The idea of adapting a board game into a movie isn't
unprecedented. In 1985, Paramount turned Clue
into a comedic mystery that cleverly used multiple endings. While it did poorly
at the box office, Clue has built up
a cult audience due to home video and cable TV airings. Still, it seems like
the studios are running short of ideas if they're turning to old board games
for concepts. Monopoly is in
development, Adam Sandler is attached to produce and star in Candyland, and Universal wants to turn Ouija into a low-budget horror film ala Paranormal Activity. I suppose it's only
a matter of time before they make Hungry
Hungry Hippos as a white knuckle jungle adventure or Operation as a gripping hospital drama. Until Connect Four: The Movie hits theaters nationwide, Universal and
Hasbro have teamed up bring us Battleship.
Taylor Kitsch, in his second blockbuster of the year, stars
as Alex Hopper, a professional screw-up, who gets in trouble with the law after
breaking into a convenience store for a frozen chicken burrito. Why in the
world would he do that? To impress the lovely Brooklyn Decker, who plays a
physical therapist named Samantha Shane, the daughter of a stern Admiral (Liam
Neeson) in the U.S. Navy. Admiral Shane also happens to be the commanding
officer of Alex's older brother, Stone (Alexander Skarsgard). Stone forces his
younger sibling to enlist in the Navy in the hopes they will straighten him
out.
Years pass and the Hopper Brothers are stationed off the
coast of Hawaii where they are to participate in a war games exercise with a
Japanese fleet. The simulation turns deathly real with the arrival of alien
scout ships that have followed NASA transmissions back to Earth. The
extraterrestrial invaders sink two ships and erect an impenetrable force field
around a section of the sea. Only the USS John Paul Jones is left with Alex
assuming command as all other senior officers have been killed. Meanwhile,
another squad of aliens is building a communications array on the mainland to
contact their home planet. The only humans able to stop them are a nerdy NASA
scientist (Hamish Linklater), Samantha, and one of her patients, Lt. Col.
Canales, played by war vet and real-life amputee Gregory D. Gadson.
"From the studio that brought you Transformers," has been utilized prominently in the film's
marketing campaign. The phrase is fitting because Battleship seems to have sprung from the mind of Michael Bay. Every
aspect of Battleship has a Bay-esque
feel to it, from the production design to the sound effects. The filmmakers
even brought on Steve Jablonsky, who scored the Transformers series, to score Battleship.
The aliens' spacecraft and weaponry look like they were bought from a
Decepticon garage sale. Director Peter Berg shoots his action sequences with the
same frenzied, kinetic pace as Bay. Scenes of massive urban destruction appear
to have been pulled directly from Armageddon.
At least, Battleship isn't replete
with the misogyny and racial stereotypes generally found in Bay productions. The
script by Erich & Jon Hoeber (who also wrote Whiteout and Red) is riddled
with plot holes, a leaky vessel to use nautical parlance. The aliens knock out the Navy's communications and radar with
an electromagnetic pulse, yet the crew still has access to digital monitors and
other electronic devices. The screenplay isn't subtle either as it constantly
hammers home how Alex is full of wasted potential.
The main reason to knock out the radar is to allow the
filmmakers to incorporate the hit-and-miss strategy of the original game. The
crew of the John Paul Jones utilizes buoys to create a grid in order to detect
where the enemy ships are. The aliens also use missiles made to look like the
game pegs. Sadly, no one utters the catchphrase, "You sunk my
battleship." Though one character does say, "No one's gonna sink this
battleship." The aliens themselves are pulled off in an interesting
manner. They are humanoid with a convenient weakness, but have clear rules of
engagement
Kitsch isn't as leaden here as he was in John Carter, maybe because he's able to
play it a little looser. Still, you can't help but wonder how the film would
have unfolded had Alexander Skarsgard been cast in the lead. Fans of Friday Night Lights will be pleased to
see Kitsch reunited with former castmate Jesse Plemons as the requisite comic
relief sidekick, a role also taken by Hamish Linklater. Pop sensation Rihanna
makes her acting debut as a scrappy weapons specialist, a role usually reserved
for Michelle Rodriguez. She does fine in the limited role and gets one of the
movie's best lines ("Mahalo,
motherfucker.") Meanwhile, Liam Neeson is wasted in a throwaway part
though I'm sure he got a nice, fat paycheck.
Battleship is
everything audiences have come to expect from a summer blockbuster: loud, dumb,
and full of expensive special effects. Taken on that level, it may be enjoyable
to those looking for simple, escapist fun.
Rating: ** (*****)
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