Underworld: Awakening

Underworld Awakening – Dirs. Bjorn Stein & Mans Marlind (2012)

How do you like your vampires? Do you prefer them to be bloodsucking creatures of the night? Or pale and sparkly pretty boys? If you like them to be hot chicks in skintight vinyl, then Underworld: Awakening might satisfy your vampiric appetite.

Kate Beckinsale returns to the role of Selene, a vampire over 600 years old. Known as a Death Dealer, she was one of the best warriors in the vampires' conflict with the werewolves also known as Lycans. During the first two films, Selene fell in love with Michael Corvin (Scott Speedman, who declined to reprise the role), a human who was transformed into the first ever vampire/Lycan hybrid.

Awakening is set not long after the second film with the humans becoming aware of the existence of vampires and Lycans. Attempting to flee the city, Michael is seemingly killed and Selene is captured. She is placed in cryogenic stasis by a pharmaceutical company called Antigen. She is awakened twelve years later by another test subject named Eve (India Eisley), who is actually her daughter grown in a laboratory. In this new world, the Lycans have been hunted almost to extinction and the remaining vampire covens are in hiding.

Other characters include: Stephen Rea as Antigen's CEO Dr. Jacob Lane,; Charles Dance as the leader of one of the last vampire clans; Theo James as his whip wielding son; and Michael Ealy as a sympathetic police detective.

It's not much of a compliment, but Underworld: Awakening is the superior film in the series. The first two films were dull and bogged down by a convoluted mythology. The third film, Rise of the Lycans, was a glorified direct-to-video picture that delved even further into the boring backstory. Awakening is a lean, mean action machine directed by the Swedish team of Mars Marlind and Bjorn Stein. There's not a lot of plot, but plenty of sequences with Beckinsale slipping on a trenchcoat in slow motion and leaping off tall buildings before landing in an overly dramatic way. Yes, she looks pretty damn sexy when she's unloading a pair of Berettas.

Despite being rather thin, the screenplay is credited to a quartet of writers that includes Len Wiseman (who directed Underworld & Underworld: Evolution, Jon Hlavin, Allison Burnett, and J. Michael Straczynski. Awakening was probably a quick and easy payday for everyone involved. The story owes a lot to the Resident Evil franchise with the female protagonist, semi-futuristic dystopian setting, and a shady conglomerate as the villain. The dialogue is terrible and you're just counting the seconds before shit starts blowing up again.

Don't expect anything new from the Lycans. They are the same as ever, snarling creatures rendered by iffy CGI. The best anyone could come up with is a giant Jurassic Park-sized werewolf that can swat Selene away with ease.

By the way, I saw the movie in plain old 2D. Considering the film's look hinges on a dark and icy blue palette, I doubt it would be very watchable in 3D.

Much like, Contraband, another recent Kate Beckinsale picture, Underworld: Awakening is a prime example of the detritus generally released without much fanfare at the beginning of the year. Fans of the other installments will get their money's worth. I just find it sad that people would rather see this than Haywire.

Rating: ** (*****)

Takers

Takers - Dir. John Luessenhop (2010)


While Inception was an original, high concept take on the heist film, Takers is an entirely unoriginal and derivative entry into the genre.

Idris Elba is Gordon Cozier, the leader of the crew and a slicker, high-class version of Elba’s Stringer Bell from The Wire. He dresses to the nines and lives in a penthouse apartment. His comrades include right-hand man John (the always bland Paul Walker) and the brothers Jake (Michael Ealy) and Jesse (Chris Brown). Jake runs a nightclub while his younger brother is the team’s hotshot youngster. Finally, there’s A.J. (the equally bland Hayden Christensen) who is both the team tough guy and the one who wears the hat.

After a successful bank robbery, the gang is approached by Ghost (rapper Tip “T.I.” Harris who is also one of the film’s producers), a former member just released from prison. Ghost was shot and left for dead on his last job, but never squealed on his pals. He proposes a lucrative armored car heist, having ascertained the driver’s route from some Russian gangsters. Matt Dillon and Jay Hernandez play a pair of LAPD detectives in charge of capturing the thieves.

Takers is all about good looking guys dressing in expensive suits and drinking expensive champagne. It is an out and out guys’ movie with very little room for women. There are only two female characters of any real importance. Zoe Saldana is cast as Rachel, Ghost’s former girlfriend who is now with Jake. She’s hot off Star Trek and Avatar, but only appears in maybe 3 scenes in the movie. There’s also Marianne Jean-Baptiste, who earned an Oscar nomination for Mike Leigh’s Secrets & Lies, as Gordon’s drug-addicted sister. Her subplot feels like padding and an empty attempt at fleshing out the thin characters.

The same can be said for a subplot involving Dillon’s workaholic cop who is also dogged by Internal Affairs. At one point, he’s supposed to be spending the day with his daughter. Instead, he follows the suspects with the girl forced to ride along. The asides are just pointless little detours from the main narrative that don’t go anywhere.

The center piece for any heist film is the planning and build up to the actual heist. Takers unapologetically cribs from The Italian Job and not even the original, but the remake. In fact, one of the characters references that they’re going to pull an “Italian Job.” Number one rule of references, never reference a movie that’s better than yours, especially one you wish you’d rather be watching.

The film’s biggest set piece is a Parkour inspired foot chase with Chris Brown bouncing across the streets of L.A. The sequence would probably be cool if the director and editor had any idea how to cut it together. The scene is absolutely butchered by ADD editing and vertigo inducing shaky camera work. It looks as if it were shot by Paul Greengrass after he was injected with Parkinson’s. John Luessenhop manages to toss in nearly every corny cliché in the action movie playbook. Heroes walking away from an explosion without looking back? Check. Mexican standoff? Check. Not enough for you? How about Hayden Christensen diving through the air and shooting his gun in slow motion?

Takers is hollow and dull, a Michael Mann knockoff for the undiscerning 21st century youth.

Rating: *