Welcome to the Jungle

Welcome to the Jungle - Dir. Rob Meltzer (2014)

From the late-80-'s to the mid-90's, Jean-Claude Van Damme was a box office draw who was able to knock out the competition with a swift roundhouse kick. However, his clout slowly started to fizzle away until he fell into the almost inescapable limbo of the direct-to-video market. Lately, he's been stretching those muscles from Brussels in an effort to regain his relevance. Van Damme played himself in the reflexive JCVD, which earned him critical praise and was his first theatrical release in almost a decade. He had a really enjoyable turn as the subtly named Jean Vilain in The Expendables 2. Even some of his recent DTV projects have been out of his comfort zone. Universal Soldier: Day of Reckoning was a dark and bizarre take on the franchise that was more akin to David Cronenberg or Gaspar Noé.

Van Damme has never really tried his hand at comedy before, aside from a brief cameo in Last Action Hero and the unintentional laughs of the much-maligned Street Fighter. This time around, Van Damme does the splits and dives deep into the genre with Welcome to the Jungle, which has aspirations at being Office Space with a dash of Lord of the Flies.

Adam Brody is Chris, a timid graphic designer at a big advertising firm where he's constantly pushed around by the odious Phil (Rob Huebel). Phil steals one of Chris's designs for a toilet paper campaign, yet the poor kid still can't muster up the courage to stand up for himself. Meanwhile, their incompetent boss, Mr. Crawford (Dennis Haysbert), won't do anything about it. Instead, he announces that all employees will take part in a team-building exercise on a remote island under the supervision of Navy Seal Storm Rothchild. The trip goes terribly wrong when the pilot is found dead and Rothchild is mauled by a tiger.

These white collar goofs are completely clueless until Chris teaches them survival skills he learned as a Boy Scout. Phil grows insanely jealous of Chris suddenly becoming the new alpha male and begins undermining all his orders. Using a hallucinogenic weed, Phil turns nearly everyone into an obedient savage with himself as their god. Chris escapes along with a small group consisting of best friend Jared (Eric Edelstein), the rabbit-obsessed Brenda (Kristen Schaal), and Lisa (Megan Boone from NBC's The Blacklist), the pretty girl from HR that Chris has long had a crush on.

Van Damme takes center stage in the posters and cover art in spite of his relatively small role. It's still justified as JCVD happens to be the only entertaining part of the movie as he pokes fun at his own tough guy image. Outside of Van Damme, Welcome to the Jungle labors to elicit a single chuckle or smirk in its thankfully brief 95 minute runtime. It desperately grasps for humor with repetitive and lazy jokes about gays and masturbation. All the characters are cartoons with the exception of Chris and Lisa, who are about as white bread as can be.

The Rundown, starring Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson and Seann William Scott, was previously titled Welcome to the Jungle. I only point this out because that is a far better film than this painfully dull attempt at comedy. You could also do better by listening to the Guns 'N' Roses song over and over for an hour and a half.

Rating: * (*****)

Seeking a Friend for the End of the World

Seeking a Friend for the End of the World - Dir. Lorene Scafaria (2012)

An apocalyptic love story is unique, but not an entirely new concept. There was 1988's Miracle Mile with Anthony Edwards and Mare Winningham searching for one another in a chaotic Los Angeles under the threat of impending nuclear war. You could also count Don McKellar's Last Night, about intersecting lives in Toronto on their very last night on Earth. Written and directed by Lorene Scafaria (Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist), Seeking a Friend for the End of the World is a bit more bright and hopeful or as bright and hopeful as a movie can be when it's about Armageddon. Let's just say it's on the opposite spectrum of Lars von Trier's Melancholia.

Bruce Willis and Ben Affleck won't be saving anyone. The film opens with the dour announcement that a cataclysmic asteroid is about to collide with Earth and a last-ditch effort by NASA to divert it has failed. Insurance salesman Dodge Petersen (Steve Carell) gets another shock when his wife, Linda (played by Carell's real-life spouse Nancy) suddenly exits the car and runs off into the night without a word. Dodge stumbles into a numb daze while his friends throw wild parties. Eventually, he forms a friendship with Penny (Keira Knightley), the free-spirited girl next door. It turns out that Penny has been holding on to some of Dodge's mail for months, including a letter from an old flame.

