Escape Plan

Escape Plan - Dir. Mikael Hafstrom (2013)

"You hit like a vegetarian."

Stallone. Schwarzenegger. Two of the biggest action heroes in movie history with a combined body count well into the triple digits. Fans have always wanted to see them fight side by side, except the right project never came about. Sure, there's The Expendables, but Arnold's appearances were brief and they had to share the screen with a bunch of other red blooded action stars. Escape Plan is the first proper team-up for Stallone and Schwarzenegger though sometimes it feels like a film 20 years too late.

Stallone is Ray Breslin, a specialist who has spent decades breaking out of maximum security prisons to test their fallibilities. Breslin and his shifty partner (Vincent D'Onofrio) accept a $5 million payday from a CIA agent to test the security for a black bag prison housing criminals no country wants to house. The location is top secret so Breslin won't be able to receive outside help from his associates (Amy Ryan & Curtis "50 Cent" Jackson), who are uneasy about the whole deal. He should have listened because somebody paid a lot of money to keep him locked away for good.

Breslin is dropped into the Tomb and left at the mercy of the ruthless Warden Hobbs (Jim Caviezel), who has used Breslin's own work to shore up the Tomb's defense. Breslin finds an unlikely ally in fellow prisoner Emil Rottmayer (Schwarzenegger), the right-hand man for a mysterious boss named Mannheim, who holds the key to dismantling the European banking industry.

Escape Plan has the undeniable scent of an 80's actioner right out of the Cannon playbook. It has no desire to be anything more than unsophisticated B-movie fun. The story itself is riddled with plot holes. Never mind that Breslin's MacGyver-esque methods of escaping from prison are so convoluted that nobody else could ever possibly think of them, let alone threaten prison security. These issues will hardly cross your mind until after the film has ended because of the sheer screen presence of Stallone and Schwarzenegger. They may be decades past their prime and the banter doesn't have the same zing as it used to, but it's still a joy to see them sharing scenes. The audience cheered wildly when the former Terminator armed himself with a heavy machine gun. Jim Caviezel is suitably cartoonish as a warden so vicious, he hires Vinnie Jones as his head guard. He starts by doing the low-key, minimalist performance as seen on Person of Interest and then turns the dial up past 11 when he has to. Sam Neill and Amy Ryan are absolutely wasted in the throwaway roles of the weary prison doctor and Breslin's right-hand woman, respectively. Finally, the less said about Curtis "50 Cent" Jackson woefully miscast as a computer expert, the better.

Escape Plan pales in comparison to action classics like Predator, First Blood, and The Terminator, but it's certainly worth a viewing should it pop up on Netflix.

Rating: ** (*****)

Kill the Irishman

Kill the Irishman - Dir. Jonathan Hensleigh (2011)

"...if any of these maggots in the so-called mafia want to come after me, I'm not a hard man to find."

Cleveland is known as the home of the Indians and the Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame. Most folks don't realize that the city was also known as a hotbed for the mafia back in the 70's. In fact, Cleveland earned the dubious nickname of "Bomb City, USA" due to the violent struggle between rival mob factions and their use of bombs as the preferred method of murder. Thirty-six explosions were set off in 1976 alone. Hip deep in the thick of things was an Irish gangster by the name of Danny Greene, who serves as the basis for Kill the Irishman, a fictionalized account of those violent events. Kill the Irishman was co-written and directed by Jonathan Hensleigh, who also wrote and directed The Punisher, starring Thomas Jane in the titular role. Oddly enough, the star of his newest film is Ray Stevenson, who took over as Marvel's premiere vigilante in the sequel/reboot, Punisher: War Zone.

Stevenson plays Greene as a physically imposing man with a barrel chest and a shock of strawberry blonde hair. His rise in the world of organized crime began as the head of the dockworkers' union. To consolidate power, Greene struck a deal with the Italians in exchange for goods pilfered from errant shipping containers. It was through this relationship that Greene met John Nardi (Vincent D'Onofrio), who would become one of his staunchest allies and the only Mafioso that actually liked the Irishman. A scathing news article exposed Greene's corruption and he was banned from the union for life. He escaped jail time by agreeing to become an FBI informant. In real life, Greene was one of the highest profile informants for the feds along with Whitey Bulger, the recently arrested mob boss who served as an inspiration for Jack Nicholson's character in The Departed.

Greene would eventually work as a leg breaker for notorious loan shark Shondor Birns (Christopher Walken). A sour business transaction would end their relationship and ignite a blood feud between a mafia desperate to retain control of the city against Greene's gang, which was quickly consolidating power. After surviving multiple attempts upon his life, including an explosion in his home, Greene brazenly dared the mob to come after him during a televised interview. Of course, the all good things must come to an end.

Kill the Irishman is a familiar story told in a familiar way and full of familiar faces. To put it bluntly, it's a knockoff of Scorsese films and assorted episodes of The Sopranos. Hensleigh recycles plenty of ideas from movies like Mean Streets and Goodfellas. There's a montage showing Greene's rise to power and chart-topping pop songs ironically contrasting violent scenes. The dialogue consists of clichéd tough guy lines like, "Your enemies are my enemies."

Pretty much anyone who has ever played a gangster is in Kill the Irishman. There's Walken, D'Onofrio, Paul Sorvino, Steven Schirripa, Mike Starr, Tony Lo Bianco, Robert Davi, Tony Darrow, and Vinny Vella, along with Vinnie Jones (sporting an awful looking tan and an even worse Irish accent) and Bob Gunton. Linda Cardellini takes on the Lorraine Bracco role of the put upon wife who can only stand by her man for so long. Finally, Val Kilmer appears as Det. Manditski, a former childhood acquaintance of Greene's who serves as narrator. This cast of noted character actors is the film's sole saving grace and serves as fine support for a strong performance by Stevenson. The former Titus Pullo imbues the role of Danny Greene with a natural charisma, even if the character is thinly written. Greene is painted as a Robin Hood figure and a blue-collar underdog in t-shirts and jeans defiant against the elitist Italians in their tailored suits.

Hensleigh adds to the authenticity by dotting the narrative with archival news footage of the actual events.

Kill the Irishman fails to live up to the renowned gangster pics it tries so hard to emulate. It's neither original nor memorable, but is worth a look because of a game and talented cast. Hey, Christopher Walken is always fun to watch.

Rating: ** (*****)