The Watch

The Watch - Dir. Akiva Schaffer (2012)

The Watch is a textbook case of bad timing. Originally titled Neighborhood Watch, Fox renamed the film following the killing of Trayvon Martin and changed the ad campaign to emphasize the sci-fi elements. However, The Watch was released a week after the shootings in Aurora and the country hardly seemed ready to laugh at a quartet of overzealous, gun-toting vigilantes. The shadow of the bat was also looming large. Those who weren't skittish preferred to see The Dark Knight Rises and The Watch pulled in a paltry $12.7 million opening weekend.

Just as he did in Tower Heist, Ben Stiller is the earnest straight man to a gaggle of wacky characters. He plays Evan Trautwig, the manager of a Costco located in the small town of Glenview, Ohio. Evan is an active member of the community, volunteering at the retirement home and founding numerous groups like the running club. His latest venture is a neighborhood watch, which is formed after the murder of the store's security guard. At the first meeting, Evan is joined by Bob (Vince Vaughn), Franklin (Jonah Hill), and Jamarcus (Richard Ayoade). Bob is searching for some male camaraderie. He's more interested in shooting pool and drinking beers than solving crimes. Franklin is the watch's hothead, perpetually angry and bitter that he was rejected by the local police force. Jamarcus is a laidback eccentric fantasizing about a salacious rendezvous with an Asian housewife. The newly formed quartet have more to worry about than skateboard riding punks when they uncover an alien invasion in their midst.

The Watch was directed by Akiva Schaffer, best known for helming Hot Rod and many of the SNL Digital Shorts. He and his Lonely Island cohorts, Jorma Toccone and Andy Samberg, have quick cameos. The script was written by Jared Stern, whose previous credits include Bolt, The Princess and the Frog, and Mr. Popper's Penguins, and intended as a PG picture. The story was rewritten by Seth Rogen & Evan Goldberg, who took on a more decidedly R-rated approach. As such, The Watch simultaneously lampoons and celebrates regressive male behavior. Each of the main protagonists has been emasculated in their own way. Evan has been unable to impregnate his wife, Abby (Rosemarie DeWitt), while Bob is the father to a wild teenage daughter (Erin Moriarty). He is the classic stereotype of the controlling, overprotective dad. Bob hacks her Facebook account and his stalker behavior is validated when his suspicions about her jock boyfriend turn out to be true. Franklin is a junior league Travis Bickle, full of rage and similar to Rogen's character in Observe & Report. He's always armed with a butterfly knife and keeps a stockade of guns in his bedroom at his mom's house. Franklin becomes the unlikely savior of the movie as it climaxes into a two-fisted, John Woo slow-mo bullet ballet.

The humor is purely juvenile revolving around genitalia and homosexuality. The lead actors don't give performances we haven't seen in any of their other films. We do get a livelier Vince Vaughn than previously seen. Only Vaughn could milk so much humor over a Russian nesting doll. Also funny, Will Forte as an obtuse police officer and an uncredited Billy Crudup as Evan's creepy neighbor. The real revelation of The Watch is the least known face adorning the theatrical posters. Richard Ayoade might be known to fans of British television for his roles on The IT Crowd or Garth Marenghi's Darkplace or even his directorial work on Submarine. He's relatively unknown stateside and if there's any justice, he'll get bigger and better parts. Ayoade provides a unique deadpan sense of humor that elevates all of his scenes.

It is obvious The Watch desperately wants to fill the same position that Ghostbusters occupies in the pop culture pantheon. As an action-comedy, The Watch is too pedestrian on both fronts to be anything memorable. Check out Attack the Block instead.

Rating: ** (*****)

MacGruber

MacGruber - Dir. Jorma Taccone (2010)


"Fifteen seconds, MacGruber..."

Who ever thought Saturday Night Live would be a fertile source for movie ideas? The Blues Brothers and Wayne’s World have been the only decent films based off SNL characters. You can go on and on about the show’s failures, such as Night at the Roxbury, The Ladies Man, and Superstar, just to name a few. Despite numerous failures, they try again with MacGruber, a parody of the 80’s television series MacGyver. Like MacGyver, MacGruber (who was revealed to be his illegitimate son) attempts to defuse a bomb using common household items, but is always done in by his own incompetence and insecurities.

The film opens in Rambo III fashion with MacGruber (Will Forte) living a life of peace in a monastery in Ecuador. He is approached by his former commander Col. Faith (Powers Boothe) after the villainous Dieter von Cunth (Val Kilmer) has stolen a nuclear missile. Cunth is also responsible for murdering MacGruber’s wife (Maya Rudolph) on their wedding day.

Returning to action MacGruber recruits an elite team of WWE wrestlers to combat the terrorists. Only MacGruber accidentally blows them up with some homemade explosives. Instead, he’s stuck with Vicki St. Elmo (Kristen Wiig), an old friend now working as a songwriter who holds a torch for our hero, and the straight-laced Lt. Dixon Piper (Ryan Phillipe). Together, they must overcome their differences and stop Cunth from destroying Washington, D.C.

