Saturday, April 20, 2013

A Haunted House

A Haunted House - Dir. Michael Tiddes (2013)


Although you can trace the origins of the found footage genre back to 1980’s Cannibal Holocaust, it was 1999’s The Blair Witch Project that brought it into modern consciousness. There’s been a resurgence of the genre following the runaway success of the Paranormal Activity films. With that success comes a host of imitators and parodies, beginning with the direct-to-video 30 Nights of Paranormal Activity with the Devil Inside the Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. One of the most prominent horror spoofs has been the Scary Movie franchise, which was shepherded by the Wayans Brothers. They departed after two films and were replaced by David Zucker, no stranger to parodies since he also directed Airplane and The Naked Gun. The Weinstein Company is resurrecting the Scary Movie brand after seven years with a fifth installment coming to theaters in April. Meanwhile, Marlon Wayans, an original star and co-writer of Scary Movie, has branched out with his own horror-comedy, A Haunted House, which hit theaters in January and arrives on DVD and Blu-ray shortly after the release of its competitor.

Malcolm Johnson (Wayans) is extremely excited to have his girlfriend, Keisha (Essence Atkins), move into his handsome suburban home. However, things go wrong immediately when she accidentally runs over Malcolm’s beloved dog. It only gets worse when spooky events start to occur, from doors and objects moving by themselves to ghostly moans in the middle of the night. Keisha sheepishly admits that she sold her soul to a demon for a pair of Christian Louboutin shoes and may have brought the supernatural presence with her. Together, they seek help from a variety of sources, including a pair of security experts (David Koechner and Dave Sheridan) filming their own reality series, an overly intimate psychic (Nick Swardson), Malcolm’s gangsta cousin Ray-Ray (Affion Crockett), and a priest (Cedric the Entertainer) with dubious credentials.

Marlon Wayans intended A Haunted House to be a humorous look at how black people would react to supernatural circumstances in the place of white folk. Too bad Eddie Murphy already did that gag in his classic stand-up special Delirious. Not to mention Murphy's joke was far funnier and only a couple minutes long. A Haunted House is excruciatingly dull and it's almost half an hour into the movie before the ghost story kicks into gear. One of the criticisms levied against Paranormal Activity was the thin plot and the plot is even thinner here. Really, it's a one joke premise. As soon as the furniture is thrown around, get the hell out of the house. That's exactly what Malcolm tries to do, but then the movie would be blessedly over. Instead, he and Keisha stick around, forcing us to endure a steady string of fart jokes and dated references to Snakes on a Plane and the Shake Weight.

Wayans seems to think flashing his bare ass is hilarious and does so on several occasions such as when he drunkenly defecates in the middle of the living room and when he gets sodomized by an invisible spirit. A Haunted House also loves playing up stereotypes from a Mexican housekeeper who seemingly can't speak English to Nick Swardson's swishy psychic who is constantly trying to fondle Malcolm because that's what all gay guys do.

Admittedly, there are some amusing moments. One scene finds Malcolm and Keisha calmly eating breakfast completely ignoring the poltergeist wreaking havoc on their kitchen. A Haunted House might have worked as a series of short skits. As it stands, it's nothing more than a lazy, lowbrow spoof.

Rating: * (*****)

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