Wow…a video game movie that sucks. What. A. Fucking. Shock. Max Payne may not have been directed by Paul W.S. Anderson or Uwe Boll, but John Moore does nothing to distinguish himself from either hackmeister. Moore captures the atmosphere with a stylish, Sin City-esque setting, but lacks any emotional connection whatsoever. Ponderous allusions to Norse mythology and valkyries poorly attempt to add a more cerebral layer to what is a dumb action movie.
Perhaps, the film’s biggest downfall is the miscasting on nearly every level. Mark Wahlberg plugs into the stoic action roles well, but whose bright idea was it to cast Meg Griffin as a badass, Russian mafia assassin? Ludacris as an internal affairs investigator? Chris O’Donnell as…well, anybody? The paper-thin story, cardboard characters, and God awful dialogue could have been forgiven if it weren’t for the fact that Max Payne is an action movie almost devoid of any action.
The finale features some good Matrix-style shoot-em-up moments, but it’s too little, too late. An hour and a half of Mark Wahlberg talking to donkeys would have been infinitely more entertaining. "Say ‘hi’ to your mother for me, all right?"
Rating: *
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