MacGruber was basically a one-note joke played over a series of three 90-second skits on his native show. The script for the film was penned by Will Forte, SNL staff writer John Solomon, and director Jorma Taccone who also helmed the digital shorts, Lazy Sunday and Dick in a Box. The creative team doesn’t try to stretch out the thin concept of the character. They pad it out by turning the picture into a parody of 80’s action films and 80’s culture in general.

MacGruber seems to be stuck two decades ago. He’s perennially clad in a checkered work shirt, khaki vest, mullet, and big aviator sunglasses. There’s a running joke with him carrying around an old school tape deck from his car. MacGruber makes love to Vicki in a Top Gun-esque montage set to Mr. Mister’s “Broken Wings.” The soundtrack also includes Toto’s “Rosanna” and Eddie Money’s “Take Me Home Tonight” for all the one-hit wonder fans. Unfortunately, the minds behind the movie don’t have the wit to maintain a continuous tone.

One moment MacGruber is portrayed as an utter stumblebum who is completely delusional about his prowess. The next moment, he’s ripping people’s throats out. Other jokes give lowbrow a whole new meaning. One gag involves MacGruber distracting his enemies by prancing around nude with a celery stick jammed up his ass. No, seriously. To their credit, the writers keep the obvious Cunth jokes to a minimum.

Kristen Wiig brings her usual nonplussed brand of humor to the film and Powers Boothe is always dependable as a character actor, but there’s not much either actor can add to the moronic proceedings. Poor Maya Rudolph is completely wasted. At least, Val Kilmer seems to have some fun.

Rating: *

The Slammin' Salmon

The Slammin' Salmon - Dir. Kevin Heffernan (2009)


When it comes to comedy troupes, Broken Lizard probably won’t be mentioned in the same breath as luminaries like Monty Python or the Kids in the Hall. However, they’ve garnered a loyal following thanks to the cult success of their second film, Super Troopers. Since then, Broken Lizard has produced Beerfest and the horror spoof, Club Dread. Neither film was as well received as Super Troopers. The guys are back with the restaurant-themed comedy, The Slammin’ Salmon, which hit a handful of screens at the end of 2009 before going straight to DVD.

The Slammin’ Salmon takes place one night at the trendy Miami restaurant owned by former boxing champion, Cleon Salmon (Michael Clarke Duncan). Salmon is deep in debt with the Yakuza and challenges his maitre d’ Rich Ferente (Kevin Heffernan) to come up with $20,000 before closing. Rich offers up an escalating series of prizes from a free trip to Key Largo to $10,000 for the server who comes up with the biggest take. Unfortunately, the waiter or waitress who comes up with the lowest amount gets a “broken rib sandwich” from the champ.

The wait staff includes Connor (Steve Lemme), who returns to waiting after a failed try at acting; Mia (April Bowlby), a trained ballerina who isn’t afraid to use her sex appeal; Tara (Cobie Smulders), a med student struggling to pay the bills; Guy (Erik Stolhanske), a tanned and obnoxious pretty boy; and the appropriately named Nuts (Jay Chandrasekhar), who transforms into a raging lunatic when he doesn’t take his medication. There are also the twin brothers, Dave and Donnie, both played by Paul Soter. One is the short-tempered head chef; the other is the newly hired busboy.

Many other stars make cameo appearances as the customers. You can watch out for Will Forte, Morgan Fairchild (as herself), Lance Henriksen, Jim Gaffigan, Olivia Munn, Sendhil Ramamurthy from Heroes, Carla Gallo, and Vivica A. Fox. Troupe member Jay Chandrasekhar has handled the directing duties for Broken Lizard’s previous pictures, but hands the reins over to Kevin Heffernan for his directorial debut.

The majority of the film is built around the various interactions between the staff and the patrons. Connor winds up having to wait on his former producer and co-stars. April’s beautiful looks are ruined when she accidentally gets a face full of burning hot soup. Guy is increasingly frustrated with a customer who just sits at his booth reading War and Peace.

Much of the comedy in Slammin’ Salmon falls flat on its face. At best, the gags are slightly amusing. One subplot involves Rich accidentally swallowing an expensive diamond engagement ring which allows us the requisite scatological humor. You just can’t do R-rated comedy without poop jokes. There are also at least three or four instances involving vomiting or implied vomiting.

Most of the acting is rather uneven. Cobie Smulders, who most know from CBS’s How I Met Your Mother, gives one of the better performances. Hers is the most realistic person in a sea of cartoon characters. The star of the film is most definitely Michael Clarke Duncan. The gentle giant of a man has already shown his comedic chops in Talladega Nights as Ricky Bobby’s pit crew chief. Here, Duncan gets a chance to let his improvisational skills shine. He manages to rise above the mundane material, turning Cleon Salmon into the love child of Mike Tyson and Tracy Jordan. Duncan launches into many funny non sequiturs and one-liners like, ”When you assume, you make an asshole out of yourself.”

I don’t count myself as a devotee of Broken Lizard. Though I have many friends who swear by Super Troopers, I personally didn’t get the poor man's version of Police Academy. I haven’t seen any of their other movies so I can’t judge how The Slammin’ Salmon might fit into their pantheon. Broken Lizard followers might find some enjoyment in this otherwise dreary and scattershot comedy.

Rating: *