Ted

Ted - Dir. Seth MacFarlane (2012)

You have to wonder if Seth MacFarlane ever has time to sleep. The man has built himself an animation empire at Fox as the creator of Family Guy, American Dad, and The Cleveland Show. He writes, produces, and does numerous voices on each show. Fox even put him in charge of developing a new version of The Flintstones to add to their line-up. MacFarlane has hosted several Comedy Central Roasts, Saturday Night Live, and will also host the upcoming Oscars. Somehow, his busy schedule didn't prevent him from writing and directing his first feature film, Ted, which went on to become the highest grossing R-rated comedy of all time.

The story begins on Christmas in Boston when a lonely boy named John Bennett (Bretton Manley) wishes that his new teddy bear would come to life. Miraculously, the wish comes true and the two become the best of friends. Decades later, John (Mark Wahlberg) is now 35 and working a lousy job at a car rental agency. The bear, Ted (MacFarlane), is still around and the two have become typical Boston meatheads content to drink beer, smoke pot, and watch Flash Gordon. John's exasperated girlfriend, Lori (Mila Kunis), knows John will never truly grow up so long as Ted is around. Lori finally demands Ted leave when she returns to their apartment to find him carousing with a bunch of hookers. John must now find a way to balance his relationships with Ted and Lori while the bear fends for himself in the real world.

Ted has all the hallmarks of a Seth MacFarlane production. It is littered with profane humor and random celebrity cameos from the likes of Ryan Reynolds, Norah Jones, and Tom Skerritt. Flash Gordon himself, Sam J. Jones, makes an appearance as he riotously parties with the hero worshipping protagonists. Most importantly, Ted features a plethora of pop culture references fired off with machine gun precision. MacFarlane's cannibalization of pop culture can be summed up by a parody of the Airplane! parody of Saturday Night Fever. Characters riff on everything from Diff'rent Strokes to Hootie and the Blowfish. Oddly enough, these gags work better than jabs at more timely targets such as Adam Sandler's Jack and Jill or one-time Superman Brandon Routh.

MacFarlane comfortably surrounded with familiar faces. He co-wrote the script with fellow Family Guy writers, Alec Sulkin and Wellesley Wild, while the score was done by Walter Murphy, who also composed the Family Guy theme song. Patrick Stewart does voiceover narration, Alex Borstein has a supporting role as John's mom, and Patrick Warburton appears as one of John's co-workers. Mila Kunis, the voice of Meg Griffin, brings charm and wit to the usually thankless role of the nagging girlfriend. Giovanni Ribisi has an over-the-top turn as an obsessed fan determined to purchase Ted for his creepy kid.

The entire movie hinges on the friendship between John and Ted. Both Wahlberg and MacFarlane deliver the goods. Wahlberg hasn't much luck at straight dramatic roles as evidenced by his shaky performances in The Lovely Bones and The Happening. He's also done so many C-grade action films that it's easy to forget how talented he is as a comedic actor. He's hilarious in Ted, especially in a scene where he rapidly lists the names of white trash girls. Wahlberg also gets to show off a flair for physical humor when he throws down with Ted. Speaking of the bear, the CGI is excellent with Ted seamlessly blended in with flesh and blood actors. MacFarlane not only did the voice, but the motion capture on set while directing. In another MacFarlane trademark, everyone simply accepts the existence of a talking teddy bear without once raising an eyebrow.

Are people going to find Ted offensive and juvenile? Certainly and it's hard to argue the point when you see a talking teddy bear spray lotion on his face while acting like it's semen. Seth MacFarlane relishes journeying into R-rated territory in a manner he cannot on television and finds a unique take on the buddy comedy.

Rating: *** (*****)

Whiteout

Whiteout - Dir. Dominic Sena (2009)


2008 was a tremendous year for comic book movies thanks to runaway hits like Iron Man and The Dark Knight. They were joined by Hellboy II: The Golden Army and Wanted. That definitely made summer a happy time for fanboys even if the year ended on a sour note because of the box office bombs that were Punisher: War Zone and The Spirit. 2010 should be another big year with Iron Man 2, Kick-Ass, and Scott Pilgrim vs. The World looming. It seems 2009 is the largely ignored middle child. Watchmen kicked things off in March while X-Men Origins: Wolverine opened the summer blockbuster season to big bucks and negative reviews. The next two comic book films, however, weren’t based on superheroes.

Whiteout is based on a graphic novel by crime novelist Greg Rucka with art by Steve Lieber and published by Oni Press. Rucka is one of DC Comics’ top writers and his other creator-owned series, Queen & Country is also in development. The film version of Whiteout takes a fantastic concept and tells it in the most predictable and pedestrian way possible.

Kate Beckinsale plays Carrie Stetko, a United States Marshal assigned to McMurdo Research Station in Antarctica. Stetko is haunted by her last case when she was betrayed by her partner and nearly killed. She takes the position in Antarctica to escape and deal with cases no more serious than missing equipment. Everything changes when the first murder in Antarctica occurs. A body is found out in the ice and Stetko must unravel the mystery as bodies pile up and a masked killer armed with a pick-axe runs loose. She is assisted by Robert Pryce (Gabriel Macht), a U.N. investigator; Delfy (Columbus Short), a young pilot; and friend Dr. John Fury (Tom Skerritt). The film’s ticking clock comes from the fact that the station’s crew is preparing to return home before a violent snowstorm hits the area making flights completely impossible.

Whiteout took a long, hard road through development hell to get to the big screen. It was originally optioned back in 1999 by Columbia then passed to Universal where Reese Witherspoon was attached to star and produce until departing. Whiteout finally went into production in 2007, but sat on the shelf until this past September where it was quickly forgotten. You’d think somewhere along the line, somebody would have done an extensive re-write on the script. The film plays out like a leftover episode of one of the many police procedurals that clog television airwaves. CSI: Antarctica, so to speak. The film opens with a prologue that gives away a major second act revelation. The rest of the picture is similarly lacking in mystery. The characters may be snow blind, but the audience can see everything coming a mile away.

Rating: **