At one point, Tom descends into a self-pitying spiral to the point he's grown muttonchops and shuffles around in a bunny suit.

Engagement scores major points thanks to a supporting cast flush with talented performers. First and foremost are Chris Pratt as Tom's best friend, Alex, and Alison Brie as Violet's younger sister, Suzie. Their impulsive affair acts as a counterpoint to the cautious relationship of the protagonists. Pratt is the overgrown man-child that is the classic Apatow archetype, but he's a nice guy deep down and not nearly as dim as the character he plays on Parks and Recreation. Though it's disconcerting to hear Brie speak with a British accent, she displays the same comedic gifts that have made her a hit on Community. Pratt and Brie also have great chemistry together and it almost makes you wish the movie had been about them instead. Brie and Blunt participate in the picture's most inspired gag in which they argue in the voices of Elmo and Cookie Monster. Second place goes to a running joke where the passage of time is marked by the death of one of Violet's grandparents.

Another NBC alumnus Mindy Kaling shines as one of Violet's fellow grad students along with Kevin Hart, Randall Park, and Rhys Ifans as their professor. Some of the funniest lines come from Tom's new Michigan friends, Brian Posehn as a geeky co-worker with an encyclopedic knowledge of pickles and Chris Parnell as a domesticated husband teaches Tom the delights of deer hunting and knitting. Rounding out the ensemble are Academy Award nominee Jacki Weaver as Violet's mom, David Paymer & Mimi Kennedy as Tom's parents, and Dakota Johnson as a young and sexy party girl. Plus, watch out for cameos by Kumail Nanjiani, Molly Shannon, and Tim Heidecker from Tim & Eric's Awesome Show.

The Five-Year Engagement could have benefited from some judicious editing and a quicker pace. Also, anyone thinking this will be as rambunctious as Bridesmaids may be in for a disappointment. Still, the winning cast and some humorous moments sprinkled throughout make it a notch above the standard rom-coms.

Rating: ** (*****)

L!fe Happens

L!fe Happens - Dir. Kat Coiro (2012)

With her unconventional looks, actress Krysten Ritter has often been cast as the best friend. The fair-skinned beauty with the jet black hair has appeared in that role in films like Confessions of a Shopaholic and She's Out of My League. Sometimes you just have to take the initiative when it comes to scoring the lead. That's what we have here with Life Happens or as it is officially (and annoyingly) titled, L!fe Happens. Along with actor/director Kat Coiro, Ritter co-wrote the film, which mines the always hilarious topic of unplanned pregnancy.

Kim (Ritter) and her best friend, Deena (Kate Bosworth), are ready for a wild night of sex, but only have one condom between the two of them. Deena snatches the last prophylactic, leaving Kim to "raw dog" it with an Australian surfer (Rhys Coiro). A year later, Kim is a single mom with a son named Max and a job as the assistant to Francesca (Kristen Johnston), a wealthy socialite with an aversion to children. Kim tolerates Francesca's abrasive attitude in the hopes she will invest in her idea for a shopping mall catering exclusively to dogs. She also has a hard time meeting guys, who are all scared off by the mere sight of a baby.

While partaking in the trendy nightlife of L.A., Kim meets a handsome fellow named Nicolas (Geoff Stults). Afraid of losing another one, she tells him that Max is Deena's son. Now, Kim has to balance her professional life with motherhood and a personal life built around a seemingly harmless white lie.

L!fe Happens labors its way through a story riddled with clichés and strained attempts at humor. The movie tries way too hard to earn its R-rating with raunchy humor in an effort to copy the lucrative Apatow formula. One sequence sees Kim lactating on Nicolas during intercourse while the dialogue leaves us with gems like "douche-nozzle," although, they earn bonus points for making a reference to The Night Porter. There's hardly any chemistry between Ritter and Stults, plus there is a distinct lack of wit to their banter. The filmmakers also shoehorn in a third roommate played by Rachel Bilson. She's one of those indie characters who is quirky for quirky's sake. Bilson is a proud virgin forced to work humiliating jobs as a lingerie wearing valet or a human sushi platter. The rest of the screen time is filled out with a B-story involving the smart, feminist Deena romancing one of Nicolas's idiot friends. Never mind that the entire movie is nullified by the simple act of stopping by a 24-hour CVS.

The only time I managed to perk up during L!fe Happens was a random appearance by Seymour Cassel in the very minor role of Kim's grandfather.

If you're wondering how L!fe Happens stacks up against Knocked Up, Juno, or even Baby Mama, the answer is not very well. L!fe Happens lacks the humor and the heart of those pictures.

Rating: * (*****)