Life as We Know It

Life as We Know It - Dir. Greg Berlanti (2010)

Katherine Heigl doesn't seem to have a problem biting the hand that feeds her. She made digs at the writing staff of Grey's Anatomy and lambasted Knocked Up for its sexist themes, despite the fact that the film made her a movie star. Ironically, Heigl would participate in features that were far more misogynistic and insipid. She's frequently cast as the shrill and vapid control freak in a continuing stream of empty-headed romantic comedies. Life as We Know It isn't any different as Heigl once again plays an uptight professional woman who is thrust into motherhood with an emotionally immature man-child.

Heigl is Holly Berenson, the owner of a bakery and catering service, who is best friends with Alison Novak (Christina Hendricks). Josh Duhamel is the subtly named Eric Messer, a technical director for the Atlanta Hawks, who is best friends with Alison's husband, Peter (Hayes MacArthur). The Novaks figure their long-time buddies would make the perfect couple and set them up on what turns out to be a disastrous blind date. Holly wears a slinky cocktail dress. Messer is dressed in a leather jacket and tattered baseball cap. She drives a Smart Car. He rides a motorcycle. Oh, how will it ever work out? Well, it doesn't at first.

Two years later, Peter and Alison are killed in a car accident. They leave custody of their 1-year old daughter, Sophia, to the bewildered Holly and Messer. The newfound parents have a difficult time balancing their work and social lives with raising a baby. Holly and Messer may smart and successful people, but one dirty diaper later, they're suddenly bumbling idiots. One montage later though and suddenly they've turned things around and slowly realize just how much they match up as a family.

Life as We Know It is on the level of a bad sitcom. It's like a pilot for a throwback to the TGIF line-up. The film is full of stock characters that get into stock situations that are easily solved as sappy music plays in the background. Life is stepped in rom-com clichés with Holly romancing a good-looking pediatrician (Josh Lucas) who acts as the third wheel in the relationship. He's the nice, bland guy who gets dumped for the leading man. There's an extremely forced, second act complication that breaks the couple apart just so they can have another idiotic scene where one character rushes to the airport to catch the other before it's too late. The humor is equally inane with scenes of Heigl getting poop on her face and watching The Wiggles while stoned.

Life as We Know It is overly sentimental drivel, but it's harmless, sentimental drivel and that's the nicest, backhanded compliment I can pay it.

Rating: * (*****)

Couples Retreat

Couples Retreat - Dir. Peter Billingsley (2009)

Couples Retreat seems to have the making of a decent movie: a stellar cast, beautiful locales, and a script co-written by the guys who did Swingers. Instead, it winds up being a crashing bore.

Jason Bateman and Kristen Bell are an anal-retentive couple of yuppies who are having marriage troubles due to their inability to have a child. They discover a high-class, tropical retreat and convince their friends to attend so they can get a cheaper group rate. Everyone thinks it will be an extended vacation, but the maître d', Sctanley (Peter Serafinowicz), with a silent C, insists they all must participate in therapy sessions. Vince Vaughn and Malin Akerman are in a seemingly happy marriage, but cracks begin to form during counseling. Jon Favreau and Kristin Davis are the jock and cheerleader, high school sweethearts who married too early. Both spend more time hitting on other people than with each other. Faizon Love is recently divorced and overcompensates by dating a much younger woman (Kali Hawk) he can't keep up with.

Couples Retreat could have been an interesting piece about how the twentysomethings from Swingers deal with being fortysomething and married. Instead, it's toothless comedy mass marketed and test audienced until it becomes an innocuously bland lump. The script was co-written by Favreau and Vaughn (along with Dana Fox, What Happens in Vegas), but it has none of the bite of Swingers or Made. Vaughn sleepwalks through the movie using his stale wiseacre act as he tosses unfunny quips right and left. Jean Reno is reduced to being guy with a funny accent as the island's New Age guru. The movie can't even manage to elicit a subdued chuckle with Ken Jeong and John Michael Higgins as officious therapists.

The film's biggest and showiest set piece involves Vaughn challenging Sctanley to a round of Guitar Hero. References to the game were already dated before the movie was even released. That comes after we've already seen Favreau pop a boner and try to coax a happy ending out of his masseuse. There's also a running gag with Vaughn's son obliviously taking a dump in the show toilet of an IKEA. Yes, jokes about poop and masturbation and not even good ones to boot.

Shot on location in Bora Bora, Couples Retreat likely attracted an A-list cast who were mainly interested in getting a paid vacation. Outside of Kristin Davis in a bikini, there's nothing worthwhile to be found. The best thing I can say about the movie is that it was directed by Ralphie from A Christmas Story.

Rating: *