Priest is supposed to be based on a Korean comic book series. Upon viewing the final product, it seems as if the filmmakers didn't even bother to read the books and chose to rip off better and more successful pictures. It's a sci-fi, action Western that's heavy on the religious imagery and light on plot and intelligence. Paul Bettany once again steps into the role of post-apocalyptic avenger with his Legion director Scott Stewart. Just as Legion was essentially Assault on Precinct 13 with angels and demons, Priest is The Searchers with vampires instead of Indians.
Priest begins promisingly enough with an animated prologue done by Genndy Tartakovsky (Dexter's Lab, Samurai Jack). This opening details how the world was ravaged by a centuries-long war between humans and vampires, re-envisioned as feral, eye-less creatures. Eventually the Church employed priests, skilled warriors bred to hunt and kill vampires. The priests cut down the blood-sucking hordes and forced the remaining survivors onto closely guarded reservations. With the battle now over, the priests found it difficult to re-integrate into normal life. They are forced to work menial labor and considered pariahs to a frightened society ruled over by the Church.
Bettany, as the nameless Priest, lives in a walled off city filled with neo-Gothic skyscrapers adorned with video billboards that may remind sci-fi fans of Blade Runner. Orwellian speak placards (FAITH WORK SECURITY) are plastered throughout the theocratic metropolis. He receives word that the vampire menace has returned and attacked the family of his brother, Owen (Stephen Moyer), and kidnapped daughter Lucy (Lily Collins). The Church council headed by Monsignor Orelas (Christopher Plummer) refuses to acknowledge the growing danger lest it tarnish their image of infallibility. Priest defies their commands, teaming with Lucy's boyfriend, a young sheriff named Hicks (Cam Gigandet) to rescue her and defeat Black Hat (Karl Urban), a former Priest transformed into a human/vampire hybrid. The Church sends the lovely Maggie Q and a trio of other priests to apprehend their errant brother.
Leaving the dystopian city, the setting shifts to a post-apocalyptic wasteland that's equal parts Judge Dredd, Mad Max, and Star Wars. The characters zoom across the desolate horizons on high-tech motorcycles. Priest doesn't bother with trifling things like logic and character development, jumping into one action sequence to another. Not counting the end credits, the film runs a little over eighty minutes so, at least, it knows not to overstay its welcome. The action is completely silly with more slow motion shots than all of Zack Snyder's movies combined. Priest doesn't use guns to fight vampires because he's armed with crucifix-shaped throwing stars. When Priest visits his brother on his deathbed, you can't help but think Stephen Moyer looks in good shape despite being mauled by demonic creatures.
The acting is as wooden as the stakes you usually see being plunged into the heart of a vampire with Cam Gigandet faring the worst as the dull gunfighter. Christopher Plummer (perhaps his most embarrassing pic since Starcarsh) and Karl Urban are wasted in one-note roles as is the great Brad Dourif in a throwaway part as a snake oil salesman.
Following the 3D trend, Priest was converted in post-production, but I viewed it in old fashioned 2D. The majority of the film occurs at night or in dark underground settings. I had enough of a hard time trying to see what's happening and I can't imagine how much darker it was in 3D.
Priest is the kind of mindless action movie that may satisfy those craving for junk food cinema. Anyone else will see it as a boring, derivative mess that will soon find its way into the Wal-Mart discount dump bin underneath unsold copies of Ultraviolet and Jonah Hex.
Rating: * (*****)
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