As riots break out across the city, Penny agrees to help Dodge find his former high school sweetheart in exchange for getting her to England to be with her family. Accompanied by a scruffy little dog named Sorry, they embark on an epic road trip where they encounter an assortment of eccentric characters such as a trucker (William Peterson) who has decided to die via hired assassin and a military man (Derek Luke) fully stocked and prepared for the apocalypse.

It's a safe bet that no matter what Dodge and Penny will wind up together. The A-story may be a tad predicable, but Carell and Knightley make for a winning couple. They're likeable enough that you root for them on their cross-country adventure. Just as he's done in Little Miss Sunshine and Dan in Real Life, Carell gives an understated performance that mixes pathos with a dry wit. Knightley brings warmth to the role of Penny. Some critics have described her as the dreaded 'manic pixie dream girl,' perhaps because she totes around a collection of vinyl records like a safety blanket. Thankfully, Penny does not display the typical quirks of the archetype though she does resemble a pixie with her short hair and petite frame.

In addition to the leads, Scafaria has assembled a wonderful supporting cast that includes Rob Corddry, Connie Britton, Patton Oswalt, Melanie Lynskey, and Amy Schumer as Dodge's party pals. There's also Adam Brody as Penny's dim-witted musician boyfriend and Martin Sheen in an emotional turn as Dodge's estranged father. Gillian Jacobs and T.J. Miller cameo as the wait staff of a TGIFriday's type establishment that has descended into full-blown hedonism. But, some of the funniest scenes involve Dodge and his maid (Tonita Castro), who seems absolutely oblivious to the fact that all life on Earth is about to be wiped out.

Boy meets girl, boy loses girl, boy wins girl back, world is destroyed by massive rocks from outer space. Seeking a Friend for the End of the World is a breezy and bittersweet romantic comedy bolstered by some terrific performances.

Rating: *** (*****)

Life as We Know It

Life as We Know It - Dir. Greg Berlanti (2010)

Katherine Heigl doesn't seem to have a problem biting the hand that feeds her. She made digs at the writing staff of Grey's Anatomy and lambasted Knocked Up for its sexist themes, despite the fact that the film made her a movie star. Ironically, Heigl would participate in features that were far more misogynistic and insipid. She's frequently cast as the shrill and vapid control freak in a continuing stream of empty-headed romantic comedies. Life as We Know It isn't any different as Heigl once again plays an uptight professional woman who is thrust into motherhood with an emotionally immature man-child.

Heigl is Holly Berenson, the owner of a bakery and catering service, who is best friends with Alison Novak (Christina Hendricks). Josh Duhamel is the subtly named Eric Messer, a technical director for the Atlanta Hawks, who is best friends with Alison's husband, Peter (Hayes MacArthur). The Novaks figure their long-time buddies would make the perfect couple and set them up on what turns out to be a disastrous blind date. Holly wears a slinky cocktail dress. Messer is dressed in a leather jacket and tattered baseball cap. She drives a Smart Car. He rides a motorcycle. Oh, how will it ever work out? Well, it doesn't at first.

Two years later, Peter and Alison are killed in a car accident. They leave custody of their 1-year old daughter, Sophia, to the bewildered Holly and Messer. The newfound parents have a difficult time balancing their work and social lives with raising a baby. Holly and Messer may smart and successful people, but one dirty diaper later, they're suddenly bumbling idiots. One montage later though and suddenly they've turned things around and slowly realize just how much they match up as a family.

Life as We Know It is on the level of a bad sitcom. It's like a pilot for a throwback to the TGIF line-up. The film is full of stock characters that get into stock situations that are easily solved as sappy music plays in the background. Life is stepped in rom-com clichés with Holly romancing a good-looking pediatrician (Josh Lucas) who acts as the third wheel in the relationship. He's the nice, bland guy who gets dumped for the leading man. There's an extremely forced, second act complication that breaks the couple apart just so they can have another idiotic scene where one character rushes to the airport to catch the other before it's too late. The humor is equally inane with scenes of Heigl getting poop on her face and watching The Wiggles while stoned.

Life as We Know It is overly sentimental drivel, but it's harmless, sentimental drivel and that's the nicest, backhanded compliment I can pay it.

Rating: * (*****)